here is chapter 31, enjoy!

Kate sat down on the bed next to her mother and took her hand. She needed some sort of physical contact, just to make sure she was really here and that it was not another dream. Johanna seemed to have calmed down while Kate talked to Rick. Tears were still rolling down her cheeks but her breathing had gone back to normal.

"I'm sorry." She simply whispered.

"I'm not going to say 'it's ok' because it's definitely not, but it was not your fault. I know what you said in your letter was true, you didn't have a choice." Kate said, squeezing her mother's hand lightly but not looking at her.

"It was true. Everything I wrote was true, I swear."

They stayed silent for a long while, both of them trying to gather up the courage to talk about what the biggest problem was for them.

"I thought you will be angry." Johanna finally said.

"Me too." Kate answered. "And I think I'll be when everything really sinks in. For now, I think I'm still overwhelmed by the fact that you're here. You're not the only one thinking I'm reacting strangely well to all of that. Rick thins so too. He's just waiting for the moment I'll break down. He's worried, I can see it. But I just don't feel angry right now. I feel … kind of numb actually."

"You are lucky to have such a man at your side." Johanna said.

"I know. But really, I think I'm the lucky one. I don't say that to sound cheesy or anything but it's true. Given everything I did to him, how long I pretended not to understand what he wanted, I'm lucky he stuck with me. If the situation had been reversed, I would have left a long time ago. But he didn't. He's still here." Kate said, a happy smile on her face.

"What do you mean, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Well … you're not going to like the answer to that." Kate warned her mother.

"I don't care. I want to know about your life Katie. I know that my 'death' must have changed you and I'm ready to take responsibility for that. I don't want to hide anymore. No pun intended."

"Well, when you were … taken away from us … I sort of closed myself. From everything, from everyone … I just … I couldn't just go on like nothing had happened. And nothing made me madder than when someone told me 'your mother would have wanted you to go on with your life". When someone said that, I usually left, just so I would not be tempted to hit them. As time went by, I learned that the best way for them to leave me alone was to pretend I was fine and going on with my life. I did it so much that I lost myself in it. It's not until Rick came around that I really realized what had happened to me." Kate explained.

"And what did he do to change you back to who you were before?" Johanna asked. "Your father told me he had seen you come back to yourself when he started working with you."

"I don't know. There's not a specific thing. I mean, he was just himself and … it made me think. At first, I tried to block him out, but it didn't work. As time went by I guess my resolve weakened. And I finally admitted to myself what everyone had apparently known for a long time. But I still fought it. I really don't know why anymore." She admitted.

"I'm sorry." Johanna said once again.

"Well. What's done is done. You can't do anything about now so let's just forget it. I'm way better now anyway. Since Rick and I officially got together I can feel myself turn back to my old self and that's all that counts. But …"

"What?"

"I just … I can't stop thinking of what will happen if I die on the job. I don't want my child to grow without a mother."

"Like you did." Johanna finished her sentence.

"Yeah. No. I mean, I grew up in a happy family, it's just … I don't know, I guess my growing up was kind of stopped too soon. And please, don't say you're sorry, I know and you couldn't do anything about it."

Johanna nodded silently, fresh tears gathering in her eyes when she thought once more about what her family had to go through because of her.

"What I don't understand is … I saw the pictures of you in that alley, I still have them. And Dad … he went to the morgue to identify your body." Kate said, the thought coming to her for the first time. "How did they do that?"

"I don't know. My God, I didn't know you saw anything and let alone my body." Johanna said, letting the tears fall down. "I remember being attacked on my way to the restaurant, I guess I hit my head or something because when I woke up, I was in the hospital and definitely not in the US." Johanna remembered. "I'll ask the FBI agent who's in charge if she knows what happened. Someone has to know."

"What … uh … what did you do while you were … away?" Kate asked, looking at her lap and playing with her hands. There. She had asked the question that had been on her mind since the beginning.

"I worked for a charity which builds schools in small villages in central Africa. I was in charge of the legal stuff. Making sure no laws were being ignored so that the people against the education of children – girls in particular – couldn't do anything to prevent it. It was … good. I mean, at least I felt useful for some people, even if I would have preferred to be useful to you and your father."

"Please stop saying that." Kate said, getting a bit angry. "Stop saying that you would have preferred being here. I know that. But you weren't. And nothing will change that. We all need to accept that and move on."

"Ok." Johanna said, getting up from the bed. "Well, I'm going to bed. Today has been exhausting." She announced. She hesitated, wanting to kiss her daughter goodnight but settled on squeezing her shoulder before leaving the room.

Kate stayed there, sitting on the bed for a few minutes, thinking about everything. She moved to get ready for bed. When she got out of the bathroom, Rick was in bed, waiting for her. She took her time putting her close on her chair, Rick studying her the entire time. Once she settled in bed, Rick gathered her in his arms.

"Are you ok?" he asked sweetly.

"Yeah." She said, cuddling further into him. "No." she admitted a few seconds later before bursting into tears.