A/N: The following entry is not to be considered a part of the actual collab due to its situation comedy-like style; I just wanted to submit it because I found it extremely good and amusing to read... You already know Androclez for his previous unofficial one-shot "Felidae Giganticus" and, to my personal opinion, this story right here is perhaps one of the best he's ever written... as a matter of fact I'm going to give this sweet little masterpiece my own personal quality boll!
This is the Madhog thy Master's Boll of Awesomeness: MtM+. You shall find it on my personal favourite stories from now on. Just remember, this is NOT part of the collab, it is just THAT good.
In The Hoghouse
By Androclez
Act One
Today we find our hero, Sonic The Hedgehog, out for a leisurely run across the wide open spaces of the great planet Mobius. His little buddy Tails is trailing closely behind. Suddenly they come upon a troubling sight...
"Mechanical mischief, dead ahead!" Sonic exclaimed.
"Time to put on the breaks little buddy. It's hero time," he added, screeching to a halt.
There were two young women trapped within a tangle of wires up on a cliff.
"Help! Someone please save us!" the two raccoon girls cried.
"We've gotta help those two civilians!" said Tails, charging forward.
"Hold up, bud!" said Sonic, holding his arm in front of Tails.
"We'd better take a closer look first."
"Good idea Sonic," said Tails.
"We'd better examine the hidden nuances of this complex trap first, right?"
"No, no. I'm just trynna see if the girls are cute or not!" said Sonic.
"No use risking our necks for a coupla' hags."
"Sonic!" Tails exclaimed, reproachfully.
Sonic looked the two young women over from a distance before approaching.
"It's okay Tails. They pass!" said Sonic.
"Now lets go."
But that's when Dr. Robotnik stepped from behind a boulder, wearing a sinister grin.
"Eggman!" Sonic exclaimed.
"Welcome Sonic," said Robotnik.
"I thought I'd make things a little more interesting for you this time. I brought a special present, just for you," he added, gesturing towards a little box shaped object in his hand.
"What are you blathering on about Robuttnik?!" Sonic snapped.
"Careful Sonic, I think it's a time bomb!" Tails gasped.
"Your little freaky flyer is correct," said Robotnik.
"And this time bomb is wired to our damsels in distress here."
"Nothin' a sonic-spin can't handle," Sonic boasted.
"Don't worry ladies! Help is on the way!" he bellowed heroically.
"No, you're not understanding," Robotnik said frustratedly.
"If you cut the wires..."
But Sonic wasn't listening. He just began to rev up his spin dash.
Whir~rrrrrrrrrr
"Pay attention you fool!" snapped Robotnik.
"He's right Sonic! That whole trap could detonate if it's not properly diffused!" Tails warned.
But he could tell Sonic wasn't listening, as he just kept revving up his spin dash in a noisy and showy display. Robotnik noticed too.
"Oh, never mind! I'm getting out of here!" Robotnik huffed, indignantly.
Zzzzzoom!
Sonic propelled himself up into the air and began careening towards the jumble of wires tied around the girls.
"Shoot! I've got to think at supersonic speeds, or we could all be killed!" thought Tails.
Tails flew up to get a better view of the bomb, and hastily picked out a prominent red wire from the bunch. He carefully aimed a small laser pointer at the wire, turned up the concentration of the beam, and burnt through the wire!
The very next second, Sonic started tearing through the entire mass of wires like a maniac.
Buzzzzzzzzzz
Snap!
Crack!
Pop!
The wires snapped apart as he cut through.
"Phew!" Tails heaved a sigh of relief.
Tails noticed that Robotnik was escaping in his Eggomatic hovercraft. He quickly scooped up the main component of the bomb and hurled it at the villain with all the force of a major league baseball pitcher on performance enhancing drugs!
WHOOSH!
KA-BOOM!!!
"Ahhhhh!" Robotnik screamed.
He was blown off into the distant skies and glimmered like a star as he disappeared over the horizon, Team Rocket style.
-Ping!-
"Oh Sonic, how can we ever thank you!" the raccoon girls squealed.
"Well, we can start with a little smooching over at my place," said Sonic, with a devilish grin.
"Hi, my name is Roxy, and this is my friend, Trixy," said Roxy.
"I didn't ask for no names, just gimme some sugar baby," said Sonic.
"Tee-hee!" the girls giggled.
"Well, uh... let's make it a double date then!" Tails suggested.
"Whoa little bro!" Sonic scolded him.
"Everybody knows the hero always gets the girl. Sonic sez!"
Sonic slung an arm around each of the girls and started to walk away with them.
"I don't believe this!" Tails grumbled.
"Sonic! Can I have a word with you?!"
Sonic heaved an exasperated sigh.
"Hold on girls, I have to confer with my associate right quick," said Sonic.
"This should just take a sec."
Sonic headed back to have a word with Tails.
"There's two of these bimbos Sonic. Are you really gonna take 'em both?!" asked Tails.
"Tails, Tails, Tails..." Sonic chided.
"These girls are looking to spend some quality time with a real live hero. It would be unfair to ask either of these lovely ladies to settle for a sidekick!"
"But I saved the day! Shouldn't I at least get one of the girls for a change?" Tails insisted.
"You'll understand more of this when you're older," said Sonic.
"Really?" asked Tails.
"Okay, okay. So maybe I'm just trying to get rid of you!" admitted Sonic.
"Just get lost and quit cramping my style."
Sonic pushed his hand in Tails' face and shoved him back.
"Grrr! Arf, arf!" Tails barked, angrily.
"What the heck?! You barking at me now???" asked a bewildered Sonic.
"Don't tell me I'ma' have to have you fixed, boy."
Whap!
Sonic kicked Tails in the face, sending him crashing into the dirt.
"Ugh!" Tails grunted.
