"Hypoglycemia is rare in diabetic patients," the nurse explained as she schooled her expression into that of professional sympathy. "Unless the patient is careless with his insulin intake, there really is no reason why it should occur. However," a disapproving frown which was violently jerked from her features as she realized she was not alone. "Such is the case, and so the patient will remain hospitalized until we can regulate his abnormally low blood glucose levels."
Yumi's hands were shaking. She vaguely understood the acute and chronic complications of diabetes when incorrectly treated, but not well enough to diagnose the seriousness of Ulrich's condition. "Luckily," the nurse continued, not sounding very pleased at all. Yumi wondered if she derived pleasure from anything at all. "You reacted quickly and hospitalization should be brief as the patient will be discharged as soon as the doctor administers an intravenous infusion of dextrose and the patient stabilizes."
Yumi nodded her head in absent understanding. Her fingers traced in circular motion around the edge of a Styrofoam cup. The glare of fluorescent light hit the coffee, shimmering in and out of existence as it lapped from one side to the other. This was kind of soothing, Yumi thought as she abandoned the coffee on a metal table, catching the glittering once more before settling back into her seat. What else could she do to keep herself occupied? It was a game she had been playing for a few hours in hopes that she wouldn't have to commit to a serious thought until they were okay to deal with.
Red bloomed at the edge of her peripheral.
"Eat something," Aelita pleaded. "I know you don't want to, but you must."
"No," Yumi closed her eyes briefly, inhaling. The lights bled into her vision and she reopened her eyes.
"Stop behaving like a child," Jeremie intoned.
Aelita jabbed him in the ribs. "Ow," Jeremie said, belatedly. The humor sparked in Yumi's chest and died before it could reach action.
"Fine," Jeremie smarted, annoyed. "Starve -- see how beneficial that is to Ulrich."
This time, Aelita stepped on him. Four inches of agony and Jeremie winced in poorly concealed pain. "Stop being such an insensitive imbecile," she snapped. "Can't you see she's distressed?"
"The only thing I see are black spots," Jeremie groaned, knocking his foot against the wall in an attempt to distract himself from the pain.
"Look," Odd started. "I'm sure that if Ulrich was here, he would want you to eat."
Aelita hit him over the head with her bag. "You idiot," she hissed. "Don't talk about Ulrich as if he were dead!" She let out an exasperated sigh, "Men," she huffed. "Sometimes I doubt they have the capacity for anything other than failure."
Self deception was in play now. Ulrich was dead; Yumi reasoned preemptively, what then? She would go back to living her life, evading the memory of her parents, and then Ulrich's. Repression really wasn't that bad, not if you convinced yourself that you weren't doing it. Didn't people do this all the time? Yes, and she would too.
How long had she been here? Hospitals made her sick and the irony almost killed her.
It astounded Yumi to realize that she couldn't deal with this. She could deal with leaving behind everything and everyone she had ever known, she could deal with being alone in a country she'd never been in, she could deal with the language barriers, the constant alienation, and the loneliness. But she couldn't deal with losing Ulrich.
The emotional pressure of losing something so substantial to her happiness was crushing. Yumi had no reason to which explain to herself that she was being illogical. She had lived before him and she would live after him - except, she corrected herself, what she had done before Ulrich couldn't truly be called living. It was just existing, chasing one thrill after the next in hopes that it would feed the gaping hole inside of her into fullness.
Ulrich made her feel so full.
Yumi buried her face in her hands. She wanted to die. Her head hurt, her eyes hurt, her limbs hurt; all she knew now was pain and immolation. A world without Ulrich seemed useless, a steep fall from technicolor into black and white. When did it come to this and why? It seemed unreasonable but reason never could touch them. Yumi went in circles until her vision blurred, tears and she couldn't understand that either. Aelita held her, tight and secure, saying nothing but her silence said something. It said -
"Here, take this," long fingers slipped a cup into Yumi's hands. The tea was ginger and sedatives. "It'll let you sleep."
Yumi pushed heavy porcelain back into Jeremie's hands. A flicker of emotion struck his face momentarily but he superimposed it with nonchalance too quickly for Yumi to tell what it had been. "I'm sorry," Yumi apologized. "I just don't want to..."
Yumi wasn't sure what she was saying, where she was aiming. Everything was confused. "He's going to be fine," Aelita held her a little tighter, reassurance in the form of her small, strong fingers. "And when he recovers I'm going to put him back into this hospital for being so stupid."
