Disclaimer: Don't own Numb3rs or the characters. Enjoy.

Chapter Twenty – Uncertain

Colby woke early the following week. It was supposed to be his first day back following Jenny's dramatic rescue. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. For the first time ever he really didn't want to get out of bed and go to work. He wasn't sure if he could do the job any more. Knowing the uncertainty he felt was not a good thing, it could cost him, or worse, someone else their life. If he wasn't 100% sure that this was what he was supposed to be doing then he had no right to be an FBI Agent. Sighing he pulled himself out of bed, wincing as his wounds pulled slightly with the movement. Going into the kitchen he put on his normal pot of coffee and took a shower. He drunk two cups of coffee before leaving the apartment, putting off going into the office for as long as was reasonable.

The journey to Wiltshire Blvd was uneventful and he made good time, despite his delaying tactics he was still in before the rest of the team. He settled at his desk and quickly completed his report on Gains' arrest and placed it on Don's desk.

When the rest of the team, apart from Liz who had gone back to her own team, arrived Colby wasn't at his desk, they found him sitting in one of the armchairs in the break room, a cup of coffee in his hand staring at the floor. The young agent didn't even look up when they entered the room.

"Hey man." David said as he got himself a glass of water, he turned when his partner didn't respond. "Colby?" He walked over and stood in front of him, and still got no reaction. He glanced over his shoulder at the others, a puzzled look on his face.

"Colby, you OK?" Asked Megan, she had never seen the young man so distracted.

"Huh?" Colby looked up. "Oh, hi, didn't hear you guys come in."
"Clearly. Is everything alright?" Don was concerned.

"Yeah, I'm good, just a little tired, is all."

"Need more time off?"

"No, no. Just need to get back to it." Colby assured his boss.

"OK, if you're sure." He wasn't entirely convinced, but would keep an eye on him.

"Definitely."

"Alright then, lets get to work." They all followed him back out to the bull pen. Prior to the kidnapping case they had been working on a case involving the sale of drugs at schools, the abduction had taken precedence over this so they would now need to get back to the previous investigation.

"Where are we at?" Asked Don.

"There have now been three deaths that can be linked to this batch of drugs. They're cutting the ecstasy with strychnine, the hospitals are reporting an increase in drug related admissions because of this. The strychnine causes convulsions, those that don't seek medical attention are in trouble as it leads to asphyxia, which leads to their death." Megan supplied.

"Man, that's cold. Selling drugs is bad enough, but cutting it with something so lethal…" David never got used to the things people would do to each other for the sake of money.

"Lieutenant Walker thinks it's a gang from outside LA that is bringing it in, using school kids to sell it to each other. As yet we've been unable to get a good lead on who the ring leader is." Colby added.

"The three deaths were students from the same school. Megan and I will go and speak to the principal. Why don't you two speak to the usual informants and see what you can dig up." Don told Colby and David.

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David got behind the wheel of the car and before driving off turned to his partner and friend. "You know you can talk to me about anything, don't you man?"

"Yeah, I know David. I appreciate it, but I'm OK." Colby tried to assure him, but he was trying to reassure himself as much as his partner.

David started the car and pulled away from the FBI building, he had to accept what Colby was saying, even if, to him, it didn't ring true. He had never seen Colby look so pensive, he was sure something was on his mind, but he would have to wait until the other man was ready to talk to find out what it was.

When they reached their destination they both exited the car and looked around them, ensuring that there was no immediate threat. This area of town had a bad reputation, the police and FBI alike were not welcome. The man they had come here to talk to was not in the immediate vicinity so they started to walk to one of his known hangouts, outside a bar down the street.

"Yo, Jimmy." Called Colby as they neared a young man wearing his trousers hanging down, a football shirt and a baseball cap turned round the wrong way. Seeing the two men that he recognised as FBI the man turned tail and ran.

"Awww crap." Cursed David as he took off after Colby to chase the man. They caught up with him as he ran across a playground, Colby tackled him to the ground and hauled him back to his feet.