Sonic and the girls all shared a hearty laugh as they headed for Sonic's place, or rather, a place belonging to one of the homeless hedgehog's friends who was out of town.
Tails was left alone, to lick his wounds.
"This isn't fair!" Tails whined.
"Why does Sonic always get all the credit?"
Tails drug himself home and spent the rest of the evening tinkering with some groundbreaking inventions that will one day save the world. He fell asleep at his monitors after performing his last scan for robot activity of the day.
Sonic stopped by Tails' house the following morning to boast about last night's exploits. And besides, this is the closest thing he has to a regular home.
"Yep, it was quite a party last night," said Sonic.
"You'll never believe what a wild time we had."
"Let me guess," said Tails.
"First you showed off some of your supersonic stunts inside the house. Next you had them cook you some chilidogs, then give you a foot massage and a quill sharpening. And finally you made them clean up the mess so the homeowner wouldn't know you held a party there, while you drank booze and fell asleep in the middle of the floor."
"You know me too well lil' bro," Sonic chuckled.
"Ready to go patrolling today?" asked Tails.
"Sure, let's run a few laps," Sonic agreed.
And so the duo went cruising throughout the land, looking for Mobians in need.
At length, they came to an isolated island as they were running along the coastal lands.
"Hmm, I don't think this island is on my charts," said Tails.
"I'd better add it so I can complete my land and sea map of Mobius."
"Help! Help!" came a faint voice off in the distance.
"Did you hear that Sonic? Someone is crying for help! I think it came from that island," said Tails.
Sonic and Tails peered towards the small island and saw a frightened foxgirl being assailed by a robotic octopus!
"Eek! Help me!" the girl cried.
"Come on Sonic, let's spring into action!" said Tails.
"Nuh-uh. Count me out of this one," Sonic refused.
"What for? She's a cute girl and everything," said Tails.
"Yeah, she's cute enough. But I ain't going into that water," said Sonic.
"Oh brother, how pathetic!" Tails mumbled under his breath.
"What did you just say?!" demanded Sonic.
"I heard you talkin' about me. You know I got that supersonic hearing."
"Yeah right," Tails scoffed, as he flew towards the island.
"Oh, please help me!" said the girl.
The Octobot wrapped its tentacles around the girl, lasciviously.
"Hey! Let her go, you creep!" yelled Tails.
Tails rammed his fist into the thing at full speed.
BAM!
Once the Octobot had let go of the girl, Tails was free to plant a few bombs around the creature. Then Tails grabbed the girl and took off! The bombs detonated...
Boom-BOOM!
Tails carried the girl to safety and reassured her.
"Don't worry, you're safe now Miss...?"
"My name's Fiona," she replied.
"And aren't you the famous hero, Miles "Tails" Prower?"
"Aw, shucks. I do try to help out when I can," Tails blushed.
"I'm very grateful for your help," said Fiona.
"How can I ever thank you?"
"Well, er... your safety is all that matters, so..." Tails stammered.
Fiona affectionately clasped Tails' hands in hers. They gazed into one another's eyes. And then... their trembling lips met.
smooch
It was like love at first sight.
"Come on, lets get you back to the mainland," offered Tails.
But then Tails looked across the sea and spotted Sonic tapping his foot on the other side. He was impatiently waiting at the shore for Tails to bring the girl to him.
"Um, on second thought, this looks like a beautiful island," said Tails.
"What say we explore it together for a while?"
"That sounds wonderful," said Fiona.
Tails and Fiona frolicked on the beach, picked fruit from the trees, and watched the sunset together on a hill. They ended up spending the night on the island, each in their own hammock. Sonic had long since lost patience and stormed off in a huff. He went to go throw back a few brewskies with his other buddy, Nack The Weasel.
It turned out that Fiona had been vacationing in the area and so Tails eventually dropped her off at her hotel the next morning. He returned to his own house in a chipper mood. He was whistling merrily and almost tripped over Sonic on his way in.
"Where the heck have you been?" asked the hungover hedgehog.
"Just taking a brief and much needed vacation," said Tails.
"Do you have any idea what I've been through?" groaned Sonic.
"I went for some drinks last night and woke up in a ditch with blood all over me. Fortunately I don't think it was mine..."
"See there? Now that's looking on the bright side, Sonic-old-pal," said Tails, with a serene smile.
"What are you so doggone happy for?" asked Sonic.
"Can't a man be happy in his own home?" asked Tails, good-humoredly.
"Hmm..." Sonic eyed him suspiciously.
Tails fixed Sonic a glass of water, as it is the only true hangover remedy, aside from good sense. Then Tails proceeded to clean and straighten up the entire house. When he got done with those chores, he spent the next several hours outside, putting the finishing touches on a small shed he had been building for a couple of weeks. Seeing how diligently he was working, Sonic came out to harass him...
"What's with all the housework?" asked Sonic.
"You expecting company?"
"Maybe I just don't enjoy wallowing in filth, like some people," said Tails.
"I see you're building an extra storage shed too," said Sonic.
"For your new inventions and stuff?"
"That's what I first started building it for, but now I'm converting it into a second house," said Tails.
"Some house," Sonic scoffed.
"What is it, a doghouse?"
"No, it's a hoghouse," said Tails.
"Say what? " Sonic asked in surprise.
"It's for when you come home after you've had too much to drink," Tails explained.
"From now on, I don't want you coming in the main house unless you're sober."
"You been gettin' kinda uppity lately, half-pint!" Sonic snapped.
"Oh please," Tails scoffed.
"I'm always doing maintenance work on this place. Now I'm just making it easier for you to not trash it!"
"Whatever," Sonic mumbled, as he walked off.
After Tails finished working on the detox shed, he went back inside the house and hopped in the shower. When he was done washing and drying himself off, he put on some deodorant and cologne. He even brushed his fur! His coat was nice and shiny.
