Chapter 13:

How Tragic

I seemed to have lost myself in fantasy. It was like I began reading some tragic tale that is romantic and disgusting at the same time, and never came out of that world. I actually said, on a bravado of words, that I wanted to be with him since many weeks ago, I was convinced that he was the demon of my life. Erik... is quite possibly the challenge of my life, if I'll even receive a life after I leave here whenever that may be. He's shown me irrevocable love and admiration and never ceased to leave my side? Have I finally come the conclusion that I actually might feel something back?

No.

Well... that's what I keep telling myself. Of course not. He's much more passionate, and it's like I'm at a loss for words anymore whenever he admits several times of the amount of adoration and love that he feels for me, and it seems that he reached into my heart and pressed on it, squeezed it, and made my stomach do a few weird tricks.

I denied it, of course. I denied it and pretended not to listen at night when he would sit by my bed and sing to me a lullaby. In fact, I almost had myself convinced I still hated him for locking me up here until this one day when he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him. I had the usual urge to squirm out of his grasp again, but something told me not to. He pressed his masked cheek near mine, and his covered lips nudged it, as if to kiss it, but reluctant, frightened. I grimaced when I thought he wouldn't see, but walked away feeling strangely buoyant. It was such a strange moment, though somehow calming.

I rushed to my room, of course, and tried to figure out some way in order to convince myself indefinitely that I don't actually love Erik. I found myself slouched over a writing desk, jotting down things over and over again, each time being forced to crumple the multiple pieces of paper into my hand and throwing them to the small trash bin near the bathroom door.

The only idea I came up with, using a notepad of paper was just to write a note to Raoul... oh, how it hurts to think of him again, with the thoughts of Erik on the same whim. Were he to find this... well, maybe he'll be convinced as well. I wrote perhaps the cheesiest lines yet, but I wasn't an expert at this admitting thing like Erik, either... I wasn't put here to be an author, anyway. But the words I wrote were utterly true, of course, I meant every word and that I wished to see him once more in a more comfortable place, without worries of Erik behind my back.

It was there that Erik found me, writing it, and a sudden fear came over me of what he may do if he were to find what I said. I made my signature at the bottom of the note, and folded it quickly, stiffening at the feeling of his presence when he stepped near.

"Good evening, love, shall I interest you in a walk?" He asked and I turned and gave a small smile, tucking in the note into my jeans pocket.

"Sure, that sounds good." I replied almost too enthusiastically, which was my mistake. I began to clutch my back pocket nervously, swallowing the entire nerve down my throat, but I couldn't seem to rid of it as my heart thudded against my chest.

"What is it?" he asked cautiously, almost sounding nervous himself. "You sound a little excited... is everything alright​?"

"Everything is fine..." I assured, using my best acting skills to comply.

"No... there's something wrong here... are you hiding something?" He asked in a strange tone, looking behind my back, tilting his head, as I rose from my seat quickly

"Really, I'm fine. Can we go now? I think it's just being stuck in this..."

"Show me." He demanded calmly.

"Show you what?" I spat back, acting angry that he was being testy again.

"I know you're hiding something. You are not fooling me, Christine. Show me what you're hiding."

I swallowed hard and looked firmly into his beautiful eyes. "Why must I show you if I actually did have something behind my back right now"

"Because, my dear, sweet Christine... I am still your guardian." He furtively chimed, possibly smiling beneath that mask from his. "I am not in the mood for games tonight, Christine. Do you mind showing me, or must I pull it out of your hands, and I do not believe you will enjoy that."

I grimaced and my hand remained firm on my pocket, and glared at him firmly. I was only protecting him, and he insisted. I'll try as much as I can.

"Please, Christine, we do not have all night when it's getting darker by the second." He pressed, trying to sound more kinder with his words, I only pressed my lips firmer.

It didn't even take a second for his arm to swoop down and grab the note out of my clutched hands, and he grabbed it so forcefully that I gave out a pained cry. Realizing he was just about to read it, I almost cried, "No, Erik!"

