All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I only own the plot in this.
Two chapters in one day!
Lemon warning!
Chapter eight
BPOV
It had been over two weeks since me and Mike had started dating. We had been on several dates since then and we spent most of the day together. We walked together to classes, sat at lunch, then we were in most of each others classes. We soon made our relationship public, so it was offical I was his girlfriend. I was actually quite proud of myself, my first real boyfriend. He was an amazing kisser I had to admit, but the problem was everytime we kissed I started to compare it to another kiss, my first kiss to be exact. That was the one problem I had in our relationship. That and when I saw Edward in school.
His face was differant to the pained and tortured expression I'd grown used to, and I thought that would be a good thing, but it was far from it. His face was stiff, unreadable, just.. blank. I had thought any other expression would be better than his painful pleading stare, but I found this new face showed more pain than the other. Though other people certainly wouldn't be able to tell that he was in pain, I could. His eyes always stared straight ahead, but not just when I was there, everywhere. His jaw was always clenched, his fists always curled, his posture always hunched, his eyes always fierce. At times I could swear he wasn't breathing, he was just so still.
I never heard a sound from him now. I was always dreading those little sobs, inaudible to everyone except me, that I heard in biology. But I never heard them. I thought that would certainly be something to be grateful for, but I found his silence more cutting and heartbreaking than his whimpers of pain.
Mike never noticed anything perculiar about my behaviour, aparently my acting had gotten better. He never saw how I sometimes quickly glanced over at the Cullen table and would then grimace in pain. But Mike did care about me. He called at least ten times a day, sometimes just to see if I was okay. He picked me up for school most of the time, and was ready to meet me in the parking lot whenever he didn't. He did everything he could to be by my side. We spent weekends together either at my place or his doing homework and then talking and cuddling with each other when we were done. He was so sweet.
I knew he probably wanted to have sex, but he never pushed the subject. After all it had only been two weeks, but I could tell he wanted it, and I did too if I was being honest. But I decided to do the sensible thing and wait for a bit. Sometimes he took kissing a little over the top though, for example sometimes what started to be innocent cuddling soon came to us very close to tearing each others clothes off, but I wasn't exactly complaining. I really did like Mike as our relationship progressed, but I knew myself too well to think I was in love with him at this point. But I was sure that in time I would feel something deeper than a crush and the sexual tension.
Despite how well things were going with Mike, I couldn't help the pull I still felt towards Edward whenever I saw him. It was strange how things had turned out. I was now the one who looked at Edward from afar, not nearly as often as he had looked at me, and he was the one who wouldn't meet my gaze. I didn't feel bad about that, because he never seemed to meet anyone's gaze, not even his family's. Yet it felt like he was watching me. Even though he spoke no words, his silence seemed to say so much. It was telling me how much pain he was in, how much he suffered because of me, because of his love for me. And his blank eyes. Those eyes, which never looked up or cried tears, they were his most painful feature.
His family didn't make matters better for me. Their eyes when me and Mike entered the room always looked up at me. It was like they were looking at something wrong, like a mistake of nature, but it wasn't me that was the mistake. It was what I was doing in their eyes. In their eyes it shouldn't be Mike holding my hand and kissing me in front of the crowded cafeteria, it should be there brother, who sat at another table across the room. Edward never sat with his family now, he always sat alone.
I was sat in the cafeteria with Mike holding my hand as usual, when I looked over at Edward's lonesome table. He didn't have a tray of food in front of him like his siblings. He didn't seem to bother with appearance anymore. He just sat, as he always did, looking forward, not blinking or moving an inch. I wanted to run up to him and yell at him for making me feel like this. For making my heart break whenever I caught sight of him. For making a guilt grip me whenever I thought of him.
I looked at him for a few seconds before looking over at his family, who were looking at me. I looked at Alice first, she wore a sad smile when she met my gaze. Then I looked at Jasper, he also wore a sad smile when he met my gaze, a sad but still understanding smile. I looked at Emmett, he had a pleading look on his face, pleading me to end his brother's pain. And then Rosalie, her expression was hard, she was angry. That was expected, she always wore the same expression. They always wore the same expressions. Alice's sad smile, Jasper's sad yet understanding smile, Emmett's pleading face, and Rosalie's anger.
I looked back down at my table. I could only bear the guilt for so long.
Mike's voice brought me back to reality. "Babe?"
I internally cringed at the name he called me by. It was either "babe", "baby", "honey", "sugar" or "gorgous". I disliked all of them to be honest.
I looked up at my boyfriend. "Yeah?"
He tried to seem confident, but I could see past that and tell he was nervous really. I smiled at how shy he was sometimes.
"I was wondering.." he said huskily in my ear "If you wanted to come to my place later?"
I knew the differance between just a normal day at his place and doing homework and going to his place and doing... what he was referring to. I was a little taken back. He'd never really broached the subject properly before. I hesitated. I knew I sort of wanted to, but I'd promised myself I'd wait a bit.
