Author's Note:

So… this is yet another installment of the Fate series. Last time I had something happen and you were all quite receptive to it. We shall see what you think with this one. It came from a comment my roommate made when I talked to her about Mac's character and the likelihood of different things. This is the result of her answer… I hope you enjoy it, and review if you would like!

The work on the house kept her mind off of things, and she was more than grateful for the distraction. There was just a little bit of bleeding, but everything else seemed fine after those first two days. If she kept her mind on getting everything ready, she didn't even think about what had happened. Harm was coming home at the end of next week, which gave her another weekend and week to get everything else done that she wanted to.

When the doorbell rang on Tuesday evening, she furrowed her brow for a moment, not knowing who it could possibly be.

Opening the door, she saw the smiling face of her new friend, "Jenna!"

"Hey, Mac! I thought that I would come by and see how things were going, help for a little bit, and then drag you out for some drinks and some dinner." She says, walking in and seeing a house that was certainly not in disarray. "But clearly you don't need any help! Oh my Gosh, how have you gotten this much done?"

Mac laughs, "The downstairs is pretty finished, but the upstairs is a holy mess. The only thing that is even remotely done is the bed being made. I still have to unload all of the stuff for our closets, set up the guest room and figure out what color to paint the bathroom in our room."

"Okay, then let's get going." Jenna says, grabbing her by the hand and walking up the stairs and then letting Mac lead her into the master bedroom.

After Jenna unloads all of Mac's clothing while Mac is working on Harm's, she comes to a realization of sorts, "We need to take you shopping. This is ridiculous." She tells her, gesturing to the very empty side of the closet.

"Well, when you have a job that you have to wear a uniform for, you don't get a lot of stuff."

"Okay, but what kills me is that you have like five different ballgowns in here. How do you have ballgowns and no cute tops for everyday living?"

"NATO balls and formal events. Women are allowed to either be in their mess dress or a gown, and I only chose the mess dress a few times. I had to be girly, I guess."

"Wow… so we need to go shopping sometime after Harm gets back and you stop stressing about this place. In fact I bet that he would agree that you deserve a shopping spree for all this work."

"You're probably right, and thank you for coming to help with this stuff. It's nice having someone to talk to while I'm going through boxes."

"No problem… now what were you saying about paint?"

They go through the rest of the time talking decorations and picking out paint for the remaining rooms upstairs that they were going to use right away for different things. Then Jenna suggests going out on the town for some food, choosing an Irish bar in downtown Libertyville that reminds her of McMurphy's back in D.C.

"How are you feeling, by the way?" Jenna asks after they sit down at a table.

"Hmm?"

"After the hospital last week… are you doing okay?"

"Oh, um… I'm fine, but thank you for asking."

She had been able to forget for a while in talking to the woman while they were at the house. It had seemed like everything was just fine until that moment when she was forced to remember the situation she was in. She was lying to Harm, she was lying to Jenna, and frankly she was lying to herself if she said that she wasn't broken with what happened.

When the waitress comes to the table, Jenna orders a glass of Cabernet and Mac stops for a moment when Jenna asks if she would like the same. "Come on, Mac, you deserve it after the last few weeks. One little glass of wine won't hurt and if you're worried about driving, then Matt can come get us."

Before she can stop herself she agrees.

The feeling in the pit of her stomach is growing as she is taking in her surroundings. She just ordered a drink and she's going to drink it. She knows that it's going to happen because she can't help it… she needs it after this week. She deserves to let herself go for once, because Jenna is right. It has been a crazy last few weeks. It has been years and years since her last drink and last time she let herself go a little bit she was fine a few days later. She was sure that she could do the same now.

When it is finally sitting in front of her, she raises the glass to Jenna, "to new friends." And they clink the two together. She stops for a just a moment before putting the glass to her lips, but then lets the familiar taste assault her and calm her as it once did.

"So tell me about how you and Harm got together, because from what I've gathered it is a pretty great story." Jenna says laughing a bit.

