Chapter Three____ Tangible Things

Hermione could not believe her eyes. She was dreaming, that was the only explanation. It was just another dream, like the ones before. But it felt so real this time. She slid out of bed and floated over to him, afraid that if she looked away he would disappear. Inside she was a mess, a full fledge battle of her own was waging. She wanted to run at him and throw her arms around him and never let go. She wanted him to take her in his arms and kiss her madly. For a second she thought she might pass out, overwhelmed with who stood before her. How did he get here? Why was he wet? Where did he get that sword? Is he hurt? Where has he been? WHERE HAS HE BEEN??? The question ignited her. All her emotions ran together into fury. Instead of running into his arms, she launched herself at him, fists flying. If it wasn't for Harry she would have possible done something she would have regretted. She had just been so mad. He left her. He left her alone to go through all that. How could he love her if he was willing to risk that, she wondered angrily; the look on his face, dripping wet, standing before her, made her heart flutter, her anger draining. He looked desperate for her to forgive him... NO! No, no, no, she thought, not wanting to give in.

Yet, laying there in the tent she felt a desperate need of her own. She had been sleeping on Ron's cot since he left. The smell of his blankets and pillow were a small comfort to her. They helped bring Ron back to her, if only in her dreams. Now he was here, but a crazy fear seeped into her mind like he could at any moment disappear again. She would wake up in the morning and he would be gone, perhaps never there in the first place. She sneaked a glance his way. His eyes were closed and she turned her head to fully examine him. She couldn't help but love him, but she was so mad. Perhaps hurt was a more accurate word. She stared at him a while till even that wasn't enough. She got up quietly and tip toed over to him. She peered down, biting her lip indecisively.

*** *** ***

Ron felt the presence of someone watching over him in the darkness. He turned, blinking his eyes to adjust to the darkness. After a couple seconds he could make out the bushy hair silhouette of Hermione Granger. He moved to sit up slightly on his arm. His lips parted to call out her name but no sound came. He felt like if he spoke it might wake him from whatever dream he was in or cause her to go away and he didn't want to either. He wondered for a second if she was standing there deciding which hex to use. She probably thought of a few more snide remarks to tell me, he thought at last, bracing himself for another row. She stood there silently and he waited for the wrath that never came. Instead Hermione pulled back the blankets, easing herself under them and into Ron's arms—that opened for her automatically— without a word. Ron was completely baffled by her actions. Maybe I drowned in that pond or got knocked out. This can't be real, he speculated, allowing Hermione to guide his hands so they were completely wrapped around her. Without a word between them, they laid like. Ron listened to the beating of their hearts and matched his breathing to hers as he watched her sleep, still in shock that it was even real. He watched her sleeping face, knowing he would never get enough of it, until he, himself, was out.

*

When Ron woke up he was alone in his bed. Harry was busy fixing something in the far end of the tent and Ron got up to investigate. "Where's Hermione?" He realized it was Harry's wand that held his attention.

"She left a note saying she was going to look for something to make for breakfast. I don't know how long she's been gone for, but I doubt she went far. Probably still needs to cool off a bit," he warned.

All through the day Hermione wouldn't so much as look at Ron. She only communicated through Harry. But Ron was determined. She wouldn't deter him from winning her back. Ron knew he had a lot of making up to do and he was resolved to do it right this time. Every day he was very careful and aware of Hermione. He knew when to stop pushing it and he knew when to try a little more, well, most of the time. There were times where he felt he almost got a smile out of her. She would rush away or make some sarcastic remark and he knew it was just to cover over what she really wanted to do or say. She was being stubborn but he couldn't blame her. He hoped she would forgive him, but he knew he would never forgive himself. Still, at night, after harry dosed off, Hermione would creep over to his bed and invite herself in.

Tonight, in his arms, Hermione suddenly shifted around and faced him. He could just make out her eyes in the darkness. Things had been changing the last couple weeks. The Hermione of the day time was not as sullen and cross as the Hermione in weeks past. She looked at him sometimes from the corner of her eye, when he was giving them a pep talk or bringing a new idea to the table. She looked captivated and pleased with his manner, which only made his convictions stronger. He could even get her to hold small conversations alone without Harry. Sometimes, in triumph he even made her laugh. It was like a huge burden was being lifted. She looked at him know, her lips slightly parted. Maybe she was going to finally mention the kiss, he thought, holding his breath waiting with anticipation.