He straightened it out and only glimpsed over it before glaring to me with more than anger. There was something like betrayal in his eyes. Something I never intended on being faced with twice.

"Read it," He seethed grabbing my hand and forcing the note into my hand, and his bony fingers were very hard against my skin as he forcefully put it into my hand, I gave out another yelp. I think it was then that my eyes went blurry at the pain in his voice, and I really didn't want to do this to him again. I was just so slow as to not plan ahead when I thought of doing this. "I said, read it. Go on. Enlighten me, dear, for I do so want to know how you feel for that idiot boy, what he could possibly hold for you."

I shook my head in the negative, wiping away the few tears with a finger.

"You'll never see him again, you may as well continue, darling." He hissed.

"No, Erik... I-"

"I know what you're trying to do."

"No, you don't..." I sniveled.

"Do as I say, Christine. Read the damn letter to me!" His voice took me aback, and I couldn't take it much longer, so I broke. I felt like I could fold over at any time, as I gripped the tortured paper in my hand accordingly and opened my mouth to say the first few words.

"Dear Raoul," I began, sniffing again, hiding my eyes further into the paper so that I couldn't see his eyes. "My dear Raoul..." I said, adding effect. And I believed right now I could lie with the added effect, "I do not wish for you to worry for me so," I added, which is quite contrary to what I actually wrote. "I am perfectly fine where I am with my guardian..." I looked up to see his eyes fixed right on me, and I shriveled up even more, taking a deep breath, trying to feel more calm. He looked fixed to kill something, or punch something... I saw that look before he attacked Raoul. "I only wish that you would find peace somewhere else just as I have. Your dear friend, Christine." I ruffled the note in my hand, and Erik bent down to retrieve it.

"Do not lie to me, Christine," He was strong for one moment "Do not deceive me," but then... "How could you?" His voice broke on the last word, backing away, reading the actual note over and over with his eyes and I had no way of saving him from hurting himself again. I only could stare and sob... just like I've always been able to do, without any way of fixing the situation. There was something shining in the light as it fell from his eye hole in his mask, and I noticed it was a tear. Oh, his tears... how could one man's tears hurt so much?

"I didn't..." I whispered so low that I was sure he couldn't hear me, but he did, surprisingly enough.

"Sure," He replied dryly, letting the beaten note drop to the ground by his feet. I heard a soft sob come from him, and we were silent for a second as he wept in front of me, and I could only stand there just like before. Suddenly, and so suddenly that I gasped, he fixed his composure, and straightened himself out.

"Well, then..." He began with an acidic tone in the background of a strong angelic, yet still broken voice, "If," He said simply, "You desire you be here as much as you just said you did..." He then reached for my hand, and looked at the ring idly, stroking it over with his thumb as if it may just save him, squeezing my heart violently. "Then it is all the more sense to make it... official."

My eyes widened at the comment, and I tried to draw my hand away, but he only grabbed it more firmly, pressing me closer one more time, his hand coming behind my back. He stretched my fingers out and then fingered for the plain golden ring on my left hand, taking it off. "You still wear it, just as I told you to..."

I nodded, still trying to back off, not caring for the ring, but it was beginning to hurt with the amount of force he used on my wrist. He placed it back onto my finger lovingly, and looked up to me, still wide-eyed and tensed.

"Then, darling..." He said simply, "you shall be my bride." He pressed on my hand firmly and let go, as I almost fell to the ground.

"What?" I hissed.

"Have a good night's rest, my love, you have a big day tomorrow..." And with that alluring tone, he swiftly left the room with a quick pivot of the foot, slamming the door shut. I ran and banged on the door screaming at it.

