Shepard stood under a piece of debris, leaning casually against a hunk of concrete, as it drizzled; the rain washing away the blood, the little bits of broken glass, and other objects down the broken cement that was once a road.

Steam rose from the ground, whirling around her and turned the landscape into a picturesque London setting from any number of Jane Austen's works – minus the motionless Reapers, the too many black bagged bodies and flying shuttles that whirred above her.

She's always wanted to visit London but had never had the chance. It had been a dream of hers to bring Garrus, with just backpacks and an old fashioned camera, and explore the hundreds, thousands, of years of history that England, Scotland and Ireland had to offer and briefly she wondered if Stonehenge had survived the war. Her eyes shifted towards what had been Buckingham Palace but was now nothing more than a crater and it sickened her.

She let her eyes rise to the beat up, tilted and looking as if a strong wind could collapse it, Big Ben and remembered what Major Coats had said about hauling up there when the Reapers had attacked. She turned her head a fraction of an inch and saw him speaking to a group of volunteers that consisted of humans, Turians, Krogan and more than a few Quarians. Every now and then she would catch them watching her until the Major snapped out an order and they jerked their attention back to him.

The Major was more than capable of handling things on his own but for reasons unbeknownst to her he had requested that she make an appearance, mumbling something about "keeping up morale". She refused at first, wanting to just rest her tired and achy form whilst wallowing in self induced pity and worrying about the situation aboard the Normandy.

When she had woken from her nightmare she couldn't get to a QEC fast enough; pushing her startled guards out of her way and ran barefoot down the hall (not giving a thought about her scantily clad body – something Kasumi had scrounged up for her) until she reached the room, slapping her palm against the blue button and praying that it was just a nightmare.

She hadn't understood how she knew about Garrus, she still didn't and Liara had been short with her, not giving any answers just saying there was a "situation" and that Garrus and Tali had "sustained heavy injuries" but begged away to attend to them with the help of a frantic Chakwas calling for her in the background.

When she had called back a few hours later Traynor had answered the call, in tears which frightened Shepard, and blubbered at her about Tali. She hadn't caught most of it but the words she did catch, words like "infection", "severe suit rupture", "coma", "EDI offline" and "EDI integrated herself" was cause enough for her stomach to heave, her heart clench and left her dizzy.

She'd tried to sound comforting while enforcing her best "Commander" (Admiral now, she had to remind herself) voice, but all that did was cause Sam to lose whatever control she had, which hadn't been much, and she made less sense then she had been, saying something about "Garrus needing cybernetics", "had to get to Earth" and something about their soul bond, but she hadn't caught that part.

She had never wished she could be aboard the Normandy more, but perhaps it was best if she wasn't. All she'd do would hover in the Med-Bay, asking questions, getting angry when they went unanswered and probably crying at Garrus and Tali's sides.

She'd asked to speak to Joker, but Sam (and Liara) had suddenly said she had to go. She had a suspicion that Joker was blaming himself about what happened and if he was, then she was going to beat the shit out him, regardless about his disease. Or maybe he blamed her for whatever was wrong with EDI, she thought, a sudden pain ripping through her.

"Admiral?" She tore her eyes away from the ground that she hadn't known she was looking at and looked up into the Major's dark blue eyes, lined with thick black lashes. He saluted her and she waved it off; she was so sick and tired of everyone saluting her all the damn time. "Did you want to say something to them? I think they could use hearing your voice."

"What am I supposed to say, Coats? Keep up the good work at pulling the bodies out of the debris?" He gave her a confused look, a blush creeping onto his tanned skin.

"I-I just thought that, well, I'd heard about your speeches so…" Despite her mood, her lips turned upwards at the corners. She was famous for "all her damned speeches" as Jack had said once. She sighed and pushed away from the block of concrete, her muscles screaming at her and clapped him on the shoulder, giving him a small smile before she made her way towards the group of multi-species volunteers who were whispering to each other about her (she was a legend, a hero and savior to them), their faces lighting up and their eyes full of excitement at the prospect that she was actually going to talk to them. To her surprise, she felt proud and humbled by this display.

She stood in front of them, taking in each and every one of their faces before she spoke to them. It was something she did, a habit she had gotten into doing, especially after Elysium. She had lost damn fine soldiers (they weren't soldiers but she called them that because of how they laid down their lives for people they didn't know), but she couldn't remember what they looked like and that haunted her. She had never made that mistake again. She made it personal and maybe that was a weakness, downfall ("emotional baggage" her clone had said), but whenever she told the families (insisting that she be the one to do it and not some stranger that hadn't served with, known or cared about their sister/brother/son/daughter/mother/father) she knew that it was heartfelt and they believed, thanking her for coming in person and she would hold their hand, hug them, or just sit and listen as they told her stories about them.

