PLUSHIE!

By

Master Metallix

Hi! It's me, everyone's favorite plushie! Wanna play a game? Yay! What do you wanna play?

Oh! Oh! I know! Let's play tag! Tag! You're "it!"

Ha ha! Can't catch me! I'm too fast for-

Huh? You caught me already? Oh well, my turn again!

One, two, skip a few, three, four, skip some more, ten! Ready or not, here I come!

You better run! I'm getting clooo-ser! Closer… closer… Tag! You're "it" again!

Bye! You won't catch me this time! I'm home free, and I am getting out of-

What? You caught me again! How are you catching up so fast? Are you cheating?

What'd you say? Did you just say I'm slow?

Prove it, then! Let's race! Once around the block, and the first one back wins!

One… two…

Two and a half…

Ha! You tripped! Lucky for me I can fly, so I don't have to worry about tripping and falling, and I keep my shoes (and the rest of me) clean!

Hey, wait a minute! Where are you going? What about our race?

Alright, you do the count this time. Okay? Jeez…

"Ready… Set… Go!"

Yeah! I'm in front of you! Now I'm gonna-

Ow! Stupid tree! Now I got a scratch on my arm, and I'll need surgery to stitch it up later…

Hold on a minute, wait for meee!

Come on… come on… I gotta catch up, I can't lose to some kid…

I passed you! Ha ha!

I'm halfway there! And unlike you, I don't get tired, which means-

Hey, you dirty cheater! You can't pull my tails! Cheater, cheater, wife-beater! No, wait, it's pumpkin eater, not wife-beater…

Whatever, if you can pull my tails, I can pull your ears!

Man, this would be so much easier if my fingers weren't plastic claws…

Well, I can still catch up!

Gotcha again! And I'm too high up for you to grab me this time!

There it is!

Goal!

I won! I won I won I won!

You're surprised I won?

I'll have you know, I once raced against the Sonic the Hedgehog! And guess who won that one?

Umm… he did.

Don't laugh at me! As if you could win a race against Sonic!

Why would Sonic race a flying doll in the first place? Well, uh, a man called Eggman told me to race him and-

Hey, don't run away! I'm not finished talking yet! You're being rude!

Huh? You're not leaving? Okay…

What was that? You don't want to be seen running from a doll? Well…

Who could want to run from a handsome, harmless doll like me? Look at me! I'm cute, cuddly, and huggable! Give me a hug!

You don't want a hug? Okay, no hugs… Boo hoo hoo… You don't like me…

Wait a minute; I never finished telling you about my race with Sonic!

Eggman didn't give me rocket-boosters or any of the stuff he gave the other toys, 'cause they'd burn my fabrics off. The cotton and all this stuffing were supposed to protect me from crashes. Plus, it's easier to fix than metal!

Oh yeah, the race… Sorry.

He cheated! Sonic cheated, I swear he did! I swear - no wait, I don't swear, swearing is bad - I tell you, Sonic the Hedgehog is a cheater! He cheated worse than pulling my tails like you did!

Don't you look at me like that, 'cause you did…

Anyway, he grabbed these giant shiny jewels, these radioactive-looking rocks, and they mutated him; they turned him gold, with evil demonic red eyes, and he started flying through the air, flying faster than me! Faster than Metal Sonic and Robo Knuckles, too! He crossed the finish line first, that dirty cheater, and he got to keep the glowing rocks, too! Ran off before I could catch him!

Eggman was so mad at us, his face looked like his jacket…

I wish I hadn't lost that race. If we were actually allowed to fight, I'd have made short work of that hedgehog and made Eggman proud of me. I can't possibly be as slow as they say I am! I managed to catch up and tag him once or twice, so I know I'm good enough to beat him! But he won that race! That godda- I mean, good-for-nothing race! I could have beaten him up and torn him limb from limb with these claws! I can tear that blue pin-cushion to shreds like a lion! Grroaaawwwrrrhh! If that hedgehog thinks he can just kick me around like he does with all of Eggman's other toys, he's got another think coming! He couldn't beat me to death if he tried! All this stuffing cushions me so that even that crazy pink girl's hammer won't hurt me! Dun, dun-dun-dun! Dun dun! Dun dun - can't touch this!

