Meadows Of Heaven

-But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens, how we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's... There's just a body. And I don't understand why she can't just get back in it and not be dead any more. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid.

Anya Jenkins, The Body.

---------------------------------

I walk across the small cobbled bridge, stopping mid-way to start staring at my reflection in the gentle flowing stream below. My hair is tied up with two red ribbons, and I have my blue dress on, the one that John said made me look like I was from Alice in Wonderland. I look closely at the reflection. Oh. That is so whack. My face is littered with freckles. Across my nose, and along my cheekbones. Such a pretty, girl-like face is gazing back at me. I skip to the other end, where there is a party happening. The problem is that it's across the fence, and I can't climb over it. It's just wooden planks. I can do it. But my legs betray me. They are too heavy. I turn away, and walk towards the woods that are in the distance. Oh. There's a path leading to them made of yellow bricks. I decide to follow it skipping as I go along. The sun is so warm on my face, the breeze tickling my face. Oh. I don't understand... why is there an apple in the middle of the path? A big, red, juicy apple?

My knees bend as I pick up the apple, feeling the smooth, glossy texture of the skin. I bite into it, and I suddenly see so much more... the colours are just so vivid now, the sounds so much sharper... my eyes look down at the apple, and - oh... it's cut in half, and I can see the core sliced up to make a star. What's that noise? I turn to my right, and I see a fawn, staring right back at me with large, black eyes. I smile at it, and offer it the apple.

"No, that gift is meant for you," it says in a child's voice. I just nod my head. This is whack. Totally whack. So totally whack. A talking deer. What's next?

I look ahead, and I see this tunnel of white light. My mouth continues to chew on chunks of the apple as I walk towards it. It's pretty. The way the light swirls around... I finish the apple as I get to it. Oh. Wait... I'm being sucked in. As much as I am scared, this is so tight... The corners of my mouth curl upwards into a smile. This is like flying. And it's... I don't know the right word. But it's good.

I reach the end of the tunnel, and feel myself fall to the ground. I do a forward roll, my hands still clutching onto the halves of the apple, though they are crushed into a pulpy mess. Oh. One of the kids at school once said something was gross. Oh, that's whack... I'm wearing a long, flowing white dress. And I'm in a garden. I gasp as I look a little bit away. Because she's there. Looking confused and bewildered, in the same white flowing dress as I'm wearing. I run to her, arms outstretched, tears of joy down my cheeks. Jane looks at me, and smiles warmly, rushing to hug me too. We kiss on the lips, full and warm. But I don't understand... she's dead. She stayed behind to make sure that the mission to destroy the Terminator factory in eighteen eighty eight was destroyed. She did it because the detonator was damaged in the fight to get away. So what's going on?

"Hey, it's good to see you," she says, tears of joy in her eyes. She looks at me, confused. "You know, all of this... and I remember running as fast as I could to get out..." She swallows hard. "I'm dead, aren't I?"

Oh. This place. White tunnels. This would fit some descriptions of the afterlife. But that cannot be right. I don't have a soul... I just nod, realising that this might be the last time I see her. She looks sad for a moment, then smiles at me.

"The big question is... Did I do it?" her face is full of hopeful expectation. I smile at her as I cry again.

"The reports stated there was a big fire, and that there was a suspicion of illegal activities, because of the unusually powerful explosion. They all ended up wanted by the police for it." Jane just smiles.

"It's how you should do things. Brute force may be nice, but in situations like that, the Kindred Elders that I knew would attack a company, or have Health and Safety investigate, or your tax records scrutinised... You can sometimes crush enemies with the stroke of a pen more readily than with a sword or gun. And who'd argue with a centuries of vampire, right?"

I stroke her hair, wishing that this could last forever. I dunno. Maybe it will.

"What I'd love to know is why you're here. If I'm dead, what about you?" I look to the floor.

"My Shock Assembly's came loose. It's very damaged, and it caused further damage to my chip. I lost motor functions. Jack and Derek were working on it. I guess they failed." A sad frown crosses her face.

"That sucks," she says softly. She runs a finger along my cheekbone, just like she did when she was alive. When we were alive. Such a strange thought... being dead. But she's right. Jane. It sucks.

"Yes. Sucks big time," I agree. But I can't help but smile at her. "But we're together again," I point out. She smiles back, but there's this sadness. I don't understand. Why would she be sad?

