Author's note: Hello folks! First and foremost, thank you for the alerts, favorites, reads, and reviews. I appreciate them and the attention you are willing to devote to my story. I was very pleased with the number of people that put my story on there favorites and alerts, as I've not got so many so fast! I have one more chapter to go to have completely revised everything I've written, and then I can start on new exciting chapters. Also, someone asked me if it was there computer or whether I had taken down chapters and I want to clarify that with you lot so no one else is confused. I did take down about 5 chapters and I am restarting over because I revised the story enough to need a new version rather then just replacing chapters. I am also very glad I did too, the statistics seem to show a stunning difference between how much people like this new version over the old version. However, I am also sorry If I confused any of the readers who read my previous version but I hope the Author's Note in the first page of the fic aided you in understanding the situation a bit. Anyway,I am delighted people actually like my story. Please tell me if any character besides my OCs and Harry is out of character. I haven't read the books in three years and have really forgot a lot of it. I am trying my best at this though. Also, if you guys want, please review and tell me your thoughts on the story! I would greatly appreciate it, and the reviews would provide me a direction in really understanding what works with people and what does not.
"Poor dear," Dianna murmured, as John walked into the kitchen, "he's not very happy, is he?"
John went to get a cup from the cabinet and then put it on the counter.
"No, he's not quite feeling at home. He wants to be alone, by the looks of it," John said, as he tapped the cup and transfigured it into a baby's sippy cup. He pointed his wand into the cup, and milk flowed from the tip (the jug in the cabinet was, consequently, left rather empty).
"No, I don't think he feels quite at home. He feels hurt and angry, I think. It sounds like it, from here," Dianna said, bustling around the kitchen and cleaning. John nodded and took the cup of milk from the counter. He went out to the living room, where Remus was still pacing with a slightly-more calmed Harry, though he was still rather upset.
"Remus, why don't you sit down with Harry? I'll try to help with this. It might be good for him, to drink something and relax a bit," John suggested. Remus nodded and sat down on the lounge, still comforting Harry. John approached the two and knelt down with the cup.
"Harry, drink this. You'll feel better," John instructed, extending the cup to Harry.
"No want!" Harry protested, swatting at the cup and missing. John moved the cup farther from Harry, but didn't quite take it away.
"You have my word, Harry. I don't intend to harm you, this will only help you to relax," Remus persuaded, smiling encouragingly. Remus silently took the cup from John and brought it closer to Harry. He looked at it but did nothing, continuing to be upset and to cry angrily.
"Here, Harry, I need you to drink this, you'll feel better," Remus insisted, gently putting the cup up to Harry's lips. Harry turned his head away from the cup moodily.
"I swear, you will feel better," Remus said, tilting the cup towards Harry slightly. Harry felt the cool liquid on his lips and started to drink, almost grudgingly. He finished it after a few minutes.
"Very good, Harry," Remus said, gently putting the cup on the small table next to the lounge. Harry was still crying, but not as hard, his breaths also slowing down.
"Harry, let's go take a walk, in the garden," Remus suggested. He got up to get his cloak and stepped outside into the cool night air. Remus walked slowly around the garden, smiling and talking to Harry. Eventually, after some time, Harry stopped crying and started looking around curiously at the plant life in the garden. Remus would tell him the name if he noticed Harry looking at some particular thing, most of these things being plants. Remus would stop and allow him to gaze at the plants as he pleased. Midway, Harry gazed at a hoop on a pole for a while, so Remus noticed where his attention was placed.
"That's a Quidditch goal. People fly up to the hoop, as part of a game, to score goals," Remus explained, as Harry looked at it. After that, they stopped by a patch of grass. They soon saw another pole just like the original one. Harry looked at the greenery, amazed.
"That's grass," Remus said, bending down, "Repeat after me, Harry: Grass." Harry was quiet, for the most part. Remus realised that Harry didn't try to say the words himself. Remus found this quite different from most other kids, but figured there might be a reason. Consequently, he simply encouraged the boy, somewhat too enthusiastically, to repeat and say the words he was saying, if Harry seemed curious.
"Gre'ass," Harry repeated softly, as if speaking out of turn would mean being punished.
"Yes, very good, Harry," Remus praised. He smiled and, after allowing Harry to look at the grass more closely, Remus decided to take the short way back to the house and cut straight through the yard. They reached the house slid the screen open and stepped in to greet the smell of food. Harry looked around for the source of the wonderful smell as Remus watched Harry's curiosity with satisfaction. They walked nearer to the dining room.
"Are you hungry, Harry, dear?" Dianna said as Remus and Harry approached the table. Harry looked at the food hungrily. Remus placed him in the chair next to John and pulled out the seat to the right of Harry. Dianna rose from her chair.