"Okay, now you've gone completely metro!" Sonic jeered.
"Don't be ridiculous!" said Tails.
"Have you got a hot date or something?" Sonic chuckled.
"What I do in my personal life is nobody's business," said Tails, slightly blushing.
"Well!" Sonic huffed, pretending to be offended.
"I'm going out for a bit," said Tails.
"Please don't invite Nack The Weasel in the house while I'm away."
"What's wrong with Nack?" asked Sonic, defensively.
"What's wrong with Nack?!" Tails repeated, in disbelief.
"He smokes, he tracks mud on the floor, he never uses a coaster... And I don't see why a superhero needs to hang out with a wanted criminal anyway!"
After that, Tails went outside and picked a few flowers from the garden. Then he flew off with the fresh bouquet in tow.
Back inside the house, Sonic was pondering what to do next...
"Hmm, now that he mentioned it, inviting Nack over wouldn't be such a bad idea," thought Sonic.
Completely ignoring Tails' request, Sonic gave Nack a call and asked him to come over. A few minutes later, he heard a knock on the door.
"That was fast," Sonic said to himself.
As soon as he turned the knob, the door flew open and someone jumped on top of him!
"Whoa! Hey, what's going on?!" demanded Sonic, as he was pinned to the floor.
He looked up and saw Amy rose laying on top of him.
"What's the big idea Amy?!" asked Sonic.
"The big idea?" Amy repeated.
"How about love, courtship and marriage for starters?"
"Sheesh, will you lay off Amy? I'm expecting someone," said Sonic, as he shoved her aside.
"Who is she?! I'll clobber her!" yelled Amy, pulling her hammer out.
"Relax, it's just a friend," said Sonic.
"Actually he's not even a real friend. More like a buddy."
"Speaking of real friends, is Tails home?" asked Amy.
"Tails? No, he left just a minute ago," said Sonic, getting a bit jealous in spite of himself.
"Good! Then that means we have the place all to ourselves," she purred.
Amy grabbed hold of Sonic and started kissing him all over his face. He kept pushing her away, but somehow never actually made her stop.
"Cut it out Amy!" said Sonic, feebly resisting.
That's when Nack strolled in through the open door.
"Am I interrupting something, or did you invite me over to join in?" asked Nack, with a smirk.
"Uh, Nack!" Sonic exclaimed, finally pushing Amy off himself for real.
"Nack The Weasel! What are you doing here?!" Amy exclaimed.
"Only by special request," said Nack, tipping his hat.
"Sonic! You hang out with badguys now?" asked Amy.
"Oh don't act like you didn't know," said Sonic, rolling his eyes.
"Anyway, sit down Nack. I got something I wanna run by you. You too Amy, as long as you're here."
"Look, if this is about the heat from last night, I didn't say no-thing to no-body," said Nack.
"And you'd best do the same, man."
"I ain't talking about that. I don't even remember that stuff," said Sonic.
"I'm talking about Tails acting all weird lately."
"You think he's on something?" asked Nack.
"I doubt it," said Sonic.
"You think he's in the market to get on something?" asked Nack.
"'Cause I got a new shipment of..."
"Just shut up and listen!" said Sonic.
"It all started when I picked up these two hoochies and took 'em home with me."
Amy suddenly raised her hand.
"Excuse me, can we stop the story for a sec? I have a question," she requested.
"Yes Amy?" Sonic called on her.
"Are you just trying to break my heart now?" she asked.
"Ne'mind about her," said Nack.
"Go 'head and tell us what you do to 'dem hoochies."
"That's not the point guys," said Sonic.
"The point is that Tails gets all upset and starts dissing me for taking both the girls. Like he resents me or something. And he starts talking about how he wants recognition and stuff."
"So youngblood is gettin' a little too big for his britches," said Nack.
"Right, so I told him the hero always gets the girl," said Sonic.
"The hero or the no-'count, smoothe talking thug," said Nack.
"Personally I think you should let Tails get the girls," said Amy.
"Well that's why your vote doesn't count," said Sonic.
"So anyway, the next day we go by this tropical island and see a cute young fox chick getting accosted by a tentacle monster."
"Yeah! Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" Nack cheered.
"Ew! What a sleaze!" said Amy, flushing.
"But go on Sonic..."
"What I'm trying to tell you two is that Tails rescued the girl by himself and I didn't see him again until the next day," said Sonic.
"Then he starts sprucing the place up and trying to put me out!"
"Do you realize what this means?" asked Amy.
"Tails is trying to take over as the new hero!" Sonic concluded.
"No! It means Tails is in love," said Amy.
"Not that you would know anything about that..."
"You mean Tails has found himself a girlfriend?" asked Sonic.
"One girl who he sees over and over again?"
"A novel concept, I'm sure," Amy quipped, sarcastically.
"I'll bet he's taking her flowers or chocolates right now."
"Come to think of it, he did leave with some flowers earlier," said Sonic.
"So I guess this means that not everything is about you," said Amy.
Sonic gave her a reprimanding look.
"Although it should be!" she quickly added.
"Now waitaminute, I'm lost here," said Nack.
"Are you telling me the tentacle thingy was defeated, before he even got to do anything? What a waste!"
"Man, get outta here with that stuff!" said Sonic, as he threw Nack out.
Sonic proceeded to grab Nack by the tail and physically hurl him out through the front doorway.
"Ah!" Nack yelped as he hit the ground.
"That old bum was no help at all," said Sonic.
"You should have known to seek a woman's opinion in matters of the heart," said Amy, gesturing to herself.
"I guess I never thought it would be that," said Sonic.
"We're also expert busybodies in other people's business," said Amy.
"I'll go spread the gossip!"
Amy gleefully exited Tails' house to go spread his business all through the streets.
Meanwhile, at Fiona's hotel...
"The flowers are lovely Tails. I'll go put them in some water right now," said Fiona.
