Numb: Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

Author's notes: Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read, review, favourite and alert this story. It really means a lot. Here are two chapters for the price of one, lol.

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(Kakashi's point of view for the entire chapter)

Needless to say, it was a long day at work today. It broke my heart to leave Sasuke alone at the hospital last night. He had fallen into an uneasy sleep before I left, and as much as I wanted to stay there with him all night, I knew I couldn't do that. Between work and Kurenai I didn't really have a choice. His breathing was forced and uneasy before I left, and he was curled up tightly into a little ball under the sheets, but at least he was sleeping. He needs rest so badly at the minute. The nurse assured me that he'd be ok, and I know they will keep a close watch over him, but it still didn't make walking out those doors any easier. I am more drawn to this boy than I ever have been with anyone else… even Kurenai. I wish I knew what it is about him. How does he manage to make my mind wander like this? He was all I could think about in work today; even Iruka noticed that my thoughts were further away than usual. When he asked me about it, I lied and told him I was thinking about Kurenai. I don't think he believed me though, but he didn't push the matter any further. I haven't told him about Sasuke, no one else other than Kurenai knows about him. I don't know how to tell everyone and I'm a bit fearful over how they'll react. What if everyone takes it as badly as Kurenai did?

Letting out a loud sigh, I step out of my car and slam shut the door. I really couldn't be bothered with the inevitable conversation I know I'm going to have to endure. I've been dreading it all day. Pushing open the door of my house, I brace myself and get ready for it. I barely get one foot inside before it happens.

"I don't want you seeing him Kakashi," Kurenai folds her arms and glares at me as I enter the living room before closing the door behind me.

"He needs help!" I mumble, annoyed that she would even say such a thing, even though I can't say I wasn't expecting it. "And who else is going to give it to him? It's attitudes like that which is probably why he's so messed up in the first place."

"He's a thief and drug addict, and for all we know probably part of a dangerous street gang or something. You need to really think this over Kakashi, it could all backfire on you, and personally I don't want to be held up at knifepoint by whatever gang he belongs too!"

"Would you stop jumping to conclusions! You're making him seem like the worst person in the world. He's not a bad person, I'm certain he's not. He's just made some mistakes and surely everyone deserves a second chance to turn their life around. Just give him a chance."

"You're going to the hospital to see him now, aren't you?"

"Yes I am," I sigh, rubbing my temples, still reeling from Kurenai's unfoundedly negative attitude towards Sasuke. I understand what she's saying, but I just wish that she could see how badly he needs help. If a heroin overdose isn't an obvious cry for help, then I don't know what else is.

"Fine."

"I'll see you later then," I reply coldly, turning to make my way towards the door again to leave. I need to get out; I don't want to hear this any more. To be honest, I really don't know why Kurenai is acting like this, she's normally so calm and understanding, but the only reason I can think of is that perhaps she feels threatened by Sasuke. Maybe she doesn't like the attention I'm giving him as she's so used to having me all to herself. I'm sure over time she will lean to accept him, but I think her bad reaction is probably just from the shock of this all happening so fast. I don't think it has really sunk in for her yet.

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(At the hospital)

My heart beats with excitement at the thought of seeing Sasuke today. Of course I'm terrified of what his condition could be, and I'm sure he'll be less than thrilled to see me, but I can't stop the smile from spreading across my face. He's a much welcomed distraction in my life right now, even if he is the one unintentionally and unknowingly causing the trouble I need the distraction from. Before stepping out of the car, I make sure that I bring the bag of gifts I got for him. He's probably going to be bored out of his mind in the hospital, so I stopped at a nearby shop to buy him some magazines and chocolates. I even brought my MP3 player for him to borrow. I was tempted by a portable DVD player too, but I don't want to overwhelm him, but I can bring that another day. I'm sure I'll not get any thanks, but I know Sasuke will be secretly flattered that I've been thinking about him, there's just no way in hell he'd admit that.

Walking straight past reception, I make my way towards Sasuke's room. The staff said I can visit him any time I want after 6pm and I don't need to stop and ask for permission. I would have been excited, and there would have been a huge grin on my face if only his bed wasn't empty. My heart starts to race. Surely they've just taken him outside for some fresh air or something… yeah, that has to be it. I look around for a nurse and finally one comes into the room, but the look on her face doesn't look too promising. My heart sinks.

