Note: And we're back! Unfortunately, with a short chapter, but what can you do?

Chapter 19

A cool breeze brushed through Caspian's hair as he sat on the ledge, looking out over the field in front of the How. His eyes gazed out towards the woods, but his mind was otherwise occupied. He was sure that he would never forget the with the haunting memory of the utter despair in Peter's face. Despair placed there by Caspian's words.

Caspian had thought the High King was only a cold individual, void of emotion except for anger and pride. How blind he had been! How completely blind and stupid not to realize that Lucy had been right in saying that Peter's actions were but a front to an inner anguish. He had thought she had been exaggerating when she told him that learning the consequences of his actions could kill Peter. Having seen the devastation that this realization had created, Caspian realized full well that she had been too close to the truth.

The young man bowed his head. He had been so wrong about so much. No matter how Caspian tried to justify his actions, in his heart he knew that his guilt was as great, if not more than Peter's. It was his own rash actions that allowed Miraz to escape during the raid. It was his jealousy and greed and anger that allowed Nikabrik and his fell friends to call up the White Witch, regardless if Peter fell into the same temptation after. Caspian had gone into it with eyes wide open, knowing that any dealing with a hag and a werewolf had to have some dark purpose. The fact that he regretted it the moment he had laid his eyes on the Witch was his only saving grace.

Even that, though, was not enough. Perhaps if he had repented immediately, had confessed instead of trying to explain actions, Caspian could claim some righteousness. Instead, he had tried to defend what he had done, deflect the blame. Then, oh, then, worst of all, Caspian had struck Peter with the most brutal weapon possible – the love of his brother. And he had done it not for Edmund's sake, not out of love for his adopted family, but for the pure pleasure that came from hurting someone who had hurt him. Caspian had felt sick the moment the words left his mouth, but by then it was too late.

The young Telmarine bowed his head. How did relishing in the infliction of pain make him different than the White Witch? How was he any different from Miraz?

Deep in self-recrimination, Caspian almost didn't notice when Doctor Cornelius came out on the ledge and sat next to him. Teacher and student sat in silence for awhile, Cornelius waiting for his young charge to speak.

His first words were a broken confession. "I nearly destroyed Narnia. Three times. I caused the raid to fail. I stepped into Nikabrik's trap, full willing. And I…I nearly destroyed the High King. Perhaps I have. Edmund called me brother, and yet I still attacked one whom he holds closest to his heart." Caspian heard Cornelius shift, but could not look at his tutor. "It is the greatest betrayal," whispered the young man, broken at the thought.

Cornelius only paused a moment before speaking, careful in his words. "Even a great betrayal may be forgiven. King Edmund would understand this more than most."

Caspian gave a bitter laugh. "Perhaps he might forgive me had I only hurt him, though I so arrogantly swore that would never happen. But I hurt his brother. I forgot everything Edmund taught me about being a king, fully ignored even the most important precept, to trust Aslan. Instead, I followed the same path as my uncle: I treated those who should have been family with disdain and pride and jealousy. I tried to tear Narnia from their High King, and Edmund from his brother. How can I ask Edmund to forgive me for that?" In his plea, Caspian sounded almost like a small child, desperately begging for unknown answers.

There was another pause. When Doctor Cornelius spoke again, it was not an answer Caspian was expecting. "After you learned that the tales of King Goldenfire and Prince Darksilver were derived from the true stories of Old Narnia, I…protected you from hearing the darker, more terrible stories. Stories that would open your eyes to the sufferings that can befall even a good ruler." Caspian looked at his tutor, whose eyes were shaded with sadness. "I did not wish you to lose the innocence that was so rare among Telmarine nobles. And…I did not want to tell you of some of the crueler evils of Telmarine history." Caspian swallowed hard as Cornelius continued, knowing instinctively he was not going to like what his teacher was going to say.

"One of these stories tells of how Prince Darksilver enchanted himself in order to infiltrate the castle of Lord Santosian, a cousin of the King of Telmar. From within, Prince Darksilver spied and wrecked havoc in the castle, before Santosian caught him in a trap." Cornelius took a deep breath. "Santosian, so the tale goes, ruthlessly tortured Prince Darksilver for many days in order to unearth the Giants' plans – do not ask me to tell you the details the stories relate." His voice shook even relating that much. "But it was such that the Prince was at the point of death before King Goldenfire magically spirited his way into the castle and slaughtered Santosian and his household, rescuing Darksilver so that they might continue their rampage against Telmar."

The story was all too easy to translate into mental images, and Caspian felt his stomach turn in horror. "Heaven's light!" he swore as the realization hit him. It was Edmund who had been captured infiltrating a Telmarine fortress, Edmund who had been tormented and almost killed, by Caspian's own people. It was no wonder that Peter would be horrified to find two Telmarines fighting over Narnia's throne - after all the two kings had gone through, after the images of seeing his brother nearly tortured to death had been burned into Peter's memory... "That…that actually happened." Caspian's voice could not rise above a sickened whisper.

Cornelius nodded. "And yet King Edmund took the same risk again; for the sake of his people and his land." The old professor grasped Caspian's arm tightly. "More notable, though, is that he risked being found out in order to plan the escape of a friend; even knowing quite well what the results of failure would be." Caspian tried to pull away, but Cornelius determinedly kept his hold, demanding his student's attention. "Caspian, when King Edmund could have easily ignored you as just another Telmarine, when he could have dismissed you and placed you in the same category as your uncle, as Santosian, instead he gave you a chance. And he found in you someone he deemed worthy of calling a friend. A brother."

"I do not deserve to be called either," stated Caspian softly. Perhaps Edmund could forgive the Telmarine race for their cruel torture. Perhaps if he could do that, he could have enough room in his heart to forgive Caspian. But Caspian was not sure he deserved forgiveness.

Cornelius, long accustomed to reading his student's face, must have sensed his thoughts. "Whatever mistakes you have made, Caspian, whatever you have done in the past, you must move on; you cannot dwell. Acknowledge the past, repent of it, learn from it. But you must think to the present, prepare for the future." His tone softened. "And, my boy, you must trust in the mercy and forgiveness of both your friend…and Aslan."

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See? It's like Terror Gold, but not really the same. Different universes and all that.