When Stiles awoke the next morning he shouldn't have been surprised the Derek was already awake.
"You remember the first time you told me you love me? We were lying just like this and you were looking in my eyes like you could find the answers to the universe in them. The you quietly whispered those words to me. My heart stopped. I thought I had misheard you. But then you said it louder and I listened for a blip in your heartbeat but it held steady. I thought the world was going to end right there. I was so overjoyed. I can never explain the emotions that were running through me at that moment. That was the happiest I have ever been. Then I experienced the worst pain ever. That day having to tell you that I betrayed you and slept with someone else. Someone that was your friend apart of our pack. I was so ashamed. I couldn't even look you in the eyes. I never wanted to see my world end and I knew at that moment it would never be the same."
"Derek. Why are you telling me these things? I really don't want to relive the past." Stiles whispered back.
"Cause we never have spoken of it and that is a our main reason for were we are today. We have to work this out if we are ever going to have a chance of making this even right between us."
"Well maybe I am not ready to dig into our past and relive the worst day of my life. You hurt me Derek. You nearly killed me when you told me that you cheated, that you where having a child with someone else. How am I suppose to move on from that? How am I suppose to look at Bryce and not be reminded that you slept with someone else, you created a life with someone else. I told you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and you threw back 'surprise I slept with your friend and now he's pregnant.' How do you think that made me feel?"
"I know Stiles. I fucked up and I never wanted that for us. But you have to understand where I am coming from."
"Where you are coming from. What." Stiles flew out of the bed and was pacing back and forth angrily "No Derek I don't have to understand anything from your point of view. You broke my heart and I am suppose to just be like 'oh its okay Derek, I understand.' That's not how things work in the real world Derek! Wake up this is not planet Derek, this is planet earth." Derek sat at the edge of the bed trying to grab Stiles who just kept out of his range.
"Stiles I know what I did was unimaginable, but we can work through this. We have to work this. I love you!"
"Maybe love isn't enough." Stiles whispered so low Derek almost didn't hear it. Derek shot out of bed and grabbed Stiles by the shoulders shaking him.
"You don't mean that Stiles." Derek was fighting back tears while Stiles was just letting them fall.
"Yes I do."
"No no no no no Stiles you can't. Its always been you, its always going to be you. There is no one else. You are it for me." Derek gave up fighting the tears and just let them fall. He was on his knees in front of Stiles clinging to him. He could feel Stiles trying to move away from him, but he just held on tighter.
"Derek, please." Stiles tried again to back away and reluctantly Derek let him go. stiles turned his back to him and let out a chocked sob. "Please Derek, just go."
"NO! I can't leave, we have to talk about this. We have to fix this." Derek was back on his feet his front pressed to Stiles' back.
"I can't do this Derek. Reliving that moment. Its killing me Derek, rethinking of those feelings. Know it was part of my fault for pushing you for something so permanent so soon. I can see what drove you to the arms of another, you weren't ready. And for that I am sorry, so sorry."
"What? None of this was to soon. I knew what you wanted before you asked me. I was just to scared. I was scared that you would reject me. Don't you get it, you are the only person that I have ever truly loved. I was scared of that. I was scared that this was pushing you to fast. You were barely out of high school and wanted to settle into such a big commitment. I didn't want that for you. I wanted you to have the chance to live life before I pushed for you to choose me. I wanted what was best for you."
"What's best for me. Derek you don't get to choose what's best for me. I only know what's best for me and you choosing for me makes it much worse. Pushing me away just cause you didn't want to make me choose is worse then begging me to stay. Cause you didn't give me the chance you just said oh screw that, Stiles needs to go off and live his life while I sit here and wallow in my self pitting. Well screw you Derek! I will never forgive you. Now get out!" Stiles was beyond furious. Derek had never seen Stiles this angry. His face was so red and his whole body was shaking while he was yelling at Derek.
"Stiles. Please." Derek whimpered.
"No Derek. I am done. Leave." Stiles turned back around and cried while Derek stood there frozen. This couldn't be it for them. Stiles was his. He nearly died saving him last night. He couldn't just through him out without talking to him. He couldn't let another two years past before that got to speak again. Suddenly Derek was upset and he was going to walk away again without a fight.
"NO Stiles. You don't get to push me out just cause the conversation has gotten rocky. We are going to talk about this now. Not later, not shove it under a rug and hope it goes away. We are doing this now." Stiles turned back around with a look of shock that Derek was being so forceful. He had never seen him like this except with the pack when they were being stupid.
"What you could you possibly have left to say Derek? What else is there to say? Obviously you didn't really care for me like you clam to otherwise you would have never been able to sleep with someone else if you truly cared. I gave you my heart Derek, I gave you all of me and when I wanted to take that next step you ran scared. Well that's not going to fly with me. Being scared isn't a reason to sleep with someone else."
"Isn't it though. Isn't that what you did with Nicholas. You got scared after meeting Bryce and hanging out with me. You got scared that I was getting close to you again and you didn't want that so you went got drunk and slept with someone. Not just someone but another wolf. Another wolf Stiles, how could you do that?" Stiles took at step back from Derek like he had been slapped by the other man.
"I didn't know he was another wolf Derek. I didn't go to a wolf club and walk up to the first person and say hey lets go fuck. I was sitting in a bar minding my own business when he came to me. So he must have smelled you on me and choose to come up to me. Because that's what he did. He came to me, bought me drinks and then when I was so intoxicated I couldn't even call a cab for a ride home he offered to drive me. And well you know the rest. I was upset and hurting cause your son rejected me so I sought comfort in the form of another human being. Not a wolf."
