All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I don't own anything apart from the plot.

Chapter six

BPOV

It had been several weeks since I'd last spoke to Edward. Of course I caught him staring at me every so often, and even when I did he didn't look away. I knew he still spent most of the school day watching me, probably outside school too, and if I was being honest it scared me at first. But then I realised this was probably hard for him, and I felt bad for that, but not enough to speak with him. So I decided I could at least allow him that much. I appreciated how hard he was trying, and I could tell he really was.

Whenever I caught his stare it wasn't the same as it had been before, it was more intense. This time his face not only held the love and adoration I'd almost grown used to, but now it held the longing and pain he was feeling inwardly. At times I thought he was crying. Once when I was in biology I heard quiet whimpering sounds coming from him which no one else could hear apart from me. I didn't look at him, though. I never looked at him or showed any sign that I knew he was there in biology, and though I would never admit it, I was more aware that he was there than I ever had before.

After those first few weeks, when my fear had almost disappeared, almost, I felt my heart breaking when I saw his pained face looking at me with those tortured eyes. It broke for him.

I realised that I hadn't really took time before to think about just how strongly vampires took their imprinting. I saw now that they indeed did take it very strongly. I remembered what Alice had said about imprinting, how it was so powerful, unconditional, eternal... unbreakable. That meant that Edward was going to have his heart broke day after day, he would always be in this pain, all because of me.

Its not my fault he imprinted on me! I thought. But its not his fault either a tiny voice in the back of my mind said.

I suppose that was true.

But even though these thoughts made themselves known in my mind, the fear I had felt that day when I saw Edward attacking Mike began to resurface. Even though it had been weeks I couldn't stop the memory sending a shiver of fear down my spine. I couldn't forget the monster I had seen in his eyes. His eyes had always been so gentle when I'd been with him, that was why it shocked me when so much anger were suddenly in them. He wasn't the Edward I'd known, or thought I'd known.

I did my best not to think about him and to forget him, but it was impossible. If I was being honest, I knew I missed him really. I missed his crooked smile, his velvet voice, the way his eyes sparkled whenever I spoke to him or even looked at him. Even though I wished to talk to him sometimes, I knew my fear would always hold me back from doing so. And so, even if no one saw it, I was miserable.

I don't know how, but Renee suspected something was wrong when she read my emails. She'd always known me better than anyone else. She rang a couple of times just to check that I was okay, but I knew that there was more meaning behind her question. Of course I lied to her, but at this moment I was so confused that I didn't even know what I would say to her even if I did tell her the truth. In truth I was actually confused.

I knew I didn't love Edward and that I was still scared of him and his family right now, but then why was I missing him? And not only missing him, but his family too? Yes I'd liked Alice and the rest of his family seemed pretty nice as well, but I mean they were monsters for goodness sake!

One day I'd actually thought about speaking to them, or at least one of them, but as I was about to turn in the direction of their table in the cafeteria the same fear once again stopped me. This was ridiculous! Why did I want to speak to them?!

I decided that since it was certain I wouldn't speak with them again, I had to find some way to move on from the Cullens. And I also decided that I would do it today at school.

EPOV

Seven weeks, two days, nineteen hours, thirteen minutes and twenty-three seconds of painful and never-ending agony. Seven weeks, two days, nineteen hours, thirteen minutes and twenty-three seconds since I'd last spoke with Bella.

Everyday was like my own personal hell. Every day I would see her at school and force myself to hold back from enclosing her in my arms, from speaking to her, I wasn't even allowed to say hello. It was maddening. Yet she was there each day, so close, so near that I all I would have to do is reach out my hand...

This was worst than any pain I had ever felt before. Worse than the spanish influenza, worse than my transformation even, that pain seemed so trivial when I compared it to this. It was like a burning acid being poured into my heart and into my veins making it spread all through my body. It was a crippling and painful sensation.

My family tried their best to comfort me, all to no avail. They couldn't even begin to understand what I was going through. They all had their mates, they had never been seperated from their imprints in their existance, so therefore how could they ever understand? Jasper understood it to an extent, as he could feel the pain in my emotions. Whenever I was in the room Jasper would quickly grab Alice and hold her to him, of course that was only a reminder that I didn't have my mate with me and my pain grew.