"Em.. Mike, I don't think today would be a good idea" I said slowly to make sure he understood what I was saying.
He seemed to. He just smiled lovingly at me and nodded.
A few minutes passed by, and I decided one last look at Edward wouldn't hurt. I gasped. He was looking at me. He was actually looking at me. For the first time in what seemed like so long he was looking at me. Our eyes locked and I couldn't look away, but for once I didn't want to. His usually blank eyes were suddenly brought back to life as they filled with familiar emotion. It felt so good to see his eyes no longer blank, but instead, filled with love... and longing. But it didn't matter what emotions were in them, as long as they weren't dead as they had been before then I wouldn't even care if his eyes filled with anger and hate, just to see them alive again.
This look wasn't the blank or the pained look, it was the awed and adoring look he had given me the first day I'd seen him. I'd forgotten how that look could give me the chills. I involatary shivered in pleasure of feeling his eyes boring into mine. I realised I had missed that look. I couldn't help but get lost in his golden orbs. Though they were far away, they felt so near to me. His mouth was parted, his chest falling quickly up and down, his eyes sparkling, just like he had been that first day...
And for a moment, we seemed to forget about everything else in our lives. We forgot about how I constantly resented him for all those weeks, we forgot I was with Mike, we forgot about the fear I had expierienced. We just got lost in the moment. Nothing else in the world seemed to exist around us. It was just us. I don't know what expression I wore on my face, all I knew was I was more than unwilling to look away from him, and so was he. For the first time in ages, I felt whole. I had never felt this way during my time with Mike. With Mike it never felt wrong, but it never felt right. But this... this did feel right. The only right and true thing in this world.
Okay... hold up a minute here, Bella! What are you talking about?! Think!Think! Come back to reality! I shook my head back and forth. What had just happened? I had to get of here. Now!
"I need to go a minute" I said as I stood up.
Mike looked confused.
I didn't stop to explain anything, I quickly went away from the cafeteria. Praying that no one would follow. I ran through the corridors until I eventually put my back to the wall and breathed deeply in and out for several minutes.
My thoughts were so confused and messed up. My head was spinning. The intensity of mine and Edward's stare was still present. My heart was beating rapidly. I couldn't believe I had compared my relationship with my boyfriend to how I felt with Edward. A vampire! A guy I barely knew even now. Then why did I feel like I had known him my entire life? Why did I feel as though he was the only one who saw me for who I really and truly was? Why did I feel as though I knew him?
I needed a distraction. Anything to distract me. Anything!
Mike was coming round the corner. He looked as though he were looking for someone, I knew it was me. Wait a minute! A distraction! Perfect!
I ran up to Mike and pulled him into a passionate kiss. He was shocked obviously, I had never come on to him so strong. He soon caught on though and kissed me back just as fiercely. He wrapped his arms around me waist and I fisted mine in his hair, he moaned into my mouth. His hands reached down to grab my ass and I moaned. Mike seemed to like that. I guided his hand to my left breast and he gasped. I took the oppurtunity to thrust my tongue into his mouth. Our tongues battled for dominance and I won. Mike drew back to catch his breath but I started to place open mouthed kisses along his jaw and neck. He was breathing heavily.
"Bella" he breathed. He reluctantly pushed me back a little to see my face.
His eyes were clouded with lust and he had a very obvious erection.
"Are you sure you want to now?" he asked.
I nodded eagerly. I took hold of his hand and drew him to the janitor's closet. I closed the door behind us, not caring if anyone could simply walk in at any minute. We quickly went back to thrusting our tongues into each other's mouth and grabbing where ever we could manage. He pushed me against the wall. He took my top over my head and threw it on the floor, I did the same with his. I ran my hands over his chest and he shivered in pleasure, I smirked. He grabbed my breast and I gasped. I wasn't expecting these feelings of pleasure at being touched.
We started to kiss again, his hands still on my breasts. I brought my hand down to stroke his erection through his jeans. He unclasped my bra and began massaging my breasts, I moaned. I was quite wet by now.
Mike unzipped my jeans and brought them down to my ankles. I took them off all the way. He slipped his hand into my damp panties and began rubbing my clit which made me wetter. He slowly entered a finger into me and then another, I whimpered in pleasure as he started pumping his fingers in and out of me. I was moaning a lot at this point.
"Faster" I moaned.
He smirked and quickened his pace. I was getting close now.
"Oh god" I moaned "I'm..-going to..-cum"
"Cum for me" Mike whisperd.
Just a few more and I came all over Mike's hand. Mike discarded his jeans and boxers then threw away my panties in the same direction. He lifted me up and I hitched my legs around his waist. He positioned himself at my entrance.
"Are you a virgin, Bella?" he asked me.
"Yeah. Are you?"
He nodded. I felt a little bad for taking his virginity this way, but I had too much desire burning in me now to stop.
