He sat cleaning his rifle, listening to the laughing at his men and smiling at their good natured ribbing of each other. Butler was telling a joke about some human in a bar and Weaver kept cutting in to correct him so he "didn't fuck up the punch line".

"You're awfully quiet." He looked up and shrugged, picking up his varnish and stroking it down his weapon, as if he was handling a precious gem.

"I'm content to just listen." Sidonis crossed his arms over his chest and gave him a doubtful look.

"You never join in on the fun."

"I'm not that funny. I don't have much sense of humor."

Bullshit, Garrus. You're damn funny and you know it, her voice echoed through his head and he tried not to roll his eyes, a habit he had learned from her.

Yeah, yeah.

Sidonis sat down across from him and watched as Garrus took great care with polishing, cleaning and putting his rifle back together. He loved the damn thing. "Where'd you get that anyway?" Sidonis asked, pointing to the rifle.

"It was-my Commander gave it to me. One of the last missions we went on." Sidonis quirked his mandibles, a curious look flitting over his face. Garrus ignored it.

"You mean Shepard?" His hands stilled for half a minute before nodding, sliding his scope back into place. "How'd she afford it?"

"She didn't buy it. She liked to poke through crates and weapon's lockers," he remembered, smiling. "We were on an asteroid, trying to save Terra Nova, and she opened a locker, her face lit up and she pulled it out then handed it to me. I've modded it so it takes thermal clips now, but it's an excellent rifle."

You know that's not exactly how it happened, dude.

Close enough to the real thing.

"Was she as fantastic as everyone makes her out to be?"

"She was. She had this air about her and it made you want to follow her into the darkest corners of the galaxy. She was fair, she listened, and she'd do anything for her crew. When she'd speak to you it didn't feel like your commanding officer was talking to you, but a friend."

Not many people had asked about her. Most of his men had learned that it was not a subject that he wished to discuss. Once, when Melanis (a Batarian) had spoken ill of her, Garrus had punched him, broke his nose, and told him that if he had a problem with Shepard then he could "get the hell out". Since then they had left the subject alone, only bringing it up when he was out of earshot or if he mentioned her.

You make me sound like a fucking God.

To us, you were.

Shut up, Garrus. He could almost hear the blush creeping onto her cheeks.

Soon after she died he had starting hearing her in his head and he thought at first he was going crazy and perhaps he was, but it kept him sane no matter how weird that was. She disagreed with some of the things that he had done and even went so far as to not talk to him for a few days which always made him feel out of sorts, but she always came back to him.

"Were you-," Sidonis cleared his throat and gave him a pointed look. When Garrus only returned his look with a raised brow plate he sighed. "Were you and Shepard… close?"

"Sure." He picked up his rifle and laid it, carefully as if handling the most delicate of objects, in the custom case that Athena had ordered for him.

"As more than friends?"

He's asking if we ever fucked, idiot.

He jerked at her comment and felt the heat rising in his neck uncomfortably. Hopefully Sidonis didn't notice. He looked at Sidonis out of the corner of his eye.

"No. We were best friends. Why?" Sidonis shrugged and jerked his thumb over towards the guys.

"I'm not the only one who thinks that. It's the way you talk about her, like you loved her." Garrus gave him a confused look.

"Of course I loved her, she was a friend. I also love Liara and Tali, hell I love Wrex, a Krogan. I loved everyone aboard the Normandy."

"Yeah, but you don't talk about them like you do her," he said, shaking his head. He looked over Garrus' shoulder and noticed the time. "Anyway, we need to get going. I'll meet you at the spot. Don't be late." He stood up and turned, looking at the men with a look that Garrus didn't quite understand for a moment before leaving.

I don't trust him, Garrus. Neither should you.

He learned, that night, that she was right. He shouldn't have trusted him.

Garrus woke up with a start and looked at the time on his omni-tool. It was one in the morning. He'd only been asleep for a few hours. He groaned and rubbed his hands over his eyes before reaching over to grab his visor, running his thumb across the names.

I told you not to trust him.

You're not telling me anything I haven't already told myself, Athena.

Fuck you. I'm not telling you that to piss you off. I'm telling you because you're in a shit place right now and you need to let it go.

Angrily he stood up, growling quietly and put his visor over his eye.

Leave me alone.

Garrus if you send me away I'm not fucking coming back.

Fine, just go!

Then he was alone, standing in the gun battery and stared at the blinking light on his console indicating a new message. He was about to open it when he heard Shepard speaking through the door, laughing at something Jacob was saying to her. Hearing her laugh, deep and throaty, sent a wave of warm pleasure wash over him. It seemed so long ago that he had resigned himself to death when he had seen her, through his scope and everything changed.

