Hello everybody... No, this is not the wrong fanfic... This is The Dark Side of the Hog collab. Let me explain the scornful situation I'm ended up. A few days ago I began submitting a little thing of mine called "Madhog's Top 5 Lists"... Unfortunately, one of my C2 staff members told me that submitting material that is not fanfiction in here, could very well cause my suspension from this site. That's why, from now on, I'm going to regularly submit my requested lists right in this collab. as a "bonus feature" to please (or displease) each and every one of you... The following are the first three lists I made so, ignore them if you already read them before I cancelled the "official fic", or enjoy them if you hadn't already seen them... Either way, it's up to you. I hope none of you will mind about my decision.

See you in Chaos.

Madhog thy Master 3:16.

MADHOG'S TOP FIVE LISTS

Hello there, loyal readers… Once again, I, the one and only Madhog thy Master, am here to bestow upon you my latest wacky initiative. It is something I've been planning to do for a while: my own top lists. Everybody has his own opinion about what to like and what to hate, therefore, logically speaking, no list is absolute but rather just a matter of personal taste… And that's the good thing about it. Having your own list means that you can actually compare and share your opinions with other people that may, or may not, have your own ideas. This rather obvious concept is basically the engine that drives this side project of mine… From now on, I'm going to post my own top 5 lists about several argument related to the videogame world… What I would want you to do, is to contact me and eventually tell me what kind of list would you like me to make and I'll see if I can actually post it (don't ask me lists about Final Fantasy, please). The lists will always be top 5. Now, I understand that making those countdowns is something everybody does, here and there… So, why couldn't I? Yes, I'm not a professional videogame critic nor a game magazine editor, I'm just a guy who loves videogames… And that owns three gaming systems. Enjoy, I hope to match someone's taste.

Top 5 Sonic games that need to be made:

And of course, I couldn't quite begin this thing without something radical (and potentially backstabbing) like suggesting my own ideas of what kind of games could possibly improve the ever so beloved, and floundering, Sonic the Hedgehog's franchise, for which, as many of you know, I'm a hardcore fan… I wish to remind you that this is just an opinion, so don't nuke me for that. Here it is:

5) Sonic RPG.

Sonic Chronicles was released for the Nintendo DS, as you know, the last year. I don't own a DS but for what people told me and for what I read about the game itself, I've noticed that pretty much everyone has generally the same complains about it: unbearable dialogues, bad plot and a low level of difficulty. Since I've never played the game I cannot judge it…

The problem is, I don't feel attracted to it, and that says something! I mean, you don't have to like RPGs to imagine how cool that genre would look if made in Sonic style…

And after all, if Mario did it, why not Sonic? SEGA has always copied from certain Mario franchises (see Mario Kart and Mario Party), so my question is… Why not to make a serious, awesome looking Sonic RPG for the next Gen console instead of a portable one? Since SEGA always likes to do pointless experiments that punctually goes horribly wrong (see Sonic and The Black Knight), why not to do some REAL experiment, something daring and original like they used to do back in the origins? A Sonic RPG videogame with awesome graphic, full defined characters with their own moves, abilities and skills and, most of all, personalities, combined with a serious, adult storyline, quests and side quests, immense worlds to explore and great length, is something I'd immediately buy without even thinking. And who should develop such game? Sonic Team? Wrong, try again… Bioware? No thanks… Then who? In a word… Squareenix! If they made a deal with Disney, why couldn't they do it with SEGA? Wouldn't it be cool? Super Sonic fighting against Sephiroth and…………… Errr, yeah, sorry about that. Just a Sonic RPG for a next Gen console would be nice.

4) Sonic and Tails 3.

Yes, I can already see your faces twisted in unimaginable ways and your brains refusing to cooperate with the rest of your damaged physic… Where are the other two games, you're certainly asking and I don't blame you, since "Sonic and Tails" 1 and 2 were released in U.S.A. with completely different names. Do you remember the good old fashioned Game Gear? The colorful handheld gaming system SEGA was so proud to slap Nintendo's face with? Those two games were released for that system with the name of "Sonic Chaos" (if I'm not mistaking), in 1993 and, Game Gear's most successful title, "Sonic the Hedgehog Triple Trouble", in 1995, that many of you will remember as Fang the Sniper's debut… Or maybe not. What defined the greatness of those games? They were simply Sonic's games… You had to choose Sonic or Tails at the beginning and go through the usual good looking stages, destroying robots and kicking Eggman's butt, and of course, they would rely on their primal abilities… Sonic was fast (DUH), and Tails could fly (double DUH). What Sonic Team apparently fails to understand, is that what most of the fans want from the blue blur, are these kind of games… Fast and fun! With Chaos Emeralds to collect in the old fashioned way and to use whenever they feel like after fulfilling the required tasks. The Sonic Advance series was a success because it kept the series on its route… So my question is, why can't we have a 2D (or better, 3D rendered) good old fashioned Sonic platform for a next Gen console!? A game like the old Sonic and Tails series, with the possibilities of playing it with two players just like the first games! What could possibly be better than that? A plot that would focus on Sonic and Tails's relationship as freaking brothers! That, my friends, would be a hardcore fan's dream.