"You can't do this! You just can't! Oh, please! Erik!" I begged at the door, falling over, feeling my world suddenly spin around me. I tried the doorknob to see the slightest chance that he might not have locked it. But what was my luck, anyway? "You can't!" I screamed so loudly, and fell to the floor, sliding down it, looking at the damned piece of paper sitting across from me, and I wished I could just take a match to it. Burn the paper into ash and maybe, if I'm lucky enough, take me and my idiocy with it, consuming me into the flames. That wasn't possible. Erik's not a stupid man, if I know that much, why would he put a lighter in here...? Or any other sort of sharp object...? Surely he must know that he's already driving me up the wall of insanity that would actually force me into a matter of that.

I erased that insane idea from my mind and began to pace the room back and forth, sobbing loudly, moaning to myself, and thinking.

I could escape.

The window.

I rushed over to it as quick as my feet could take me, and began toying with it, to see if it just may open, and I used as much muscle that I had, but it didn't move. Simply shook. I banged my fist against it hard and it didn't even make a crack, but I believe the fist did. I leaned over and fell into the nearest support.

Surely he didn't mean I was actually going to be married to him, did he? That's not possible... he's my guardian... I'm only seventeen! He can't ruin my life like this so quickly!

I only had to take a second of calming down somewhat to realize I was turning eighteen soon... and thereafter, it wouldn't matter who the hell the man would be, if he forced my hand into marriage, I was lawfully wedded to him, even if he may be insane and ugly, and... I don't know... but I did not want to be married.

I didn't sleep that night, my thoughts were overflowing with bitter things, and sad things about how I would never have someone actually romantically kneel to his knees and ask for my hand in an ideal landscape as most girls would dream. I don't even get to have a say in the wedding!

I felt sick to my stomach as the world took full throttle and seemed to crash before my very eyes. I took off to the bathroom, opening the lid of the toilet quickly and throwing up dinner... It wasn't a pretty sight and I didn't feel much better after that, just simply drained of any source of life in me, and I had a clouded vision take over quickly.

I couldn't sleep for at least an hour or so, curled into covers, I heard the door creak open, and the familiar dark figure in the dim glow of my lamp was there. I rose up from the bed, and began to crawl away quickly, though it was dreadfully hard considering I almost fell over.

"Get away from me!" I hissed. "You monster! You creep! I don't want to see you again!" I spat angrily.

"No, Christine... sh..." his voice was more powerful then my will. He came closer to me as I lost my very point of consciousness, taking me into another one of his lullabies, and all I remember of that night was looking to Erik, who weaved his fingers through my hair sweetly, and bid me tonight, calling me his lovely bride and I was too weak under the power of his voice to rebel.

I awoke too early in the morning, though my heart was pounding when I awoke. My eyes widened, feeling shot down slightly, worn out, and breathed through like something hollow.

I was to be wed.

I swallowed hard, feeling myself already beginning to hyperventilate, looking at the bed like it might just bite me, and jumped off the bed, as if it would just swallow me whole. I felt sick to my stomach once more and repeated the same action as the night before, letting it flush down... and I shut the bathroom door, pressing my back to it. My hand rose to my chest as if it would pause my heart, but I think it sped up.

I leaned my head against the door, and buried my head into my arms, scared that Erik may come into the room. I eventually found myself once more at the sink, trying very hard to get the ring off... Erik took it off easily, so why couldn't I? It didn't work out, my only outcome was that my finger was a swelling red and ugly. I gave out a moan and fell to the floor, exasperated.

"Christine, darling? You must start getting ready." Erik's voice was in the other room.

"You can't make me do this!" I screamed at the door, holding my fist to it in case he may try to break in.

"I beg to differ, dear. You will do this. You've hurt me, Christine, this must be your punishment if you say you would like to be here, despite."

"You're wrong! This is wrong! I'm only seventeen, I can't get married!"

"Once more, I beg to differ. You are able to get married if your guardian grants permission. Strange thing is, I'm your guardian." He said with such acidity, that inside, it burned in a way.

"This isn't fair!" I seethed, banging on the door.

"It's sad to say life isn't fair, now please, we do not have all day. Anne will be in to help you get ready. I'll see you soon, Christine." He bid me farewell, and I couldn't help but bang on the door one more time, feeling completely hopeless.