He leaned back into cover and looked over his thermal clips. Not many left, damn, that was never a good thing. He braved a look to see what the mercs were up too and felt the shock radiate through his body as his scope flashed over the all too familiar insignia gracing the right breast of the human armor.

He dodged a bullet and lifted the scope higher, up to the face.

"I'll be damned," he whispered.

She looked exactly the same as he remembered. Her green eyes were lined in thick black lashes, her bright red hair was pulled up into a messy bun and her freckles were still in the same places they had always been. She was speaking to a Salarian and human male when he lowered his rifle and pulled the trigger, blowing her shields.

Her eyes flashed to his in the scope, her brows drawn down before turning away and jogged off. When he couldn't see her anymore, he leaned back behind cover and tried to calm his racing heart. It couldn't be. He had heard the news, listened to Tali crying over the vids, and even let Anderson and Hackett give the news to him in person.

The mercs were moving again.

He leaned out and fired: one, drop. Two, drop. Three… he considered for a moment before shooting her, blowing her shields again and smirked when she scowled, cracking her knuckles and said something to her squad.

She rushed up, her SMG forming in her hands as she tossed a cyro at the merc in front of her. The older human male sent a concussive shot and the Salarian incinerated the male who had Athena lined in his sights.

He watched as she moved across the bridge all fluid and changing, dancing her way towards him. Shepard was far from graceful unless she was on the battlefield. She moved like a solar flare, turning and whipping out her pistol to land a clean headshot before hitting someone with the butt of her SMG and finishing them off with her tech armor.

When she was out of sight he heard the cries of disbelief.

"It's Shepard!"

"She's with Archangel!"

He smirked, sniping the idiot who had just clamored over the barrier but turned when he heard them massing outside his door. She would take care of them and he was right as he heard the thud of the bodies and gurgling sound of their dying, the blood bubbling up in their throats as they tried to cry out in pain.

The door whooshed open and she came in, her pistol pointed at him. "Archangel?"

As much as he wanted to drop his weapon, run to her and make sure it was really her, he held up his hand and waited for the… what was the word?

Douche-bag or dumbass would work.

Ah, right. Thanks.

You know I'm only here to better your human insults.

He smirked and when the said douche-bag poked his head out, dumbass, he pulled the trigger and watched in satisfaction when he fell to the ground.

It took every ounce of his self control to not leap up, but instead he lifted himself slowly, using his rifle as leverage and turned towards a couch. He sat down and carefully pulled off his helmet.

"Shepard," he said, trying to keep the tremors out of his sub-harmonics, but having a really difficult time. "I thought you were dead."

The shock that registered on her face was something he could relate too. Only moments before had he felt the same damn thing.

"Garrus!" She opened her arms as if she would hug him, but she dropped them to her sides, her smile never faltering. "What are you doing here?"

"Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice." Her face looked worried and he felt a pang of guilt. Sure, he was glad to see her but having her see him like this was… he wasn't sure how he felt.

"You okay?"

"Been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face. Killing mercs is hard work. Especially on my own."

She asked him questions and he didn't really care what she was saying or what her answers were. Hearing her voice, seeing her in front of him and feeling her body heat was something else, something good.

For the first time in two years he felt that things were going to get better.

Just like old times.

He pulled away from his thoughts, shaking away the painful memory of being shot with a rocket to the face, the agony he had felt when she had left him with the human male, Zaeed, to run off and shut the gates without him at her six and opened the message.

No. It couldn't be. His contacts had found Sidonis. No sooner had he thought it, his door opened and Athena strode in, asking him if he had a minute and he turned around.

"Shepard I'm glad you came by. I may need your help. You remember Sidonis? The one who betrayed my team? I found a lead on him." He walked past her, unable to stand in one place too long, and into the hall. "There's a specialist on the Citadel. His name's Fade. He's an expert at helping people disappear. Sidonis was seen with him." She was quiet for a moment, taking in his words and his expressions.

"What are you planning to do when you find him, Garrus?"

"You humans have a saying, "An eye for eye, a life for a life." He owes me ten lives and I plan on collecting." He couldn't describe the look on her face. She kept it blank as she digested his words. He hated when she did that to him.

"You sure that's how you wanna play it?"

"I'm sure. I don't need you to agree with me, but I'd like your help." He didn't want her help – he needed it.

"What happened? How did Sidonis betray your team?"

"He tipped off the mercs, told them where our base was. He drew me out with a false job then let the mercs hit my team. My men weren't prepared, but they tried to hold them off. By the time I got back there were only two survivors," he looked away from her, trying to ignore the images threatening to erupt behind his eyes. "All ten of them dead. Because of him."

"Where do we find this Fade?" She didn't even hesitate when asking, but he saw the look in her eyes.

"I've arranged a meeting. Meet him in a warehouse near the Neon markets in Zakera ward. Thanks Shepard. I appreciate you taking the time to help me." He turned away before she could say something, try to change his mind.