3) Shadow the Hedgehog 2.

This is something I personally would sell someone's eradicated organs for… The original Shadow's game, released in 2005, will forever be remembered as one of the most controversial Sonic games ever… Mainly because it was NOT a Sonic game. Yes, it had its loops and cool Sonic-like stages that are always utter appreciated, but aside from those and other similarities, Shadow the Hedgehog stands to this day as a unique platform game inside a unique franchise per se. Someone hated it for that… And someone loved it. Guess from what group I come from. What was different from a regular Sonic game? For starters, Shadow had weapons and fancy vehicles that provided a peculiar gameplay… In my opinion, there is nothing cooler than killing nasty aliens and robots with a Gatling machine gun bigger than myself, while running at super sonic speed with fitting music in the background… Totally badass! I understand that a Sonic character with guns may seems anti-climatic for the franchise but, in my view, there is not a real excuse to despise the game for wanting to be more "adult"… But what really was the winning factor of the game, was the possibility of choosing your own path, level after level, choices that would lead to different stages, cut scenes, stories (that would also earn their own titles!) and 10 different endings, including the totally uncalled for assassination of Dr Eggman! For all of these reasons, Shadow the Hedgehog should earn his own sub franchise of games and starting a series that would evolve in its own, darker, ways. How could a first sequel be better than the original? More Chaos powers, more stages and endings to unlock, better graphic (of course), deeper characterizations, and an adventure field… That would simply be perfect. I just loved that game, it is one of my all time favorites… AND THIS IS WHO I AM!!! HA HA HA HA!!!

2) Tails Adventure 2.

Perhaps, this is a little fanboysh… But I think that most of the old school and current Sonic fans would simply die to play a game with the most famous fox in videogame history. Back in the 90s, a peculiar game was released for the Game Gear, "Tails Adventure". It was an adventure, Metroid-like, platform with Tails as the main character… The good thing about it was that for the first time, Tails's intelligence became a part of the gameplay itself, since you had to use gadgets and weapons he created in order to beat the levels. Over the last years, something really sorrowful and sad happened to Sonic's best sidekick and friend… He was put aside. He slowly stopped going for adventure with Sonic, he even stopped fighting Eggman, with his Tornado or with his own bare skills… He had became a simple geek. That… Makes me so angry… So mad that I can't even find the proper words to describe my status. Tails may not be everybody's favorite character (or even Sonic, for that matter), but you cannot have a Sonic game without him in it, even for only a cameo… I think it's time for him to finally have his own game, on a bloody next Gen console, and without Sonic! I can already see it, a whole gameplay based on both his mental and physical skills, where he could ride and battle with his Tornado, both in the sky and on land (like SA2)… Where he could use his namesakes to gain speed and run almost as fast as Sonic through levels designed specifically for him and where he could use his tails and his whole body as a weapon, performing his own version of a Homing Attack… And what the story should be? The very same plot fans had been fantasizing for decades… Tails finally escapes from his forced role of simple sidekick and becomes his own hero… And kicks ass! The end. Best game evaaaaaaaaar!!!

1) Sonic Adventure 3.

You should have seen this coming… For what I know, there is not any single fanboy or fangirl in the whole rotten world who doubts that the Sonic Adventure series were the best Sonic 3D games ever. It is so bothering the fact that current Sonic title can't simply handle the perfection of SA1 and SA2… So why, I ask, why can't Sonic Team make a SA3!? With the originality of the levels, the good controls, the various gameplays for each playable character and all the other cool stuff… It would also be so damn right to see the old characters again… Like Fang the Sniper or, more importantly, Metal Sonic. And what could possibly be a better plot than Sonic, Tails and Knuckles, the original trio, fighting against Eggman just like the good old times? What about the legendary locations like Station Square, Mystic Ruins and Angel Island? What about the Master Emerald and, dare I say, the Super Emeralds? What about making this Chaosdamned game, SEGA!? What about listening to the fans, for once? Oh well, at least we can still dream… We can still dream.