He was taking this too far... Of course, he would take this too far. Isn't that what Erik does? Over-react to just about anything? It makes sense for my stupid mistake when I wrote that note for strict purposes for him. When one would usually take this whole confused relationship and try to help it, instead of pick at it until it brakes, and try to take it to what they wanted instead of push it over and watch it crumble as he probably just did.

I shut my eyes tightly, letting the tears dry out. I know I can't go against it no matter how many ways I try to fight it. I dragged myself out of my bathroom, looking to see over the chair, a dazzling white dress, which was no doubt...a wedding dress, with rose patterns embedded the entire dress with beads to outline them, and a large sash that wove into a train, with a tight-looking feel to it. I swallowed hard again, figuring out this was his... doomed intention for me all along. He thought I would fall in love with him enough to marry him, or perhaps not. Perhaps it's been with him this entire time.

Anne came in, looking dreadfully paled and flustered. Without saying a word when she came in, she pressed her lips firmly and began to the bathroom, taking out a pearled comb and brush, looking as if she just killed something. She placed the two objects onto my dresser and signaled me to come over without a single word.

"I can't believe this." She whispered in my ear as she helped me strip off my shirt, hanging the dress on the door of my closet.

"I can't do this..." I replied with the same amount of softness, swallowing hard again so I wouldn't break down. My stomach was doing its own gymnastics routine as the dress came further and further over my head. I never wanted to be married like this... not in a million years. My father or mother would never want this for me especially the same as goes for the man whom I was to marry.

"I'm afraid you have no other choice," She muttered as she began tying the corset-like backing to the dress, forcing me to take in heaving breaths, and I had to hold onto the bed railing to keep my knees from wobbling so I would hurt myself even more falling to the ground.

"How long has he been planning this?" I asked suddenly.

She didn't answer as she fanned out the skirts around me.

"Anne!" I pressed desperately, now choking on restrained cries.

"A while," was all she replied, sounding nervous.

"And you never told me!?" I hissed, "I could have ran when I had the chance... I could have been stronger before... why, oh why....?!" I moaned, taking my face into my hands, and shaking my head over and over.

"He would have my head if I told you, and he would have it again to know that I am speaking to you. He wished for me not to," She rushed quickly, pressing a finger to her lips, and with the other hand, patted my back with a motherly care to her.

I groaned again, coming out of her touch angrily.

"You must calm down..." She said, grabbing me by my shoulders fiercely, "Please, just calm down," I did so, looking into her fearing eyes.

What if I don't say "I do" and instead, the opposite? Would he simply kill me at the alter and put up with the disgrace? Would he turn away and never come back...? I began thinking those sorts of things in my mind as Anne toyed with my hair, looking to my red-faced self in the mirror. I don't think I'd be able to manage the type of embarrassment in front of a priest and in front of God, I'm sure that's an utter sin. But isn't being married at a young age just as much of one as anything?

I felt like I was drowning in a tide, being pulled, completely exposed and neglected out to sea forcefully, once more by my ankles.

"How can I get around this?" I asked.

"I'd advise you not to." She replied briefly.

"And why not?" I almost screamed.

"Christine... he has told you he loves you and will never harm you, and... you've harmed him in so many way unimaginable... you're only doomed to stay here longer if you turn him away. Your own sanity depends on it."

"If I hear him say those damn words one more time I'm going to explode into a thousand shreds!" I exclaimed, possibly sounding small, still, not even meaning the words entirely.

"He can be a much better man if you try hard to let him show that side to you, you know... he's truly a good man somewhere inside that is far from reach, you see."

"Wherever that may be, and if I find it, I'll let you know." I spat, and Anne backed away revealing my hair which was now partially pulled into a bun at the top of my head with a few loose and curly strands hanging down, and in a pained and guilty way, I actually thought I looked kind of beautiful.