The kiss could not have come at more inopportune moment. Ron really didn't know what came over him. Well, no, that wasn't completely true he admitted to himself. They had all ventured out the day after his return to look for mushrooms and things. It was difficult because part of him was so ecstatic. Someone had helped them. They had been able to destroy another Horcrux, he had destroyed it in fact. It was a rush. He was there, back with Harry and Hermione. Hermione! he thought, just her name making him feel untouchable. He felt on top of the world, like anything was possible. And then there was Hermione; spiteful and haughty, throwing him dirty looks. He just wanted to grab her and force her to listen to him. Grab her and somehow make her stop treating him so cruelly. He was getting terribly worked up watching her search for mushroom. He looked up and noticed Harry walking off a ways up, out of view now, to find some water, he heard him mutter. He made his way over to her, cautiously. She glanced up, a sour look on her face, and then went immediately back to focusing on the fungi.

"Why don't you go look over there?" she growled, not even looking at him.

" 'Mione, I know you're upset. I feel awful. I'll never forgive myself for abandoning you like that. I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't!" he clarified.

"I don't care, Ronald. It doesn't matter. Go back for all I care. Harry and I can manage just fine on our own."

"You don't mean that," he told her fiercely, taking her arm and spinning her around.

Herminone didn't reply at first, at least not with words. Her face looked hard as she looked to where his hand lay on her, and back to his eyes. "You don't think we could do it on our own?" she challenged, intensifying her glare.

Ron stared back, drawing her a step closer to him. "I don't think you'd want to. I don't think you'd like it if I left again. No matter how angry you might be with me…Harry told me..." he said, reaching for her other arm, "…I'm sorry I hurt you like that. I didn't know. I thought..." His voice was tender and fraught with memories.

Hermione's bottom lip quivered, giving away what her eyes refused.

"It doesn't matter," she said low and forcefully, locking her jaw now. She tried to turn from him and pull away from his hold. This was too much, she thought. Ron's grip only increased. "I know you don't mean that, Hermione. Last night proved that."

"Last night?" she asked with mocking ignorance. "I haven't a clue as to what you're talking about."

"Don't give me that." She gave him a cool questioning look, prompting him to go on. "For one, I know the difference between holding you in dreams and holding you in real life, and last night was no dream…or accident if that's where you're going next. And second of all… you're a terrible liar, you know that?" Ron was not going down without a fight.

"Last night was nothing," she relented in a huff. She tore free from him, her hands waving wildly as she spoke. "It meant nothing, so just forget about it. I don't know what I was thinking. A moment of madness is all it was."

"Bollocks! You missed me. You need me, just like I need you. I know you Hermione…" He was really yelling now.

"No! You left. You obviously didn't care then, so why should I care now? Why should I go easy on you?!" She pointed spitefully at him every time she said 'you', emphasizing her point.

"I cared! Of course I care, Hermione. I…I—" He wanted desperately to tell her he loved her; that he would die without her, all the things he had thought about telling her for the past year now, especially since the night he left. But he couldn't. This wasn't how he pictured saying those words to her, not with her screaming at him in rage.

"There's nothing you can do, Ron. The damage is done and we can't go back. No one forced you to leave. As I recall it I even begged you to do the opposite. I guess I wasn't enough incentive to make you stay. If not for your guilt and shame, who knows where you'd be right now?"

"You can't honestly believe that. You're upset with me and I get that. But you know that isn't true. I mean of course I felt guilty about going. I'll never live down that shame, but mostly because it means I let you down. The worst thing I've ever done was leave you," he explained sincerely, wishing she wasn't turned away from him, so he could read her face. He heard her clucking her tongue and sighing hotly as he spoke and knew she was getting more and more wound up. "Come on, Hermione, say something. You're killing me here. Anything really— yell at me, just not this."

"You want me to yell at you? Okay, Ronald. How about this, would you like to hear what was going through my mind as Nagini thrashed around me that night, while I laid there, waiting to die, too paralyzed with fear to even move?" Ron moved toward her, his arms outstretched, attempting to wrap them around her, as his head shook back and forth; it wasn't easy for him to hear this. Hermione swatted his arms away, pulling out her wand in a threatening manner.

