Unlikely: Chapter 4

By Sam Black

The sun was warm on my face and stomach, you could tell it was getting close to summer. I had my iPod set up on the patio and it was blasting out my favorite songs, one after another. I sat in a reclined lawn chair, wearing a fantastically skimpy pair of pink and white boy-shorts and a huge pair of Gucci sunglasses, tanning.

I had yet to fulfill my plans of swimming, but I was getting around to it. It had been a few days since I had resolved to enjoy a dip in the pool, but today was definitely the day for it. After I finished my strawberry-kiwi smoothie.

One of my favorite dance songs came on and I reached for my tanning lotion. Something about the smell of coconuts made me wish it was summer all year long.

With my eyes closed I blindly felt around for where I had put the bottle down. After a few moments of groping around, I gave an aggravated sigh and ripped off my sunglasses.

Looking to my left I saw a pair of feet.

This scared the shit out of me so I jolted out of my seat with a less than manly shriek of terror.

"You are going to give yourself skin cancer." Edd said with a disapproving look, holding my bottle of suntan lotion.

I frowned, "And YOU are going to give me a heart attack!" I said, putting a hand to my chest.

He suddenly looked embarrassed, "I'm sorry. I rang the doorbell, but when no one answered I followed the music back here. I didn't mean to startle you." he said looking all cute and apologetic.

I couldn't help but smile, "Oh, it's okay." I said, pushing my bangs out of my eyes, "I'm just being dramatic."

He grinned, "When are you not?" he asked jokingly.

I reached over and gave him a playful slap on the arm and looking insulted, "Don't be an ass." I said.

I shoved my glasses back on and gave him a look that I hoped was both flirty and impatient, if that combination possibly exists, "So to what do I owe the honor?"

He pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to me, "I just wanted to drop off this thank you note. For the soup." he explained, "And the company." he added with a small smile.

I tossed the bottle onto my towel and opened the thank you note. It had a Puppy on the front, which was sickeningly cute.

"Thank you for the soup. And the company. And the stimulating conversation. Sincerely, Eddward." I read aloud.

Looking up at Edd I grinned, "I am so touched." I said, putting a hand to my mouth and looking like a girl who had just won Miss America. All modesty and gratitude.

"In the head?" Edd asked innocently.

I dropped my arms and gave him a deadpan look, "I'll pretend you just didn't call me retarded." I said.

His grin widened at the fact that I got the joke.

After a moment of humored silence I spoke.

"Well, I was just about to go swimming. Are you feeling up to it?"

Edd stood for a moment and then took a deep breath through his nose. He sounded a lot better than he did a few days ago, but still he shook his head.

"I didn't bring any swim clothes." he said with a shrug, "Or sunscreen." he added as an afterthought.

"Or a towel." I added helpfully, "So, go get those things and come back. I'll wait."

I gave him a hopeful smile and waited for his reply.

He thought it over for a minute before speaking, "Mom and Dad have been leaving sticky notes telling me I needed to go outside more..." he said, still sounding undecided.

I decided to sweeten the deal, "I'll make you a smoothie." I offered temptingly.

His lips started to twitch into a smile but he controlled it, "You'll wear sunscreen." he said.

Oh Double D, you and your sexy, quirky concern for other people's health.

I sighed heavily and pretended to be burdened by the request, "Okay fine. I'll wear sunscreen. If that will make you happy." I said, rolling my eyes and shaking my head.

He nodded, "Then I accept your invitation." he said respectfully and left to go change and grab who knows what precautionary supplies.

"If you're not back in 15 minutes, I'm drinking your smoothie." I called out as he left.

I heard him laugh as he exited the gate.

When I was sure he was gone, I danced my happy dance and went inside to take out smoothie ingredients.

As I was concocting my smoothie love potion I decided to think about how I would manage to woo the Edd.

It wouldn't be easy. I wasn't even sure he liked guys. So that would have to be the first thing I found out before I could proceed. Because if he was straight, I wasn't even going to bother. It's rude to try and force your sexuality on other people, especially if they don't share your sexuality.

So first things first, I have to scope out the situation as is. My gaydar apparently doesn't work on him because usually I would be able to tell immediately. Maybe because I've known him for so long, I'm biased. Or maybe he's just really good at hiding it. Or maybe he's straight.

All those reasons are plausible, if not probably.

I peeled kiwis and went on with my planning.

I shall just hint at the question until I get a better feel for the answer. I slip innocent questions in with related topics, gauge his reactions to gay statements, and a soft touch of tact should do the trick.