"Where is Sasuke? I'll take it he's just outside getting some fresh air? Right?"

"Um… he's not here, he left this morning," she informs me.

It's not long before that all too familiar feeling of dread punches me square in the face again.

"What!" I cry. "Where did he go? Did you just let him leave? Why didn't anybody try to stop him?"

"We can't force him to stay Mr Hatake, and he was adamant to leave. He made it very clear that he didn't want treatment, so there is nothing we could do. He is an adult and as an adult we have no legal authority to force him to stay here…"

"Can't you get legal authority?" I gasp, my world starting to collapse before my very eyes. "He'll die… what if he does it again?"

"While I agree fully that Sasuke needs help, treatment isn't going to help unless he's willing to really try and get better. If a person isn't willing to try, then more often than not the treatment fails. You could take a legal order out against him to force him to stay, but those things take a long time to get passed, and we can't hold him forever. He'll just go back on the drugs again the second he is legally allowed to leave. I've seen it happen many times before."

"What if I find him? What if I can convince him to come back here, can he still get the treatment?"

"Of course he can, but good luck convincing him. Nobody else here could do it, I've never met a more stubborn kid in my life!"

I let out a frustrated sigh. Stubborn, yes! Smart, no, not really. If Sasuke knew damn well what was good for him, he'd stay here, but once again that stupid boy's attitude has drowned out his common sense, so it looks like I'm going to be left to pick up the pieces all over again. I'm so angry at him just now. What more do I have to do for him? If free treatment and somebody who genuinely cares about him can't win him over, what else will? I'm determined to find him, and when I do I will drag him back here kicking and screaming. Why is he fucking doing this to me?

Throwing my bags to the floor, I storm out of the hospital. He's never going to get things this good again, but why does he keep resisting? How much more do I have to give him? After all, he is the one who asked me for help. Sure he was zoned out at the time, and struggling to stay conscious after the overdose, but he still asked me. What happened to the boy who didn't want to live like this anymore?

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It didn't take long to reach where he lives. I have no idea where he's hiding, but his house might be a good starting point for a search. Painful memories of his overdose flash into my head as I make my way towards the dilapidated building in front of me. How he managed to live here, I have no idea. The foul stench of ammonia invades my nostrils as I push the door of the apartment block open and step inside. This place really is disgusting. It makes me want to find him and bring him back to the safety of the hospital even more. I can't let him return to this, he deserves so much better, if only he'll allow it.

Making my way up the stairs, I'm relieved that there are no drunks in my way again. I'm in no mood to deal with them just now. I quickly pull my hand away from the banister, for a brief moment I forgot how filthy it is, but I quickly regained my senses. I can feel my skin crawling from the contact; I just want out of here so badly. I can only pray that Sasuke will come with me quietly, but I have a sure feeling that he will kick, scream and probably bite as I try to drag him downstairs. I'm sure his neighbours, if you can call them that, aren't going to give a damn about that, but I really don't want to draw any attention to myself if at all possible.

Finally I make it to what I remember as being his front door. There's no lock, but I push it open carefully to avoid startling him. I'm terrified of what I might find in here, images of him lying dead with a needle in his hand are all I can think about, but I try to force them from my mind.

"Sasuke?" I call. "Are you there? It's me, Kakashi."

No answer.

The little shit is probably hiding somewhere and hoping I'll go away. Thankfully there is still some daylight outside, so I can see my way around without too much difficulty. The house really does seem to be vacant though, the silence is worrying.

After a good fifteen minutes of thorough searching, my instincts are correct. Sasuke is not here. Letting out a sigh of disappointment, I drop down on the remains of an old sofa. This place is tiny, so there really isn't anywhere he could hide. There's a small, filthy kitchen, a tiny living room, a bedroom without a bed and what's left of what was probably once a bathroom. That's it. He's definitely not here; he really can't hide from me.