"It's a beautiful hotel. Have you been enjoying your stay here?" asked Tails.
"Yes, I certainly have," said Fiona.
"It's been wonderful, especially since I met you."
"Aw shucks," said Tails, as he bashfully shifted around and looked down to his feet.
Fiona served them both some tea.
"I suppose I ought to enjoy it, especially since my family owns the hotel here," said Fiona.
"What! You're loaded?!" Tails exclaimed, almost spilling his tea.
He regretted that some of Sonic's coarser manners may have rubbed off on him.
"We do pretty well for ourselves," Fiona chuckled.
"The hotel is actually a new venture. My father's main business is a technology firm."
"Sounds like my kinda guy," said Tails.
"We're holding a grand opening party here tomorrow evening, in the ballroom," said Fiona.
"I'd be delighted if you would attend. You may even get to meet my father."
"It would be an honor," said Tails.
"Wonderful!" said Fiona.
"But, um... you may want to wear some clothes next time. Preferably something dressy."
"Uh, yeah... I guess I am kinda sporting the nekkid style," Tails blushed, just noticing that Fiona always wore clothes.
"Hero work seems to lend itself to it," he added.
"Then it's a date!" chirped Fiona.
"Feel free to bring your friends. I'd love to meet them too."
After finishing his tea and thanking Fiona, Tails exited the hotel wondering where he could scrounge together some civilized friends to invite to the party.
"Hmm, I wonder if Espio is free?" he thought out loud.
"But can I invite him without getting stuck with the other two?"
As Tails was stepping outside the double doors at the front of the hotel, someone suddenly jumped him from out of a nearby bush!
"Ah!" gasped a startled Tails.
"So it's true!" said Sonic, brushing leaves off himself.
"You've got yourself a little girlfriend stowed away in this fancy hotel joint."
"Sonic! What in the world are you doing here?!" asked Tails.
"I'm scoping out the love nest operation you got going here," said Sonic.
"Thought you could sneak one by me, did you?"
"Give it up Sonic, you're too late!" said Tails.
"This girl actually likes me, for who I am. And I like her just the same. You're not gonna just swoop in and take this one away."
"So you think you've graduated to the point where you get to have a girl?" Sonic sneered.
"Face it. You may have gotten Trixy and Roxy, but I got foxy," Tails grinned.
"Meh, I don't care. I'll let you have this one," said Sonic.
"I'm not into those 'relationship' types anyway."
"Good, then it's a truce," said Tails, quickly walking away.
"Hold it right there mister!" said Sonic.
"Don't think I don't know about the party!"
"Oh shoot! How'd you find out?" asked Tails.
"Call it supersonic hearing," said Sonic.
"Okay, okay, I guess you can come," said Tails.
"But you have to dress up and act civil!"
"Sonic The Hedgehog can wear a suit," Sonic boasted, confidently.
"But can Sonic The Hedgehog act like he has some home-training? That's what I'm worried about," said Tails.
"Chill Tails, you gotta relax and lighten up if you wanna impress this chick," said Sonic.
"I've got to worry about impressing her father too. He's supposed to be there," said Tails.
"Her father?" asked Sonic.
"Yeah, apparently some people have parents," said Tails.
"You know how Cream has Vanilla? Well some people have a male parent too. Like what those women are always accusing you of being in those lawsuits," he explained.
"Tails, Tails, Tails... you gotta remember that I'm the hero of Mobius! What better guest could you bring to impress these people?" Sonic remarked.
"I appreciate that Sonic, but I want you to exercise a little restraint," said Tails.
"Don't worry Tails, I'll be supersonic polite!" Sonic assured him.
"I'll hit 'em with my triple-manners maneuver."
"Just this once, can we try to use regular manners and be normally polite?" Tails pleaded.
"I've got everything under control," said Sonic, giving a thumbs-up and a wink.
To Be Continued.
And now, for today's Sonic Sez
...er, Sonic Says
"Kids, there's nothing cooler than enjoying a nice swim and observing the awesome sea-life. But if one of those underwater critters pokes, rubs, or touches you in any way that makes you uncomfortable, the first thing you do is get outta there! Then, stop by your local sushi bar with an adult you trust... to pick up the bill that is. And be sure to try the octopus. That's showin' those fishy freakers who's the boss on this food chain! Sonic Says! "
Act Two
At The Party...
"I'm glad you could make it tonight," said Fiona.
"I wouldn't miss it for anything," said Tails.
"Anything?" asked Fiona.
"I'm that important to you, huh?"
"Of course," said Tails, with a big smile.
"That's what I like to hear," said Fiona, returning the smile.
"Is your dad here?" asked Tails.
"He got held up in the office, but he's on his way," said Fiona.
"He's really looking forward to getting to know you."
"Really? Me?" asked Tails.
"Of course! He's heard all about the boy genius who's brilliant inventions have helped save the world," said Fiona.
"Wow, finally someone noticed me," said Tails.
"I guess my star is beginning to shine."
"A certain female admirer of yours may have put in a good word for you with him," Fiona hinted.
"Thanks Fiona," Tails smiled.
"You know, my father has his eye on you for a position in the company," said Fiona.
"If the party goes without a hitch, this could be a big night for us."
"This is huge," said Tails.
"There's so much to think about. I'm getting kind of nervous."
"Don't worry, I just know he'll be impressed," said Fiona.
"Is... Sonic The Hedgehog here?"
"Er, yeah. I mean, he should be here any second," said Tails.
"Excellent," Fiona muttered, breathily.
"Um, he's not exactly what you think he is," said Tails.
"I mean, I love him like a brother, but sometimes he can be a little..."
Voomph!
At that moment, the doors swung open and Sonic dashed into the party.
"It's time to get this party started up in he-yah! Yeah-YEAH!" announced Sonic.