"Don't touch me," she ordered, backing away. Ron stood there with his arms still held out awkwardly, as though waiting for her to change her mind.

"Go ahead and hex me. It's not going to keep me away from you."

"As though you need any help. You keep away so well on your own." As Hermione finished she noticed a strange look come over Ron's face as though he understood something that he hadn't seem moments before. She tried to distract him by saying, "Don't think that I won't," while waving her wand toward him once. But her words only made Ron move closer, so she switched tactics. "As I was saying, I was lying there, feeling completely helpless, glass shattering down on me. I could feel Nagini close by and imagined her sinking her teeth into me, ending it all." She looked into Ron's troubled eyes, fighting back tears. His mouth was gaped and he looked slightly demented as he listened to her. He winced at the thought of Nagini's teeth cutting into her. "You don't have to stay and listen to this, you can go," she told him.

"No, I can't," he stated simply.

"I thought about you and how this might not have been happening at all if you hadn't left. I thought if you were there, we wouldn't be about to die. And I thought how odd it was because whenever I thought about the possibility of us dying in this war, I always thought we would go down fighting together. That's when I knew, that is, I understood…"

"What?" his voice shook with need.

"That I was wrong. I was wrong about you and I knew if I ever saw you again I would see things for what they really are, for what you really are." Her voice was indignant to conceal the lie.

"No," he said snapped disbelievingly, not excepting her claim.

"No?" she asked exasperated.

"I told you, you're a terrible liar." His eyes, which moments ago looked anguished, now held a blazing fire within them. His voice was also new, and the vehemence of how he spoke made her give an involuntary shiver; it didn't go without Ron's notice. In fact it was the single thing that drove him over the edge. "Really, you've left me no choice," he told her slyly, swiftly striding over to her, effortlessly pushing away the wand she still held in her hand. The next instant Ron had Hermione in his arms; one hand wrapped around her waist as the other held her chin, tilting it, just so, to give him access to her lips. He could feel her writhe in his arms even before he placed his mouth over hers, but it didn't deter him. He worked his mouth over hers vigorously and felt the cease of her movements quite suddenly as the rush of his lips worked over hers. She stood there, frozen, her hands raised above her as he continued to kiss her, and even though she was no longer fighting his advance, he held her to him with even more might, needing for her to return his affection. He breathed out hot air against her cheek, breaking for air. He whispered her name desperately in her ear, making a trail of kisses back to her mouth. When he captured her lips this time he parted them, his tongue seeking hers. This kiss was deeper and more impatient. He could feel Hermione's hands now grip into his shoulders and he wasn't sure if she was trying to fend him off again or submitting to the kiss at last. He heard her moan insatiably at the loss of contact on her lips when he pulled away just enough to catch his breath. He wasted no time, crushing his lips to hers again and feeling her mouth part easily for him now. Her arms wrapped securely around his neck and her hands ran through his hair, absentmindedly, driving Ron absolute mad. His arms engulfed her at her waist and he slowly ran his hands up and down her sides before lifting her off her feet. They kissed hungrily, greedy for more, hardly giving themselves enough time to catch their breaths.

"I knew you didn't mean it," he couldn't help breath out into her mouth, kissing her again. The violent shove caught him off guard and he stumbled backwards. The words appeared to have woken Hermione up. Ron didn't stand up right away, resting his hands on his knees; he tried to catch his breath. Hermione worked on regaining a normal breathing pattern as well, hastily bending down to retrieve her wand that she had let slip to the ground. When she looked back at him he was still bent over, but he was breathing easier and now grinning like an idiot, watching her glare at him. She raised her wand now. "Wipe that silly grin off your face, or I'll do it for you."

"Do your worst. It would still be worth it. Hermione wait!" he called after her frantically, as she ignored his response and began to walk away and he followed after her. She turned on him suddenly, after a few long minutes where Ron trailed right behind her.

"You think you can just...and all is forgiven? Well, you can't. All is most certainly not forgiven! Why did you have to do that?!" Her voice was angry, but there was an undertone of insecurity. Ron only noticed the anger and the fact that she was now crying.