I take a deep breath to keep myself calm and try to think of various places Sasuke might have gone too. That would be fine, only… I really don't know the boy that well. I don't know where he hangs out, I don't know his favourite places; I know nothing about him! The frustration starts to get to me as I feel a headache coming on. I'm terrified that he's gone in search of drugs, although I'm sure the hospital would've given him something to keep the cravings at bay, at least for a little while… I think. Rubbing my temples, I concentrate and think as hard as I can. What do I know about Sasuke? Well, he's a private person; he seems to prefer being on his own and he would probably look for somewhere secretive, far away from anyone who would bother him. There's really only one place nearby that would tick all of those boxes. A smile spreads across my face. I've got it! The tow path by the river that flows around the outskirts of town! It's quiet, very private and not many people would venture there by themselves at night, or evening in this case. Perhaps Sasuke wants to clear this mind and think things over. He'd definitely get the privacy to do that there. I know that from first hand experience.

Quickly, I make my way out of the apartment and run towards my car. If my hunch is right, Sasuke will probably have made his way further down the path to find one of the benches that overlook the river. He'd most likely go there either to think things over… or… well, I don't want to think about the other option. I just pray my hunch is right, because other than the tow path, I have no clue where else he could be. The city is huge and it would take days to find him, if I ever manage that at all. I could be too late if I do eventually find him another day. Closing my eyes tightly before I start up the car, I beg that Sasuke will be there. I'm not a religious man, but please God, please let me find him.

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A good half an hour later, I arrive at the destination. It would be a long walk for Sasuke if this is where he is hiding, but he's a pretty determined individual when he wants to be. He'd stubbornly force himself to take every step despite his pain and weakness.

Stepping out of the car, I feel a sharp nip in the air. It's starting to get very cold at night but the air here is much fresher than it is deep within the city. I inhale it deeply, taking in the sweet scent of the grass and trees. They are a rare sight within the city, it's only when you reach the outskirts that you start to see any real plant life other than the occasional half dead tree planted into a concrete street.

I tuck my hands into my pockets as I start to make my way along the dimly lit pathway. It's so quiet here; I can almost hear my heart beating. The only things that make a noise are the wind rustling the tree tops, the slashing of the water and the occasion hum of an engine as a car drives along the nearby road. It is easy to allow yourself to become lost in thought around here, even though it's not really the safest place to be this time of evening, but it's just so peaceful. The lights that line the pathway have only just come on, and other than that there isn't a lot of lighting. It's a beautiful place when you can see it in natural daylight, but right now I have to make do with the dim light of the sunset and the old lamps that scatter the outline of the pathway every few yards or so.

Immediately, my thoughts are drawn back to Sasuke. What if he isn't here? Continuing to take deep breaths, I try to keep positive in order to keep the nerves at a controllable level. It would take roughly forty minutes or so to walk the path, including crossing the bridge over the shallow river and walking back again to the car park to complete the journey. It's not a particularly long distance, in fact; it's popular with people during the day when they take their dogs out for a walk to try and escape the hustle and bustle of city. There's a park nearby too where mothers often take their children to play during the summer months. Sometimes I go for walks along here myself when I want to be alone, and it wouldn't be the first time I've made my way along this path. I know it quite well. I'm not sure how long I've been walking for, but the whole time I keep my eyes alert to spot Sasuke's lithe frame in the distance. I don't know why exactly, but I'm just so certain he will be here. It seems like somewhere he would want to go when he wants to escape, and trying to escape his problems, but failing miserably, is something he excels at.

Following the path around a meander in the river, I get a clear few of a few benches in the distance. Suddenly my heart skips a beat, as I catch sight of a familiar small figure sitting alone on one of them. My hunch was right, I knew he'd run to some place secluded like this, just like I do when things get too much. Perhaps we are more alike than I ever could've imagined. As I get closer, I'm certain it's him. He sits facing the river bank on one of the old wooden benches that line the footpath. The moonlight outlines his features as he stares unmoving into the distance, his eyes focused on nothing, just the dark empty space in front of him. He's so deep in thought that I wonder if he's noticed whether I'm approaching him or not. Part of me wants to call out to him, but what if he runs? What if he doesn't want me here with him?

Slowly I continue my way towards him; the relaxing gush of the water drowns out my hushed foot steps. God he's beautiful. I know I've said it many times before, but he really is stunning. However, I quickly shake those thoughts from my head, they are not appropriate. I'm a married man. Still, I wonder what to say to him, not that he'll listen to anything, but I so desperately want him to return to the hospital and get the treatment that he'll certainly die without. I don't want him to die. I couldn't handle loosing him. There! I said it. I could not handle loosing him. It's the truth. I want this boy; I want him so fucking bad. I need to stop trying to fool myself into thinking otherwise.