"I should probably go buy him a bed of some sort," Dianna commented, and left the house after going around to gather her possessions. John decided to leave Harry with Remus, thinking that his time would be more productive spent on some paperwork. It wasn't that he didn't want to be there, but Remus had Harry and would manage, while his pile of papers from his work continued to pile up.
"I'll be in my study. If you need some extra help with Harry, come and find me - not that I am expecting you need any, of course," John assured, leaving the table.
Harry dipped his hand into his soup and played around with it. Remus gently took Harry's hands out of the bowl, which was difficult, as Harry flinched and shrunk back at Remus' touch.
"Harry," Remus said, grimacing at the sight, "here, I need you to use a spoon." Remus handed Harry the small spoon, and the young child flinched at the contact, shrinking back. He took it nervously from Remus. It was the smallest spoon they could find, yet it was a regular spoon. Remus gently helped Harry position his hands on the spoon after watching him play with it.
"Is something the matter, Harry?" Remus asked, gently studying the frightened boy, thinking. He was wondering if there was anything wrong, besides being scared. Harry said something softly, still looking unwilling.
"I didn't quite hear that, Harry, sorry," he apologised to Harry, who was looking away from Lupin, his eyes starting to tear up.
"Mad? Me, bad?" Harry asked softly, his voice trailing off, as it became squeaky with fear. He had seen the grimace and thought that the man sitting next to him would manhandle him, or at the least scream at him.
"Harry, calm down. There isn't any reason for me to be angry with you, and I don't intend to hurt you. I swear all my intentions are only good, Harry," Remus said, trying to resolve the problem of worrying Harry. He should not have shown his frustration with Harry, the boy simply hadn't been taught. He still wondered, though, if anything was truly wrong. He helped Harry sit back normally in the chair, or at least he tried. Harry tried to shrink more and more into the seat, and was looking as though he was ready to fall to the ground under the table.
"Harry, I need you to sit back in your chair and try to eat something. You'll feel better, and it's good for you," Remus tried persuading Harry kindly and, after a few minutes more of the persistent struggle from Harry, and a lot more comforting and soothing on Remus's part, Remus got Harry to sit back in the chair. He smiled at the child and picked up the spoon to hand it to Harry, so that he could continue eating his dinner.
"Harry, here," Remus said, sighing, as he positioned Harry's hand on the spoon.
"Harry, I need you to spoon up some soup and try to eat it, you'll feel better after eating something," Remus asked of him, smiling and watching Harry closely. Harry dropped the spoon, leaned forward to drink the soup from the bowl, and then stuffed his hands back in, after deciding playing with it was much better than drinking it.
"No, don't do that, Harry." Remus persuaded him back into his seat and proceeded to use Harry's spoon, to demonstrate how to spoon up some soup along with the noodles. Remus handed the spoon back to him and Harry cupped it in his hand and held his spoon by placing his thumb on the bottom of the handle.
"Here," Remus said fixing Harry's positioning on the spoon. Harry tried to do what he saw Remus do, but most of the soup dripped off the side of the spoon. He tried again, looking frustrated. He managed, and Remus motioned with his fork how to bring the food to his mouth.
"Excellent, Harry. Now, I need you to bring that up to your mouth," Remus encouraged, smiling gently at him. Harry mimicked him, picking up the spoon and bringing it closer to his lips.
"Very good, Harry," Remus said, smiling. Unfortunately, most of it dripped off before it could reach his mouth. He dropped the spoon, which landed on his lap and slid onto the ground. He babbled away angrily.
"Harry! What's the matter?" Remus asked, curiously. He wasn't sure what the matter was, as Harry seemed to have done everything right, and he didn't see what Harry's frustration was or where it came from. Was it the fact that the soup didn't get in to his mouth, or that most of it was spilt on himself? Harry babbled away angrily even more. Remus caught the words no, eat, and bad. Remus looked thoughtful thinking that he understood the issue.
"No, Harry, you did an excellent job," Remus said encouragingly, hoping to change Harry's mind. It didn't, however, and Harry kept on babbling angrily, almost to himself.
"That's enough, Harry. I need you to try to listen to me for a moment; you need to hear me out. You did an excellent job at attempting to eat. You've got to remember you are only three, and no one expects you to eat without dropping something. You are expecting too much of yourself, Harry. You're doing quite well, I must say, for someone in your position," Remus explained to him, gently but firmly. He believed that Harry needed to understand that bit, but doubted this was the only time he'd have to say this to him. Harry had babbled on a bit when Remus was speaking, but eventually stopped and just looked at Remus almost curiously.
"Give me a moment, Harry, I need to wash this," he said kindly, picking up the spoon and straightening up, ready to go wash it.
"Mine!" Harry shouted loudly, looking at Remus angrily. He leaned sideways and tried to snatch the spoon out of Remus's hand and looked at it protectively.
