Author's Note: I need help. My Muse is on fire again. And I'm addicted to coffee, hopefully the Ra'zac can forgive me as they wind up the central characters of yet another crack fic. I do not own them.

I would like it be known that these are short stories and most of them will have open endings. If someone wishes to steal a particular scene or add on to any of these stories feel free to do so. All I ask is that you PM me first, and let me know which one it is.

Spare Parts

Eragon stared in wonder at the statues adorning the dwarven temple. He followed the priest through the hallowed halls. The priest who'd introduced himself as Gannel lead him to a statue of a nude male bent over a dwarf sized lump of grey flint caressing the dark stone with a loving finger.

"This is Helzvog," the priest whispered adoringly. "He holds our hearts, for he was one who thought the land should be vanquished after the giants were vanquished. The other gods stood against him, fearing that these new people would challenge their power the way the giants did. But he ignored them, and in secret formed the first dwarf from the root of the mountain."

Gannel's voiced dropped and he cast Eragon a small frown. "Orik has discussed our rites with you?"

"Some."

"Then know we must be buried in stone, else our spirits will never join Helzvog in his hall. We are not of earth, air, or fire, but of stone. As an Ingeitum, it is your responsibility to assure a proper resting place for any dwarf who may die in your company. If you fail- in absence of enemies or injuries- Hrothgar will banish you, and no dwarf will acknowledge your presence until after your death." He straightened his shoulders, staring hard at Eragon. "You have much to learn, yet uphold the customs I have out lined today and you will do fine."

"I won't forget," Eragon promised. Satisfied the priest started to lead him from the temple.

"Hang on, how were the other races created? The Elves and the Urgals, Humans, and Dragons: where do they come from?

The priest froze before turning to look at him. "Well, Guntera loved trees, and so he made acorns fall from the trees, and from the seeds, sprung the first elves to be keepers of the trees and to rule all other races. Urur and Morgothal combined their love of fire and wind to create dragons, as rulers of the skies. Sindri brought Urgals from the soil of mountain caves to be a mockery of dwarves and hunters of the forests. As a result there have been many wars between them and the elves, and us as well. Kilf spent many nights by moonlit pools, and she adored the white reflection upon the dark water surface so much. One night she fashioned from obsidian, volcanic glass, from the bottom of the ocean and created a nocturnal people to adore the moon as much as she did, and so the Ra'zac were created. Because obsidian was too dense to allow them to swim, she fashioned them bat like wings to carry them safely over any body of water. And that's how the first races came to be."

"Well wait a minute, what about humans? Who created them?"

"Humans were created by committee."

"What?"

"Um, well…" Gannel trailed off, eyes darting. "The gods had finished creating life and they bserved many wars taking place between the races. They got together and decied they should create a race to be the buffer between the other people.

"A race that would be easily pushed over, but still a challenge to govern. And the gods saw that they had a lot spare parts lying around sssooooo… they said 'What the Hell,' and threw them all together. So you're nothing but a bunch of leftovers with the mental stability of a suicidal lemming, but it's ok because you're a dwarf now -admittedly a fairly tall one- so welcome to Ingeitum."

The priest smiled, straining to clap Eragon on the back. "Oh yes, I forgot to mention," the priest said leading Eragon toward the exit, "when adopted into a clan it is traditional that you be given a dwarven name, so there was a committee meeting and you are now "Filion Bitus n'Piecus."

I am sorry if this isn't funny, my original idea was MA and I would not have been able to upload it. Hopefully there will be a better story coming soon.