"Go away Kakashi." He speaks, without even turning around to look at me as I get within a few meters of him.

My eyes open wide as I almost freeze to the spot, so he is aware that I'm here. Taking a deep breath, I move closer to the bench as I take a seat beside him, but I feel him tense up immediately.

"I'm not going back there."

"You can't keep running away from your problems Sasuke."

"Like hell I can! Just fucking watch me!"

With that he rises to his feet threateningly, but he doesn't run. Instead he lets out a deep breath and hangs his head low, avoiding my gaze as best he can.

"Why am I so goddamned worthless?" he whispers so low that I'm not sure if he wanted me to hear it, but then again maybe he did.

He remains still, his head still hung low, as I slide my hand into his. Immediately I'm taken aback by just how cold he is. There is no warmth left in him. Gently I pull him back down to the bench and take off my coat. To my surprise he allows me to wrap it around him and pull him close. This doesn't feel right, I'm half expecting him to snap away and yell at me any minute now, but strangely enough he seems to be enjoying the comfort. I suppose this isn't something he gets to experience very often.

"Sasuke, you're not worthless. I don't know how you got that into your head, but it is so far from the truth. You need to get off the drugs, and running away isn't going to get you anywhere."

"hnn…" he grunts, but still allows my arm to remain in place around his shoulder. "You don't know a damn thing about me. You have no idea what it's like to be desperate for anything; you're just some spoilt rich kid. While you were in your mansion watching your wide screen TV, I was looking in a rubbish bin somewhere trying to find my next damn meal."

"What's that got to do with anything?" I state bluntly. "I can't change my upbringing any more than you can change yours."

"I don't want your advice."

"Quit being so fucking stubborn Sasuke!" I hiss, my patience wearing thin. "No you're not worthless, but you need to stop acting like a child and take responsibility for your actions. As much as I wish I could, I can't wave some magic wand and make everything right for you. I can help, and believe me I'll do whatever it takes, but I can't do it all for you. You have to do it, so stop moping in self pity and let me help you. You could really make something of yourself Sasuke, but not until you change that damn attitude of yours."

"I'm leaving."

He turns around and glares at me, before pushing himself up from the seat and out of my embrace, the jacket I lent him falling unceremoniously from his shoulders.

"There is no way in goddamn fucking hell you're going anywhere!" I hiss, grabbing his arm and pulling him roughly back down to the seat. "You're going to hear it straight; I'm going to tell you everything you don't want to hear because you need to hear it. Sasuke, you nearly fucking died. Do you have any idea just how close you came to death? Another minute and you'd have been history! You would've died right there in my arms and you would never have gotten a second chance to change. Don't waste that second chance! There are people who never got that chance and are rotting away in the ground right now as we speak. I'm offering you a second chance, I'm willing to pay for your treatment and I'm here to help you through every step of the way because I know you can do it. Don't turn your back on this, Sasuke, on me. Quit being so damn selfish!"

He looks back at me briefly before looking away again and fixing his gaze on the ground. I can feel him shaking. A loud, unexpected sob escapes from his mouth, and immediately he tries to turn and flee from my grip. He almost got away, almost.

"Are you ok?" I ask, already knowing the answer to that question.

"I'm not crying! I'm not fucking crying!" he yells, continuing to try and struggle free from my grasp.

"Sasuke, it's ok," I attempt to comfort him, but it doesn't seem to be working. "Let the walls down, you need to let it out."

"You don't know what I need!" he sobs again, but gradually the fight leaves him and he begins to relax into my arms, and before I know it he has his own arms wrapped around me as he sobs into my chest. I don't hesitate to return the hug.

"Kakashi…" he sobs again, "I'm so messed up. I don't want this, I never did, but I don't feel like I have a choice, drugs are the only thing that can mask the pain. For a brief moment I forget who I really am. It makes me forget about everything… about him. I need the drugs to forget about him!"

"Who is 'him'?" I pry deeper, desperate to know who caused Sasuke to hurt this badly. I could kill that person despite not even knowing who they are yet.

"My dad…" he mumbles quietly against the fabric of my shirt. "He did horrible things! He'd hit me, kick me, make me stand in front of a mirror and force me to tell myself how worthless I am, how disgusting I am, how I should never have been born, how I'll never amount to anything! And you know what? He's right, he's fucking right? I didn't want to let him win, but he always does! It's like he's invincible or something!" He sobs louder.