But we weren't allowed to fight, and I lost, and Eggman got mad at me and threw me in the trash! I hate that hedgehog! Hate him, hate him, hate him! Sonic can go to he-

Hello? Are you even listening to me? It's not nice to ignore people when they're talking to you. Could you pay attention? Where are you going? I'm not finished talking to you! What are you doing with your hands? What does that me- Hey! That's not nice! Didn't your mommy ever tell you they cut your fingers off for doing that? Don't make me come over there! I'll fight you! I'll hit you so hard over your big fat head that you'll be able to kiss your own feet while standing up!

Don't you know who I am?

I'm the Panic Puppet! El Muñeco de la Muerte! The one, the only, the terrible Tails Doll!

That's right, fool, Tails Doll!

You've heard of me, huh? Yeah, you'd better be scared!

…Okay, now you're overreacting. You look like you've seen a ghost. What's wrong… are you singing?

"Can't hold on much longer - but I will never let go!"

…Never heard that one before… Oooh, let me try! I can sing!

Living in the city - You know, you have to survive… You've got to keep the dream alive…

Now you're running from me? Man, you're completely freaking out and crying for your mommy over some freaking song!

"Please, don't hurt me! Don't kill me! Don't…"

Don't… what?

Did you just say… steal my soul?

You think I'm gonna steal your soul?

Hold on a minute… Now I'm curious. What makes you think I was stitched up with the power to steal people's souls? And just where would Eggman get that kind of power? Besides, even if I could, what am I gonna do with it, eat it and say it tastes like chicken? Am I supposed to stuff it into the body of a zombie for a couple of evil sorcerers from another dimension? What crazy person gave you the idea that I can steal souls?

…You saw it on the Internet somewhere? And you actually believe all that bullsh- that cock-and-bull story about a "Tails Doll curse?" You eat up a collection of faked pictures and haunted-house music put together by some geek full of braces with twenty-five hours a day of spare time on his hands?

Man, what a weirdo.

You're even dumber than that echidna, Knuckles, and he sleeps with a giant glowing rock. People say he never leaves it, not even to use the bathroom! I bet he's grinding some pieces of it to dust and sniffing it and that's what makes him so hard-headed. All of them are stupid. Sonic can run fast enough around the world to kick his own butt, literally, but he can't get away from a whiny little girl who carries a heavy hammer with her everywhere she goes! If that Tails kid is as smart as everyone says he is - and I'm glad at least I'm supposed to look like the smart one - why does he play with a bunch of idiots like them?

All this whining and complaining is making me hungry.

Can you feed me?

…How am I supposed to eat?

Like this!

Un-Zip!

See? My smile is so beautiful, its dazzling brilliance turned Michael Jackson white!

…Come back here! You can't leave when I haven't finished talking yet!

I'll pay you!

Psych! What I really meant was, I'll make you pay!

Look up… look… can't you see it? Look at it… it's shiny and red, just like dinner…

Come closer… closer to the light… a little more…

Slash!

Gotcha!

Stop rolling around! You'll get covered in dirt and street trash, and I might get sick later!

I said hold still!

Slash! Slash!

Much better…

Chomp, chomp, shhhrrrrppp...

Mmmmm… blood… so soft… so delicious… so sshhh-schlurrr-py…

Yeahhh… I needed that.

Now where do I put the rest of this mess? …Whatever, I'll just dump the leftovers in that trash can.

Bye-bye!

Ahhhh… wow, it's a beautiful day today, isn't it? No traffic, not a cloud in the sky, and for sure there's no damn Reactive Factory machines or noise… Just you and me, the fresh air, and a bright, sunny day!

Can't you feel the sunshine?