I felt his tip at brush against my clit then he prepared me before thrusting into my entrance. He broke through me barrier. It was painful, but I held back from screaming. Mike waited for a while for the pain to subside, then he pulled almost completely out of me before thrusting back in with a grunt. After a few more thrusts I started to feel the pleasure building in me and I began to rock my hips in rythm with his strokes. I begged him to go faster and harder. We were both moaning uncontrolably now and calling out incoherent words.
I'd forgot that vampires may be able to hear us.
EPOV
The past two weeks had seemed endless. I was certainly in more agony than before, but it didn't show on my face, not to anyone else anyway. My family knew better. And so did Bella. I could tell she knew what agony I was going through, and that she probably felt responsible for it. I wanted to tell her that it was alright, to not blame herself, but of course I was forbidden to speak with her.
I didn't watch Bella anymore. She was always with Newton now, her boyfriend. Why put myself through more pain? In truth I did want to see her, just glimpse her face, but I knew that if I did I would see the happiness she was in now. Yes I wanted Bella to be happy, but it was the fact that it was him who made her happy that I could not bear to see. I wanted to be the one to bring that smile to her face, to bring her laughter. But I couldn't. And that fact was killing me inside.
I loved her so truly, so completely. I couldn't bear to see her with anyone else. I just couldn't.
I never talked to my family now. If they ever asked a question I would only give them a one word answer or simply nod.
I looked over at her occasionally, and I always regretted it. She was either laughing with Newton, cuddling him, or kissing him. All of those sights were too hard to look at. Except today.. today I hadn't regretted looking her way, quite the opposite. It had reminded me of when we had used to look at each other. So beautiful, so wonderful, so blissfully happy that I though fireworks would explode around us and angels would sing in the back ground.
Of course then she went away and I was brought back to reality. Newton almost immediatly went after her.
He'll take care of it. She's not yours to take care of, anyway, she's his.
But when they didn't return, I decided to go and see what was going on. I had a bad feeling. I didn't know if it was a bad feeling for Bella or a bad feeling for me. I soon had an answer when I turned onto the corridor where the janitor's closet was. I often heard sex noises coming from there, but today the names that were being called out caught my attention. I recognised that voice. An angel's voice.
"Harder! Faster!"
I heard more moans and banging come from the closet. That couldn't be... NO!! She wouldn't!!
"Bella!"
"Mike!"
It was.
I could hear everything what they were doing. I covered my ears in a pointless attempt to drown out the sounds they were making. But what made it worse, was I could see it through Newton's mind. I could see Bella's face distorted with pure pleasure. He was causing her that pleasure. I bashed my hand against the wall, not caring about the dent I left. I wanted to be the one giving her pleasure. ME!!
I dry sobbed loudly as I fell down on my knees. I almost hoped they heard my cries so that it would distract them enough to stop. They didn't. I could still hear their pleasure moans and screams of ectasey.
I continued to sob as I ran away from the school.
BPOV
"God, Mike!" I screamed.
Mike's thrusts became faster and harder, hitting my sweet spot over and over. I could tell he was close, I was close too. He reached down and pinched my clit, I came all over his cock. He came inside me moments after I had. We attempted to control our breathing. Mike had a sheen of sweat covering his brow.
I had lost my virginity. Somewhere in the back of my mind I regretted that I had not waited. I remembered how I had wanted my first time to be special, but instead it had been a quickie in the janitor's closet. I felt dirty. But another part of my mind was screaming over and over about how amazing and wonderful it had been. Well, it was done now.
"Wow" Mike breathed "that was amazing"
"Yeah" I agreed. Both of us still breathless.
We smiled at each other and kissed. It wasn't an urgent kiss like the others had been a while ago, it was just sweet. It was kissing for the sake of kissing.
We finally caught our breath and picked up our clothes from the floor to get dressed. Though I was covered with my clothing, I felt exposed. I had given something away to Mike, maybe willingly, which I would never get back. I suddenly realised with horror that we hadn't used protection, but I sighed with relief when I remembered I was on the pill. I had started going on the pill ever since I began dating Mike, just in case anything happened. I was now grateful that I had taken the precaution. God knew I wasn't ready to be a mother yet.
We came out of the closet hand in hand. People stared at us as we walked to class. It was a lot like my first day. I blushed realising that they all knew about what me and Mike had just done. Mike noticed my blush and smiled.
"They know don't they?" I stated rather than asked.
"Mike laughed"I guess. I mean.. you did scream quite loud, baby"
I blushed even more.
My heartbeat sped up. I suddenly remembered that vampires had super hearing. That meant... oh no! They knew as well about what happened between Mike and me in the closet. I felt all the more exposed when the Alice and Emmett Cullen walked past us. I expected them to look at me disgusted, but instead they looked close to tears. I felt a stab of guilt realising that Edward must know too. And as if that were not enough, biology was next.
Edward wasn't there when we entered class, so Mike lingered by my desk until class began, at which point Edward was still not there. I began to get worried. Why wasn't he in class? Was something wrong with him? Had something happened? Yes. Something has happened I told myself and you know what.
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