I have decided that I cannot possibly continue this story any longer. I'm sorry, very much so to have taken this as an unexpected push forward but I have found myself in the undeniable place that I actually have no sort of energy or emotion to put forth to this story for school is going to start and I am very much so busy starting now. I will have an epilogue posted some time. And when I have the time (possibly after marching band season) I am going to have some sort of... I don't know what to call it, actually... I am planning on writing this story from Erik's point of view for there is really a whole other side there that is kind of blinded and I'd think it very interesting to get into his mind here.

I'd like to also take the time I have now to thank each and every one of you that have reviewed. I would have never finished this story without you and I would have never updated every other day without you pressing me forth and I really love you all for giving me the hope that I could write my ultimate phanfiction piece that really put my mind in different directions and with certain prospects on life that I needed to be touched upon. For more insight things on this story, I'll have my profile updated with additional things that have inspired me to write this and such as music and themes.

I'm sorry to disappoint you on the ending it here. I know there's a lot more I could have done but I was really wanting to put this forth and my mind is kind of... dead. I said I'd like to finish it before school starts and now I just need one more chapter and I'm done, so this was a success for me in some ways.

I love you all and please review,
~The Phantom's Flutist~

Chapter 31:
Decisions

I awoke to find him standing in the doorway of my room, and I immediately coiled up, leaning on my arms, simply staring at him staring at me. It was a long moment of silence, simply trying to find words to put together, and things to say, and what to do but I couldn't think of anything strong or something very believable.

"What does it take to convince you, Erik?" I asked through the silence, the stare only existing as a bid of good morning for his brooding presence in my doorway was harsh enough to accept no kind words at the moment. "I love you very much, Erik... If it weren't for you I don't know where I would be mentally or physically, I don't know what it would have taken to awaken me from all sorts of horrible things taking over my mind, and you repay my adoration with this disbelief and coldness and cruelness to my best friend. He has done you no harm."

He stood silently, and I began to wonder if he was even breathing at all. I stared sincerely at him, for the first time ever feeling a head over him. I drew the covers down and sat on the side of the bed, only my cold feet hanging over onto the even more freezing floor.

"It's strange, really..." He began thoughtfully, "That I would return your affection with the same way that you returned mine, and then you ponder on why I would do so. I only learned my cruelty from the one who showed it to me."

My mouth froze into an "oh", startled that I could hardly move, for he was very much correct. I didn't know what to say...

"Don't be so startled, darling."

"I'm not," I spat back, furrowing my brow tensely, not bothering to move any more, looking to my hand that was hardly able to move since it was all bandaged up. "I was only learning..." I whispered, cradling my hurting hand in my other one. "I still am learning for I hardly know you, but yet I do very much. Will you forgive me as I have forgiven you those many times?" I bowed my head low. "Will you believe me when I say with certain finality that I intend on staying with you as long as I can stand it?" I said a little more coldly, glaring back up to Erik who happened to be standing right there once more, and I swallowed down the shock, staring up to him.

"...I-I..." He began swallowing hard, his eyes locked entirely with mine, "am not sure," He finished, seeming deeply troubled.

"Trust me, Erik..." I whispered, coming closer to him, meeting him almost at the same level, looking innocently into his eyes. "Trust me just as I now trust you to never leave me again." I went on, "I know you never was able to trust someone before... But I love you, I will never leave you falling just as you've always been there for me."

"Say it again," He said softly, his breathing very uneven. I raised an eyebrow.

"Say what again?" I asked.

"You know... that... that emphasized part... Erik wants to hear it again. Perhaps twice more... or once..."

He was his childish self again, begging once more, but not on his knees or on the floor or grabbing hold of me, he was actually sitting up straight, so this time I wasn't reluctant to give him what he wanted without displaying a few tears for his self-loathing and pitifulness.

"I love you, Erik," I repeated, smiling slightly.

"Again," he whispered, pulling me closer to his chest so my body was almost entirely pressed against his.

"I love you," I breathed feeling my heart beginning to thud faster as he pulled me to him, so close, and pressed his lips lightly on mine, though just enough passion that I paused for a second, looking down his mask, and leaned in closer and went in for just one more kiss that turned out to take me by complete surprise, landing my entire body onto the opposite side of the bed though his lips never parted from mine, his hands around my head, pulling me so that I could not move, strong enough that I couldn't break his hold. His hands slipped down my waist, and chills raised wherever they wandered, my breathing becoming very labored but quick, little by little I could only fill up my lung to retain my fluttering heart, my rosy red cheeks, and a damp back of the neck. He pulled away to get air and then went in greedily, my hands coming to his hair possessively, running my fingers through the thin strands, soft as a baby's hair.