"Don't be angry with me. Please— I won't do it again. Please don't cry 'Mione," he replied quickly, trying to alleviate the situation. Whatever needed to be said to make her hate him a little less he would say, if he only knew what she wanted to hear. He couldn't believe he had managed to make the situation even worse. She tried to control her voice and choke back her cries.

"Oh. Great then. Thank you. Because I would rather be forced to kiss Malfoy than kiss you again." She said the words in fury, upset that he had wanted to take the kiss back, angry, still, that he had left her. It seemed to shut him up, his expression contorted to one of agony and she looked away.

"It won't happen again," he bite out, wounded, brushing past her. She heard him curse under his breath and then he stopped, after only a couple steps, and turned to her once more; his face much gentler. "I'm very sorry, Hermione. Let's just pretend like it never happened. Just tell me what you need me to do. I can't take you hating me."

Hermione opened her mouth to give him another cruel retort but the sincere look on his face stopped her. "I think we ought to find Harry, don't you?" she asked and though it wasn't the answer Ron was hoping for, it was a start. He let Hermione take the lead as they followed Harry's path, from behind she couldn't see the grin spreading across his face, as he remembered the kiss they just shared, her taste still lingering in his mouth.

*** *** ***

Ron was miserable. He kissed her finally and it was a disaster. Why did I do that? Why did I tell her he would never do it again? What do I do now? he questioned, wretchedly. He decided that it would be best if he acted like the whole occurrence never happened. He would simply work on getting on her good side and do everything in his power to show her he cared. That's why when Hermione suggested the Lovegood's, he overenthusiastically sided with her.

And after the close call at Luna's, (so maybe Hermione is not always right about these things) the days seemed to bleed into each other. He felt things seemed to be getting better between him and Hermione. The night was a different story all together. Every night Hermione stole into his bed, wordlessly wrapping herself in his arms. He never dared bring it up to her again and she carried on like it wasn't happening. Ron waited that night, counting the seconds and Harry's snores, impatiently waiting for the feel of her body against his. He began to grow anxious that she decided to stay in her own bed. He thought she might have already fallen asleep and he would have to do without her. As he sulked over the thought he felt cool air suddenly hit his skin as his blanket was pushed back. The next second he felt a great warmth pressing against him and Hermione was his again. Laying there in the still night, holding her to him, he thought she had fallen asleep, until she shifted so she was now facing him; a look in her eyes he couldn't quite distinguish. His mind traced back to their kiss and he held his breath, wondering if it was what was on her mind.

"Are you all right?" he whispered. It was the only thing he could think of, or at least felt safe saying.

He could see her shake her head in the darkness. "I had a bad dream," she admitted.

"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice low in the darkness.

"I don't remember it much. There were Death Eaters. They were surrounding us and... and..." Her voice broke. Ron waited, anxiously. "And that's all I remember," she lied, not wanting to tell the part where she watched Ron get cursed and fall down before her, trying to protect her.

"It was just a dream. You're safe here. I won't leave you, Hermione. Never again. You can trust me," he told her vigorously.

"I know," she whispered, brushing the hair back from his face to be able to see his eyes clearly. After another long pause she added, "I don't hate you…in case you still..." she began remembering their conversation after the kiss.

Ron couldn't help but chuckle softly at the words. "I know, Hermione. But thank you for saying so."

"And what I was thinking that night, when I thought I was going to die, I wasn't thinking…those things about you…I mean I was thinking about you, but not…" She seemed to be struggling. "I'm just trying to say that I'm really glad you came back, that you're here." She was quiet for a moment and Ron thought she was falling asleep, but then he heard her soft whisper in his ear again. "I don't know how you can stay so positive and hopeful. Sometimes I..."

"I told myself if I ever made it back to you guys—when I made it back— I would do everything in my power not to let you down again."

Hermione silently examined his face, slowly, as though she was able to read all the hidden meanings in his features: the way he held his jaw, the shape his lips made, the furrow of his brow, and the depth of his eyes, all held inconsolable secrets, Hermione felt she understood. She softly leaned her face toward his and gently placed a kiss at the corner of his eye before turning back over and falling asleep.