I'm very sorry for the later update as well... and I apologize if my writing is slowly going downhill, for I don't know how else to put it, for this part is rather bleak if I do say so myself. Not to worry... the action will be coming soon enough, slowly but surely, and I believe it will astonish. Not to be vague or anything... but you will find it surprising, I hope...

Enjoy and review, please!

With love,
~The Phantom's Flutist~

Chapter 22:

Thoughts of Pride and Triumph

"Good morning!" Exclaimed Meg, opening the curtains wide, and letting the too-bright light shine in through the window of the small room, after a long night of hardly sleeping at all. I groaned obnoxiously, and covered my head with the blanket sleepily.

"Not now, Er- Meg..." I groaned to myself once more, harshly reminding myself Erik would not be there when I awoke anymore. I had a dream about him again... I just didn't remember exactly what it was, and I didn't wake up to my heart thumping wildly in my chest of fear... it must have been something nice, I suppose.

"Nice, Christine," She sighed and I could tell she rolled her eyes by her tone. I forgot how much I should get used to sharing a room again... Meg just happens to be the worst choice, no matter how much I love her, she seems to always be there too early, and always smiling when life isn't that great, and it annoyed me just like a little sister might annoy her elder one, but that's the type of friendship we had—family. My only family.

Anyway, I got out of the bed, and went with my usual morning routine following after Meg, taking a shower and then trying to manage my hair into a low ponytail at the back of my neck, though it was always messy with the curls despite what happens. Meg happened to pull me aside to the large mirror, and grabbed my hair with both hands and somehow twisted it with her hands, and put in a few pins and clasps, and I had a bun on the top of my hand with an elegant comb already placed inside.

"You should look decent for your first day... you know, to impress. It is opera, you know..."

"Thanks," I said, and gave a small smile, grabbing a bag and rushing together the things I might need for the stage presence course, putting it all together and then wandered out to the corridors, and eventually found my way out of the dormitories to the school area.

After asking a few people, I found myself at one of the hundreds of studios in the building, with a class already in session. I blushed and walked in, handing the teacher the schedule and he nodded, as I went in to place my bag down and stand next to the group.

The class was nice, at least, and I learned a few more things that I didn't already know from being in amateur plays and musicals. I suppose it was the same for opera, for I once heard Erik comment on the opera we saw together that the leading soprano didn't have good enough stage presence... I wanted to be perfect, therefore this class was necessary. Oh, look at me! I'm thinking of Erik again... this entire school will remind me of Erik because he's everything music and the arts... I really need to get away from these thoughts.

I eventually came upon the voice lesson I would be receiving an hour or so after lunch with one of the greatest teachers in the nation, evidently, and she worked with me on my voice, and I was slightly nervous. She was astounded, to be certain for after I sang her jaw was opened and looking at me with reverence, and then went forth building onto my repertoire of music with more challenging music, letting me move instead of standing there and singing, with a professional pianist on the other side of the room of mirrors, and performing while singing this came more accustom.

What really caught my attention with this entire lesson is that she had let me know that a nearby opera house was up for auditions, and it would be very wise for me to audition for credit. I kindly told her that I wasn't ready, but she gave me the papers anyway for me to look over and decided eventually. The rest of the day was spent wandering the grounds with Meg as she talked about the latest scandal in the ballet studio, and the gay guy who was in her class that was evidently very cute. I blocked it out mostly, feeling rude, but I honestly didn't care to hear it, even though I giggled when she did, and smiled and nodded or shook my head whenever I should of. Inside... I had nothing. I didn't feel playful, and I felt the mask growing on me with every hour that passes by becoming thicker and thicker as it slowly ate myself whole so that she hardly knew me anymore.

By the end of the day, I was dead. I could not longer even force a smile as I made myself a meal with the provided microwave, and sat on the couch, eating it while drinking diet coke, feeling normal for at least ten minutes.

The days went on as so, to be exact, and on the weekends Meg and I would take a trip out of town to nearby beach and walk along the water sharing memories, and being ourselves, and then go to the mall and she would buy things she never really needed as always, but it was nice to catch up with her, after keeping so much from her that I could never share.

