I know you guys hate me right now, but don't worry so much. I've had this planned from the beginning :P

I will reward you for your patience :)

Eventually. Teehee.

The months following Albus Dumbledore's death were the worst of Hermione's life. It was clear that war was upon them and Hermione was in no emotional state to prepare for it. Summoning all of her strength, she pushed her anguish to the background and focused on the matter at hand.

First, it was clear that Hogwarts would no longer be safe for the Trio. With Death Eaters basically controlling the Ministry, it was certain that the new Headmaster would be in league with Voldemort. So, naturally, they would not be returning next year. Everything was going to have to change.

Everything.

It still pained her to think that her lessons with Snape were a thing of the past. Snape. Even thinking about him made her chest cave in emptiness and sorrow. Best not to think about it. There are things to be done. First, she had to protect her parents. This was one of the hardest things Hermione had had to do, but she couldn't leave her parents vulnerable. So, she wiped their memories and sent them to Australia—a happy land free of Death Eaters where they could live long happy lives—without her…

The next thing on the list was to pack. Hermione had had the sense to raid Snape's potion stores before leaving Hogwarts (a process that was acutely painful), so they had any number of potions that they might need. There was no telling where they would end up, but Harry had recently confided in them that Slughorn's true memory had revealed Tom Riddle's interest in making several horcruxes (six to be precise) and it was clear that they were going to have to find and destroy them somehow. Or else, Harry didn't have a chance.

On her way out of Professor Snape's chambers, she had been struck with the brilliant idea to search his shelves for books about horcruxes and added those to the little beaded bag she had charmed to weightlessly hold any number of things she might need. When she showed them to Harry and Ron, however, she gave them a ridiculous story about using Accio to get them from Dumbledore's office. They bought it without question.

Then, there was the horrible wedding disaster. Bill and Fleur's wedding was much anticipated, but not enjoyed for very long. In the middle of the reception, a Patronus from Kingsley Shacklebolt had warned that the Ministry had been taken over. And shortly after, the Death Eaters had begun to arrive. Amidst the chaos of firing hexes, Hermione had the sinking realization that it was all beginning. This was war. As the Trio spun away to a safer place, Hermione couldn't help but wonder if Snape had been among the Death Eaters attacking them.

They eventually ended up at Grimmauld place, where they believed they would be safe for the time being. But Grimmauld place held painful memories for Hermione. She could picture him in every room. Especially the library. There, during the summer months, she had spent a lot of time reading the old tomes. The only other person who frequented the room seemed to be Professor Snape. At the time, she had not paid much attention to her professor as he glanced through the mediocre selection, but now, she would do anything to be back there, in those simpler times. It was hard to comprehend that she had really been wrong about him for so many years.

One day, Remus showed up to offer a hand in their quest, whatever it might be. Apparently he was having commitment issues with Tonks and her pregnancy. Harry berated Lupin, quite understandably, for abandoning her and his unborn child, especially now. Hermione only felt extremely angry with Lupn for taking what he had for granted. She wished with all her heart that she could have what he was throwing away.

But something he said disturbed her. No one was making his Wolfsbane potion. Painfully, she could hear Snape's voice saying "There may come a time when I am unable to provide the necessary potions for the Order and Madame Pomfrey…"

He had charged her with fulfilling this task when he was unable. At the time, she had thought he was referring to his death, yet she found herself in that situation now. And how on Earth was she supposed to go about doing that? Perhaps she would still be able to buy potions ingredients from the shop in Hogsmeade on the Hogwarts account, but it would be dangerous to travel there now. They were in hiding. Why would he want to teach me to brew the Wolfsbane if he was actually a Death Eater the whole time? Hermione wouldn't allow herself to hope that it could mean anything and instead decided that he had been pressured by Dumbledore to teach her.

A sudden recollection sent a pang of longing through her chest. They had been planning to gather Wolfsbane together. And that would never happen now.

One day Ron came running into the kitchen, where Harry and Hermione were going over plans to steal a possible horcrux from Umbridge at the Ministry. He was holding his radio, which he seldom didn't have with him these days. "You aren't going to believe this!" he shouted. "They've made Snape the new Headmaster!" Hermione's heart throbbed. It was the first she had heard news of Snape since she last saw him, she realized. Merlin, why does he still have such a strong effect on me? Just at the mention of his name, her heart was hammering, her chest was constricting, there was a knot in her throat and she thought she might be about to cry. Was it really horrible that part of her was just really happy to hear that he was alright? Damn my backward sentimentality!

That was when the dreams began to steal her nights. It was as if something had opened a door and they began to flood through into her mind. Before, she had not been able to sleep much at all, and did not remember dreaming. Now, she had horrible nightmares, all involving him. In some of them, he was at the top of the Astronomy Tower killing Dumbledore, or sometimes herself. At other times, he was the one falling to the ground below, or being killed. Once, she was the one who did the deed. Always, she woke up crying.

She developed a perverse need to see him, to ascertain for sure that he was alright. But she would not risk anything so rash and illogical. Instead, in the privacy of her room, she would pull out The Half Blood Prince's copy of Advanced Potion Making and read over his scribbles with feverish need. It was an obsession.

The first time she found the Sectumsempra curse scribbled in a margin of a random page, she felt a jolt of pain shoot through her. It was just another reminder of the horrors he was capable of that he had invented a wicked curse at such a young age. But then, that had been right before he joined Voldemort the first time. Was it not enough to know that he had willingly gone to the dark lord once? Why did she still want to think that there was something more to the story? That he wasn't really loyal to Voldemort?