"Well, we were paired together to work on a case nine years ago and just hit it off working together. It was like we were always attracted to each other but never did anything about it, you know? We weren't allowed to get serious because of regulations, so I think we just put it all off. There were moments every now and again where we would say something to each other and catch a glimpse of what could be. Then I threw myself at him when we were in Australia and he told me no and I ended up engaged to another man."

"Wow. So, Harm is your second husband?"

"Yes, but I didn't end up marrying that man, I had married when I was very young, before I got into the Marine Corps."

"What happened with this guy then?"

"Well, seeing as how Harm and I made out on the night of my engagement party, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to marry Mic. Then the night of my rehearsal dinner, Harm was flying back to get to the wedding the next day and crashed his F-14 into the Atlantic Ocean."

"Oh my gosh."

"He survived and I didn't marry Mic. These kinds of things kept happening between us, and the last straw was finally when we got new orders to take command positions halfway around the world from each other. Harm proposed the night before we were supposed to be leaving. We flipped a coin to decide where we would go and then ended up scrapping both of our command positions for me to resign and him to take another position state-side. And we're here."

"The two of you are clearly meant to be together then."

"Why do you say that?" Mac says with curiousity.

"Because you don't go through all that and keep coming back to each other if you aren't meant to be with each other forever."

"I guess you're right."

As the night goes on, the girls chat away, allowing the waitress to pour them a few more glasses of wine while Mac tells Jenna about all the crazy things she and Harm have done together and Jenna tells Mac about her and Matt's relationship.

By the time they need to leave, both are too tipsy to drive and end up calling Matt to come pick them up.

When she gets home, the realization of what she just did hits her with full force and she empties her stomach into the toilet on the first floor. It felt so good at the time, letting the drinks slide down and getting that heady feeling that made everything slip away. Like last time though, it hit her in an instant that what she was doing could only end badly.

She wakes up with a headache and is forced to remember her former self, who would grab a bottle of beer out of the fridge when she was hung over the night after a big drinking spree. Part of her wished that she could do just that, but she stopped herself for a moment. She only made it until a nurse called from the hospital to follow up on her condition.

"Mrs. Rabb?"

"This is she."

"This is one of the nurses from the OB/Gyn department over here at Condell. I just wanted to follow up with you about last week."

"Oh, I'm fine." She says quickly, hoping to get off the phone as soon as possible.

"Are you still having any bleeding?"

"Umm… no, that stopped after a few days and now I'm fine."

"And did the Doctor talk to you about using birth control for a few months before trying to get pregnant again?"

"She did, but thank you."

"Well, I'm glad that you feel well. Please remember that if you need to talk about your loss, there is a group that meets here at the hospital. It is okay to need support for miscarriage."

"I appreciate that, but I'm doing just fine. Thank you for calling." She says finally, hanging up the phone and taking a few deep breaths.

After a few minutes she thinks about last night and the fact that after a few drinks, everything was hazy. She didn't have to remember what had happened and it just all slipped away. It was so much easier that way.

It was like a different world when she walked into the store, looking for the aisle that held bottles of vodka, her oldest companion, and different kinds of wines and liquors that she knew would take the edge off the way she felt this morning.

After a few gulps of orange juice and vodka back at the house, she felt like new again and got back to work painting one of the other bedrooms with the paint leftover from the living room downstairs. Originally she and Harm had said that they wouldn't touch these rooms, hoping to fill them someday with their toddling children, and making them perfect for that child. She couldn't stand the blank walls when she walked by, feeling like they were mocking her and what had happened.

She drove to the store for the paint she and Jenna had decided on for the bathroom and picked up a couple other colors for the guest room and the remaining bedrooms and set herself to painting for the rest of the day.

She capped it off with a glass of wine and fell asleep dreaming of paint and furniture and not of babies with his eyes and her dark hair. She didn't dream of him leaving her after finding out what she had done. She didn't dream of what she had lost. It was perfect.

By the time he came home, she had masterfully hidden all the evidence of what she knew he would give her a hard time about. That was really why she was hiding it from him. She wasn't ashamed because she was a grown woman and certainly over 21. He, however, would take it all the wrong way, and start lecturing her about this that and the other. There were more than a few times that she would stop and think about what she started doing again, but every time it seemed to be topped off with remembering what had happened during the time he was gone. Every time, she seemed to justify drinking again.