I told Meg about the auditions, and she looked at me as if I was speaking another language. "Not ready?" She asked exaggerated disbelief filling her tone. "Christine, you would have dove right into that offer headfirst by demanding details if it was something else. Why the change?"

"I don't know..." I shrugged. "It had only been a day here, would be a start of the reasons."

"She obviously thinks you have a gift, and I wouldn't be surprised. The partial knowledge I have of opera, you are probably the best singer I've heard in a long time."

The reason I didn't want to audition so quickly was because I needed to be perfect thoroughly so I could impress. I could hear Erik nagging every time I went in for lessons with the other teacher, and hear his voice telling me it's all wrong and to sing it as if I was part of the story and in the said situation... I believe that's what got me by so quickly.

I didn't see Raoul for a while but when we came to visit we would normally sit on the couch and eat popcorn, and he didn't seem to mind when I told him I needed a little more space, being not-so-sure all the time about our relationship. If anyone or anything convinced me about the auditions, it was Raoul.

He went into a brief reminiscence about my father, him, and I together once more, being at the theater together most of the time, because my father usually played in the orchestra pit in the plays and musicals that I took part in. And then gave reassuring words about myself and my defying confidence that I tell myself I never had. His words were the most convincing I've heard so far... that I lacked the pride within me and that if I wanted to be a star I should fight for it. How I loved hearing his voice tell me these things more than anything else, but I also heard Erik's once more in my head, telling me how the world would be at my feet...

So I went with it.

The next lesson we worked on my audition piece, with the pianist and I listened more intently than ever, but her lessons never seemed to match up to the lessons I had before. It was good enough, I suppose, after all, I could never be perfect no matter how hard I tried.

The auditions were a week after that date at the opera house I think I went to before near the harbor. It was small and basically a town thing, but it was experience, was it not? I felt like I was being watched the entire week, glancing behind me, and then checking every empty room that I walk into twice before actually stepping foot inside. Maybe Erik didn't leave me. I felt myself cringe slightly at the thought of him stalking me, which shouldn't be so surprising, but I still despised the thought. He couldn't just knock on my door to begin with and ask for company, anyway... Stalking was his only vice.

The week of classes, though, went by dreadfully quick. I took all the advice I received and soaked it up like a sponge, and every time I woke up in the morning, I felt my heart speed knowing that the date was coming quicker than imagined.

When the day did come, I was a wreck. I didn't eat anything for breakfast, feeling slightly over-exhausted to even think of eating something, when my stomach growled in protest. I wore a dress, pinning my hair up the way Meg had before, and applying enough makeup that it wasn't too much. I tried to make myself not as pale, for I had been denied a summer in the sun, therefore I could not get the least bit tan, so my paleness had been added up over those months.

I left, stopping at a cafe along the way and purchasing something to eat while I waited, though it wasn't the brightest idea and chugged down water to get the food out of my throat. I warmed myself up by humming a few scales, and eventually singing as I stood in the hallway after signing up, along with many other people who had their own ego and vast pride. One caught my eye particularly, recognizing her troubled voice and stern outlook. She was nagging at her partner to back off, and then through a few things at him until he was gone.

"You'll be fine." I couldn't tell if it was Erik's voice in my head or if he was there, watching me. I seemed to crumble before the realization that he was most likely there to support me, I guess. It was nice for I did want to speak with him again oddly enough, not sure of what I could have said. I didn't reply to the voice in front of people, in fear it may look that I was speaking to myself, so I moved away from the cluster of women, all singing to themselves.

"Erik?" I asked thin air, looking at the walls, and back to the people. He didn't answer for a while. "Where are you?"

"With you." He answered simply, and I felt a chill go down my spine because it was so long since I heard his voice speak again... I was reminded of the angelic voice all over again, how it swept me off of my feet every time.

"Am I talking to myself or is it really you?" I asked, grimacing.