"You know," she started, running her eyes across the group in front of her. "I was on Elysium when the Batarians attacked. Shore leave actually, one hell of a shore leave," she said, giving a small smile to the few chuckles that escaped from the group. "It was hard. In their wake, the Batarians left death, destruction and chaos. I took a group, like you, and spoke to them like I am to you now. I told them that no matter what we saw, what we encountered, we needed to keep pushing forward and hold out until the Alliance could get there.

"I was honest. I am not in the business of lying, in fact I suck at it or so I've been told. I told them that we'd lose people, we wouldn't be able to save everyone and we might have to sacrifice civilians just to save others, but I had confidence in them. I knew, without a doubt, that they could do it. I saw it them, I saw the fires burning in their eyes as they listened to me," she paused for a moment, shifting her weight and tried to read the expressions. Some looked confused as to why she was telling this story, others were intrigued and others looked like they wanted to cry (mostly the females of the bunch).

"You have that same fire. I see it in you; I feel it radiating from you. I know this is hard. Every damn day you're finding more bodies, adding them to the lists that I have to look over at the end of duty hours. I can see the strain, the wear-and-tear of the death weighing on you, and the worry that you're going to find someone you know, a child," her voice broke and she cleared her throat, turning away to pace in front of them; the words tumbling from her lips, she was unable to stop them and the strange thing was that she didn't want too because this, speaking to them, felt good. It reminded her of why she fought, why she joined the Alliance, and why she had strived to survive through everything she had ever endured which was a hell of a lot if she honest with herself.

When she looked at them again, the absolute reverence that emanated from their eyes, she felt that maybe she had, for the first time, chosen the right path when faced with the choices on the Citadel. She noticed now, the people gathering around her to listen to what Shepard was saying.

In that moment she realized that they needed her. They trusted her, believed in her and suddenly her nightmares had no meaning, the whispers were wrong. She hadn't failed. She had succeeded; Anderson was right after all.

She looked around the crowd and her back straightened. Her gaze caught that of her friends who had meandered down and worked themselves in. The smirk on Wrex's face, the grin splitting Jack's face, the fist hammering of Grunt, the tears streaming down Kasumi's normally composed face, and the proud look that graced Miranda's sharp features pushed her on. Jacob nodded his head, Samara's head bowed with a small smile and Zaeed had his arms crossed of his chest, his lips pulling up at the right side.

"This," she waved her arms around her. "this is the cost of war, but we have to push on. Do we forget the ones who died? Never. Do we forget, ever, what we were fighting for? No. It hurts, it's crushing, and I want to rip them apart, piece by piece, but know that we won. We fought tooth, nail, and talon," she cast a glance at the Turians who puffed out their chests. "for this. All of us, even those who we find who have lost their lives, fought to keep our humanity, our lives, and our freedom.

"The ones we find fought harder than we did. They banded together before we asked them too, picked up arms that many of them have never used, and gave their lives for us. We honor them. We thank them. We owe them our lives. When we find a body we shouldn't feel sadness, we shouldn't feel loss, but we instead should feel pride. They fought hard, against the odds, against the impossible. Weare standing here, speaking to each other now, because of them. So what do we DO?" she cried, unable to contain herself any longer. She was speaking to everyone. She turned in a circle, looking at everyone.

"Hold the line!" called a group of Salarians.

"Praise them!" the Asari cried.

"Honor them!" the Turians rumbled out.

"Remember their sacrifice!" the humans screamed.

"Yes! We will not forget them. We will not mourn them. Instead we will pay homage to their death by working together and setting them free. We will personally send them to Heaven, to the Spirits, to the Goddess," she said, running her eyes along the faces that watched her. "You know what you have to do for them. So let's do it. For the fallen!"

With a cry from everyone, they turned and hurriedly ran to their posts, positions and clamored around each other to help. With pride exuding from her pores she watched them, smiling and believed, for once, that Coats was right about her speeches.

"Shepard," Wrex said, touching her shoulder. "I missed your speeches." She smiled at him, rubbing her arms and blushed.

"Makes me want to fight this fossil," Grunt ground out, jerking his thumb towards Wrex, who shot him a dubious look.

"Listen junior, what have I said about -"

"Damn Shepard. I thought maybe you had gone soft, but fucking A. That's your best speech by far." She rolled her eyes at Jack.

"I didn't make that many speeches, Jack."

"Sure," Jack rolled her eyes.

"It was beautiful Shep."

As Jack wound her arm around Miranda's waist, pressing her mouth against her ear (a fact that Shepard still found a bit odd, but if they were happy then who was she to say anything?) and whispered something in her ear, causing Miranda to blush and look at Jack with sheer adoration, Shepard found a small bit of happiness that dampened her worries.

She smiled, a genuine smile that she hadn't felt herself capable of, and believed, truly believed, that things on Earth would be okay.