It was so hard seeing my siblings with their imprints, holding each other, then looking in my arms knowing that Bella should be there, but then finding them empty. This was why I spent such less time with them now. As if I needed any more reminding that I was alone, that Bella didn't love me.

And would this pain one day end? No. It would continue so for the rest of eternity.

Of course my dark side had objections, and often reminded me that I could end this pain if I wished. And I couldn't pretend that those ideas sometimes shown to me were not always unappealing.

Images of me capturing Bella, making her a prisoner to me. Forcing her to love me. Of course I could do it, and it would be very easy to do so. She would not be able to fight against me as I kidnapped her, I could easily buy a house for ourselves where no one could find us, and then to make her love me. That could also be easy. I'd heard that women sometimes enjoyed being dominated in bed, and it would be so simple to do that to Bella, and it would in no doubt work in time. But though my plans would were almost certain to not fail... I knew I would not do it.

When vampires imprint, though they are possessive, they will always have the desire to do as their imprint wishes.

So that meant as much as it may hurt like hell, I would still willingly break my heart for her everyday as long as that was what she wanted. If she wanted me to run from America to China, I would run from America to Mars. If she wanted me humiliate myself in front of the school, I would do it in front of the world. If she wanted a dress, I would learn how to make one. If she wanted me to make her laugh, I would become a clown. If she wanted revenge on someone for hurting her, I would kill them and everyone who had ever hurt her. And if she wanted me to keep out of her life, then I would do so.

The worst part of my despair was, though Bella had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me, I still hoped that she would change her mind. I tried not to get my hopes up, I really did, but it was hopeless. Each time she looked my way, oh how I blessed those moments when she did, I prayed that she would continue to hold my gaze, but she never did. It hurt so much when she pretended that I didn't exist.

And once, I thought she really was going to give me a second chance.

Flashback

We were sat at our usual table in the cafeteria. I was, as I always was, practically on the edge of my seat waiting for Bella's arrival. Suddeny Alice had a vision.

(vision)

Bella walked up to our table and stopped in front of me.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked me.

(end of vision)

My excitement was almost tangible after that. Though Alice explained that the vision was still undecided, I couldn't hold it back. A huge grin was spread across my face.

"She's about to come in now. Wipe the grin of your face before you scare her again" Alice whispered.

I wiped the grin away and tried to keep still in my seat.

Just then Bella walked in the cafeteria. She deliberated where she stood. She glanced over at our table and like always looked away quickly. I could feel her indecision through Jasper's mind. She turned in our direction and took a step forward. My excitement grew all the more, but then she stopped. Her emotions changed to fear as she looked over at us again. She heard her intake of breath. She took one more step. Then my heart dropped as she turned in the other direction to her own table.

She had been so close to coming back into my life. My agonised state returned.

end of flashback

Nothing like that ever happened again. I asked Alice now and then to see if there were any chance of Bella changing her mind again, but there never was any sign that she would, so after a few weeks, I gave up hope. Though silently praying, even now after so long, that she would come back.

I sat in my room listening to Debussy, but not listening, too lost in my sorrow. I was preparing myself for another day at school. Another day of hell.

Come on, bro- Emmett. His thoughts sympathetic. All their thoughts were, even Rosalie's.

I sighed deeply before making my way to my car with my siblings. They did they're best not to show too much affection while I was around, but they couldn't stop their loving thoughts leaking out. My heart ached as I heard them.

Jasper and Alice were staring intently at each other, the same way I stared at Bella. Those thoughts were hard to listen to as they were filled with the awe and adoration they felt. Emmett and Rosalie were playfully cuddling each other, their thoughts were about when they would go to the bedroom after school. Those thoughts were also hard to listen too, as I wished that I could be able to do such things with Bella. But I would never know that joy.

We arrived at school not much later. Bella was already here. Normally we would have arrived much earlier than her, but over the past few weeks I decided to arrive later than usual. That way my torturous day would be that less longer. As usual, I looked at Bella, unnoticed by her of course.