"Then why did you go back to him after you found out he was one?"
"Your son hates me Derek. How am I suppose to even be with you when the one person that means more then me hates me. How do I get over that? I can't even come over without him screaming his head off. Do you know how that makes me feel? I am not going to be able to be with you because you son won't allow it. So yea I went back to Nicholas. At least there I was accepted." Stiles couldn't look at Derek anymore. He felt his lungs fighting for air. He grew up not being accepted so having Derek's son hate him brought him back that he truly wasn't apart of their lives anymore and that was his fault. Derek sensed Stiles' distress and pulled him into his arms.
"Bryce doesn't hate you. He doesn't know you. He is young and a wolf so he doesn't know what he is doing and when you happened to come into his home he overreacted. He doesn't know you so he was doing what his instincts told him to do and that was attack what he thought was a threat." Derek stood there for 20 minutes just holding Stiles, loving that he could be this close to him again. Then he felt Stiles' body tighten up and knew that he was going to push him away.
"I can't do this Derek. Its not fair to either one of us to think that everything is fixed between us. You hurt me and maybe me sleeping with Nicholas was trying to get back at you. But that's not right. If we truly loved each we wouldn't try and out do each other. I don't think I can ever forgive you and I don't blame you if you never forgive me. But this right here between us will never be the same." Stiles finally took a glance up at Derek and he could see the hurt and confusing playing across his face. It broke his heart a little more.
"I am not going to give up on us Stiles. You left my life once and that nearly killed me I can't do it again. I will do what ever you want me to do to make it right between us. I love you." With that Derek kissed Stiles and then jumped out the window. He wasn't going to give up no matter what Stiles said. He would get him back.
Later that afternoon Stiles was sitting in his room trying to figure out what the hell was going on with his life when there was a knock on his door. He made his way downstairs to answer the door.
"Stiles, I believe we have to have a little talk." Peter stood standing at his door along with Issac and Boyd.
"Okay well if you are here to kill me Peter could you maybe do it some where else so my dad doesn't have to be the one to find my body."
"Silly Stiles. I am not going to kill you. I get it, last night you were a little testy. I don't blame you. Erica was put in line about going after Derek. She won't be doing that again." Peter strolled in and went to the living room.
"Yes Peter, won't you please come in." Stiles mumbled under his breath. He was trying to control his heartbeat from beating out of his chest. What could Peter possible want.
"You're probably wondering why I came over here. Well Stiles, I came over so we could work out our little problem we had last night. Now it was all fun and games until Derek showed up. I was willing to let it all go but then my nephew had to come and attack me for no reason."
" I didn't ask for him to barge in. I was willing to take you on myself." Stiles huffed out.
"Stiles, Stiles, Stiles. Don't you get it. I am not here to cause trouble with my nephew and his pack. I have been back for almost three years and I have never tried to go after Derek before. Why did you feel the need to come after me?"
"I don't trust you Peter. How do I know I am not some pawn in your stupid game?"
"Well I admit when I first smelt you on Nicholas I was intrigued. I thought maybe I could use that some how. But then I saw you two together and then spoke with Nicholas. And that boy is very interested in you. So I choose to back off and let him have at you. But then you go and do something stupid. Now I don't know what to do with you."
"Yea right. You know you would never let Nicholas and I be, you would use in me in what ever game you want. I am not going to fall for it Peter. I don't trust you. When I found out Nicholas was in your pack I knew I had to get away before you tried to hurt me."
"Stiles I really have no reason to use you in any game. In fact you did it all on your own. Sleeping with another wolf, hanging with another pack. You choose us. That was all the pain you needed to hurt Derek. And I didn't have to do anything. So you see really you weren't a pawn in any kind of game. You did it all on your own." With that Peter was smiling and clapping. Stiles didn't have anything to say after that. He couldn't believe it Peter was right. He was the one that did it all on his own.
"Well what are you going to do now? I tried to kill you last night. I know you aren't going to let that go." Stiles tried to hide the shakiness in his voice.
"Well I was going to kill you, but then I thought 'no you won't do me any good dead.' Then I thought I would let Boyd and Issac have you but again what good what that lead me? So I did the next best thing." Peter's cell phone cut him off.
"Hello?"
"Yes."
"I see."
"Well just the kid then."
"No, leave him as a message."
"Alright." Peter hung up and smiled up at Stiles.
"What did you just do?"
"Well see when I went home last night and told Nicholas about what had happened he wasn't very happy. And he wanted to come over and kill both you and Derek but I told him that wouldn't be right. I told him to hit Derek were it would hurt the most besides you and well looks like I got a child to take care of." Peter got up and headed to the door while he waited for everything to finally sink in for Stiles.
"What did you do Peter. I will kill you. You hurt one hair on that child's hair and I will kill you." Stiles was breathing heavy standing in front of Peter. Boyd shifted and went to knock Stiles back. Stiles flew into the bottom of the stairs.
Peter came over and bent right next to his ear "Tell my nephew he has 12 hours and then I will let Nicholas do what ever he wants to the boy and then you. Good luck Mr. Stilinski, you're gonna need it." Once again Stiles was left alone.
A/N:So this chapter I have to send a huge shout out/thank you to JoKr88. You really helped out!