"Harry, I am only going to wash it, I swear," Remus said, as gently as he could. Remus was certainly frustrated and wished he could somehow make Harry understand a little better than he did. After all, aren't three-year-olds supposed to understand more than what Harry seemed to? Harry did seem to understand, but a lot of these concepts he should know were still foreign to him. Remus also had to seem to really work with Harry for him to understand how to do things. And that puzzled the young Remus Lupin. He walked off into the kitchen, still holding the spoon, wondering these things. Harry took the opportunity and slipped off his chair, and ran quietly away. Since Remus wasn't here, this was easy to do. Remus returned to the table with the spoon and looked around. No Harry! He was so shocked that he stood still for a few seconds, before he put the spoon in the bowl and turned around. Where did Harry go? Why did he run away? Why was he so scared? Was there really that much behind what happened before he took Harry in? Was it more serious then he thought? Was the "hurt" more severe then he had imagined? Admittedly, he had only imagined minor scenarios, but there couldn't be anymore than that, could there? His escape was quite skilled; did he have to do that often? There were clearly signs of problems. Problems that looked bad, too.
"Harry, I swear, I have no intentions to hurt you, but I need you to come out," Remus said kindly, looking around. Remus had not noticed where Harry had gone, so he got up and looked. Remus was gently calling his name and trying to persuade him to come out of hiding. After a minute of looking around, Remus found Harry behind the couch. Remus attempted to approach him, but before he could move, Harry had sprinted off. Remus was taken aback, but was watching this time. Harry sneaked beneath the stairs and was hiding there. Remus approached Harry, taking his wand out to perform the shield charm around Harry's general area, so that Harry wouldn't be able to run very far from the stairs if he tried. Sure enough, as Remus got closer, Harry got up. He was about to run, but after a foot or so, he found that he couldn't. He struggled and tried to get out of that little area, but wasn't able to. Remus undid the charm as he got within a foot of Harry, so that he could reach the boy. He walked quickly and knelt down beside the struggling boy, who had no idea that the invisible shield was lifted.
"Don't, Harry. It's alright. Harry, that's quite enough, I swear I won't hurt you," Remus said and stopped, as he wasn't sure what to say, besides what he already had, to Harry. He wasn't sure how to deal with the situation other than calming down and hugging him close. He already felt a deeper connection to Harry than simply looking after him because he was the son of his best friend. Harry had captured his heart and his strange behavior worried him. Harry ignored him and continued to cry. Remus sighed and picked him up.
"There's no need to hide, Harry. I don't intend to hurt you," Remus said, soothingly rubbing Harry's back. It took him a few minutes, but Remus finally had Harry calmed down.
"Ready, to go back to attempt eating? I need you to finish your dinner, you were doing such an excellent job," Remus explained gently still rubbing at Harry's back.
"No hurt? Promise?" Harry asked, really only hearing Remus say that he wouldn't hurt him for the first time. He was too preoccupied the previous few times to hear that much. Remus smiled gently at him.
"I swear, I don't have any intentions to hurt you, and I will never allow you to be hurt by me. Look, I can't promise you that you'll never get hurt, but if I can help it, you'll be safe. You have my word, Harry, that I intend to keep you safe," Remus assured gently, still smiling at Harry. Harry was a little more relieved, but still scared. How did he know to trust this strange man's words?
"Here, let's go back to the table, I need you to finish dinner." Remus said awkwardly, not sure if it was the right thing to say, and carried Harry back to the dining room. Remus sat him back down, picked the spoon up, and placed it in Harry's hand. Harry still flinched back.
Harry looked at the spoon, with anger in his eyes. He wasn't able to do it before, and this thing wasn't helping him. The older man wasn't very happy, either, or so he thought. John entered the room at that point hearing all the commotion.
"Is…. Is everything alright?" John asked, unsure as to if he should intervene.
"Yes, everything is fine now. Harry had some trouble with eating. However, I think he's got it managed now. Quite well, I might add," Remus said, reassuring his father, but John still decided to take a seat at the table. Maybe it wasn't right for him to leave. The paperwork could wait.
"Here, Harry, I need you to spoon it up as you did," Remus said, and moved Harry's hand over the bowl. Harry spooned a bit of soup up with both men watching.
"Now, I need you to hold the spoon level, Harry," Remus said, showing Harry how to hold the spoon flat, so that he didn't spill anything. Harry mimicked and put it up to his mouth, and successfully consumed most of what was on his spoon. A few drops dripped out, and Remus wiped them away, gently using a napkin to absorb the spill. Harry grinned widely.
"Look, have food!" he burst out excitedly, but remembered not to speak, and looked regretful and sorry. Remus grinned widely, too, and was about to say something, before -
"- Sorry, sorry!" Harry squeaked, "No scream. I sorry. Not talk." Harry said softly, before Remus could say anything. Remus felt awful – was that why the boy spoke so little, then? Because the Muggles had prohibited him from expressing himself? Remus couldn't help feeling sorry for the boy, and he gently put his hand reassuringly over Harry's. Harry still flinched.