She was sat on a bench doodling in her notebook. I wondered what she was drawing, everything she did was of interest to me no matter how insignificant. Alas all I was able to do was watch her from my car. I wished I could sit next to her and watch her drawings, or her beauty.

Despite how painful it could be sometimes at school as I tried to keep away from her, other times it was not so bad. After all, here I could watch Bella, not that I didn't watch her outside of school, but here I could be at least somewhat closer to her.

Then Mike Newton began to walk towards where Bella was sat. Yes, the following week after I'd threatened him he'd actually had the nerve to talk to Bella again. But now I was forced not to interfere, no matter how jealous I got. And believe me, I did get jealous. Though I knew Bella was not all that fond of him, I still envied him that he could just simply walk up and talk to her while I had to stalk her in the shadows.

"Hey Bella!" he called as he came closer to her

She looked up and smiled at him. I wish she would smile like that at me I thought. I sighed as the pain clutched my heart.

"Hi Mike" she replied. He sat down next to her. His hand was very close to hers. I growled knowing that it was deliberate on his part.

"So how are you getting on with that english project?" he asked

"Pretty good. You?"

"Its coming along"

They just carried on talking for a while, but I knew that Newton was planning to ask her on a date. I was sure she would turn him down. Finally, the subject came up.

"I was wondering.." he began nervously

"What's that, Mike?"

"Well, do you want to go to the movies or something tonight?"

Bella looked taken back by his question.

"You mean like a date?" she asked.

Newton nodded. "I like you, Bella" he said nervously again.

Like?! How can you just like her, asshole?! How about adore her? Worship the ground she walks on? Like I do...

He was such a pathetic human. I didn't know why every girl was after him. Of course I could understand him going after Bella, and asking her on a date, any human male would be crazy not to. But what I wasn't expecting was for her to say yes.

BPOV

"Hey Bella" I heard Mike's voice calling.

I looked up and saw him walking up to me. I smiled warmly at him. Seeing Mike just made my mind go back to where it had been before he came. It was impossible seeing Mike and and not to think about Edward. I was shocked that Mike had spoke to me again after what had happened a few weeks ago.

"Hi Mike" I replied as he sat beside me. It didn't escape my notice that his hand was quite close to mine.

He started off by asking about the english project we were currently working on and then started talking from there. Mike was a nice guy, and I was sure he liked me. I liked him too, after all he was pretty cute, but I was sure that he was more interested in Jessica, that was why his next question caught me off guard.

"So I was wondering.." he sounded nervous.

"What's that, Mike?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies or something tonight?"

I looked at him a minute shocked.

"You mean like a date?" I asked.

He nodded. "I like you, Bella"

When he said that my mind went to Edward. I remembered how he'd said he loved me, and how I'd loved hearing those words come from his mouth. I compared the moment to this one. Then I remembered how I'd promised myself that I would move on from the Cullens, this seemed like a good way to do so. I mean, Mike was a nice guy, and sure I hadn't really thought of him as more than a friend since I thought he liked Jessica, but I could like him more if I got to know him better. Well why not?

"Sure"

Mike's face lit up. "That's great, Bella!"

I smiled back at him, unable to help myself.

"So, what time should I pick you up?" he asked excited.

"How about around six?"

"Sure, I'll be there"

We both got up then as the bell rang. Mike was ecstatic all day with a huge smile plastered across his face. I was happy too. I'd found the perfect way to get on with my life. I was sure that soon the Cullens would soon become a distant memory.

When I entered the cafeteria I glanced at the Cullen table. They were all looking at me with sad expressions. Except Edward. His face stood out from the others, and like it always did, my heart ached to comfort him. His face had never been this pained before. I thought it would bring tears to anyone's eyes just looking at him. I knew he probably knew about my date with Mike tonight and that was why he was like this. I almost felt like going over there and pulling him into my arms as I comforted him, but I quickly turned away and went over to my table.

Jessica was giving me death glares. She obviously knew about me and Mike too. I felt bad about that, but I'd got the feeling that Jessica only liked my popularity rather than my personality for some time. Mike came to sit next to me and talked about our date. I didn't look over at the Cullen table again, but I could feel their stares burning holes in my back.

Lunch eventually ended, but I was nervous about what was coming next. Biology.

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