Tony: I'm a hacker. I hack.
--
Gibbs slamming his hand on his computer monitor was a common occurrence. About as common, as the common cold in fact. So why was this time any different? Because this time, Timothy McGee couldn't fix it.
"What are you saying McGee?"
"I'm saying…" he took in a deep breath. "I can't do it boss."
"Cant?" Only he didn't let his Agent respond; just yelled across the bull pen. "DiNozzo!"
He was almost too busy snickering to hear it. "Yeah boss?"
"Get over here and hack this…"
Tony froze. "Hack?"
"Did I stutter?"
He rose to his feet and shooed Tim away, taking a seat behind Gibbs desk. Not because he thought he could actually do it, but because you never disobey a direct order…
"I don't know if I can…"
Gibbs glare intensified. "You hack that virus thing or so help me I'll break your fingers!"
Tony cradled his hands close to his chest. "I'm fragile boss."
"So's my temper…now do it!" He turned to leave. "You got two hours…"
Tony immediately pleaded with McGee. "Come on Probie…you gotta help me, I'll do anything…"
"See Tony, I would but I got a thing…" He lifted his back pack.
"Aw come on man, I got this really hot chick waiting for me at O'Dowds down the street…please, I'll pay you…"
"Thanks, but no thanks…" He left, grinning ear to ear.
Tony reached for the phone to dial Abby, when she appeared in front of him. "McGee leave already?"
"Yeah, he abandoned ship…and I'm still sinking…"
"Aww," she patted him on the head. "Can I help?"
He contemplated standing up when he figured Gibbs would enter any second. "Boss has me trying to hack this thing off his computer…"
"Tim couldn't figure it out?"
"I know right? I can feel hell freezing over right now…starting with me…"
"Relax…"
"Do you hear yourself? Gibbs said if I don't fix this in two hours, he'll break my fingers…"
"He said that?"
"I distinctly remember the part about my fingers," he repeated. "Gibbs doesn't make empty threats Abby…"
"Oh come on, he's probably just upset because the coffee place had a power outage…"
"Now I'm really dead…"
"Look, we're all headed to Ziva's…little welcome back shin dig…I'm sure Gibbs will understand."
"If it was you maybe…" he looked defeated. "You guys go…have fun…say a prayer for my fingers…"
Abby gave him a quick hug before turning to leave as well. She reached for her phone the moment she entered the elevator.
"How bad is he?" McGee asked anxious for her response.
Abby giggled slightly. "He is totally freaking out…how did you get Gibbs to agree to this?"
"Bribed the guy at the coffee shop to bag me up some of the grounds so he could brew it at the office…"
"Genius."
"Just wait till the two hour mark…"
"What happens then?"
"The program I put in simulates bank account information being erased…"
"He's gonna think Gibbs money is being stolen?"
"Oh yeah."
"Timothy McGee!" Her voice suddenly became firm, but soon relented. "We should totally watch his response at Ziva's…I should be able to hack into the video feed from my lab top…"
McGee agreed. "One step ahead of you…"
"Ha! Be over in fifteen…"
--
Gibbs was slow to answer his phone after watching Tony all but faint at his desk.
"You better be calling to say it's fixed DiNozzo…"
"Not exactly…"
"What do you mean, not exactly?"
"Well you see, I tried to do the hacking thing…but…well…I'll completely understand if you want to fire me, in fact, if I were you, I would fire me…because it's a lot easier than being brought up on murder charges…"
"Murder charges?"
"For after you kill me…"
Gibbs resisted laughing outright. "DiNozzo, I'm not gonna kill you…"
"You're not?"
"No…"
"Why?"
"Because it was a joke…" He explained it with a simple name. "McGee…"
Tony stood up from the desk and raced out of the bull pen. "Boss…about those murder charges?"
"Yeah…"
"Get me a good lawyer…"