This next list has been suggested by my good perfectionist friend, Master Metallix… And, I think, it is something we can all sadly relate with.

Top 5 worst cut-scene moments in a Sonic game.

We all know that when it comes to cut-scenes, Sonic games can really get weird… To use a euphemism. To locate a list of the 5 worst cut-scene moments in his gaming history is not an easy task… But I think I might have been able to do find them… In just two games! I hope you enjoy Pain, because they are as smooth as a kick in the balls! Spoiler warning: if you hadn't played these games, stop reading now… Or just go on, who cares anyway?

5) A game that never happened… Not! (Sonic the Hedgehog 2006)

As we all know and love to remember, Sonic 2006 sucked. Magazines and game reviewers from all over the world stated that this has been the worst Sonic game ever, not to mention, the most wrong way to bring the blue blur into the next generation of gaming. It is only appropriate then, that even its ending sequence didn't escape the suck-ness. After yet again saving the universe from impending doom, Sonic finds himself alone with Elise in the past… And after the usual unbearable corny mushiness of their idiotic dialogues, they change the timeline, leading us to the beginning of the game itself as if nothing of what we played really happened… I don't know you, but to me, this whole sequence, other than being absolutely ridiculous just like grand part of the plot, is also the most direct insult to the player's intelligence SEGA has ever made. They are basically saying that due to a convenient time paradox, this game never happened… The only problem with this theory is that our memory wasn't erased like Sonic and the others'… We WILL always remember this game and I don't say more about that.

4) Every Silver's cut-scenes. (Sonic 2006).

Silver's fans are going to hate me for this, but I must say that when I first lay my eyes on the weird, DBZ rip-off, who wanted to destroy the "evil Iblis Trigger and save the future", one thought entered my mind with the merciless strength of a devil possessed bulldozer: I knew I was going to hate this jerk! With an horrid voice acting, the personality of a road kill and a painful gameplay, Silver made himself known for being one of the most unbearably annoying characters ever! Therefore, it is only natural that I'm going to consider all the cut-scenes he's appeared in Sonic 2006, a whole horrible Chaosdamned cluster fuck of utter idiocy! Seriously, I can't say which one is worst. He may have saved the future in the end… But at what price! With heroes like these, we don't really need villains... Sorry Iblis, you're worthless.

3) The super duper power of Teamwork!!! (Sonic Heroes).

We have reached the top 3 and, GOD, I wish we didn't!!! If you played this game than you know what I'm talking about… One of the most annoying, lame and, overall, idiotic lines in videogame history (and beyond): "Let's show this creep the super power of Teamwork!" Is a phrase that still managed to send awful chills through my spine… Sonic couldn't possibly find a worst way to motivate his friends before the final battle against Metal Overlord… At least the music fitted.

2) Zoophilia! (Sonic 2006)

Okay so… Towards the end of Sonic 2006, Mephiles killed Sonic (which was totally uncalled for) and performed one of the best maniacal laughs ever… What happened next? They revive him with the help of the seven Chaos Emeralds, a corny pray and… A kiss. Yes… I know you know… I know that there are no words to describe such horror, but let's just pretend for a second that you are a hardcore Sonamy fan and Sonic needs a kiss in order to come back to life (like the Sleeping Beauty), and Amy is available for the task… Then this fucked up human girl comes out of nowhere and makes out with HIM (which is a hedgehog) like if they were long time lovers… And Amy does nothing but watch……………………………WHAT IN THE FUCKED UP HELLISH CHAOSDAMNED CLUSTER FUCKING SHEET IS THAT!!!!!!!? Consensual Zoophilia!? Animalistic sex with a crowd? It is more idiotic than disgusting! That right there is the lowest crap Sonic could possibly do… There is nothing worse than that… Except, for our number one… Chaos help us all.

1) Beeeeeeeeeecaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuusssssssse….. We… Are… SONIC HEROES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Sonic Heroes).

