Chapter twenty one
Alex had fed them and Damon had driven them over to Stefan's car. She caught herself pacing then stopped and started putting away books from the boxes as she waited for Damon to return. She heard the sound of the SUV in the drive way and sighed in relief.
Damon walked in and tossed his keys into the bowl on the entry table and went straight to her. "I'm starting to think you are more on edge than I am" he slid his arms around her.
"I worry with you unprotected." She said softly, leaning into him.
"Sacha, I have gone almost my entire existence without any protection from necromancers or witches. Hell it was just recently that I started taking vervain." He said with a sigh. "I'm not all that fragile I promise. You never worried this much before."
"Before no one had ever touched you." She said walking toward the window. Vampires, ghosts, hunters and apparently werewolves as she had found out recently, yes, but never a necromancer.
"No, you were on this kick before I was turned into a Ouija board. "he frowned. "You think I'm going to become an addict." Damon said. "After all this time? Seriously?" He followed her over and turned her to face him. "Babe, I spent years with you the first time. We did a lot of touching, a hell of a lot of fantastic full body contact. "He said with a grin "And I was never addicted then. I'm not going to become addicted now. "
"It's both. " She said honestly. "And I don't need a walking talking battery. I don't want to turn you into one."
"You have been mingling with the other necromancers haven't you? " He said "I think I understand now. Sacha… I trust you. I know who you are inside and out. You would never do that. You didn't treat me like that when I deserved it why would you do it now?"
" Alexandra shivered. "It's a little chill in here, courtesy of your brother's ventilation practices." She laughed, but it sounded forced. It was obvious she didn't want to talk about it.
"I'll start a fire. Then we can do what we've both been dreading, I will take the vile concoction, and you can relax." Damon said kissing her brow.
"Okay. I'm going to go get a couple things from the mausoleum while you do that." She told him.
Damon started the fire, and sat before it soaking in the warmth, eyes closed as he waited. He didn't want her in his head. He didn't want anyone in his head. Hell most days he didn't even want to be in there himself. It wasn't even just that she'd find out about his little sleight of hand maneuver with the blood, although that was a big part of it. It was the thought of being invaded again.
His mouth went dry and he felt as if his blood were running cold. Which was ironic he thought. Damon rubbed his hands on his legs, the friction of the denim against flesh grounding him in the present. Not the first time he'd employed that little trick. He'd learned it long ago during the war.
He didn't look up as she entered "Before we do this… there's something I need to tell you." Better to hear it from him, than to find out the other way.
She knelt down beside him and placed her hands over his, to stop their motion. She remembered this well. He'd been less than a year back from the war when she'd first met him. It was that vulnerability that had changed her mind about him then. "Alright, "She said.
"You're gonna be pissed." He said looking over at her.
"It's not the first time. It won't be the last."She said honestly. It seemed Damon spent a great deal of his life infuriating people intentionally. She was not immune to his moods, nor unaware of his self destructive tendencies.
"Really pissed."
"Unless you are about to tell me that you have snuck out to have an affair with Katherine I think we'll get through it. No matter how angry I may be."
"So that's the cardinal sin is it?" He asked grinning a little. "Katherine."
"Only so long a girl can be the consolation prize." Alexandra said.
"You were never a consolation prize" He told her. "I found the vial you kept of my blood and switched it out for human." He told her. He waited for the explosion but there was only silence which was worse. "I knew you'd get another case of a guilty conscience and break the bond. I didn't want that to happen. I couldn't-"
She slapped him.
Damon winced. "- lose you again." He finished.
She slapped him again.
"Okay, yeah. Had that one coming too, but I'm gonna stop the next one. "He told her.
"You didn't want to-?" she switched from English to French and Damon blinked.
"Such language, Alexandra." He said, without its usual humor. He didn't move. He knew she was going to leave. He'd screwed up again. He always did. Didn't matter who or where or when, he always screwed things up.
"I should you know." She said finally. "I should pack up and head back to New Orleans."
He looked down but nodded. "I understand."
"Dear god, this –" She motioned at him "This is why I don't want to keep you enthralled. What is this, 'I understand' crap." She said. "For that alone I should- " She growled in frustration "You're willing to resort to lies and trickery but you won't fight with me to make me stay. " She stood began to pace, "I don't want a puppet on a string, Damon Why do you think I fell in love with you in the first place? I want someone to fight with me, challenge me. I want you not some shadow of you bound into place by sorcery."
He got to his feet slowly, "Sacha-"
"No, don't Sacha me. You didn't do it because you were afraid I'd leave you did it because you were afraid that if I let you go, you'd go after Elena." She yelled.
"Stop telling me how I feel or what I think," He yelled back, going to stand in front of her. "I'm not that weak minded. You always leave. When the bond is gone you always leave. I push okay I know that. I do. But you're the one that goes."
"What did you think being my thrall without my knowledge would change?" She asked. "How often do I have to tell you I'm not going to leave you?"
"I don't know." He said.
"You don't know?"
"I don't know what I was thinking, alright, I don't." He admitted. "I just didn't want to lose you again."