"Mac?!" he says, walking in the front door, amazed that the house was so beautiful.

"You're home!" she screams, running to greet him with a kiss that curled her toes.

"God, I missed you." He says, breaking away from her for a split second before he latched back on to her lips.

The trail of clothing they left in their wake was almost laughable as they made it just to the hallway in front of their bedroom before giving into their need for each other as he crashed her up against the wall.

"Oh. My. God. I missed you so much." She says, her breathing still coming back down and her eyes still glazed over minutes later.

"I missed you too…"

"Welcome back." She says with a laugh and he drops his head to her shoulder to laugh along with her.

After a minute of the two of them joined together like this in the hallway, it's Mac who reminds Harm of their position and suggests they continue celebrating his homecoming in their brand new bedroom.

Hours later, she is draped across his body and he's drawing small circles on her back, "Everything looks amazing."

"Yeah, well, I wanted it to be perfect for you." She says, looking around the bedroom at all the things she accomplished in his absence.

"It is, and so are you… I just can't believe that you did this all by yourself."

"Well, the past few days Jenna has come by to help me with last minute stuff, and her husband Matt has been doing some of the handy man stuff for me at her insistence."

"We'll have to have them over for dinner to thank them. I'd like to meet both of them."

"You'll get the chance next Friday evening because they have already invited us for dinner at their house."

"Great." He says, genuinely excited to start finding a group of friends for them in the area.

"When do you have to go back to work?"

"Tomorrow. I've apparently got plenty of paperwork piled up since I've been gone. I'm just glad that they got me back early so I can spend the day with my beautiful wife." He says, kissing the top of her head before letting his head drop back.

"Hopefully you'll just have tomorrow and then you can get the whole weekend to yourself too. You hungry?" she says, reaching for the phone on the nightstand.

"Mac, are you okay? Your hand is shaking."

She pulls it back quickly, not ever noticing that it was happening before. After a second or two she dismisses the idea and makes an excuse to avoid further questions.

"What? Yes… I think it was just all the adrenaline of finally seeing you again after being on pins and needles this whole day waiting for you to get back."

"You sure you're all right?" he says, putting a hand to her cheek and showing the concern in his features.

"I'm fine… now, back to the question because my Marine stomach needs it… are you hungry?"

"After all that… yes, but I don't want to leave and I don't want to cook."

"Good, because I don't want to leave or cook either. Chinese?"

"Have you found somewhere good?"

"Yeah, Jenna brought some for us one night when we were setting up the guest room."

"Well, why don't you order us some food, and I'll get my stuff unpacked. Then you can give me the tour of the house."

"Yeah, that sounds good." She says, sitting up and throwing the robe from the back of the door on before heading downstairs for the phone and a menu.

She ordered quickly and checked on Harm still unpacking and putting clothes in the hamper before claiming to go down to set the table. Throwing some plates down on the kitchen table, she went downstairs with the guise of grabbing a few candles so she could grab a sip of the vodka she knew was down by the Christmas boxes. Her nerves were getting to her, having him so close again, and she thought that just a sip would help her calm down for the rest of the day and evening. Knowing that he would be able to taste it, she grabbed a piece of chocolate from the candy dish in the kitchen before placing the candles into the candlesticks on the table and sitting down waiting for Harm.

"Ready to give me the tour?" he asks, walking down the stairs.

"I am now." She says, grabbing his hand and showing him everything that she did and explaining different plans that she had. They had talked about everything initially, but now that they were in the space there was so much more that she wanted to do.

Having him back was what she needed more than anything, so she felt like she could get her drinking back under control. Just a week in and she seemed to depend on it, so she knew that she would have to keep it under wraps for a few weeks as she stepped herself down. She would have a little something in the morning to calm her down after he left for work during the week and then would try to hold off until right before he came home, and it was working so far. She was in control and she knew that it wasn't really a problem anymore until he brought up the idea of getting a puppy.

