Chapter 15

She realized that it was harder than it should have been to go to work this morning than it usually was. Most days she was driven by her fierce determination to help Gaara.

Though it was still there, the determination was overshadowed by her uneasiness, and it seemed to be more pronounced with every passing second. Why?

Simple. Just one word.

Gaara.

That one name represented a whole hell. A mess of confusion and turmoil of mixed emotions.

All in one.

It could be seen as one of those advertisments that tried to get people to buy more than one item. "Buy one, get one free!" Though Sakura's seemed to run more along the lines of, "Feel one emotion, get millions more FREE!"

It was dry humor, and it helped her cope. If only slightly.

He was the source of her discomfort.... and her desire. She knew she wouldn't admit it out loud, but he was. And it was terrible.

Gaara was the person that she wanted to help, but he also brought on feelings that she had thought she would never feel again. Emotions she had thought were crushed by one Uchiha.

Even as she thought the name, she cringed as if expecting a blow.

Gaara, with his cold eyes and deadly smile, had her on puppet strings. She wondered sometimes if he even knew what kind of control he had over her.

Sometimes she would get disgusted with herself. She had been through something like this before, had promised herself it wouldn't happen again, and yet... it did.

A wry smile played on her lips.

And here she had thought she was strong. How pitiful. To let herself become so attached, it seemed almost unfair. Hadn't her heart been through enough already?

Apparantly not.

Life was never so simple. If she ever survived, it wouldn't be a surprise if she came out beaten, bloody, and maimed.

Though you wouldn't be able to tell from the outside, she would be twisted and knotted on the inside. The mark that would be left behind would not be discovered by anyone, but felt and hated by herself.

Because, in a sense, it would be self-inflicted.

After all, she was the one allowing Gaara to do this to her, wasn't she? Of course.

Gaara harbored her feelings of want more than she would like, but he also possesed her feelings of fear to.

The way he held himself was so much like Sasuke, that at times it could be overwhelming. Like the other day, against the wall.

Of course in the past the fear would flicker on and off in Gaara's presence. Just not enough to notice that it was actually what she now knew. The fear she had felt with Sasuke. It was the same.

But the situations were different.

Sakura had loved Sasuke... at one time. Her love for him was unconditional, but to him, she was merely a toy. Something that he could throw away when he felt like, or use when he wanted.

Why didn't she leave back then? Because in her own, sick, feeble minded way, she believed it was his way of saying he loved her.

Now it just seemed pathetic.

Gaara, however, confused her and angered her. Gaara knew how to press her buttons and get under her skin. Gaara knew how to make her react.

And it was even more pathetic how she actually enjoy some of these moments.

She felt like a dim-witted school girl, blindly running around with an intense crush. It was beyond pathetic actually.

Sakura growled low under her breath and started to walk down one of the many hallways in the facility. If she continued with that train of thought, it would get her nowhere but in a flushed, nervous state. She didn't need that right now.

'Maybe Gaara could have feelings for me to, though. I mean it isn't exactly impossible....' The pinkette jerked her head in a sharp movement and scowled at the ceiling harshly. It was just stupid to think of those things.

Gaara was a patient.

That's it.

Nothing more.

He was her job.

He was.... an enigma.

Gaara was.... someone she wanted to know better. Someone she wanted to get close to. Someone she wanted to touch, feel... taste.

"Aurgh!" Sakura snapped her eyes shut and sped up her pace to an angry stomp as she continued down the hallway.

Why did she do this to herself? Why did she insist on torturing her body like this, abusing and further cripiling her heart?

It was childish!

She had been through enough of this! With Sasuke. With Gaara. It was enough! It was at the point where she needed to stop, swallow, breath, and draw the line on the ground.

It had gone to far. This battle with Gaara had done nothing to make her turn away from the him. If anything, it had further fueled her desire to be near him!

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Sakura forced her eyes to stay closed until she felt the discomfort coarsing through her head. It was giving her headache.

Good!

The pain would give her a -- much needed -- distraction from these stupid thoughts.

Her stomping walk escalated to a fast walk, to a full blown jog. The young woman didn't bother opening her eyes.

At this time in the morning the patients were asleep in their rooms, and the hallway was a straight shot to another door that led to a recreation room. It was a long enough jog to hopefully give her a clear head.

Sakura clenched her fists at her sides and sped up even more.

Of all the men in the world, it was Gaara that could do this to her. Sasuke never made her crave for his attention like Gaara did.

Sasuke never tested her ability to stay so determined.

Gaara brought out the worst in her... but he brought out the best in her to.

It ached in her chest for how much she wanted to feel him at that moment. How she wanted to run her fingers through his blood colored locks, and over the scar that marked his defiance of love.

Sakura shook her head violently and snapped her eyes open angrily.

Which could have been the worst mistake, or the best mistake she could have hoped for.

Before she could even react, the young pinkette crashed into a figure standing in her path, toppling them both over and to the ground from her gathered momentum.

'Oh....God. No. No, no, no, no, NO!'

She wished desperatly this was a dream. Hoping for some miracle that this was not real. But in the back of her mind, Sakura was jumping in complete ecstasy.

She blinked, as if to dispell the image before her. Make it disappear from her wide owl-like gaze.

But no.

She was really sprawled upon the person. She was really pressed against their body.

She really had her lips pressed against that person's.

Gaara's dangerous jade eyes gleamed up at her, and she felt her entire body shiver. Sakura's blood boiled on her lips were they met with his, and her heart rate flew off the charts.

If she hadn't been so distracted, confused, scared, and happy at the same time, she would have sworn she was having a panic attack.