Amy Rose quietly stepped in beside him.
"We were going to leave the ghetto behind tonight, remember Sonic?" she reminded him.
"Oh yeah, almost forgot," said Sonic.
Sonic zoomed over to Fiona and Tails, the latter of whom was cringing in embarrassment.
"Greetings," said Fiona.
"You must be the renowned Sonic The Hedgehog."
"Esatto, Signorina! And you must be our most gracious hostess," said Sonic.
"È un piacere conoscerla," he added, kissing her hand.
"So charming!" exclaimed Fiona.
"I didn't know you spoke la bella lingua."
"A skillful tongue is but one of my copious endowments," said Sonic, as he continued kissing her hand and working his way up her arm.
"Sonic!" Tails hissed sharply.
"I'm just being friendly," Sonic grinned, widely.
"So anyway, just point me to the hooch and the hoochies, and I'll be all set!"
"Watch it mister!" warned Amy.
Tails smacked his own forehead in frustration.
"Keep it together Sonic! There's not even any alcohol at this party," said Tails.
"It ain't a party without alcohol!" Sonic argued.
"Not everyone needs booze just to have a good time," Tails snapped.
"Some of us rely on good company and intelligent conversation."
"Oh, but we do have a wine cellar downstairs, if it would find favor with Mr. Sonic to sample my assortment?" offered Fiona.
"I'd take a sample of your sort anytime," said Sonic.
"And you can just call me Sonic, babe."
Sonic zoomed down to the cellar to go get wasted.
"Bring a bottle up for father while you're at it!" Fiona called after him.
"I think he'll have something to celebrate tonight... I hope."
"I apologize for Sonic's crass behavior," said Tails.
"That's okay. I suppose he is a part of your life," said Fiona, somewhat skeptically.
"Should've taken my chances with the Chaotix," Tails mumbled to himself.
Meanwhile Sonic was in the wine cellar, downing a bottle of lambrusco. He had loosened his tie and made himself comfortable.
"Ahh... good," he sighed with satisfaction.
But just as Sonic was slipping into his state of slovenly stupor, he heard a rattling noise come from another section of the cellar.
"Whuh?" he slurred.
"Who dat?"
Suddenly the rumbling grew louder and with a loud crash, one of the walls burst open!
A gang of BatBrain badniks flew into the room!
"Badniks in the belfry!" Sonic remarked, as he assumed a battle stance.
Sonic rolled into a spin attack, ripping his clothes off in the process. He shot around the cellar at supersonic speeds, knocking off the badniks one-by-one; (and the wine bottles too).
Whirrr-ZOO-OOM!
Ker-rash! Crash!
Sonic fought hard, but a couple of the BarBrains managed to zap him with a few blasts.
Zzap! Zap!
"Ow! Ah!" Sonic screamed.
Meanwhile, upstairs...
"Did anyone just hear a noise from downstairs?" asked Fiona.
"It's probably Sonic," Tails sighed.
"I'll go check on him to make sure he's behaving."
As soon as Tails approached the stairway leading to the cellar, the door swung open and an injured Sonic was crawling his way out.
"Sonic! What's going on?!" asked Tails, in concern.
"Badnik ambush..." Sonic groaned.
"It's go-time little bro."
"Right!" said Tails, as he quickly discarded his suit and sprung into action.
"Oh dear! What's happening?" asked Fiona, as she observed this spectacle.
Tails descended into the cellar, but when he arrived there was no sign of badniks anywhere. Just a wrecked cellar with a bunch of broken glass and spilled wine.
"Sonic, I don't understand. Where are the badniks?" asked Tails.
"Must've gotten away," Sonic groaned.
"Hic!" he hiccuped.
"My goodness! Look what's happened to daddy's wine cellar!" Fiona exclaimed.
"Are you sure it was badniks that you saw?" asked Tails.
"I swear, they were there," Sonic garbled.
"Sonic, you stink of alcohol! How much did you have to drink?" demanded Tails.
"Lemme at 'em," Sonic mumbled, as he began striking into thin air.
Sonic dizzily stumbled around the ballroom for a bit, and then it happened...
"Uuuurrrrrrrrgghhhh!"
Sonic vomited all over the place!
"All right, party's over!" someone announced.
"What a disaster!" cried Fiona.
"I guess sonic-spins and alcohol don't mix," Sonic groaned.
"How could you do this to me Sonic, you miserable *ast#rd?!" Tails screamed.
Sonic just continued to moan and groan until he passed out.
"I'd better call daddy and tell him the party's off," said Fiona.
To Be Concluded.
Sonic Says
"Kids, we've joked about a lot of Sonic's rambunctious ways and habits in this story so far. But one thing that isn't a laughing matter is drinking bottles of good wine just to get drunk. It actually dishonors the wine, not to mention the host. So if you want to get your buzz on, try great tasting, low-end fortified wine. It always gets the job done and never lets you down! Sonic Says! "
J/K -- Please drink responsibly.
Act Three
After the unfortunate events of the ill-fated party, Sonic and Tails' relationship became somewhat strained. Sonic insisted that he wasn't really all that drunk at the party, and that the reason for his regurgitation was partly due to spinning around while he was fighting badniks. Tails' dismissed the excuses as flimsy, pointing out that it's never okay to get a "little drunk," and that he no longer trusted the word of a substance abuser.
After apologizing for the way things turned out, Tails stopped seeing Fiona as well. He spent most of his time sulking around the house, occasionally tinkering with an invention. One day, he received an unexpected call.
Brrrrin-ring!
"Hello?" Tails answered.
"Hello Miles it's me, Fiona." Fiona replied.
"Fiona! I didn't expect to hear from you," said Tails.
"How are you holding up?"
"I'm doing much better now," said Fiona.
"Things are starting to calm down again."
"How did your dad take it?" asked Tails.