"I know that you said you wanted to get a puppy, and I was thinking that it would be better to have a trained puppy when we decided to work on the kids part of our agreement than to get one after kids enter the equation. So what do you say about us looking around?" He says casually on Friday when they are shopping at the Commissary and come across the pet aisle.

She goes white at the mention of children and he is by her side in an instant. "Mac? Mac, what's wrong? Are you okay?'

She can't talk for a minute, choosing to hold onto her stomach in a way that suggested that she just felt sick. "I just don't feel well. Ummm, can you finish getting everything on the list, and I'll just meet you at the car?"

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"I think that I just need some air." She says, walking away from him and toward the front of the store, where she finds the sample bottles of liquor over by the cigarettes and grabs one and a pack of gum before leaving.

When he gets back to the car, she's in the front seat with her eyes closed and her hand still resting on her stomach.

He opens the door and sits down before moving to get all the groceries into the car, "You okay, Mac?"

"yeah, I just needed air, like I said. I don't think that lunch agreed with me very well today."

"Should we call the Curries and cancel for tonight?"

"No! I know that Jenna has been going crazy all week for this, and I'm sure that I'll be fine." She says with a smile before getting out of the car and starting to unload the grocery cart.

Her not feeling well earlier in the afternoon was both a Godsend and a curse later in the evening as they are finishing up their dinner with Jenna and Matt.

The couples had gotten along famously and Harm found both a new running buddy and a new fishing buddy in Matt, which both Mac and Jenna found amusing.

"Well, I found a new shopping buddy in Sarah, so I guess that works out for all of us then. Which reminds me… did you get a chance to tell your husband about your dilemma?"

Mac pales a bit at the question, thinking that she was referring to the hospital, before Jenna turns to him and says, "she has no clothes in that closet of hers. And she did all this hard work on the house, so we thought that we would reward ourselves with a little shopping."

"Now wait a minute Jenna, you didn't help that much to deserve a shopping spree." Matt says with a laugh and a pointing finger.

"I at least get a new top and some shoes." She argues back and he nods in agreement.

Harm laughs at the exchange and watches as Mac smiles with the banter. She really did so much work on the house and tried to make everything perfect for the two of them to start off their new life together. "She's right, Mac, you do need some new clothes. You guys should go out next week and work on that." He says, nudging her with his elbow from beside her.

"Good, I'm glad that's settled… Now let me clean the table off and I'll bring out some wine. Mac, I didn't get the cabernet you liked, but they had some Merlot I thought we could try."

She looks to Jenna with a smile and a nod before even realizing what she was doing. When she does, her head goes down in that instant. She can feel Harm's eyes travel over to her to confirm what he heard, and when she looks up and meets them he knows. He knows that what Jenna was asking was a question that came with ease, and Mac's response was with the same amount of ease.

"Mac?" he asks and her head comes up before momentarily flicking her eyes toward his.

"Sarah, you okay?" Jenna says, watching her new friend appear frazzled all at once. The color had drained from her face.

"You know what, Jenna… I'm starting to feel sick again… I ran out of grocery shopping today too, so I'm sorry, but I think we have to take a rain check on the rest of the evening." She says, standing from her spot and touching Harm's shoulder gently to get his attention.

He had turned his attention downward, trying to make sense of everything. When he looks up at her there are tears in the corners of his eyes and she doesn't miss the small shake of his head as he stands up to walk behind her.

"Oh, uh, okay… then we'll have to do this another time." Jenna says, unsure of the situation unfolding before her.

She looks to Matt for a moment of question and Harm turns around to thank the hosts and tell both of them that it was nice meeting them.

"Tell Sarah that we hope she feels better." Matt adds in as he watches Mac get into the car at the bottom of the driveway.

She was already in the car when he gets in and turns the key.

"Mac… Sarah…" he says, turning towards her and watching her try to get control of the emotions that were already creeping out.

"Can we just… can we just get home before we have this discussion?" she says, wiping a few tears from her face, not being able to turn to him.

"Are we going to talk about this when we get home?"

"I won't want to, but… yes."

"Okay." He says

"Harm?...I'm so sorry…"

"Me too." He says, and reaches out his hand for her to take as he drives them home.