I grinned evilly as I tossed the strawberries into the blender, "Yes, this shall do nicely."

---xxx---

"I'm not putting that on my nose."

Edd looked patiently at me, "Your nose will be sunburnt if you don't." he explained.

"Do I look like a lifeguard to you?" I demanded, "I'm not a lifeguard."

Edd kept holding the small tube of zinc paste, waiting for me to take it.

He had already put some on his nose, and with the flip-flops, board shorts, sun hat, and white t-shirt he looked like a lifeguard. A lanky, pale, demanding lifeguard.

I waited but he didn't budge, "I said I'd wear sunscreen. Not zinc." I replied and turned my back to him.

He sighed, "Okay fine. But don't say I didn't warn you."

I smirked and was about the turn around and say something snarky when he tackled me to the grass.

"Gah!"

Before I could stop him he had my hands pinned together and was rubbing the thick paste over my nose, I would have jerked my head to avoid it, but knowing my luck he would have rubbed it in my eye and blinded me.

"Noooooo!" I yelled, even as he had finished and he sat back a little looking pleased, "I'm hideous!!!"

"You'll thank me for it." he replied simply.

I glared at him as he sat on top of me looking smug with his own white nose and wide brimmed hat, "You cheated." I snapped.

"Surprise attacks don't count as cheating. If I had lied and said it was a pore cleanser. That would have been cheating." he countered, finally letting go of my wrists.

I would have replied with something indignant, but I decided a little observational comedy was in order.

My frown turned into a smile, "So I take it you like it on top." I said smoothly.

Edd's smirk dropped off his face and he immediately rolled off me.

"Sorry." he said quickly as he flopped next to me in the grass.

"That is quite alright." I said happily, "I was perfectly content having you sit on me."

Edd remained silent so I sat up to look at him, he was blushing and had his hat pulled down over his eyes. This amused me.

I wanted to lean over and give him a smooch, but I thought better of it. Now was not the time to be kissing. Not yet.

Right now, the plan called for scouting out the field.

"Don't be embarrassed Double D, I was just joking." I said, pushing his shoulder a little.

"Oh."

That sounded neither relieved nor disappointed. I went on.

"Besides," I said as I started to stand, "I don't go for straight guys. It makes things unbearably awkward." I finished as I finally got to my feet and straightened out my swim shorts and brushing off any grass I had collected.

I was hoping for some kind of enlightening response, but there was none.

I stared at him for a moment before shrugging it off and going to find the dreaded sunscreen that will keep me pasty all summer long.

When I sat down and began to put it on, Edd finally spoke.

"I think I should go."

My eyes snapped up to him, "No! Don't go. I was only kidding, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." I said, dropping the sunblock and turning to face him.

He looked about ready to bolt, so I tried to say something to calm him.

"It's okay. I promise not to be too gay around you anymore. If it makes you uncomfortable." I said softly.

Edd grimaced, "It's not that. You've been flamboyant for as long as I can remember. It just surprised me, that's all." he said, avoiding my gaze.

I crossed my arms and stared at him, "Remind me to never throw you a surprise party then." I said glumly, "You'll turn around and leave." I finished with a smile.

He didn't even bother to hide his smile.

"So are we going swimming?" I asked, with a laugh.

He pretended to ponder this for a moment, "Alright, fine." he relented.

I clapped my hands together, "Yay! Okay, help me put on this stupid sunscreen." I said picking up the bottle and holding it out the him.

He faltered for only a second, but during that time I saw what was either him battling with his homophobia or him peeking at me from behind the closet door. Either way, he must have gotten over it because he came up and took the bottle from me.

I spun around and pointed to my back, "It's the only place I can't reach." I explained.

Instead of letting the silence get awkward I decided to gossip, "So did you hear about Kevin? Apparently-" I emphasized, letting the suspense build, like I always did with Sarah, "he's dating that girl in yearbook, so he'll get really good pictures put in this year."

Edd continued to rub sunscreen on my back, "I heard it's because he likes her." he replied simply.

I was taken aback, "That's probably more likely." I agreed glumly, "But it's not nearly as interesting."

Having my bubble popped, I stared at my toes and wiggled them to keep my spirits up.

He finished quickly and put his hand on my shoulder, I turned to look at him.

"Thanks." I said, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

He gave me a reassuring smile, "You know, sometimes the truth can be interesting." he offered.

I gave him a dubious look, "For example?"