I'm not Stephenie Meyer.
"I ran away from home when I was only 14" a short haired brunette started. She said her name was Bree. "I started doing things I wasn't proud of to support myself, eventually it became too much for me so I ended up here." She was petite and pretty, with a few scars hindering the skin on her arms. I knew what they were from, I had tried it myself. I never managed to scar, though. I guess I didn't have the pain threshold for it. Group therapy was a clusterfuck of damaged people. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to be supportive of them when all I could do was count the seats until it was my turn. My heart was pounding in my ears. Just have to play the game I repeated my mantra to myself. I was lost in thought, focusing on getting my breathing under control when I heard that vaguely familiar deep voice.
"I'm Edward." He spoke nervously to the group. He looked around the circle, it didn't go unnoticed that his eyes lingered on me longer than anyone else. I didn't take care of myself the way I used to, and it seemed others had started to notice how grungy and unattractive I was. I had to look away, making a curtain with my hair as I often times did. "It's your first day, you don't have to say any more than you're comfortable with." Dr. Cope cut in, noticing his nervousness. "No, it's alright." He spoke formally, with a little bit more confidence.
"I'm a Marine," he started "Or a veteran, actually. I used to be a marine. I was injured in combat and my best friend sacrificed himself for me." He spoke too fast toward the end, and you can tell he was just trying to get it out, and get it over with. He was a tough guy, like many military men before him. A slight twinge of shame at admitting why he was fucked up laced his voice, but it never faltered. looks of shock and sadness went around the room. I did my best to keep my own face composed out of fear that he would glance my way again. He made me so uneasy. My own heart ached for him, I had watched my best friend die, too. I couldn't look at his face as he recounted the story, I was sure it would mirror my own.
"I've been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and it gives me terrible dreams." His voice begins to waver again; I have a compulsion to take his hand, and tell him that I lost my best friend also, right in front of me. His voice returned snapping me out of it. "The Veteran's Association wasn't very helpful, so I decided to check in here, and see if it will aid me in getting over it." He finally finished his introduction. "Thank you, Edward. That was a very big step you took, you should be proud of yourself." Dr. Cope said sweetly. I finally found the courage to look up and move my hair out of my eyes. He was still looking at me, studying me. He would occasionally glance at the others. Every girl in the circle was gawking at him openly. If they wanted him to notice them, all they had to do was look like a train wreck like me. That got his attention.
Several different voices mumbled off in the distance about their problems as I zoned out, trying to think of anything else than what took place a few days before and the sad stories being laid out in front of me. If anything it was a humbling experience, as much as I hated to admit it. I had lived the last year of my life wallowing in self-pity, thinking all other problems were unparalleled to my own. I was replaying every bad thing that had ever happened to me in my head. My mother, Tanya, Sam, and failing that day on the cliff. Thanks Jake I thought spitefully.
I wasn't sure how long I had been out of it when the girl next to me nudged me eliciting a loud and embarrassing gasp. "You're up." she whispered rudely. I glanced up, all eyes on me, including his. Those piercing green eyes were long awaiting my response, he was clearly so filled with curiosity. He wanted to know my business and that infuriated me, I just wanted out of the hospital. This strange man be damned Edward my mind reminded me. "Take your time" Dr. Cope broke into my thoughts bringing me back to reality, harsh, harsh reality. "Why don't you just start with your name?" she coaxed me to say something.
"I'm Bella." I choked out focusing on my feet, covered in ratty tennis shoes with no laces, not even recognizing my own voice. I never excelled at public speaking, even though I was hoping to be a teacher or a librarian someday. School, college, life, seemed so far off as I sat in the hospital, just waiting for 72 hours to fly by and hopefully I could leave enough of an impression to get out. I was terrified to look up at the faces around me, but being the glutton for punishment I did anyway. Most of the people in the circle looked bored, and I felt less guilty for not listening to any stories but his. When my eyes landed on his, I immediately looked down again. I could tell he, like Dr. Cope, was expecting me to say more before letting me off the hook. You have to play the game.
"I jumped off a cliff, and now I'm here." I whispered. In spite of myself I almost cried. I begged to myself not now, not now, NOT NOW. Not in front of these people, the doctor...him. My experiences over the past year had made me very efficient at turning off the water works. I had learned how to cope and act like nothing was wrong. I looked up at the man, Edward, again. He was so stiff in his chair he looked a foot taller. His face looked as if he was in pain. My pull to him terrified me, but I felt like we had so much in common. I wondered if he had ever considered taking his own life also. I know first hand that witnessing the tragic death of a loved one could lead one down that road. "Would you like to say more about that?" Dr. Cope chimed in.
"Not now, not today. I just-" I trailed off, out of words. "It's alright Bella, that's good for a first day. Many people say nothing." She assured me, a small crowd of people in the circle all agreed with her, and I wondered how long they had been trapped here. How long will I be here? I wondered. My thoughts were punctuated by a lightning bolt of panic as I speculated on how many of the people in this circle had been brought for a 72 hour hold only to be forced to stay for months.