She sighed in exasperation. "Oh you idiot." She said. "I left you in the past because you were in love with another woman. "
"Gee do you see where I might think you would leave me." Damon said. "I had called you to come keep me from being a dick and trying to steal my brother's girl."
"I'm not threatened by a teen aged girl, no matter how much she looks like Katherine." She said.
"I don't love Katherine anymore. I don't know if I ever did. It's possible I was compelled. " He sighed "No I'm not making that up. Stefan insists that we were. She says we weren't. I don't know. Actually knowing her now I'd say it's completely possible. It certainly makes me feel better to think so."
She shook her head. "What am I going to do with you?" Again in exasperation.
"You know you want to forgive me." He said, trying to charm her into a better mood.
She gave him a look.
"Sacha…"
"I'm not going to leave you." She said "I may very well strangle you but I won't leave you." Alexandra sighed and went to sit down.
He sat down beside her. "I'm sorry." He said, putting his hand over hers.
She nodded. "It's okay." Her expression said that it wasn't quite but it would be. "I don't know what I am going to do about it yet. But it's okay."
"That sounds ominous." He said.
"Not really. I just have to decide if I'm going to leave things as they are or break the bond. "
Damon nodded. "Well, it kept Timon from being able to enthrall me himself. And I have the feeling he wouldn't have been as much fun. "
"Don't even joke about that." She said.
He pulled her into his arms, and kissed the top of her head.
"While I'm figuring out what to do with you, let's see about chasing Timon out of your head." She told him.
Damon nodded."So does this mean it's possible for someone to get into my head and take out any of your programming as well?" He asked. "What?" She had given him a look. "It's what it is. "
She sighed and nodded. "Yes they can. If you are willing it's easier, depending on how deep the rules are embedded. If you're unwilling it can be excruciating and there is no guarantee that it would work. So I brought a few things to help with the process." Alex told him. "The fact that you are still enthralled will help. If I have to I can force you to be willing. " She had the feeling Timon had done this to make her tear Damon's mind apart. She was going to do everything in her power to prevent that.
He nodded. "What should I expect?"
"I don't know. When I set things deep I anchor them to a real memory. Reinforce it through time so that what could take days or months to force into being, can happen instantaneously." She said. "I'll be running through your mind. Expect flashbacks. "
"You've done this to people before?" He asked.
" You know I have a vengeful streak." She said with a faint smile.
He laughed a little nervously. "Okay. Well… what do I need to do?" She knew him for what he was. He wasn't worried about her judging him. The problem was he didn't want to see most of them either.
She rose from the sofa and went to the kitchen where she had put the mortar and pestle she had brought inside. She mixed some of the powder within into a glass of wine and blood. "This will make it easier for both of us." She said and took a long drink of it before handing the glass over to Damon who looked at it a moment and finished it off without asking another question.
Alexandra took him by the hand and led him into the bedroom. She watched as he removed his jacket and shoes and lay back on the bed. "Get comfortable." She said joining him. She could tell the powder was beginning to take effect. His eyes were starting to glaze over a little. Good she needed him as relaxed as possible. The more relaxed he was, the more connected they were, the less likely it was to damage him as she sifted through his life. "Take hold of the head board and don't let go." She told him forcing her will through the bond.
Damon did as he was told, not that he had a choice. "I remember this game. It's a lot more fun when we're naked." He said and gasped as she touched his face. "What did you give me?" He asked breathlessly. He didn't remember her touch ever being that intense.
"The sad fact of reality is we actually are less powerful than the male of the species. So we've created equalizers. It will fade when the drug leaves our systems." She sat beside him, staying in contact with him, strengthening their connection to one another, getting used to the feel of him flowing back through the bond.
He nodded, shifting position a little. He closed his eyes as his mind began to drift seemingly beyond his control. He tried to bring it back to the present but felt Alexandra's hand on his brow and all illusion of control was lost.
"Shhhh… it's alright. I've got you." She told him quietly. She could almost skim back through time on those words alone. So often they said them to one another. Damon quieted, and drifted into sleep. "That's right," she said soothingly, and closed her own eyes, drifting back through his life. She went back to the beginning. Skimming through childhood years, scanning for signs of Timon, there were always signs when a necromancer left his mark on a vampires mind. They left a part of them behind with such dealings. It was part of what aged them so quickly.
She found it hard not to get lost watching him grow up. Or to notice how similar their fathers were. The difference being she had been August Sauveterre's golden child. Damon had been his father's disappointment. Nothing he did ever could please the man, or curb Giuseppe Salvatore's temper. The older Damon got the more violent his father's temper grew toward him and the more the man threw the ever perfect Stefan in his face. As much as Damon loved his younger brother, he had loathed him as well. Still he protected him, and their father's image of him, by taking the blame where he could for any of Stefan's transgressions.
She could find Timon hiding behind Giuseppe, using the man's words and fists to drive his own agenda home. She didn't know how to remove Timon without removing the father as well and that would change him too completely. No one should endure that, but to take it away would be to weaken a part of the foundations of who he was.