"Your shoes are by the door." She hastened, taking the veil from the top of the vanity, and pushed the comb into the bun, letting the veil fall behind me for now, I suppose. I never really carefully studied weddings, I suppose I wasn't to see Erik before the wedding so I could give him a piece of my damned mind! I wasn't supposed to see him only because it would bring bad luck to the "couple." I shuddered at the word.

I put the sandal-like shoes on my feet, feeling extremely awkward in such a dress as this. The last time I wore something this fancy was for homecoming with Raoul and I remembered that cute boyish blush as he looked at me for the first time at the clichéd bottom of the stairway, looking up to me with an outstretched arm, ready for me to take, and a cute smile on his face. I chased the memory away angrily, not wanting the extra pain.

We stepped out to a beautiful morning, a different car waiting in the rounded driveway. She got in first, wearing somewhat formal clothes for the occasion. I felt like I was floating the rest of the way, lost in angry, saddened thought.

We arrived at a small but pretty chapel. I wasn't paying attention enough during the drive to know, exactly, where we were.

We walked through a doorway which led to a small lobby that was entirely empty, of course, not decorated in any stupid fashion, and for that I was grateful as I try to not think of it more than I am already failing.

Anne left me then, telling me to go when the music reaches the beginning point after the large crescendo. I blinked and nodded, feeling tears already starting to come to my eyes.

It was all mostly a blur once the music began to play in the chapel, it was beautiful, but clumsy, played by the small organ that filled the small place with sound. I don't remember even walking into the chapel, but I was awed by the gorgeousness of the old-fashioned chapel, the stained glass beautifully made above the alter, and the only thing that wasn't necessarily beautiful was the man who sucked the light from the entire room, which was where Erik stood, watching me with those intense, but now lightened eyes. I saw that look before... when he told me that he loved me...

I took a step in after what seemed like forever, and I think that I almost forgot how to walk, scared out of my mind, tears overflowing repeatedly behind the veil, my face most likely twisted from the crying.

One step... two step...

Oh, what was the use... I stopped walking staring down to my feet, feeling dizzy when I noticed that Erik coughed expectantly for me to look up and keep moving. Next to him was an old priest that was so leathered and old that he may just drop dead before reciting the lines at ordinary weddings. I walked faster, feeling stupidly confident that the priest would die, and really, that was a strange urge, but I found myself closer to Erik quicker than expected.

He outstretched his black gloved hand, expecting me to take it. I only stared at it scornfully before he pulled my hand out from the bouquet of flowers, and held my hand firmly so that I wouldn't move, letting the bouquet drop to the ground as he grabbed my other hand and entwined it with his so firmly that it hurt.

I barely remember the lines... I hardly remember Erik replying. But what I did remember, if anything, was when Erik promised, using the same words as the priest and said things of love and death, and sickness and health, and all the things happy couples do for each other, and he said it with such sincerity in his voice as he looked to me with those odd golden eyes, I was almost moved.

My full name was then mentioned, and my entire body stiffened, expecting me to repeat them. Erik's hand squeezed mine even more, and I squeaked something like a "yes".

Then, came the infamous two words. The priest said the usual line, and Erik said the two words with such precise beauty and care so that it would sound as cared for as it was supposed to.

And the priest came to me, and it was silence from my point. I was on the choice from saying I do or don't and my hand seemed to be breaking at that moment with Erik's strong hold on it. I gulped and cried even louder, and squeaked something that sounded like an "I do", but I guess that was good enough for "You may now kiss the bride," sounded.

Oh, Hell no... He raised the mask up to reveal his thin and twisted lips, taking his gloved hand and removing the veil from over my face, which was possibly a bright red from sobbing this entire time. It came to me like another slap in the face that I was married... Married!

"Oh, I must kiss you!" He said quietly, almost pleadingly, coming closer, to me so that his peculiar body was almost pressed against mine. I tried to back away, but he grabbed my back with a hand, and came even closer.

I felt those dead lips press onto my own, and I could no longer breathe or stand. I collapsed in his arms, and fainted.