There were only two people in the circle after me, and then group therapy was over. Dr. Cope announced that there would be a few hours of "free time," like we were in a daycare. I noticed that some of the people from the circle walked right out the door after the session was over. "You can still come to these sessions on an out patient program." Bree told me. I nodded at her in acknowledgement. I decided to use my "free time" to just head back to my room, I wasn't interested in being around anyone. I turned on my heel and tried to escape unnoticed, which shouldn't be hard for me. Unfortunately, I felt a nonthreatening presence beside me. I assumed it was Bree, maybe she wanted to play cards or something, and I knew I would have to awkwardly find a way to decline somehow.
"The only other newcomer, huh? I'm Edward." He held out his hand. I looked at him quizzically, expecting the petite woman. I stared at his hand and left him hanging long enough for him to drop it, for which I was thankful. He tried to smoothly transition into his hair, but we both knew he had intended for me to take it. "No shoelaces I see." He said with no humor. I didn't want to be touched, not by a man. Not by a stunning man. I wanted to ignore him completely, but the devastation on his face as he recounted the story of war informed me I couldn't be rude. I didn't want friends, or family, or life. But I refused to be cruel.
"I guess they're afraid I'll hang myself. They have you on some ridiculous hold, too?" I said quietly. The pain flashed before his eyes again, and I could tell it was on my behalf and not his own. The thought of it made me sick. I wasn't worth feeling bad for.
"No, I checked myself in. I will probably be here just a few days. My dad works in this hospital, want me to give you a tip on getting out of here?" He offered, and for the first time in the longest time I could remember I was about to engage in a conversation I was actually interested in. I had to idly wonder what the son of a doctor was doing in the military. I didn't think people did it for honor anymore, just the poor man fighting the rich man's war. I decided not to ask. This talk was about to be all business, and I wasn't here to make friends.
"Any help would be appreciated." I told him honestly. He looked at me as he considered it for a moment. I wasn't sure why, but it seemed like he didn't want me out of hear. He was lost in his thoughts for a moment and I knew my eyes were pleading.
"When you do your individual sessions, say that you think group therapy is beneficial, and promise to do it on an out patient basis." He started. I was mentally taking notes. "Really open up to Dr. Cope, who knows, in your scheme to get out, you may accidentally actually get better." he said half joking, half scolding. His second piece of advice was rude, and presumptuous.
"I appreciate the advice, but I have no intention of ever coming back to this god forsaken place. Also, don't worry about my mental health. You apparently have your own problems to work out." I said to him, and instantly regretted it. His face fell, his full lips pressed themselves into a hard line. He clenched his hands into fists, and I recoiled slightly. Is he going to hit me? I thought. "I'm sorry," I mustered out. "I'm on edge, I'm sure you can understand." I tried to verbally sooth him, I wasn't looking to get assaulted.
"Why do you look afraid of me?" He asked exasperated, and took a deep breath. He ran his fingers through his bronze hair again. The conversation had suddenly gotten very uncomfortable. He was so brazen, and I hadn't expected to be called out on my reaction. I didn't even know he would notice.
"You're bigger than me." I pointed out. "You could do damage." I said to both of us. I had to remind myself that men were dangerous. I wouldn't go down that road again, possibly ever. He looked pained again, he had to look like that all the time. I wondered how much it tortured the people around him. I wore that look for a while, and thought maybe I could give him some advice also on looking normal on the outside. He really needed to get used to acting. I still wanted that look off his face, I didn't like it, and it made my heart ache. "I'm afraid a lot, don't take it personally. Like I said, I'm on edge." I repeated. It was the most honest thing I had said in a while.
He forced his face to return to normal. "It's alright, everyone here is on edge I would think." He said with a crooked smile. It took my breath away and it terrified me. "So are you really going back to your room, or do you want to go find something to do? I have my individual therapy session in about an hour, maybe go to your room after that. Keep me company." He said hopefully.
"No, thanks." I said and I felt slightly guilty. "I really need to relax, I'm not much for socializing." I admitted. His face fell a little bit. The last thing I needed was this strange man to be drawn to me. It was unnecessary, and he probably wasn't a nice guy. If he was a nice guy, letting him befriend someone as fucked up as me would be cruel. Making friends is not part of the game, and I just needed to get out.
"Suit yourself, you know where to find me if you get bored." He said, I watched him walk all the way back to the common area and sit down alone. I almost went to him, and went back on my word. I thought maybe some interaction might make the time pass faster. I had to break out of that, I needed to look out for one person and one person only while I was trying to get out. And that was me.
I went to my room, still filled with a little bit of regret, he looked so sad sitting alone, but it wasn't my problem. I sat down on the mattress, and thought about the last few days of my life. Such a mess. Such a wreck. I let myself cry it out for a long while, until I fell asleep.
Hey guys! Hope you liked the new chapter. Up next: More Edward. I don't hold reviews as collateral for posting, I post when the chapters are done, and that's that. However, reviews are always greatly appreciated! Thanks to those who have reviewed so far and thanks in advance to new readers/reviewers to this story. I try to post at least a few chapters a week. Expect the next one in the next couple days. Peace and Love
-Aces