It didn't even last long though it seemed like I was floating for about an hour. He pulled away very much instantly, his eyes wide and he was hardly able to stand up on the side of the bed, hunching his back, his hand risen to touch his thin lips and then slowly, and unevenly work their way down. I looked up with the same wide-eyed expression, and he swiftly turned away, not knowing what to say. I think he was crying, again... he was crying because I heard ragged breaths and a wet exhale and inhale... he was sniffling. What could possibly be the matter?

I turned my head to the side on the bed to see his hunched-over figure away from me, and I couldn't move or so anything, just kind of... astounded that I just let him be on top of me like that, letting him touch where Raoul rarely did, it felt like... cheating. It felt like I just upset something inside of me that I should have never. My heart seemed frozen now, lifeless and dim and confused. Did I enjoy it...? Am I not ashamed to say yes? It was just like Raoul doing it... or maybe it doesn't even matter who did it, it was the fact that any other woman would enjoy it.

I felt sick but I couldn't move.

"Erik's sorry, Christine.... Erik never meant to hurt you again, he should have never been so greedy without asking first... He'll never do it again." He whimpered apologetically, once more sounding very small.

It took me a while to comply with this apology, stretching my arms out to the sides of the bed, staring to the ceiling, no longer wanting to cry or feel my heart break or watch him crumble before me again and again.

"It's fine, Erik," I replied blankly, my brows furrowing. Maybe... Just maybe I loved Erik in the way I would have loved my father... No, that couldn't be... it is love... I just don't know what kind of love. I blushed to myself.

"No, it's not..." He shook his head. I grunted and rose to place my hands on his shoulders and help him up from the pathetic crumble once more. He really needs to stop that or else I might very well go insane for the many mistakes he claims to make.

"I-" He began, shaking his head repeatedly.

"I understand," I lied for I had nothing better to say. How could a single-minded human even understand Erik, anyway?

"You couldn't..." He whispered, holding his chest, as if it would fall apart if he were to take those arms off.

I blinked a few times, coming to level with him, at my knees and looking at him straight in the eyes if I couldn't look at him through that god-forsaken mask of his. "I don't understand all of it... but I understand that I actually love you... and Erik, I'll never leave you... I'll be near you as long as you want me near you."

"You really mean it?" His little boy voice was irking me. I was reluctant. The reluctance was horrible of me, for it left me hanging, my jaw open to say something.

"If you would be willing to act on this trust... to let me leave when I have necessary things to fulfill in the outside world... if I absolutely promise to return... will you give me privacy as to not follow all the time and let me have my freedom?" I asked slowly, measuring it out on my tongue as it rolled over it.

It took him time as well... It wasn't something he was used to, it wasn't something that was often, either. Out of the many stories he's told me, all of them have to do with the bare trust he keeps on people, on promises that were broken and things that he's done as well that betrays this trust... Letting people move about as they would like to wasn't first on his list on things to get used to, I understood.

"Yes," He replied softly, his eyes longing and hopeful, looking at me with a certain adoration this time, for he knew I meant every word. "Yes... if you return one simple thing." Of course he bends it some other way. This was Erik, was it not? He must have his way through thick and thin, even at his weakest stance. It's not surprising.

"What?" I asked dryly.

"No, don't be so cold... I don't know what you'd say to it now... so I might as well... ask you..." He said gently, looking at the ring on my left hand with a certain reverence.

I swallowed in my gut and tried to look at him sincerely, bracing myself on what I would say... how he'd react. It really was, at that moment, waltzing on the edge of a knife. I hated it. I don't want to be married... I don't want to be married... yet.

He seemed to have cowered over, for he swallowed his pride whole, almost on the edge of tears, his head bent low, as if expecting to be slapped.

"You will still wear this ring, will you not?" He asked quietly, rubbing his finger over the piece of gold on my finger, for the umpteenth time ever.

I furrowed my brow stupidly for it was a very stupid question... He didn't get it, did he? Poor man... "Yes, of course. Always." I replied simply, holding my shoulders up and then down. I just wanted to get this whole thing settled that I really don't want the finality of marriage at the age of 18. It just didn't seem right and it didn't feel right. I just got out of high school and now I was having a man wanting to spend the rest of my days with me. I didn't know how to tell him, I didn't know when to tell him for this thought just came to me on how I wanted to live me life and not what he wants. He can't control me like his puppet on strings anymore, I won't allow it. And if he can't go with that much, I don't really know how I'd be able to cope with him... I don't know if I could stand being near him. I need time away... you know? I felt cramped in a room with four walls and I couldn't breathe, locked up and secured... and I had nowhere to go.

I know my father wanted me to grow up and enjoy life with a family and accept everything that comes with such a family, but I'm sure he wasn't wanting an early marriage and anything that comes with the whole package of being married before marriage itself.

I watched him get up and steady himself, looking at me intently, once more studying me. It was an odd morning.

"Why don't you freshen up, dear?" He asked slowly, and turned to leave. I wouldn't have that. I needed to assure him somehow that I'd keep up with it. I kissed the cheek of his mask, and walked away, abiding by his words for I was still in the clothing from yesterday.

