She was in a dark place.
A place where no light dared to touch.
She was alone.
The life flowing from her with each breath she took.
She feels tremendous guilt for having done something wrong, yet she cannot remember anything.
Within the recesses of her black cocoon she sees brief flashes of light.
And a face.
A face she has seen many times, yet only in her dreams.
She smiles at this, and sighs dreamily.
Perhaps this is a dream.
It has to be a dream.
Yet she sees his face again, clear and beautiful right before her, a sense of worry was sketched into the depths of his eyes.
What a cruel dream this is, to be taunting her so maliciously.
Slowly as she untangles herself from the silky black ribbons of unconsciousness, she remembers.
Little pieces at first.
The doctors are telling her something, yet she could not understand the meaning in their words.
Her memory then takes her to where she is teetering on the edge of a cliff; it had been raining, thunderstorms surrounding her as she stared into the dark abyss below.
She shudders.
Did I do...
She dared not finish her question.
She is now fully awake. She can feel herself being carried by someone.
She is no longer in the hospital. The deep and stony silence in her new surroundings certifies that fact.
She can feel the prelude to the pinpricks of pain, slowly rising in her body.
Her mind was starting to register the heavy blow of bruises she had suffered from the fall.
She writhed in discomfort, trying to numb herself from the pain, anything to distract her from the pain. Her eyelids felt excessively heavy, she could not find strength to open them.
But she had to try.
She had to tell whoever was carrying her to help her with the pain; she could not bear to face it by herself.
Her mouth parted but no words could come out, strength has left her broken body.
She was falling fast, twirling down like a mangled doll as it hits the jagged rocks.
She felt fear.
The kind of fear that is faceless, shapeless. Eating away at the spirit like a parasite.
She felt herself being laid down on a large bed, her head being placed on a soft pillow.
Such cold, yet soft hands. . .
She knew death would not be too far away.
She laid still; for fear that indescribable pain would quickly follow. Her breathing came in laboured gasps.
She wanted to be free from this pain, to escape from its sharp claws; she does not know how long she could hang on. Until she saw his face again through half open lids and hazed visions.
Who knew that in the moment of her death, it was his face she would see.
That heaven sent face whose memory haunts her ever so tenderly.
Whether it was a dream or not, she was thankful to see him once more.
He was kneeling at her bedside. His hands clasped together tightly. His eyes were closed.
He was in deep contemplation.
He seemed to be in such pain.
Even though she knew this was a dream she still wanted to see if there was any chance of this being real.
With little strength she had left, she slowly willed her hand to move.
A few more tries, nothing.
And finally as she gave one more push, her hand limply rolled off to her side barely brushing against his white sleeve.
She let out a moan of pain from the movement.
His hands slowly lowered, as he opened his eyes. Revealing the familiar honey shade as it surrounded his pupil in a sea of gold.
He was staring at her with such intent and sadness.
She felt slightly frightened.
Before she could blink, he was now hovering above her.
His lips tight and small. His eyes which seemed to have contained such a deep pain to which she longed to understand.
She opened her lids a little wider, he truly was there. .
This was no illusion, no dream, nor a hallucination.
He is there in front of her.
She could never understand how in the world he had found her. She wanted to ask him so many questions, so many things.
But the pain was returning fast and she twisted slightly as warm tears began gushing from her eyes.
"W...won't you say a prayer for me?" She said in a helpless quiver.
She watched him close his eyes and opened them a moment later. His golden eyes staring deeply into hers.
He said nothing, but somehow she understood his silence perfectly and knew each unspoken word he said by heart.
Her heartbeat was ringing in his ears as he leaned closer to her. He gently brushed the hair away from her face and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
He slowly moved to her neck, the blood was pulsing there in intoxicating rhythm.
His lips brushed against the skin as his mouth widened.
His sharp teeth had sunken into her; he could feel her soft skin break under his bite. Her warm blood flowing like dark wine onto his lips.
His venom was inside her, pouring fast as they slipped into her veins.
It would not be long until her heart would no longer beat.
The blush in her tender cheeks forever lost.
The warmth in her skin, never again.
He looked at her as if he were looking at a last sunrise.
For he knew.
He knew that once she awoke from her slumber, it would be forever at sunset.
It should not be long now, till her eyes opened once more.
The night is thin and damp as it covers the land in a dark embrace.
There are no stars, only murky clouds of grey cotton floating aimlessly in the black horizon.
The moon is bright and clear as it watches the gloomy earth with sleepy eyes.
Outside, the soft whistle of the wind could be heard through the trees as night creatures emerge from their nest to relish in the cold night air.
She was awake.
Her eyes no longer brown, but in it's place a deep and vivid crimson.
The color of wine.
The color of blood.
Her alabaster skin glowing slightly under the dim light, as she sat there on the bed, her hair tousled as she looked at him.
He had been talking to her for over an hour and a half.
He spoke to her with a mystic patience, explaining to her what he had done and what had happened.
Catering to all her questions and answered them truthfully with an honest heart.
At first he had expected her to be furious, yet she was completely calm. She understood every word he said with amazing comprehension.
He could not fathom it at first, he thought that she might not have understood the severity of her situation, but she did. More clearly so than he thought.