"I'm right here, Christine, you cannot see me." His voice seemed to come from the walls, as if it floated out of them. "Go. You'll be called soon." Now, his voice was nearer, seeming to be right next to me, although when I turned around I saw nothing but thin air. I followed that order, and walked to where the line of women headed, to the backstage part of the theater.

My heart never ceased to stop racing, and my palms became sweaty as I looked over the music over and over again, humming to myself and singing more scales until I heard my name being called onto stage.

I awkwardly walked onto stage, the bright spotlight stunning, and I had to narrow my eyes to see if there was anyone sitting out in the dark audience.

"Name?" A man asked mechanically.

"Christine Daae, sir." I replied, stuttering over words.

"And what shall you be singing for us today, Miss Daae?" He asked a little more kindly yet tiredly.

"The Jewel Song from Faust." I replied unsteadily.

"Very well. You may begin any time."

I swallowed hard and take in a few deep breaths, and looked over to the pianist to nod to begin. I opened my mouth and began to sing, using all that I know to make it perfect and soulful. I think I wasn't the best I've ever been, considering my nerve. I felt like I lost myself on the stage, getting into the music, and realizing when it was over, I looked to the audience again, and waited.

He sounded startled when he began speaking... "Very good, Miss Daae... You'll be notified within a week." He said hurriedly, and then signaled for the next person as I walked off stage, being handed music who nodded to me acknowledgedly

I felt my cell phone ring in my purse and my hand immediately unzipped it to take it out, resting the music against with my chest, and held the speaker up to my ear, not bothering to see who it was.

"Hello?" I asked, feeling myself smile with the reaction of my audition, and sighed to myself contentedly.

"Christine," My name was heard from the familiar voice that I've grown so much to adore.

"Erik?" I asked quietly, going to a neglected part of the theater where someone may not be watching. I sighed to myself, feeling slightly relieved at the sound of his voice, and then questionable.

"It is I, yes... you did very well, Christine. I'm very sure you'll get the part." He said fondly, sounding slightly weaker on the other end which worried me.

"You sound.. weaker," I noted aloud, furrowing my brow. "Are you alright?"

"You must not worry of me... Just know... that I'm watching, and I'll be perfectly fine."

I blinked several times, and then became confused, "But you said that-"

"I know what I said... I cannot leave you..." It sounded suffocated on the other end and my heart quickened at the memory of finding him on the floor, rasping for breath that one night.

"Erik..." I murmured, my voice raising.

"Goodbye, Christine." He hung up, and I stood there, with the phone still in my ear in disbelief... I began to debate whether or not I should go back to him this quickly, but he told me to not worry... and I tried not to, but I always found myself wondering off to what could possibly happen to him.

What if he was dying? What if that's the reason that he let me go was because he was dying? I felt tears beginning to prick my eyes, and I immediately wiped them away, deciding that wasn't a good thought. He would let me know if he was dying this way... wouldn't he? He wouldn't want me to overly worry because he knows I care... right?

My cell phone rang again and this time I looked at the caller ID which was Meg.

"How did you do!?" She sang loudly, so that I had to pull the phone from my ear as I drove, putting it on speaker.

"Awesome!" I replied with fake enthusiasm so that questions wouldn't emerge. Hearing my awkwardness, Meg became very awkward herself.

"Oh... well, that's great, Chris... When will you be notified?"

"Next week... I'll talk to you when I get back to the dorm, okay?" I muttered, losing enthusiasm quickly.

"Alright," was all I needed to hang up. I stopped at a red light, and felt my eyes already beginning to water and outpour over my cheeks, dripping down to my hands. I had to wipe them away consistently, and when I parked I stayed in the car and sobbed quietly, feeling myself crumble slowly. How could I have left him when he needed me all this time and now I'm just realizing the cold hard truth that I needed him as well..

Raoul would live with me gone, and Meg would as well... But Erik... Erik was dying, and if there's anything that would cause me so much pain would be for him to be gone forever after becoming so much apart of my life... that we were friends, very good friends who fought often but loved each other... and he wanted me to love him more than anything... Oh... I never should have left him... I never should have opened that door unless he had to pry me out.