"He wasn't happy about what happened, of course. But I've spoken with him on your behalf since then, and he has reconsidered you for the position," said Fiona.
"He's willing to give me another chance?!" Tails exclaimed.
"...You're willing to give me another chance?" he added, softly.
"Of course!" said Fiona.
"People make mistakes, but I realize what a good guy you are and how much potential you have. And that's what I explained to daddy."
"Fiona, this is wonderful! But will he really accept me with open arms, just like that?" asked Tails.
"We'll give him a little time," said Fiona.
"You just need an opportunity to prove yourself. So I've arranged for you to move into a nice place in the city, where you can work on this invention that my father's company has been developing."
"Move to the city? This is all happening so fast," said Tails.
"If you can make a breakthrough on this project, he's sure to accept you!" said Fiona.
"He'll accept us."
"I don't know," said Tails.
"Wouldn't I have to give up crime-fighting and hero work to devote myself to a project like this? Sonic and the gang may need me..."
"Let G.U.N. handle those things," said Fiona.
"You should be valued for your brilliant mind. You don't belong on the front lines, especially not with the likes of that incorrigible hedgehog!"
"You know, you're right!" Tails agreed.
"I won't let myself be held back any longer!"
"Good! Then I'll meet you there at your new place," said Fiona.
"Here's the address..."
Tails quickly relocated to his new apartment in the city. It was stocked with building supplies for his inventing work. Fiona stopped by to help him get settled in.
"I brought over an entire wardrobe of dress-casual attire for you Miles," said Fiona.
"Miles?" Tails repeated.
"Since you're now going to be living in a booming metropolis, working for a major corporation, and wearing clothes everyday, it's only fitting that you should have a proper name," said Fiona.
"Well I suppose Miles is my real name, but I've kinda grown to like 'Tails' over the years," said Tails.
"I didn't think it was appropriate for you to use that street name anymore," said Fiona.
"You're moving up in the world Miles. You can leave all those old things behind."
"I guess you're right," said Tails.
"I can leave all that stuff from my old life behind... except for my scientific skills, of course."
"Speaking of which, here's the plans for the invention," said Fiona, handing him some papers.
"What is this thing supposed to be anyway?" asked Tails.
"It's supposed to disassemble and reassemble molecules, hopefully working as a transporter," explained Fiona.
"Teleportation!" Tails exclaimed.
"Sounds pretty dang complicated!"
"I'm sure you're up to the challenge," said Fiona.
"You should be able to accomplish a lot more without the distractions of your old associates."
"Yeah, I guess so," said Tails.
"Well, I'll leave you to your work," said Fiona.
"Wait a minute," said Tails.
"How about a little housewarming for your favorite fox, hunny?"
Tails beckoned to Fiona while playfully shaking his hips and puckering his lips. His tails wagged briskly.
"Down boy!" Fiona ordered.
"I think you need a cooling instead of a warming," she chuckled.
"I just need a little motivation," Tails smirked.
"Several other engineers will be working on this project, so I guess you'll be competing against them," said Fiona.
"That's not exactly the motivation I had in mind, but I guess I'd better get started," said Tails.
Tails jumped right into his work and continued to work diligently over the next several days. He only heard from Fiona occasionally, when she called to check on his progress or to remind him of the importance of this task.
One day Tails got another unexpected call.
"Hello, this is Miles," Tails answered.
"Miles? Is that what you go by these days?" asked the person on the other end.
"Espio, is that you?" asked Tails.
"How did you get this number?"
"We're Chaotix," Espio replied, by way of explanation.
"What can I do for you?" asked Tails.
"I heard you and Sonic had a falling-out, so I'm just calling to see how you're doing," said Espio.
"Sonic really let me down, but I guess I'll get over it in time," said Tails.
"I'm too focused on my career to waste time holding a grudge."
"Good to hear it. So how is life in the city treating you?" asked Espio.
"I haven't really gotten out on the town much, but everything is pretty fast paced," said Tails.
"Maybe even Sonic would appreciate that," said Espio.
"I think Sonic's body moves a lot faster than his mind," Tails joked.
"Do you think you'll ever come back to him, and be a team again?" asked Espio.
"Did Sonic and the others put you up to this?" Tails asked, suspiciously.
"......Maybe," said Espio, hesitantly.
"Unbelievable!" said Tails.
"They only appreciate me now that I'm not around to silently slave for them."
"Sonic would never admit it outright, but he could sure use your help," said Espio.
"Everyone has been wondering where you went, and if you'll ever come back to help them out once in a while. So they asked us to track you down."
"It's not that I wouldn't like to help out, but I'm way too busy with Fiona and my new job," said Tails.
"She's always pushing me to do my best."
"Sounds like she keeps you hopping," said Espio.
"You don't know the half of it," said Tails.
"This woman has got me working day and night... from sun up to midnight!"
"You seem to be hard-pressed. Are you sure it's not too much for you?" asked Espio.
"Don't worry, I have a feeling all my hard work will pay off," said Tails.
"And after all, I can't give up now that I'm this close to fulfilling my dreams."
"Sounds like you've got it figured out, so I'll just..."
But before Espio could finish his sentence, Tails heard the sounds of a struggle on the other end of the phone line.
"Give me that phone!" said a squeaky but angry female voice in the background.
Clank! Clatter!
"Wh- whoa, hey! Nnngh!" Espio grunted, as he was apparently pushed over.
The phone was seized.
"Tails! Get your butts back over here and start doing your job!" Amy roared from Espio's phone.
"Amy?! What the heck?!" Tails sputtered.
"It's not fair for you to leave all the work for Sonic to do!" said Amy.
"Do you know he's been hurt on several recent missions, trying to carry your load!"
"Are you saying your 'great' and 'perfect' idol needs help from the lowly and insignificant Tails?" asked Tails.
"Wha-??? Well, I..." Amy stammered.