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! He didn't just say that, please tell me he didn't just say THAT!!! It's no use… It doesn't matter how many times I keep telling myself otherwise… Sonic's answer to Metal Sonic's emotional question at the end of the game "why can't I defeat you?", will always be this one… "Because we are Sonic Heroes!" The corniest, horridest, crappiest line ever! I dare you to find a worst line than this one… Oh who am I kidding… You simply can't!Suffer with me, oh fellow traumatized fans, as I sink into my own despair with the sole company of my own depression… And a single sharp knife.

M2, this list is dedicated to you. Hope you enjoyed. Fare thee well and just remember kids… Making out with an animal is wrong… Especially if the animal is either unconscious or already engaged.

The Conflicted Writer asked me to do this list, which it was a real challenge to me. Thanks again, my main follower.

Top 5 Best Videogame Themes.

When it comes to videogame music, there is no other category that divides the fans more than this one… It is obviously impossible to define an absolute list that could match everyone's taste, simply because everyone has his favorites and therefore, the making of such controversial list will always remain a personal matter… In other words, these are my choices, if you don't like it… Then don't be a freaking pussy!!! No offense to women… I love women, seriously! They should rule this planet and… Yeah, Let's move on… Anyway, in order to make things fair, I'm going to consider average themes, main themes and plain songs as equal for this list, plus, for the sake of simplicity, I'm going to choose only one theme / song per franchise, the one I consider the best. So, without any further ado, let us begin.

5) "The Best is Yet to Come" (Metal Gear Solid).

For number 5, I was undecided between this song or the main theme of MGS 2, composed by Harry Gregson-Williams… In the end, I sincerely had to opt for "The Best is Yet to Come" by Rika Mukanaka. If you played the game then you probably know what I'm talking about… After successfully beating one of the most complete and fulfilling games ever and finally regaining your breath from all the action and the immense storyline… You get rewarded with this gorgeous, both sad and relaxing, song in the ending credits. In my view, this theme is the very best way to end any kind of game… And the best was really yet to come!

4) God of War Main Theme.

It is an established fact that there is no better way to mercilessly slaughter mythological freaks with the proper unforgiving weapons and the rightful background music… The soundtrack for what most people consider the best title for PS2 (and soon enough, for PS3), is one of the most appreciated in videogame history… And that says something! Each and every themes fit perfectly in every moment of Kratos's suffering quest… But no one of them is better than the main theme. I really suggest you to listen it… Nothing gives you the strength to massacre an entire army of undead like this epic theme! It's time to kick some godly ass… THIS IS SPARTA!!!!! Oops sorry, wrong reference.

3) "Stage 1-1" (Super Mario Bros.)

Ehe… It may seems too obvious but how could I seriously not put The Mario Theme on this list? The most famous videogame theme of all times? Jumping on unsuspecting goombas is still fun…

2) The Legend of Zelda Main Theme.

Another predictable choice… But this theme is simply too AWESOME, not to mention the most famous after the Mario's. Too bad you can't hear it while you are reading this. Oh look, I found the Hover Boots… TA-NA-NA-NA!!! What could possibly beat this piece of art? Ehe… Here it is.

1) "Sonic Boom" (Sonic the Hedgehog CD)

You should have seen this coming since I'm a hardcore Sonic fan. Sonic CD is what most people consider the best Sonic game of all times and, let's face it, at its times this title was the most advanced in design, graphic and, of course, musical quality… The legendary short version of "Sonic Boom", stands to this very day not only as the best song in the Sonic franchise (no offense for the Crush 40, they did an awesome job too), but also as The Sonic Song: fast and cool, just like our favorite hedgehog. The fact that it goes along with probably one of the best intros in games' history, definitely says something! It is the song that, in my opinion, better catch the spirit of the early games of SEGA's mascot, where Simplicity and Fun where the keywords…

Okay, everybody gather together, take your loyal MP3 readers, choose this song (I know you have it, if not, then pity you!), and sing like you never sang before… LET'S DO IT TO IT, BABY!!!

If you're strong, you can fly,
you can reach the other side of the rainbow.
It's alright, take a chance,
'cause there is no circumstance
that you can't handle (when you use your mind)

Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom (trouble
keeps you runnin' faster)
Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Somic Boom (save the
planet from disaster)

Through the dark, to the light
It's a super sonic flight
gotta keep it goin'

Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom (trouble
keeps you runnin' faster)
Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom (save the
planet from disaster)
Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom (spinnin'
though the world in motion)
Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Booooom...

YES!!! That's how we roll! Errrrrr… Anyway. That's it for now and… Your opinions are important too… (yeah right).