I can't believe what I'm hearing. How do you respond to something like that? Before I can even open my mouth, he continues to allow more to spill out. All I can do is hold him tight and let him release the emotion he's locked up for goodness knows how long.

"Mum died from an overdose and I ran away the next day, I couldn't stay there any more. I got away from him and the abuse, but I came across drugs. I didn't want too because they killed my mum, but they make me forget. I just want to forget! Please make me forget! Make it go away!"

He's almost frantic now, but again all I can do is hold him tighter and let him cry his heart out for as long as he needs too. He needs this release though; it can only be good for him. Maybe now he'll be able to face up to his problems with a clear mind and defeat them.

"I can't make those memories go away forever Sasuke, but neither can the drugs." I sigh, trying to hold back my own tears. How dare somebody make this boy feel that way? If only they could see the mess they've created, but then again, that was probably their intention. Well, they've succeeded in tearing this boy up beyond recognition, I can only hope there are enough pieces left to salvage.

"But let me help…" I whisper into his ear and place a soft kiss against his forehead, my lips tingling from the contact afterwards, instantly craving more. "Everything your dad said to you is not true. Don't let him win. Prove that you're stronger than him; don't allow his cruel words to hold any truth. You're better than him Sasuke."

"But I am disgusting!" he cries, his head still pressed against me. "You don't want to know what horrible stuff I've done to get drugs! I've stolen from people, I've broken into houses, I even gave my virginity in exchange for heroin, I… I…"

"Crap, Sasuke!" I cry as I hold him as close and as tightly as I can. His body continues to shiver from the cold. "That's all in the past, pet, wouldn't you rather have a better future?"

He doesn't reply but I can feel his head nodding lightly against my chest.

"Well, that's one thing I can promise you. You're not going to end up on the streets again; I'll make sure of that. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore, but please Sasuke, please agree to come back to the hospital and stay there until you're better. Will you please accept the treatment and try?"

"Yes…" he whispers so quietly that I only just heard him. "But you're not going to go away and abandon me are you… just like everyone else?"

"No, I promise, we're in this together now," I smile as he finally raises his head up to look at me, his eyes swollen and red from tears. Thankfully he's calming down. As I look into his dark eyes again, for the first time I something else there other than sorrow. Hope. It's a truly beautiful sight.

Before I realise I'm even doing it, my lips slowly start to reach towards his, almost of their own accord. He doesn't pull away; instead his eyes begin to close as my lips carefully meet with his, his body relaxing further into my embrace. My heart flutters as he begins to kiss back, his back arching to try and bring himself closer. His lips are soft and inviting as he allows me to place light, gentle kisses upon them. My hands start to wander along his sides, enjoying every touch and sensation, and for a brief few seconds I allow myself to melt away and forget about everything.

But suddenly my eyes shoot back open and I immediately break the kiss. Fuck! Kurenai! I can just about feel the panic set in, but then I'm met with his eyes once again. His expression is lost and confused as it suddenly hits him as to why I broke the kiss, and instantly the hope vanishes from his eyes, only to be replaced by sadness and guilt. God! I know he's forbidden; I know I'm married but I do know what I'm doing. Fuck it! I've gone too far to turn back now. I want this boy too badly.

Closing my eyes, I press my lips against his once again.

End of Chapter 5

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Thank you so much to everyone who has read my stories, commented on them and hopefully enjoyed them. I feel really awful about this, but I will not be able to continue with this story, in fact, I am giving up writing altogether. It's got to the point now where I no longer enjoy it, but the same thing can be said for most of the other stuff I really used to enjoy too. I guess I'm just stuck in a rut I can't get out off, and it will probably be a long time before I can get myself sorted out, but I hope one day I'll get back on track. My updates have become so slow because I really have to force myself to get it done, it's not fun anymore.

I really can't apologise enough. I won't delete this story for a while yet though in case I find sudden inspiration to get on with it, but for now I think it is fair to say that I am on semi-permanent hiatus as of today. Although there doesn't really seem to be that much interest in this particular story, which makes this a little easier to do. Once again thank you all so much for everything, and if there is anybody out there who feels they want to continue this story in my place, just PM me and we can work something out.

Goodbye guys!

Best wishes for the future,

Laura xx