"Is it that hard for you to say?" asked Tails.
"It's not that Sonic isn't good enough, but it's not right for you to abandon your duties!" said Amy.
"I demand that you come home and take some responsibility!"
"Responsibility?!" Tails yelled.
"I ain't nobody's daddy! Y'all can take care of your own messes!"
"Look, Sonic hasn't been the same lately," said Amy, in a meeker tone.
"He's drinking more and I think he's gotten into some other stuff too. Sonic has become too carefree, and people have been getting hurt. Even Cream was hurt when she wandered off again, and nobody was there to help her. Sonic eventually tried to do something but he...... he was reckless and made some mistakes," she admitted.
"I'm sorry about what you're going through, but I can't put my whole life on hold just to babysit you guys," said Tails.
"Cream has her own mama, right? Let her look after the girl. Check Sonic into rehab, and if something serious goes down, just call the cops."
"Okay I get it," Amy bitterly snapped.
"You do?" Tails asked, hopefully.
"Yeah, you're a heartless, conceited jerk! You little two-tailed freak!" Amy shouted.
"The name is Miles!" said Tails.
Click!
He ended the call.
Over the next week or so, Tails worked even harder on his invention. He finally managed to achieve dematerialization, but he struggled a bit longer on trying to focus the effects of the device to a specific object, rather than discombobulating all matter within the machine's path at once. This also made reforming matter exactly to its original shape a challenge. He kept working on it. Then one day he surprised Fiona by asking her out to a fancy restaurant for sushi and steak.
"The food here is great, don't you think?" asked Tails.
"Yes, it's very sweet of you Miles," said Fiona.
"But what is the special occasion?"
"I might have a little surprise in store for you," said Tails, with a wink.
"But you've barely touched your food dear... you've got to try some of this."
Fiona offhandedly plucked up a big mound of wasabi and shoved it in her mouth.
"Yes it's very good," she said, indifferently.
"Wow. Straight wasabi, just like that?" Tails asked, blankly.
Perhaps she had something else on her mind? But she downed it without even flinching!
"Oh?" asked Fiona.
"Ah yes, how silly of me. But how is your progress on the invention?" she asked.
"As a matter of fact, you'll be happy to know I just completed it today!" Tails happily announced.
"Excellent, we must bring it to my father at once," said Fiona.
She began rising from her seat.
"After we finish eating, right Fiona dear?" asked Tails.
"Yes, of course," said Fiona, settling back into her seat.
She perfunctorily consumed the rest of her food, and sort of stared at Tails as he finished up.
"You must really be excited about that molecule rearranger," Tails chuckled.
"I'm excited about what it means for us sweetie," said Fiona.
"Oh, and the food was delicious."
As soon as Tails was done eating and paying with a generous tip, the two of them collected the device from Tails' place.
"Can it really manipulate molecules?" asked Fiona.
"Yes. In fact, this little gadget can distinguish distinct molecular patterns, and accurately disassemble and reassemble them exactly," said Tails.
"Fantastic! It's just what we need," said Fiona.
"Of course I've only tested it on inanimate objects," said Tails.
"It could still have adverse effects on living organisms."
"Oh that shouldn't be a problem at all," said Fiona, smiling brightly.
"Really? Are you sure?" asked Tails.
"I mean to say that this is more than adequate for starters," said Fiona.
"Don't be so critical of yourself Miles. You've done amazing work!"
"Thanks Fiona," said Tails, with a wide smile.
Fiona led Tails to her father's office at the top of a high-rise building. As they stood outside his door, Tails became a bit nervous. He wondered whether or not he'd truly be accepted as the boyfriend of this rich and powerful man's daughter.
"I'm a little worried Fiona. Do you really think he'll like me?" asked Tails.
"Is the device functional?" asked Fiona, somewhat sternly.
"Well yes, but..." Tails stammered.
"Then that's all that matters," said Fiona, as she pushed the door open and stepped inside her father's office.
Tails followed her inside, but upon entering the office he was shocked to find Dr. Robotnik waiting for them!
"Dr. Eggman!" Tails exclaimed.
"Get back Fiona, I'll handle this!" he said, waving a protective arm in front of her.
"Don't be silly, I knew we'd find him here," said Fiona.
"This is becoming like a second home to me after all," Robotnik chuckled.
"I've been conducting a lot of business here as of late."
"I don't get it!" said Tails.
"Your dad is a business partner of Robotnik?!"
"Hmm, my reports had indicated that the foxboy was smarter than this," said Robotnik, scratching his chin thoughtfully.
Fiona shoved Tails aside and stood beside Dr. Robotnik. She handed Tails' invention to him.
"Dr. Robotnik does not work with my father," said Fiona.
"He is my father!"
She wrapped an arm around the heavyset mad scientist and leaned against him with filial affection.
"I don't understand! How is this possible?!" demanded Tails.
"Has he tricked you somehow?!"
Fiona and Eggman shook their heads at Tails' wishful obtuseness.
"He may be a genius, but he is rather stupid about certain things," Fiona explained to her father.
"Fiona is one of my auto automatons," explained Robotnik.
"A most advanced model of robot designed to closely mimic the qualities of a real person."
"So... you're a machine!" said Tails.
"See? You're getting it now," said Fiona, mockingly.
"Maybe you're a smarty after all."
"Oh lord! I almost had Dr. Robotnik for a father-in-law!" Tails groaned.
"You wish!" Fiona scoffed.
"So none of what we had together was real?" asked Tails.
"I didn't even so much as taste a bite of all that expensive food I just ate up," laughed Fiona.
"And I like it like that," she sneered.
"What the...?! Why you..." Tails growled.
"I profiled that you would respond to a somewhat... domineering female type, based on your relationship with the hedgehog and the others," said Robotnik.
Tails just hung his head, seething.