"Calm down, Harry. I don't intend to stop you from expressing yourself. You're welcome to speak. You will never be punished for opening your mouth, Harry," Remus said, hoarsely; he was horrified that Harry felt this way. He felt a need to clear this up.
"Look, mate," John grinned at Harry encouragingly, "It's going to be alright, Harry. We like you here, and want you here."
Remus was lost for words, not sure what to say to the terrified three year old, who was too scared to say even one little thing. He enjoyed Harry's company, and wouldn't mind him talking quite a bit more.
"I am sorry about the treatment you had to endure at your relative's place, but let me I reassure you, Harry. That will never happen here," Remus told him, gently, after thinking for a full minute. Harry got closer to him, and Remus reached out to embrace him. Harry slowly, and very cautiously, wrapped his arms around Remus. Remus sat back in his chair.
"Here, Harry. I need you to finish eating, you'll feel much better," Remus persuaded. Harry quickly spooned up another spoonful of soup and ate it successfully. Remus and John smiled broadly, and encouraged Harry on, but after a couple more minutes and about ten spoonfuls, Harry pushed the bowl away. Remus stood up from the table for a moment, to put his dish in the kitchen in the meantime. He felt badly for the boy, and couldn't help but feel very sad for Harry. A tear leaked out, and he wiped it away. Meanwhile, in the dining room, Harry had slipped out of his chair and made to run, but was stopped gently by John, who had been watching him.
"Harry, where are you going?" John asked, gently picking Harry up from the ground.
"Let go," Harry said, loudly, trying to free himself from John, whom continued to try to comfort the boy. Remus walked into the dining room, hearing Harry's shout of "let go!". He knelt beside Harry, who was on John's lap, only just starting to calm down.
"What's the matter, Harry? Is everything alright?" Remus asked, kindly, and quietly laid a hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry flinched and shrunk the other way. John fixed Harry's positioning in his arms.
"Mate, we don't want to hurt you. Both of us are concerned. Don't worry, we won't hurt you," john said to Harry comfortingly. Remus which had moved his hand away after Harry shrunk the other way, but was still looking at Remus.
"I simply wish to know what the matter is, Harry. I swear I don't want to punish you, nor to hurt you, nor stop you from speaking. I hope to help you, Harry." Remus soothed, trying not to cry as he looked at Harry's small, thin form. Harry said something, but it was quickly and softly.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that Harry," Remus questioned, smiling at him encouragingly. Harry looked up at Remus, his eyes wide and scared, brimming up.
"Me bad, hurt, pain, hit lock bad place," Harry said, his voice starting to elevate, as more tears came down. Remus let out a small gasp and shuddered. He reached out to pick Harry up, and John handed him over. Both John and Remus understood and, besides handing Harry over on John's part, and picking him up and holding him comfortingly on Remus', they were both shocked into stillness by their horror.
As Remus took a moment to think about the situation, tears started to slip out of his eyes. This was too much for the 22-year-old, who couldn't imagine – didn't want to imagine - his friend's son being hit and locked up somewhere. He remembered, almost two years ago, he was playing with Harry, before James and Lilly went in to hiding. Harry was quite adventurous, then - very much like James. He couldn't quite walk yet. He was beginning to learn and he was already getting himself into an assortment of things. He remembered countless occasions when he or Lily would have to stop him from doing those things, because Sirius and James were usually laughing and egging him on. Remus remembered explaining to him thar it was dangerous, which Harry, of course, didn't listen to. But now? Harry was a sobbing mess on his lap, scared and afraid of even his own body. This wasn't right.
Harry noticed Remus' heaving chest and the hard breathing, and looked up to see the man teary-eyed. This frightened him, as he had never seen this reaction. He wasn't sure what to do, so he struggled against Remus. Usually, when he was in pain and crying, the Dursleys were happy and laughing. They mocked him, and shouted even louder, and bathed in his sorrow.
John quietly took Harry again, and held him comfortingly. He rubbed his back and rocked him gently. Remus was trying to collect himself, but found it hard.
"Please, excuse me. I'll return in a few minutes," Remus excused himself, standing up. Harry looked even more scared.
"Harry, calm down, it's alright. Remus will be back, and you'll be alright," John soothed to the struggling boy. It took John a few minutes, but Harry was calmed. Remus returned and looked around, considering what to do. He considered just changing Harry and laying him down, but thought better of it. The boy needed to be cleaned so he could then rest comfortably that night. Furthermore, he didn't eat very much, and Remus didn't want Harry to go hungry. He decided upon feeding Harry, and then bathing him, before he tucked Harry in for the night.