All I could think was that I had to see him again... just once more... I picked up my cell phone, and dialed his number but he didn't answer. My heart dropped into my stomach, instantly worrying that maybe he was having another attack and he needed someone... Or maybe he just didn't answer because he thought I'd be fine without him right now... that was probably not what happened.

I got out of the car and walked back to the dormitories on unsteady legs, making sure the flush of my cheeks was back again and not so red-looking, though my eyes were still puffy, I tried to not let anyone see me as I walked in.

I handed Meg the keys and laid onto my bed, looking up to the ceiling, pressing my lips shut to the questions that were asked, and fell asleep.

______

A week later, I found out that I made the cut... I was going to be the understudy to the leading role which that alone sent me to tears just by finding out. What more could I have asked for? They all said it was a pretty large role for someone who had just got into the business. I didn't hear from Erik for the entire week and my worries only grew more constant. I found myself just ignoring people around me, and thinking through things that were unknown to the other people

Rehearsals started soon and they were possibly the most demanding thing I've ever been through besides Erik's teaching. I had something called "pleasure" in her own terms watching Carlotta Giudicelli for most of the rehearsals. I honestly hated watching her be in the spotlight over and over and I never happened to receive any sort of attention most of the time, and when she was off on break during the many, I would have the chance to sing. Don't get me wrong... but I swear I held the attention of a few more onlookers than what Carlotta had done on stage during rehearsals... The more I listened to her sing, the more I felt like someone should get one of those hooked rods and choke her off the stage. I give a bleak "ha ha" for my dark humor, but it was probably true that someone might just do so... and I couldn't even think the name of which onlooker may.

I watched her and learned from her mistakes, for she had no stage presence, staying in the same place during an entire aria, and sounded like a screeching cat once put on the spot. I, for sake of my position, kept my mouth shut every time she would come to me and joke about my singing, saying that I would have no room to be on stage most of the time, and gave me "professional" advice on how to go on. She didn't know who was watching, and she doesn't know who she was dealing with. I thought that to myself... hopefully he was out there. I felt a bleak feeling of pity for Carlotta, for she sounded like a cow and her father forced her into it when she started in her home country in Italy.

There was about one month of non-stop rehearsals, demanding every minor and major roles' attention for every little detail, and the sum of it seemed to take my breath away (except for Carlotta, of course... but I dare not say much more).

The opening performance was another month from then, and days went on as time goes by... and before I knew it.. the opening night was the following day.

There were rumors going about... I don't know how true they might be, but they said Carlotta was falling freakishly ill just before the final dress rehearsal. What luck I may have had... but I'm not that lucky... She wasn't ill, I know that. She could have been convinced to back down and persuaded by the most lush voice I've ever heard, and now she has the taste of being put down by the unseen. I would feel sorry for her, falling under Erik's spell... except that wasn't what happened.

I was called into the office on the morning of the opening day, and a very exhausted-looking manager awaited me on the desk, clutching a piece of paper in his hand firmly, he heaved in a deep sigh, and looked up to me with sleepless eyes, and sighed again.

"You will be playing Violetta tonight, Miss Daae." He said briskly, and alotted enough time for my to take it in. I furrowed my brow, backing away slowly.

Taking in a slow, and unsteady breath, I cocked my head to the side, "Why is that, sir?" I asked quietly, letting it sink in, pressing my lips firmly together.

"Carlotta had fallen ill, strangely enough... But I trust you will impress all the same... at least that is what I have heard."

I blinked at him, and looked to the paper in his hands. "Who is that from, sir?"

"If I had told you, you would think me insane. That question best not be answered. You are dismissed to rest for tonight, Miss Daae... for it will be very long."

"Yes, sir." I replied, and swiftly walked out of the office, feeling my arms tremble and my legs take out from under me. It was Erik's fault, of course... As it often was. I couldn't deny it, and I can't go against it, for there is no one else to fill the role except for me... And I'd do anything to make him proud.