Her steady gaze holding on to him so intently as he spoke.
She accepted her fate without a qualm or any regret.
He was baffled by her, entranced by her mind at her easy acceptance to a fate so dark. He longed to ask her in turn a question but decided against it.
His guilt, making him ambivalent.
But his serene face did not betray the torment he endured within himself as he watched her quietly.
Her next question though, he was not prepared to answer.
"And my child?" She asks her ruby eyes fixed on him. "He is alright isn't he?"
He had averted his gaze as he shifted lightly in his seat.
"Isn't he?" She repeated, more fiercely this time.
"I'm sorry. . . ."
Esme suddenly remembers the doctor in her room.
"No, no, no," She mumbled under her breath.
"Esme. . ."
"NO!" She screamed.
She slid off the bed and started heading towards the two large double doors.
Carlisle quickly followed her and gently grabbed her by the elbow and turned her to face him.
"You cannot go back there. . ." He said quietly,
"No! I have-I have to get my baby..." She said, fighting for words.
"Your baby..." He took a pause, taking in a breath, "Your baby, passed away-"
"That's not true!" She said trying to free herself from his grasp, "He's alright, you don't understand. He needs me."
"Esme, Esme Listen to me," Carlisle said softly as he lifted her chin gently, "Your child passed away from a lung infection 3 days ago. . ."
She felt her knees shake as they gave way to the floor. Carlisle caught her in his arms before her skin touched the ground, kneeling down with her as he held her close.
She shook her head stubbornly as she fought his strength, struggling to free her hands from his.
It's not true, it's lies, all lies. . .
The pain she felt was far worse than any she had ever encountered.
The pain from the past.
The pain she had endured as a young girl due to the absence of a mother's loving comfort.
The pain Charles had given her.
The silent bitterness she endured within herself.
The pain she had suffered within the past few hours. All those things, all she had gone through paled in comparison to her feeling of loss.
That intangible yet incredibly agonizing realization that the one thing you have loved and protected the most.
Gone.
She felt a gaping wound within herself that was torn open. The wound was raw, and ran so deep she feared it might break her bones in half.
She felt like she had fallen into thin ice and was now being drowned, being pushed down into the black waters of despair by her pain.
The loss of a child.
Her child.
The child is gone.
He is gone.
"I have to go to him..." She said as her voice started breaking.
Carlisle kept firm in his grasp.
"Damn it let me go!" She cried as dry sobs wracked her body.
"Esme..." He whispered pleadingly as he leaned his forehead against hers. Holding her hands close to his chest.
He feared for her.
"No. . ." She moaned angrily through clenched teeth, "I don't deserve this life. . .I couldn't even save my child. . .What kind of mother dosn't save her
child. . .Her own child. . ." She whispered. "I don't deserve to live. . ."
"It's not your fault..." He whispered to her.
"It's no one else's fault but my own. . ."
She slipped her hands from his and raced to the door within a second, proceeding to claw them open.
She realized the door had been locked, but that would not stop her as she caught a tight grip on the doorknob.
She was about to tear that piece of wood clean from it's frame when she felt him come up behind her.
He gently grabbed hold of her and held her by the waist.
"Let me go!" She screamed helplessly as he gently turned her over once more to face him.
"Damn it let me go!" She yelled as she started hitting and slapping him with her hands, Carlisle didn't even flinch as he endured her painful blows.
She broke into violent sobs once more as he softly seized her hands and held them close to him.
"Esme, please." He whispered into her ear, desperation in his voice.
He pulled her close to him as she shook with heavy sobs. She resisted him at first, trying to push him away but alas her arms felt feeble and her legs useless as she found herself melting in his arms, clinging to him like a child. The sounds of her sobs reverberating onto his skin through the thick layers of cloth.
He gently lifted her as he slid his arms under her legs and carried her back to the bed.
"I can't go on like this," She softly whispered into his chest, "You can't leave me to go on like this..."
He laid her down gently. Carlisle avoided her eyes so she would not see the burden of guilt he carried in them.
He veered his head away from her, "Please, forgive me."
She saw the tension that corded his neck; he proceeded to leave her bedside when her tender hands caught the hem of his sleeve.
"Please," She pleaded sounding more like a child than a woman, "Stay with me. . ." She whispered. The fear in her eyes, naked and bare.
He turned to look at her with those same benign eyes that burned with a golden fire.
"Stay with me, please." She repeated in that same soft helpless quiver.
His lips parted; ready to respond when a knock interrupted him.
"I'll be back." He said softly, his eyes never leaving her face.
She gave a small nod as she sunk further into the sheets, her eyes wary and pained.
Carlisle proceeded to close the door, leaving a small opening for her as he walked towards a tall figure that was standing calmly across from him, leaning against a door that was situated next to her room.
"Is she going to be alright?" Edward Cullen's voice pierced through the thick silence between them.
Carlisle exhaled deeply as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Carlisle, what if there is no hope?" He asked once more.
Carlisle raised his eyes as they fixated onto Edward's.
"There is always hope." He replies.
A/N: New update! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Stay tuned for chapter 19! I LOVE you guys! Thank you so much for all your kind reviews! Please keep readin' and reviewin'!
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