No Fate
"Seventy two billion dead," I whisper. I stop looking at sunglasses, calculating the depth and extent of that fact. Major Shaw has just told me her story, after I'd started, and explained the billions dead, the horror of Skynet. The war against the Machines. The rising up of John Connor as leader of the Resistance. The eventual liberation of mankind, and the crushing of Skynet.
And the shame of my origins. I don't like that, where I came from. Because I'm not like them. I refuse that fact.
But Major Kendra Shaw has come from a universe where humanity evolved on a planet other than Earth, and they had to leave that planet. Twelve homeworlds were established, and eventually a united civilisation, like the United States, or the European Union, emerged.
Then came the Machines.
They'd been built to act as servants, assistants to people. But they'd rebelled, and started murder. They started a brutal, bloody war that lasted years. I feel my hands tremble as I think about that war. The difference between Major Shaw's Machines and the Machines from my past – or future, depending on the way you look at things – is that hers had an awareness that mine didn't have. They'd formed a society. They'd apparently developed a concept of religion. And all that wonderful accomplishment was wasted, because they'd developed a genocidal hatred of humanity. Oh. My hand is trembling.
They'd gone away, an armistice signed, but never furthered. The humans had tried, of course, but the Machines had ignored them. Had developed infiltration models, like Terminators. They'd gone in, and managed to compromise the security networks. They'd plotted and schemed, and when the time was right, they used all of their back-door security holes, and other compromises, to shut down the entire fleet. Major Shaw's ship survived because they'd just Jumped out, no co-ordinates, nothing. Not to mention they had been in dock for upgrades. So the ship's computer network was dismantled, and all the computers were isolated. And they'd yet to install the defective software.
A few others had survived, civilians, the odd fighter pilot, and other officers and personnel. The Minister for Education, forty third in line to succession, was sworn in as their President, because she was the only member of their government to survive, simply because she'd happened to be on a ship at the time of the attacks.
But seventy two billion dead... it's just... the simple thought of so many dead... it makes no sense. I know I'm programmed, and I was originally programmed to kill people, but I've destroyed those directives. If I kill, it's because I have to for survival. Metal doesn't count, though. As far as I'm concerned, they aren't alive, and will never be. Certainly the triple eights. Maybe my model series. I've not thought about it really, to be honest. All I know is that I hate the Machines. I understand Sarah, the person I see as my mother. Mom hates them all. Because of what they've taken from her, what they will take from us all. And after the loss of my girlfriend, I just want it all destroyed.
"Interesting reaction," Major Shaw says. I jump, turning to face her with the speed that my body can allow.The speed the mechanical parts of my body has made her jump. I frown at her, my vision blurred by the tears I have for the thought of all those people killed... and for what? Why? It just doesn't make sense.
"How can anyone react to the knowledge that in a different universe, genocide was enacted on such a scale..." I just break down into tears. My head snaps up, and my eyes open up. The anger inside me is so great, that I glitch. My eyes glow blue, betraying my origins. Shaw backs away, and I look down.
"I was created in the future. A future where the planet is completely devastated by nuclear attack. The thought of that destruction on all your core worlds... smaller colonies..." I shake my head. "everyone on this planet can't imagine it, because they've not witnessed it. But I have. I know that I'm mechanical, but I'm not like them. I don't just feel, but I have understanding of what I feel. And..." my voice falters.
"I guess what she meant when the woman who saved me said that I'd have all my beliefs tested," Shaw says quietly. I look up at her, confused.
"She told me that the fight ahead would challenge all of what I knew and believed in. That rules were changing, altering. Guess you're the start of it." She sizes me up. "Got a question, though." I look at her, wiping the tears away, sniffling as I look at her cautiously.
"What is it?"
"The increase in your chip's weight... what it about? 'Cause I've never seen anything like that before." my eyes and brow screw up as a response to my incomprehension.
"I don't-"
"You mean that you're going to claim that you don't know what's going on inside you're own body?"
"I don't know what you mean..."
"When you were unplugged to infiltrate some network, Connor had looked at your chip, to see what improvements had been made, or whatever. He'd weighed it as one of his little experiments. Derek wanted to see if the weight was the same. It's apparently nineteen grammes heavier. And no-one can figure out why." She looks me dead in the eye, the cold expression cutting straight through to my core. "Care to explain?"
Nineteen grammes... How can my chip gain that much? And how can I not know about it? I start running scan after scan, and they don't indicate anything, other than I'm quite badly damaged in some sectors. But my auto-repair is working, and I'm seeing areas rebuild.
