Dear Katie,

You cannot imagine how strange it is for me to write those two words. I'd think just as strange as it is for you to read them. Anyway, I want to tell you so many things, to ask you so many questions … I don't know where to start!

I don't even know if you'll read this letter or if you'll throw it away. I know the news must have been a great shock to you. When they told me I could go home, I didn't believe them. I dreamt so often of that moment … I cannot believe it's actually coming true this time. Oh how many times did I dream of you and your father, of your lives, of your families!

I will never forgive myself for leaving you, even if it was not my choice. And I beg you, believe me when I say that I had absolutely no say in what happened. I was walking to the restaurant to join you and your father and I was attacked. Next thing I know, I wake up in a state-of-the-art hospital room with nurses speaking a language I did not even recognize. I've never been so scared in my life. When someone finally explained to me what was happening, I went crazy. They had to keep me in the hospital for a month because I could not stop crying and having breakdowns. When I finally calmed down, they explained everything again. I will never forget Agent Riley's look when I asked him when I would be able to go back home to you and your father, that look which meant 'if ever, in a very very long time'. I thought I was going to lose it again. They managed to convince me that it was for the best, for you as well as for me. I really had a hard time coming to terms with it but once they had told me the extend of that thing, I understood. I was certainly not happy with the situation but it was what was the safest for everybody.

I never imagined myself as a woman who would leave her family and I really hope you don't think I abandoned you. Because if I had been able to, I swear I would have come back to you and your father. I feel so bad for what you must have gone through. I had absolutely no news about you, not until a couple of days ago. The agent who came to tell us all it was over said she had worked with you on a case. That's when I learned that you were with the NYPD and hat you're very good at your job. But what shocked me most, she told me you were working with Richard Castle, the Richard Castle, MY Richard Castle! I would have loved to see that. You and the man you swore could not be more proud of himself. I would have paid to see the two of you together. I can still remember the look on your face when I told you you should read his books, just as if I had told you to go and shave your head.

Writing all that I realize that I missed almost half of your life. When I left, you had just left your wild child phase and you were becoming a responsible and beautiful young woman, but I have no idea of how you are going to be when I see you again. I spent a lot of time imagining you growing up to be the wonderful woman I'm sure you are now and I can't wait to see you, hug you and kiss you.

However, I would completely understand if you didn't want to see me right away. I blame myself for leaving you and I would understand if you do too I would really like to meet with you, even if it's just once, and explain everything to you. I would respect your choice if you didn't want to see me again, even if it would certainly kill me a little.

I hope to see you soon and hug you tight,

Your mom.

To respond to some reviews i got for the previous chapter: wait for the few next chapter and you'll have an explanation.

as far as Kate reaction is concerned: explanation in the next chapter. Besides, i think it's a natural reaction. I don't see what's wrong with being happy to learn that your parent is not dead. Of course it's a shock but i think, personally, I'd be really happy before getting angry. Such a situation is different for everyone and i totally agree that she should be angry at her mother ... i just decided to wait for a bit, give them some time to find each other once more before dealing with the fighting ;-)