I'm sorry for the delay in this post! Thank you for your reviews and for continuing to stick with the story! I really appreciate it!
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Padmė tightly squeezed her husband's hand as another contraction hit. She smiled up tiredly at Obi-Wan as she felt him use the Force to ease her pain. It seemed to her that this labor had gone on forever.
"How much longer," Obi-Wan asked the medical droid attending his wife.
"She is almost fully dilated. It should not be much longer, Sir."
Padmė snorted. 'Not much longer' for medics usually meant 'a long time' for the patient. It would be worth it, though. She closed her eyes to enjoy the brief respite in between contractions. Obi-Wan was bathing her heated forehead with a moist cloth, and she leaned into the touch. Having him back had been more of a relief than even she had anticipated. She'd had the feeling while he was gone that all was not well – as though their entire life together was hanging in the balance.
Padmė couldn't decide which was worse – having those feelings and not knowing if they were paranoia on her part or a true sense of the danger her husband was in, or finding out after the fact that they had been legitimate. She didn't think she would be able to let Obi-Wan go again without a major fight, especially with the changes she noticed in him since his return. Oh, they weren't drastic changes. He was still the same loving, giving, passionate person he always was with her. He had thrown himself back into enthusiastic play-time with his children, as well as his gentle guidance of their budding Force abilities. But something, something in this last encounter with Sidious had affected him deeply.
Looking up into her husband's worried blue eyes, Padmė swallowed back the swell of anger she felt at the thought of the evil bastard who had caused (and still was causing) so much pain and suffering to so many people. However, in the midst of the birth of a new life was probably not the time to be fantasizing about snuffing out the life of another. She squeezed Obi-Wan's hand in reassurance this time. He had told her all about his latest encounter with the Sith Master, and the fact that the man was using his repressed memories as a weapon against him. When she had inquired into what exactly that meant and how he felt about it, he had dealt with her questions in typical Kenobi fashion.
"He just tried to manipulate me by teasing me with the past I can't remember." Obi-Wan smiled at his wife in a reassuring manner. "It's over now. His manipulations didn't work. And he can't reach me here."
Padmė wasn't at all reassured. "But it has to bother you that you can't remember what he did."
"It's nothing I can change now, so it does no good to worry about it. I have more important things to think about, anyway." Obi-Wan rubbed his wife's swollen belly gently as he gave her a quick kiss and left the room, thus ending the conversation.
Her worry had prompted Padmė to go to Yoda. He had always been there to help her understand Obi-Wan better, and she had hoped he could help her with this as well.
"Help you with this, I cannot, Young One." Yoda's eyes were full of empathy, but also determination.
"But, Master Yoda, you know what happened to him – at least, you know more than anyone other than the emperor."
"Speak of it, I cannot. Do you any good, it would not." Yoda sighed a heavy sigh. "Focus on the present and the future both of you must, not the past."
"But Master, he's doing what he always does! He's putting aside his own needs and feelings and focusing on everyone else! How much longer can he do that and stay sane?"
Yoda's ears perked up at that. "Strong your husband is. Underestimate him you should not."
Irritation shone in Padmė's eyes. "He is the strongest man I've ever known. But he's still human! He needs to take care of himself; he needs to deal with this."
"Understand how you feel, I do. But truly deal with this now, he cannot. Needed, his strength is for other things."
Tears forming in her eyes, Padmė got up to leave. "The Force asks too much of him." She paused from her departure at Yoda's soft words.
"Ask much the Force does of those It loves the most."
A bitter laugh that sounded more like a sob escaped Padmė's lips. "Then the Force must love Obi-Wan a hell of a lot!"
All thoughts and memories fled as more contractions hit...
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Everyone was gathered in the communal living area a few days later. Padmė watched her family from the rocking chair where she was perched. Obi-Wan and Yoda were on the floor working and playing with Luke and Leia. Padmė smiled as she took in the sight. Leia was in the spot that she had designated as solely belonging to her – Obi-Wan's lap. Luke was sitting right beside his father, his small hand resting on Obi-Wan's knee. Both children were listening intently to Yoda as he spoke.
Both Luke and Leia had been clinging to Obi-Wan since he returned, as though he would disappear again should he be out of their sight for too long. Padmė chuckled softly. Of course, that wasn't much of a change in behavior for Leia. She had always seemed to think that Obi-Wan was HERS, and that everyone else just borrowed him once in a while. Luke constantly looked to his father for approval in even the smallest of tasks, and Obi-Wan had made sure he gave it to him. It was greatly important to Obi-Wan that Luke never feel insecure in his place in his father's affections as Obi-Wan had always felt in Qui-Gon's.