Dry laughter tumbled out of Yumi's lips; it hurt in a strangely comforting way. She always was a bit of a masochist. "I hope this doesn't change anything," Aelita murmured as her free hand swept through her hair.
Yumi looked up, "What do you mean?"
"Well," Aelita started. "Now you know that Ulrich is diabetic. This is a life long thing, Yumi. Some people can't handle that and I completely understand if you decide you can't be with him," her mouth curved. "And by completely understand I mean I will hunt you down and kill you."
"Oh," Yumi's laughter was a little more alive. "If it makes you feel any better, I've known for a long time."
Aelita's lips were made into a luxurious smile. "You clever girl," she said with her tinkerbell laugh. "How did you know?"
"I helped him put stuff in his bathroom..." Yumi trailed off, too tired to relay the entire story. How he had maneuvered her into his life, how she'd let him.
"What kind of a doctor are you?" Aelita knocked her fist against Yumi's head in a harmless gesture. "Letting a diabetic patient go without his insulin..."
"He doesn't know I know," Yumi confessed. "I figured he would tell me when he wanted to. I never imagined he would be this reckless."
"He was a little preoccupied," Aelita reasoned. "If breathing wasn't an automated function, I think he would forget to do that, too. You make him forget everything except you." Aelita paused, thoughtful. "Wow, it's like a love story..." She gazed dreamily at the ceiling. Yumi rolled her eyes.
"I can see where Ulrich gets his dramatic speeches from."
"Of course," Aelita disengaged herself to clap her hands together, a moment reminiscent of when they'd met. She liked applauding her own genius, Yumi noted with some amusement. "Aren't they great?"
"Sorry to burst your bubble," Yumi dabbed her fingers along her lashes to make sure the last of the tears were dry. "They're kind of annoying, actually."
Aelita looked about ready to burst into her own dramatic soliloquy, suitably offended when the nurse who had attended them reappeared.
"The procedure is complete," she intoned. "However, you may not see the patient -"
"Psh," Aelita stood up, and her defiance was oddly charming. "I'd like to see you try to stop me."
The nurse sighed as if she was suffering antagonizing boredom. "Please," she said in the most deadpan voice Yumi had ever heard. "Stop, don't go."
Aelita breezed past her. The nurse trailed after her with another sigh.
"She certainly is cheerful." Jeremie's smile was so discreet that Yumi wondered if she imagined it. She realized this was the first time she had ever been alone with Jeremie. He seemed like the sort to keep to his corner so long as she kept to hers so his attempt at conversation was mildly startling.
"Where did Odd go?" Yumi asked, suddenly realizing his absence.
Jeremie looked at her for a moment. His eyes darted in another direction and his lips twisted into something sardonic. "He is entertaining Ulrich's parents as we speak. He is trying to save the lamb from the wolf, so to speak." The reference was not lost upon Yumi.
"I don't need to be saved."
"Not for long, but currently you require saving," Jeremie spoke as if he was explaining a rather simple procedure that was self explanatory. "You cannot confront his parents until you are completely sure of your feelings. It will be a hard fight and you cannot fight it without the proper weapons. His parents may not be the paragon of nurturing, but they do love him, well, as best as they can love." He paused, breaking and reassembling thoughts in his head. "For the fear of sounding cliché," the smile returned to his face, but it lacked any real feeling. "You must fight fire with fire. Love with love. Your love is not strong enough. You act afraid and unbalanced. You cannot show how you feel."
"Neither can you," Yumi pointed out, defensively. She was sick of being dissected. "But you still love Aelita, don't you?"
Something cold and hard layered Jeremie's face. It was like a mantle, a mask of ice. But ice always concealed something else...
"Do not lose focus of your feelings and why they exist," Jeremie spoke, completely disregarding her question. "Reasoning is the highest good but feeling has no reason. I do not think you could solve that paradox but I do hope you find something by which to stay afloat."
He was so arrogant, Yumi realized. However, the difference between him and William and about every other man she'd ever met is that he had reason to be arrogant. Subconsciously, Yumi searched for a weakness and found none. Except, she realized a moment later, Jeremie's weakness was so glaringly obvious that it was impossible to miss.
"I need to go find Aelita," Yumi thought aloud. Something akin to triumph graced Jeremie's face. "I need to see Ulrich."
Jeremie stepped to the side as if he had been standing in her way. He spoke once more as Yumi walked away, his words imprinting in her mind.
"In like a lamb, out like a lion..."
it only took me forever and a handful of days to update, but hey... I admit I was not going to finish this story at all, but a couple of messages changed my mind. You know who you are.