Timon had been reinforcing those dark times in his life, creating fractures where he had in reality been tempered like Damascus steel. She found him during the war, reinforcing the natural fear and the horror that over whelmed all soldiers at one time or another. He had been there when Katherine had been playing the brothers against one another. He'd been there when Stefan had forced a weakened Damon to feed and thus transition. He'd been in New Orleans when Damon had been captured and tortured. He'd been there when she had taken him the first time. He had reinforced the guilt and self loathing with each death or failure as if he were continuing Giuseppe's mission of destroying him.
He had become the echo in Damon's mind. The voice that repeated every negative thing heard, and carried insecurity and shame for every wrong deed. The ground work had been meticulously laid, and like a master sculptor he had hammered and chiseled along Damon's natural fracture lines. The final blows had never been delivered, and she was afraid to manipulate it much lest she be the one to actually do so.
She pulled back, finding the words there, the endless list of thou shalt not's that Damon said were pressing in against his mind. Commands to keep a man imprisoned by his own will. There were others, things she couldn't find, but could sense they were there. He had expected Damon to be rescued; he'd just never anticipated his own death. He'd been creating a sleeper, a spy. But for whom? Who was holding the keys? Was the threat gone or was it still lurking?
Alexandra exited and slowly lifted her hand from Damon's brow.
He opened her eyes and looked at her, still not moving, hands still grasping the headboard. "What is it?" He asked quietly.
She caressed his face, and took a deep breath before explaining what she had found and what it meant.
"Do what you have to do." He said firmly. "I don't care about what it will do to me, you fix it."
She shook her head. "No."
"You can't trust me if there's someone else pulling my strings." He insisted, and tried to sit up but couldn't "I need to let go of the bed now, "Damon said.
She shook her head and said nothing.
"Sacha!"
"We need information, and I need more time to fix this. If I do this the way you want me to you'll wake up someone completely different. He knew what I would try and… "
"Booby trapped my head." Damon said and lay back against the pillow. "He made it obvious enough to keep you from doing it. So do it."
"He made it obvious there was a problem so that I would go looking, first. " She said firmly. "You chose to stay enthralled because you trusted me more than you trusted yourself. You're going to have to trust me now. "
"It's my head." He said angrily. "You wanted me to fight you well now I am. I mean it Alexandra, I want you to undo it. I don't care the price."
"Damon, someone is trying to use you against me. I have two choices. I can destroy you or I can turn the tables and use you against them." She said softly. Neither choice appealed to her. Both put him at risk and her plan endangered them all but it would give them an edge that maybe they could pull into a true advantage.
"How the hell do you expect to use me as a double agent when we have no idea who is pulling the strings?" he demanded.
"I let them pull the strings." Her voice cracked.
Damon fell silent and was still on the bed as he studied her a moment before he nodded. "okay." He said finally. "You think there is more to this than Klaus and Tyler don't you?"
"I do. I just don't know what. There is too much going on for it to be about one vampire, no matter how old he is"
"Okay. Not that I really have a say in the matter but …okay."
Alexandra caressed his face gently, "I love you." She told him, and then forced her will upon him." you will not feel Timon in your mind, you are free of his presence. You will forget everything about our session but that when you waken. Now sleep."
Damon's body went limp and his eyes drifted closed.
"I know you are here Alaric." She said "You may as well show yourself."
Ric materialized near the new dresser. "This is a risky game you are playing." He said looking at the sleeping vampire. "He's a walking time bomb on a good day. With people playing tug of war with his will, it's not going to get better."
"I need help undoing what was done. Timon was ancient and powerful. I'm neither. " She said in all honesty. "I hope my sister can provide assistance, perhaps combined we can undo this without undoing everything that makes Damon … Damon."
"What do you want from me?" He asked.
"How do you feel about Damon-sitting? " She asked.
"You want me to spy on him? Seriously?" Alaric asked looking at her incredulously.
"I don't want to know everything he does. I trust him when he's in control of himself. But someone has the key to turning that off. Until I find out who that is or a way to break what Timon has programmed in, I need someone who can keep an eye on him that knows him well enough to know when he isn't the one making the decisions or can let us know if he's in trouble or who he might be reporting to."
Ric sighed. "That I can do." He said looking worriedly at his friend.
"Thank you." Alexandra said. "Now I am going to ask for some privacy."
He chuckled. "I'd say get a room but you're already there." He faded away.
She stretched out beside Damon on the bed, and caressed his face worriedly. "I'll fix it. I promise." She said then did her best to shake the mood. "Hey sleepy head, time to wake up."
He drew in a deep breath and turned his head to look at her. "hey. " he said. "Can I have my hands back now?" He asked looking at her expectantly.
"Yes. You're far too over dressed for that to be any fun." She said smiling.
"I can fix that." He said grinning back at her.
"How do you feel?" Alex asked as he brought his arms around her.
"I feel good." He said honestly. "Better. Thank you." Damon found himself saying those words a lot more than usual since she had come back into his life. He wondered what that said about him… or their relationship.
"Good." She said resting her head on his chest, her arms wrapped around him. She had his permission; she shouldn't feel as guilty as she did about things. But she did. "I love you." She said softly.
"You too." He said closing his eyes again.