"Now, Jimmy, why would you run from friends?"

"You ain't no friend of mine fed." Spat the wriggling Jimmy.

"Ouch, that hurts. David, did you hear that?"

"Yeah, I did, Jimmy that is no way to treat us, we've been good to you."

"Good to me? You turn up unannounced at my place of business, that ain't cool."

"Afraid that the urgency of our business meant we were not in a position to make an appointment Jimmy."

"The question is, do you want us to search you, find your stash and arrest you, or are you gonna answer a few questions and be on your way?"

"I ain't got no stash man. I'm clean."

Colby began patting the man down checking for weapons or drugs. "What do you know David, he's telling the truth."

"That has to be a first." Snorted David.

"What do you say we walk him back to his place of business and let everyone see him with us?"
"Awww, come on, you trying to cramp my style. A man has a reputation to protect."

"Then answer some questions and we'll let you be on your way."

"Alright, what ya wanna know?"

"Someone is selling ecstasy pills cut with strychnine, there have been three deaths. We need a name."

"You trying to get me killed fed?"

"We're trying to stop any more teenagers dying." Retorted David.

Sighing Jimmy decided to tell them what he knew and get away from them as quick as possible. "I heard some talk about someone new selling some E round the clubs. Don't know the dude myself."

"Got a name?"

"Xavier something, didn't catch his second name. There is a guy who might be able to tell you more."

"Tell us who he is and where to find him." Insisted David.

The man hesitated momentarily then provided the two agents with the address of a local tattoo place. "The guy you're looking for goes by the name Leo."

"Thanks Jimmy, see you again." Colby said as he let go his grip on the man's shirt.

"Not too soon eh Granger?" With that the man left in the opposite direction from which they'd come.

As the two men walked back to their car David called Don and told him what they'd found out.

"That's good David, you and Colb get over there, Megan and I are still tied up at the school. Call in SWAT though."

"Will do Don, see you back at the office."

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Standing round the corner from the address provided by Jimmy, David was filling in SWAT. They had agreed that one of them needed to go in first to see what they were dealing with. Reluctantly David had agreed to let Colby do it. He was quickly fitted with a mike so that SWAT and David would be able to hear what was going on.

Entering the tattoo parlour Colby took a deep breath and glanced around at his surroundings. He nodded to a man standing by a counter.

"Looking for a guy called Leo."

"He's over there." The man pointed to a bald man, wearing a sleeveless t-shirt. He was covered in tattoos.

"Can I help you?" The man asked.

"Yeah, am looking to get a set of 3 different tattoos."

"We have 3 guys inside." David informed the SWAT agents.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Regimental designs, I'd like them done in a light grey colour as opposed to black."

"OK, that means at least one person is armed." David translated again. He and Colby had agreed a code for such a circumstance prior to his entering the building, it wasn't the first time they had needed to do this. "Let's do this."

A moment later they ran into the building. "FBI. Hands on your heads."

Leo grabbed Colby before he could even react and had him held in front of him with a gun pointed at his head. This all felt eerily familiar to Colby and as he looked up at David he could see that his partner was thinking the same thing. Knowing that Leo may not have connected the dots yet he drew his head quickly forward and then back driving it into his captor's nose, at the same time he reached up to the arm across his chest, pulled on it and threw the man over his shoulder, caught unawares Leo let go of his weapon as he landed on the ground. David and the SWAT agents dashed forward, cuffing the man and securing his weapon. Not waiting to hear what David had to say Colby walked out of the building.

"Hey man, wait up." Called David, knowing that SWAT would make sure their suspect was secure. "Colby." He shouted, causing the younger man to stop. "What the hell was that?"

"I dunno what you mean." Said Colby defensively, knowing damn well he had dropped the ball.

"Don't, I don't wanna hear that. In the years that I've known you there has only been one other occasion when you've let a suspect get the better of you, and we both know that didn't end too well that time."

"So I'm a little slower than normal, just a little sore from last week is all."