Padmė's eyes moved over towards the center of the room where her parents, Sola, Raja, Ryoo, and Pooja were playing with Garen. He was taking wobbly steps toward her father as the rest cheered him on. Little Garen seemed absolutely determined to catch up with his older siblings. He had taken his first tentative steps the day before, and now he was practicing every chance he got. Obi-Wan looked over at his youngest son with a proud smile, before catching Padmė's eyes. They shared a look that spoke volumes about their feelings for each other and their family.
Sighing contentedly, Padmė looked down at the tiny form in her lap. Little Cordė was sleeping soundly as her mother rocked gently in the chair. Padmė gently stroked the dark auburn down on her daughter's head. She and Obi-Wan had agreed before her birth that should they have a girl, they would name her after the friend and bodyguard who had given her life for Padmė several years before. Padmė sat back and again observed the room's activity. There was still a tiny part of her who wondered if she was going to wake up to find this wonderful new life had only been a dream.
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"Obi?"
"Hmm?"
Padmė lifted her head off her husband's chest enough to look him in the eye. She bit her lip as she decided how best to word her question. "Is there anything else you can tell me about your last encounter with Sidious?" She felt him stiffen a bit beneath her.
"What do you mean? I've already told you everything."
"I just have the feeling you're holding something back. You know you can tell me anything. We need to be completely open and honest with each other."
"I have always been honest with you, Padmė."
Sighing, Padmė sat up and took her husband's hand. "You've been more...I don't know...inwardly turned since you got back." Obi-Wan looked down, rather than maintain eye contact as she continued. "In your alone moments, you seem to go inside yourself completely; and when you come back, you seem...vulnerable isn't really the right word, but haunted somehow." This time, Obi-Wan looked away altogether.
Padmė squeezed Obi-Wan's hand as her anger bubbled up again. "What did that monster do to you?"
"I don't know! That's the whole problem!" Obi-Wan glanced over at the crib that held Cordė as she shifted, but then settled back into sleep. Padme watched as he obviously took a moment to release his emotions into the Force before finally meeting her eyes. "It's just really difficult not knowing what exactly Sidious did to me all those years ago, and knowing that he sees my lack of memory as a weapon he can use against me. Will there ever be a good time to unlock those memories? Will I ever be able to take the time that will be needed to deal with them?"
Obi-Wan heaved a frustrated breath. "I'm beginning to doubt that time will ever come. I'll just have to learn to deal with that. I WILL learn to deal with that."
"I'm sorry, my love. I can only imagine how that must feel." Padmė pulled her husband into a hug. She wished there was something she could do to help him, but this was beyond her. She could only do what she could to comfort him as he dealt with this in his own way.
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"Tell me, my Obi-Wan, do you not hate the fact that a part of your past is hidden from you?"
"I've watched you a long time, my Obi-Wan..."
"Everyone has their breaking point – even you."
"You were MINE..."
"I do know you – better than the illustrious Master Jinn and Anakin probably ever did. I've been inside your mind."
Obi-Wan's eyes shot open. Just a dream. He worked to calm his breathing, so he wouldn't wake his still-slumbering wife. He wiped the beads of sweat off his brow. He could still hear the emperor's oily voice in his mind, and feel the possessive quality of the man's intent – the ownership. That's what disturbed Obi-Wan the most.
Padmė had been right, he was keeping something from her and from Yoda. But how could he possibly make them understand how it felt to be completely exposed to someone like Sidious? The only part of himself, according to Yoda, that he had been able to keep from Sidious' possessive gaze was his innermost being. How do you describe the feelings invoked at knowing your mind and spirit had been so deeply violated?
But it wasn't just the knowledge (or lack thereof) of what had been done, nor the possessiveness in the voice of the one who did it; it was that part of Obi-Wan actually felt...owned. Sidious truly owned a part of Obi-Wan. He owned the detailed memories of Obi-Wan's capture, and he owned the intimate knowledge of Obi-Wan's inner self that he had stolen. Obi-Wan shivered as if he could feel those invasive mental tentacles again. It was as though parts of those tentacles still existed, as though Sidious had somehow managed to leave a part of himself embedded in his quarry's mind.
These were indeed feelings that went beyond description. He would not burden his wife or Yoda with them. Besides, it was probably just his imagination getting away from him. Time. That's what he needed now. These feelings would most likely pass in time...