He needed to do this.

"Harkin's a fuckin' menace. He deserves to be punished; we shouldn't have just let him go."

"Gettin' a little worried about you Garrus. You were pretty damn hard on Harkin." The look she gave him, the undecipherable look, made him angry.

"You don't think he deserved it?"

"It's just not like you," she said, looking away and out the windshield.

I have a point you know. This pissed off and brutal man isn't you. Surely you fuckin' know that.

"What do you want from me Shepard?" He wasn't sure which Athena he was asking that question. "What would you do if someone betrayed you?"

"I'm not sure, but I wouldn't let it change me," both of them said in harmony, both sounding sad and more than a little upset.

"I would've said the same damn thing before it happened to me."

"It's not too late. You don't have to go through with this."

"Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don't? Nobody else knows what he's done. Nobody else cares," he paused and took a breath ignoring the angry retort from the voice inside his head telling him that she did care, that she knew but that this wasn't right. "I don't see any other options."

"Let me talk to him."

"Talk all you want, it's not going to change anything. I don't care what his reasons were, he screwed us. He deserves to die."

Garrus… you don't mean that.

The hell I don't! You, more than her, know what he did. You saw it.

I stand firm in my beliefs, regardless. You can't become him.

"I understand what you're going through, but do you really wanna kill 'im?"

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm not you."

"This isn't you either."

You know I'm right.

"Really? I've always hated injustice and the thought that Sidonis could get away with this? Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves? I'm sorry Shepard; words aren't going to solve this problem. I need to set up." He looked around for a moment. "I can get a clear shot from over there."

"What'd you need me to do?" She sounded resigned, tired of arguing with him.

"Keep him talking and don't get in my way. I'll let you know when he's in my sights. Give me a signal so I know you're ready and I'll take the shot. You better go, he'll be here soon."

As the shuttle flew away, he watched her. He knew she hated this, hated the fact that he was willing to take a life but she didn't understand. She would never understand, he thought as he perched rifle on the ledge.

Once he spotted him he told her to wave him over and to keep him talking. He should have expected her intervention, staying in his sights, moving with Sidonis so he couldn't take the shot. He listened, had no choice but to listen as Sidonis tried to explain his actions, why he did what he did and how he felt guilty for what he did.

"I wake up every night, sick and sweating. Each of their faces staring at me, accusing me. I'm already a dead man. I don't sleep, food had no taste. Some days, I just want it to be over."

Bastard. He sold them out to save his own life. "Just give me the chance."

"Gotta let it go, Garrus. He's already paying for his crime."

"He hasn't paid enough! He still has his life."

"Look at him Garrus; he's not alive, there's nothing left to kill."

"My men… they deserved better!"

"Tell Garrus… I guess there's nothing I can say to make it right." He was angry, more than angry; he was furious but when they spoke to him, saying the same thing he sighed.

"Just, go. Tell him to go."

"He's letting you go."

"You're a better man than I am Garrus, thank you." Before Sidonis turned away, Shepard grabbed his arm and looked at him.

"Damn right he is. He would have never, ever betrayed his men, his team, his friends and more importantly his fucking crew. You pussied out because you're a coward. I hope to God that you regret it because if I find-" Her mic shut off and Garrus was left in silence, straining look through his scope as Athena spoke to him, her hand jabbing him in the chest. He saw Tali reach out and tug at her arm, only to be thrown "the look" and she backed off, but still stood close to her, looking back towards Garrus but not saying anything despite his questions. Oddly enough Shepard's voice in his head remained silent as well, ignoring him.

Finally Sidonis turned away; throwing a fearful look over his shoulder at Athena's retreating back as she hopped into the shuttle and made her way back towards him.

When it opened and she stepped out he couldn't stop the words from tumbling out his mouth. "I know you wanna talk about this, but I don't. Not yet," he amended. Sooner or later he would and he knew that.

"I know it didn't go the way you planned, but I think it's for the best."

"I'm not so sure."

"Give it time," they replied, their voices overlapping each other.

"Yeah, maybe that'll be enough. I wanna know I did the right thing, not just for me, but for my men. They deserved to be avenged but when Sidonis was in my sights I just couldn't do it."

"The lines between good and evil blue when we're lookin' at people we know."

"Yeah. There was still good in him, I could see it. So much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don't know what to do with grey." She reached out and put a hand on his arm, her eyes filling with an emotion he couldn't understand at the moment but would decipher later.

"You gotta go with your instincts."

"My instincts are what got me into this mess."

"Don't be too hard on yourself." She removed her hand and patted his arm, then side before backing away, a blush on her cheeks.

"Thanks Shepard. For everything. Let's get going; I need some distance from this place." She smiled and nodded.

"I'm with you."

For the first time in two years he no longer felt empty. And it was a damn good feeling.