"There's nothing unusual with my chip. Not that I can detect," I whisper. Wait... I had an experience, a lot like when I power down. What is effectively sleep for me. Dreams. I have dreams, and when I was unplugged, I had that vision... But I was off-line. So I can't have had it. Unless... I look her dead in the eye.
"When I was unplugged, I had an experience, a lot like a dream, but it had white tunnels. And a garden. And Jane, the girl I told you about, she was there as well. It was real, like a dream. But more so. But it doesn't make sense, because I wasn't connected to anything." Shaw's eyes widen, and she pulls her face close to mine.
"You're frakking with me... tell me now, because-"
"What? What is wrong with what I just said? It has to be a glitch or something. I need to be pulled, and checked-"
"It means – it suggests – that it could be soul weight." She steps back from me, her eyes wide in shock. "But that's impossible... you're a machine..." I stare at her.
"What is a 'soul weight?' And what's it got to do with my chip?"
"Classic Gemenese texts speak of the soul having a weight of it's own. My guess is that it equates to about twenty one of your grammes," she replies. I feel my mouth open.
"But that's two grammes out from the extra... She'd said that her mother and her dead fiancée and her stillborn son were waiting for her... I saw them..." I take a step back.
"Yeah, but you've not explained what problem you have with me!" My head snaps to the source of the argument. Two girls. Cheerleaders. From my school. Oh... I motion to Major Shaw to keep quiet. Because one has long, black hair, and unusually green eyes. And died over a hundred years ago.
"I don't have a problem with you," Jane says. But I now realise that she's used a different name, for some reason. Because of all the cheerleaders, she's the only one I've not had a proper visual identification on. She's been keeping her face from me, making sure our paths never really crossed, probably to prevent damage to the time-line. And now, I have to watch, and not tell her of what's to come, because it could destroy the result we got. I think she's been drinking.
"Well, people have said that you do. Which would explain the fact I nearly didn't make it onto the squad-"
"Someone's got a loose tongue." She turns to face the blonde. She's a new kid. I've never seen her before at school. Then again, it might just be I've never seen her before.
"So... why did you try to stop me from being on the squad? You know I was-"
"I didn't stop you from being on the team." She looks at the blonde, and I can tell that she's deeply angry, and deeply hurt. Why? Oh. That would be a good reason why. And the blonde is treading onto dangerous ground...
"Yeah right! For some reason, you have decided to hate me, and I can't-"
"I don't hate you! I argued for you! I told everyone we should pick you!" Jane screams. The blonde seems lost for words.
"Then-"
"Because I replaced her today! I had to replace my best friend!" She's in tears, her body shaking in rage and grief. The blonde seems apologetic.
"I didn't-" Jane just storms out of the shop. The blonde is just standing there, trying to understand what is going on. I walk up to her.
"She's taken Jordan's death hard. She blames herself."
"I don't get-"
"She feels she should have seen it coming. Jordan committing suicide. She tried to save her. She'd run up to the top of the gym's roof to get to her, to talk her down. She was a second too late." The blonde seems confused.
"She tripped on the stairs when going up. She's angry at herself for that."
"But that's ridiculous!" I smile at her, a small simple smile.
"It's still the way she feels," I point out. I put an arm on her shoulder. "I'm sure that you'll do great on the squad," I say, as I turn around and indicate to Major Shaw to leave. I get out before the blonde has a chance to reply. As soon as we are away from the area, I just crumple to the floor, my back against a wall. The pain is back, but worse now. It feels like my chest will explode with pain. I just start to cry. Major Shaw crouches down next to me, balancing her weight on the balls of her feet.
"Care to explain?" So simple, so direct. So cold. Like things happened in her life that's made her switch off feelings, as if they are a hindrance. I believe that I'm stronger for my emotions.
"The girl who stormed out... she was on the Victorian Skynet Mission. She will, in the near future, end up with me, Derek and Jack back in the past, and to complete the mission, to-" is sniffle as my voice breaks. "To save us, she stays behind. Sacrifice. And I had to watch, because I can't interfere with her life. Because her death is now a fact. It could blow up the universe, or something." Major Shaw softens slightly.
"You seem to have been good friends with her," she says. I sniffle again.
"We were intimate with each other," I say quietly. I tap my chest. "It's agony in here," Major Shaw is looking at me as if she's seeing the impossible.
"Definitely breaking and changing rules," she comments wryly.