"Agent Sinclair." A voice called from behind the men. Keeping an eye on Colby he turned towards the SWAT agent that was calling to him. "Do you want us to arrange to transport the suspect?"

"No, that's OK, thanks, we've got it." He looked at Colby once more. "We'll talk about this later."

"Nothing to talk about." Colby strode passed him towards the car leaving David to retrieve Leo and secure him in the back of their car.

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They got back to headquarters and David took Leo to the interrogation room. Colby went to his desk in the bull pen and came face to face with Don.

"Everything go OK?" His supervisor asked.

"Yeah, David's taken Leo to interrogation." He took his jacket off.

"Colb, you're bleeding." Megan pointed out.

He looked down to see that his gunshot wound was bleeding, he must have pulled it open as he pulled Leo over his shoulder and threw him to the ground. "It's nothing."

"Go and get one of the medics to patch it up. That's an order." Stated Don as a look of stubbornness passed across Colby's face. "I'll go and interview this guy with David."

Realising it was pointless to argue he went to do as he had been told. He hadn't even realised he'd been bleeding, too busy beating himself up over letting Leo get the drop on him. It wasn't long before the SWAT medic had cleaned the blood from round his wound and put some new strips over it, finally covering it with a fresh bandage. He was given instructions to be more careful until the wound had fully healed. Thanking the medic he went to the locker room to change into a fresh t-shirt. Sitting down on the bench in the locker room he drew in an unsteady breath. He couldn't go on like this. Nobody got hurt this time, but he could have got David or one of the SWAT agents killed with his lack of concentration.

He didn't trust himself anymore so could not expect anyone else to trust him with their lives. What on earth was he going to do? Right now he could see only one option. How would the others react? It didn't matter he needed to protect them and himself. Now he knew what he had to do, he just needed the courage to go through with it. Could he really turn his back on all he had worked so hard for though? His world was unravelling, without the FBI, the team, who he saw as his family he had nothing, but he couldn't live with himself if he got one of them injured or killed. His mind made up he got up and walked out of the locker room.

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"He isn't going to give anything up on his supplier. He's too scared." David said to Megan and Don after interviewing Leo. "He'd much rather go to prison. That tells me this Xavier is bad news."

"We've got him on a concealed weapons charge, but that isn't going to keep him locked up for long. Lets hope that ERT come up with some additional evidence at the tattoo parlour." Said Megan.

"It would be good to at least get this guy off the street even if we're not able to get this Xavier." Don said. Colby chose that moment to reappear. "Hey, how's the arm?"

"All sorted, thanks. Don, could I have a word with you, in private?"

Looking somewhat taken aback Don agreed and the two men headed to one of the nearby offices.

Megan turned to David, a worried look on her face. "Is he alright?"

"No, I don't think so." He had already told Don about the incident in the tattoo parlour and now told Megan. "I have no idea what's going on with him, he won't talk to me."

"Perhaps Don will be able to get out of him what the problem is. You may just be too close to the situation."

"Maybe, but I have a bad feeling about this."

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Don watched as Colby sat down, the man looked as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He took a seat next to him and turned to face his agent. "What's up Colb?" He watched as the other man removed his gun, badge and FBI ID and placed it on the table next to them, not understanding what was happening.

"I can't do this any more Don. I'm quitting." He couldn't look his supervisor in the eye.

Don's mouth opened but no sound was coming out, this was the last thing he would have expected. He had grown not only to like his youngest team member but respect him. He wasn't sure he had heard right. "Sorry, you're going to have to say that again, I could have sworn you said you were quitting."

"That's right."

"But why? I mean David told me about what happened today, but that's no reason to throw your career away. A promising career at that."

Taking a deep breath Colby tried to explain how he was feeling. "I'm lost Don. I joined the FBI to make a difference, but I just don't feel like I do anymore. I'm a liability, one that the team doesn't need."