"At least you had a long life," she says. I shake my head.

"It happened after the journey back. I was hitting the back of my head, because it made the pain inside go away. And it just... came loose. They unplugged me before the cascade failure destroyed my chip completely. Guess it was too late," The smile fades from my face as I gaze into hers, and see such a devastated expression. This sickly sound comes from her as she takes in air through her mouth. She's shaking. Shaking and crying.

"Then what was the bloody point of me sacrificing myself? I did it for you," she says. My face shows the shock I'm feeling. She sniffles, and wipes her nose with the back of her hand.

"But tactically, Jack-"

"Screw tactics!" she shrieks. "How could I think of tactics when you're in danger! How? How?" She looks away. "I didn't want to get close to you, to spare you the pain, and to make sure I could do this without hesitation. Now I realise that I was meant to fall for you." The sound of a baby makes both our heads turn. At the far end of the garden is a middle aged woman, and a young man, holding a baby. He has such warm, dark eyes. I hear Jane gasp in shock.

"It's Mum, and Luke... I guess I know who that little sproglet is..." she looks at me, tearful. "Come on, let's got and say hi to them," she says, holding my hand. I nod and smile, and we both walk towards them.

Ah... I stagger back, at an explosion of pain that's just erupted in my head. And again. And again... Jane is clutching her heart, on her knees with pain, her face a painted canvass of shock. I collapse to my knees. This is agony... I feel myself falling, and falling, in this dark, lightless pit, and then I'm back in the garden. This is totally whack. What's going on? I feel myself fall, then return to the garden again. Jane... where is Jane? She's suddenly reappeared in front of me. She rushes to kiss me, and then is hurrying to her loved ones, as I see this trail of white light form behind her. Oh. There's a trail behind me, too. And it's leading back into a white tunnel. Before I can do anything else, I feel that trail grip me, and pull me back into the tunnel, dragging me backwards.

I'm falling. Falling through the tunnel of light. Away from the garden. Away from Jane. I suddenly come out of the tunnel, and land on my back in some clearing. I look around, getting the dried leaves out of my hair. I gaze up at the full moon, trying to work out what is going on. There's a stone pillar at the centre. And a tall, blonde female. I stand up, trying to understand what is going on. I walk towards the blonde. She looks at me, and smiles slightly.

"It is good to see you, Cameron Phillips. I had wondered if you'd had left for good. But you are back."

"Who are you? And why am I here?"

"I am no-one. What I am is answered by what's around your neck." I look down, and realise that I'm wearing the clothes I wore the night we were seeing if Greenway was a threat. That was a long time ago for me, though... But when I get back home, it'll be like no time has passed at all. Not cool. So not cool... Around my neck is the pendant Jane made for me. She called it the Evenstar. Never knew why...

"And you are here because you needed to be. You tapped into your own magick, and I simply followed." I stare at her.

"I don't understand. I'm a- I'm a machine. I can't do magick," I tell her. She laughs lightly.

"You are more than a simple machine." She looks me dead in the eye. "I can see your potential. What you can become."

"But I'm-"

"Just a machine? And what of those who have intelligent artificial limbs? Or machines to pump blood through their systems? Are they not Cybernetic Organisms?" She walks around me.

"Your girlfriend believed in you. She saw, like I do, the potential you have. It's why she made me." The blonde points to my pendant. "If you will, I am the essence of the Evenstar. The light to guide you put into physical form." She stops, and turns, now face to face with me. She looks down at me as I look up.

"You have a destiny, Cameron Phillips, a great destiny. You and John-"

My eyes snap wide open as my back arches, my chest expanding with the sudden intake of air. I see data read-outs flash across my eyes. I lift my head and shoulders up with my elbows, looking around. I see Major Shaw, crouched on the med-bed next to me, her feet balancing her on the edge as she plays with a large combat knife as she stares at me unflinchingly. Derek is slumped in a corner, his head jerking up at the sound of my sudden movements, his red-rimmed eyes the only betrayal of his crying. Jack is nowhere in the room. Major Shaw's eyes slide across to look at Derek, the only part of her body to move.

"Told you the toaster wouldn't croak," she mutters harshly. The anger builds up inside of me, and I scan my memory for an appropriate response. Yes. What those kids at school used that time with the toilet paper and mops...

"Bite me," I respond as I stick out my middle finger at her.

The look on her face makes it worthwhile.