"Well I'll be off to incorporate this little invention of yours as the final component of my Ultimate Annihilator Raygun," Robotnik announced.
"With this weapon, I can dematerialize all my opposers into nothingness. But for you, I'll leave your darling Fiona to finish you off personally."
Robotnik practically skipped out of the room as he took off with Tails' invention.
"Come back here!" Tails shouted, as he ran to pursue Robotnik.
But as we all know, that old eggbelly can really move! Robotnik was surprisingly fast on his feet, and Tails was unable to catch up with him before Fiona pounced on top of the heartbroken foxboy and tackled him to the ground. Tails just lay underneath her, motionless.
"Don't you even fight back?" Fiona taunted him.
"I cannot bear to strike you, my love!" said Tails.
"Oh please, what a loser!" said Fiona.
"You still feel that way?"
"Actually I was just sort of enjoying the proximity," Tails admitted, wearing a bashfully toothy grin.
"What! You little perv!" Fiona shrieked.
She started wailing on Tails with a flurry of punches.
Pow!
Whap!
Sock!
"Ow! Dang, you hit hard girl!" Tails exclaimed, as he rolled away from her.
"There's more where that came from!" Fiona threatened.
"Even if you're a robot, you're an intelligent one, right?" asked Tails.
"Wasn't there any point when you liked being with me, or when I made you feel special to just be an ordinary girl for a while?"
"Time to die, you little pest!" Fiona yelled, as she lunged at Tails.
"Ah!" Tails screamed, as he cringed back.
But suddenly a sharp gust of wind swept through the room, and Fiona's head fell clean off her body!
WHOOSH!
CLANK!
"I'm saved!" Tail exclaimed.
"What just happened?!"
"I happened!" said a familiar voice.
Tails looked to the other side of the room to face his rescuer.
"Sonic! You came for me!" said Tails.
"You saved me from Robotnik's auto automaton!"
"Auto-ma-what now?" asked Sonic.
"You knew Fiona was really one of Robotnik's mechanical minions! ...right?" Tails asked.
"Nah, I just never liked that uppity #itch!" said Sonic.
"You mean you were just gonna kill my girlfriend for no reason?!" Tails gasped.
"No, of course I wouldn't do something like that for no reason," said Sonic.
"I just said it was because she was stuck up! Didn't I?"
"Sonic!" Tails rebuked him.
"And because she was an automotive-whachamacallit," added Sonic, unconvincingly.
"Well whatever the case, I guess you saved me," said Tails.
"Thanks. But if you didn't come here knowing Robotnik's plan, why did you happen to show up?"
"I came to kick your butt for walking out on me," said Sonic.
"I asked around and someone said they saw you go into this building."
"You came all this way just to beat me up?" asked Tails.
"And to ask you to come back, little bro," said Sonic.
"It's not the same without you. I'll even agree to stop getting drunk and stuff. And I'll use the hoghouse when you need your space, if you'll just come back."
"You really missed me that much?" asked Tails.
"Of course! You're my best buddy!" said Sonic.
"Then it's a deal!" Tails agreed.
"Any chance you'll let me get the girl once in a while?" he asked.
"You're gonna have to fight me on that one!" Sonic laughed.
"But I will skip over the whole 'beating-you-up' thing."
"Oh well. Can't win 'em all," said Tails, with a smile.
"Speaking of which, I almost forgot about Eggman! He has the Ultimate Annihilator component!"
"Forget Eggman. I put a whoopin' on him on my way in, just for good measure," said Sonic.
"Thank goodness!" Tails sighed with relief.
"His little toy broke before he ran off, but you can still pick up the pieces in the hallway if you want 'em," said Sonic.
"Now let's go home."
Tails stripped off his shirt and trousers, leaving them in the office. After collecting the remains of his invention, he and Sonic returned home together.
Later, at Tails' real house in the forest...
Sonic, Tails, and Amy were all relaxing with some light snacks and a variety of iced teas, all prepared by Tails.
Amy helped a little.
"I'm sorry for the things I said about you before," said Amy.
"And I'm sorry for appearing aloof and indifferent," said Tails.
"Maybe that's what comes from dating a robot..." he muttered, wistfully.
"I'm also really sorry things didn't work out for you having a girlfriend," said Amy.
"I really should have seen through the trap, but I guess I was blinded by love," said Tails.
"No kidding!" said Sonic.
"When a beautiful, sophisticated, rich girl goes gaga for a geek like you, I'd say it's time to get suspicious!"
"Thanks a lot Sonic," Tails scoffed sarcastically.
"I guess the lesson here is that if it seems too good to be true, it probably is," said Sonic.
"So don't try to date out of your league."
"No, the real lesson is that Tails should keep looking for the right girl who will appreciate him for who he is, without making him turn his whole life upside down," said Amy.
"You really think there could be a girl like that for me?" Tails asked, hopefully.
"I don't see why not," said Amy.
"...but it's definitely not me!"
"Heck no! Yikes, don't even go there!" said Tails.
"Methinks you two doth protest too much," said Sonic, with a goading grin.
"Into the hoghouse Sonic!" Tails ordered.
"And you Amy, you'd better leave too."
"Humph! Gladly!" said Amy, storming out.
Tails was sure he heard her mutter something like "two-tailed freak" on her way out. Thus cementing the status-quo of their relationship.
Later that night...
Tails went for a walk out on his runway, to gaze at the stars.
"I guess I am kind of a hard fit to match up. Maybe there isn't a girl for me in all of Mobius," he sighed.
He found a comfy spot were he could relax and enjoy the cool night breeze. After taking some time to reflect, Tails decided to throw himself back into his work, to help focus his mind. He eventually retired to his workshop where he began work on a new project. A ship which would later become known as the Blue Typhoon.
The End
Sonic Says...
Thanks for reading!
Androclez
.net/u/1007625/