"Why don't you let us be the judge of what we need. We don't want to lose you from the team. Whether you think so or not you are a valuable asset. You have earned the respect of everyone you have worked with. Given time you will have your own team, I don't doubt that for a minute."

"I do. I don't deserve to be here. I have repeatedly put others lives at risk over the last 4 months. Each morning I used to wake up excited by the prospect of another day working with all of you, now I wake up petrified that I am going to get one of you injured or killed."

"Tell me what to say to you that will help. Anything I can do to make things easier for you I will."

Colby shook his head sadly. "There is nothing you can say. I've given this a lot of thought. It's time for me to move on, do something else."

"What about all the people that you've saved or helped, all the people you could do the same for in the future?"

Colby lowered his head into his hands, he hated feeling like this, out of control of his feelings. He was used to being strong, he would give anything to get that feeling back. "I can't do it."

"Look, how about we compromise?"

"How?"

"Instead of quitting, how about I see if I can arrange some time off for you? Take a few months off and see how you feel at the end of that time. Give yourself some breathing space. At the end of that time if you still want to quit I will support your decision, even if I disagree with it. Don't do anything right now when you're feeling so emotional."

What Don said was sensible, he knew it, but what if it just put off the inevitable? He didn't want to get his Supervisor's hopes up, then again didn't he owe it to the team to give this some more thought. "OK. You have a deal."

"Right, stay here, let me see what I can organise with the AD." He hurried from the room before Colby could change his mind. He glanced over at where David and Megan were sitting but didn't stop to tell them anything, he needed to get this sorted before he spoke to them.

Thirty minutes later Don returned to the office to find Colby sitting exactly as he had left him. He felt a stab of sympathy for him, he could see the uncertainty of his decision written all over his face. Don was sure that quitting was the wrong one but Colby needed time to see that for himself and he hoped by doing what he had suggested he would come to the same conclusion.

"What did the AD say?"

"He was shocked to hear that you wanted to leave. Under the circumstances he has agreed that you can take 3 months off. It will be unpaid though."

"That's alright, doing this job I don't spend much as I am always working so I have some money saved."

"We have a deal then?"

"Yeah, we do. Thanks Don, you've been great."

"I'm not just your supervisor man, I'm your friend. I wish you had come to me before things got this bad for you, but the main thing is you have now. Shall we tell the others?"

"Do we have to?" Colby pulled a face, it was hard enough telling Don, but how was he going to face the others as well.

"Yeah, we do. I'll help you." He patted Colby's shoulder as he got up to go to the door and beckon the rest of the team in.

"What's going on?" Asked an anxious David.

"Sit down." Don instructed Megan and David. Once they were settled he glanced at Colby who just nodded, giving him the go ahead to tell them whatever he saw fit. "Colby is taking 3 months leave. He wanted to quit but I managed to talk him out of it for the time being and this is the compromise we have come up with. The AD has agreed."

David's mouth opened and closed like a fish, pretty much the same as Don's had when he first heard. Megan was a little bit more eloquent. "Oh Colby. We'll miss you, but will be happy to have you back in 3 months time." She said, ever the optimist, she got up and walked round the table and pulled the man to his feet and into a hug. "You have to promise to stay in touch though." She pulled away and looked him in the eyes and was pleased to see him nod in agreement.

David stood up, not quite sure what to say, so instead of speaking he followed Megan's lead and pulled his partner into a hug. Not very manly but both men were passed caring at that point.

"Be safe brother." Said Colby quietly. He pulled away from David and turned to Don extending his hand. "Thanks."

Another man not normally one for open displays of affection Don pulled him into a hug. "Don't be a stranger." Nodding Colby left the three agents standing in the office, went to grab a few things from his desk and locker then left the building before his resolve weakened, knowing he needed to do this, whatever the outcome.

Don, Megan and David exchanged looks that conveyed all that they were feeling better than words ever could have. "He'll be back." Stated David, more to reassure himself than out of conviction that it was true.

Don turned sadly and picked up Colby's gun, badge and ID. He hoped David was right.