I went downstairs to find breakfast in the dining room that I've grown all too familiar with, and Erik playing with his fingers nervously, and I looked down to my cereal and fruit without bothering to pick up a spoon.

"So," I began slowly, taking the short word longer than it should be, and trying to start an awkward conversation.

"Is there something more you would like to say?" He asked, unemotionally, looking at me steadily, that same kind of distant glare he gave to me after I accidentally made his mask come off, kind of mixed with a sort of disbelief and curiosity.

"No," I replied surely, though I was lying. There was so much more we still misunderstood about this whole relationship thing. So much more things we need to sort out because this love wasn't free-hearted... it wasn't the type we let everything fall into place because if I let it do that... it wouldn't be natural exactly. I blinked at him, still not going to eat.

"Are you not hungry?" He asked.

"No," I lied. So what was I going to do now? Continue to stare at him the way he was staring at me? No, that doesn't get anywhere.

"Then what's wrong?" He questioned.

"You should eat," I replied slowly but surely, it wasn't what I wanted to cover but whatever. He laughed at me then, and I glowered over it for a second, letting him enjoy himself for a little longer.

"That's certainly not it. I don't eat as much as regular people, and I've been living like this for many years and never have I had any problems... Now tell me what you really want to say."

I glared for another few seconds, and opened my mouth, taking in a deep breath, "That is what I have to say." I explained coldly.

"Don't get yourself into another little snit over me," He scoffed.

"Erik, it's not funny... You should really eat more often for it doesn't help anything to not do so!" I replied without any sort of emotion, and huffed a deep breath.

He stared at me for another few moments before taking his reply, "Alright, Christine, if it pleases you, I'll eat."

"When?" I added challengingly.

He scoffed another laugh and then patted his fingers on the wood of the table, sounding once more like wood against wood... a strange sound that he could make from his fingers. I guess it's because they're so bony, but they wouldn't be if he ate.

"Maybe later," He said, sounding like a child pushing it to the limit with his mother. I honestly didn't care... I just wanted to get away from what I was thinking earlier in hopes it never happens.

"Promise?"

"Have I ever broken a promise?" He hedged.

I didn't answer to that.

"Oh, Christine, are you always going to play these silly games with me? If you'd like me to be truthful to you, you might as well speak your mind."

"You wouldn't want to hear my mind."

He glowered on it for a second, seeming slapped. "Don't take it that way," I pressed affirmatively, "It's just... I don't think you'd... Erik... Understand that..."

"With all due respect, Christine, will you please say the words your wanting and not make me sit here with agitation?"

I grumbled inwardly, and took in a deep breath. "It's just that I've been thinking about... marriage... and I know you have as well. And I don't... I don't..."

"You don't what?" He asked, sounding calm and collected though I saw his hand shake when he reached for his glass of water.

"I'm not one to think that I should be married right out of high school. I mean it may sound strange to you for I haven't been to a formal school for a while, but I should have just gotten into college and most people... believe it's immoral. My father would have never wanted it for me, and that's what was so relieving to know we weren't actually married before. You understand, right? We can be together and not be married... it's what most couples do, you see..."

He seemed to have taken it in slowly, swallowing it as if sipping through a straw eloquently, thoughtfully. I watched his reaction with fear he'd be angry, and I braced myself for as sudden withdrawal from him if a burst of his violent anger does go on. Fortunately enough, my wait was pointless... I waited in silence as he still took it in, seeming to be aghast.

"Christine-" He began, but cut himself off. See! He wants me to take pity in him now.

"Erik, please..." I huffed angrily.

"Very well." He pressed quietly, hardly a whisper.

"Thank you," I whispered gratefully, "I didn't know if you'd understand or not, you see..."

"I only want for what you wish," How much more tentative could a man be? Erik really wanted me... I've seen over these past months that he'd do anything to assure himself that I loved him, to make himself trust me though I was the one to break it, and now he's letting himself pushing over the only thing that would legally bond us together formally so that if I did lie this entire time, there was no way out of it. I could see him arguing with himself, thinking with himself about how he should trust me. Poor man has no idea. "If you wish to have our marriage later, than it shall be so." He nodded, and I smiled, and walked up from the table and lifted his mask off and kissed his cheek.

That's how it was. That's how it should have always been for I was so selfishly blind enough, and in my childish fears I never knew what true love was. Raoul had it all... Erik had nothing. I couldn't deny him my affection after any of this, not when I knew I could have died if he did, that I would have lost my music along with him... my music is my soul. Erik is part of it. His deformed face is only the price for his brilliance, his excellence that I don't deserve. We had our quarrels and fights and I learned how to pick them out, and shed him of his disgusting anger that was the only part I could have possibly feared.

In my childish fears, I found hope in the midnight darkness that surrounded me, taking my mind away from beauty and landing in selfish chaos. Through these childish yearnings, through fate... I found black light.