Perhaps it had been the way he had pulled her close with his arms around her, protecting her from whatever was going on in the castle. She still couldn't shake the sensation of being crushed against his chest. In that one moment, right before her world had fallen apart, she had felt more complete than she could ever remember feeling.

Fool.

The day of their attempt to steal the horcrux from Umbridge came at last and Hermione pulled out a bottle of Polyjuice Potion that she had stolen from Professor Snape. Does he know I took them? Has he noticed the missing books?

At the end of the day, they successfully retrieved the necklace, but Yaxley had been able to follow them back to Grimmauld place and Hermione had had to Apparate them elsewhere immediately.

In the process, Ron was splinched. Panic ripped through her to see the blood streaming from his shoulder. "Harry!" she called out to the other boy, "in my bag there's a little bottle labeled "essence of dittany." Bring it to me!" She heard him rifling through her bag. "Hurry!" she called. Ron's flesh was badly sliced and oozing fresh blood. He was quickly going into shock. Harry Summoned the bottle and handed it to her.

Thanking Merlin, once again, for remembering to steal potions before they set off like this, Hermione poured dittany on Ron's shoulder. She remembered her first assignment with Snape earlier that year. They had discussed the healing properties of dittany in detail. In fact, that was the reason she had packed it. The Half Blood Prince saves the day again, she thought bitterly. Was it just cruel irony that he had inadvertently saved their lives so often?

Ron's shoulder healed fully, if not beautifully, but Hermione didn't want to risk Apparating again, so they decided to ward the area and set up camp.

And so began a new routine for the Trio. Once Ron was well enough to Apparate, they moved from place to place every few nights, camping out where no one would find them. It was lonely and difficult, and Hermione began to feel very helpless. They weren't really getting much accomplished.

For months they travelled this way and Hermione cried herself to sleep every night. Still, she couldn't stop the dreams. In fact, she got to a point where she welcomed the dreams, just wanting to see his face. But as the months went by, his face in her dreams began to blur, as if she was forgetting what he looked like. She clung to his memory, the memory of the professor she had trusted, to fill in the gaping hole in her chest. She felt that without at least that, she would fall apart completely.

One night, she pulled out the portrait of Phineas Nigellus and whispered into his frame. He appeared, but did not look happy. She had included the portrait in with the other items because she knew that there was one in the Headmaster's office. In a way, the surly ancestor of Sirius's was her only link to Snape. She cast a muffliato so that the boys would not wake up and hear her talking to the frame. Phineas was completely unhelpful, but she felt better just having had someone tell her that Snape was fine.

They ran into trouble around Christmas when they visited Godric's Hollow. Ron had left them weeks ago after a fight with Harry, so it was just the two of them. In a sick twist of events, they had followed Bathilda Bagshot (an old friend of Dumbledore's) back to her house where she had proceeded to turn into a giant snake and attack them. Harry had been injured, but dittany had proved effective on the snakebite as well. She wept to think that she would never be able to tell Snape that they had been right about that.

Apparating away, they made camp in the snow. As Harry took first watch, Hermione pulled Phineas out again, as she had begun to do quite often, just to check on Snape. The answer was always the same, that the Headmaster was "fine," but it made her feel better, just to hear it. Comforted, she slowly drifted off to sleep.

Quietly, Severus Snape crept across the thick blanket of snow. The trees in the forest were bare and there was a full enough moon to see by. He felt more alive in this moment than he had for months. Dumbledore's portrait had given him instructions to take the Sword of Gryffindor to the Potter brat. He wanted to just give it to Hermione, but Dumbledore had warned him that Potter had to win the sword with bravery in order to wield it.

So, here he was, in the forest where Phineas had told him they would be. Apparently, Granger had taken the portrait from Grimmauld place with them, so Phineas was able to check up on her for him. He ached to think that she hated him now. If only he could explain. But no. Even if he had the opportunity, it would be unwise to confide anything in Granger. Not for the first time Severus berated himself for never teaching her Occlumency.

Through the trees he could see their tiny tent. Potter was on guard, sitting outside against a tree. Now, to get his attention. How does one go about attracting the attention of a Gryffindor? Shiny objects. How about a Patronus? Amazingly, Potter was not only interested in the Patronus, but completely comfortable following after it. Severus led him to the pool where he had left the sword and waited in the trees to make sure the boy got to it.

He felt a moment's panic when the idiot boy jumped straight into the water without first getting Granger to stand by. Of course, part of him had to admit that he had just sort of wanted to see Granger. When the Potter boy didn't immediately resurface, Severus almost went after him, but stopped when he saw a glowing ball of light on the other side of the lake and suddenly Weasley appeared. He watched the ginger drag his friend to safety and decided it was safe for him to leave.

But he couldn't help himself. He had to see her. With a Disillusionment spell firmly in place, Severus slipped inside their tent. Just to make sure she's alright. He found her curled up on a cot, fast asleep and whimpering with a nightmare. Leaning down next to her, he brushed her hair out of her face. She was even more beautiful and fragile than he remembered. More than anything in the world, he wanted to take her in his arms and tell her that it would be alright. But he settled for a small kiss on her forehead. He could have stayed there forever, just watching her sleep. But he could hear the boys returning, so he slipped out and left her once again.

Hey now, so was that so bad? Stick with me guys! You'll see where I'm going with this. I do regret having to rip your hearts out, but lukewarm happy stories have never really been my thing :/

Are we feeling any better about it now?