A/N: So I had this picture. Just a picture of Harry and Draco embracing. Nothing extraordinarily special. But I decided it needed a fic. I couldn't decide what kind for awhile. My first ideas were incredibly light-hearted. But as I looked at the picture, it made me feel like Harry and Draco embracing was like coming home. They would always find their way back to each other. So for inspiration I went through my song list for songs with "home" in the title. I got "Coming Home" by John Legend and "Home" by Michael Buble'. Just listening to both those songs makes me want to cry. JL's is a war song, and MB's is just about being separated from a loved one. Still. They make me sad. So this fic is part in dedication to those songs. Consider them my playlist for this. (And considering I've always wanted to write a fic that perhaps induced tears and one composed mostly or entirely of letters, this is a bonus.)
Noted, I'm trying to make this as canon as possible, though heaven knows I'm changing quite a bit, but I don't have access to my bloody book. So bear with me, please.
Warning: Feels. Wading. Swimming. Drowning.
"I just called to see if you still have a place for me/We know that life took us apart/But you're still within my heart/I go to sleep, and feel your spirit next to me/I'll make it home again/I pray you fall in love again/Just say you'll entertain the possibility/I learned enough from my mistakes/Learned from all I didn't say/Won't you wait for me?/It may be long to get me there/It feels like I've been everywhere/But someday I'll be coming home/Round and round the world will spin/Oh the circle never ends/So you know that I'll be coming home." ~John Legend, "Coming Home."
"May be surrounded by/A million people I/Still feel all alone/Just wanna go home/Oh I miss you, you know/And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you/Each one a line or two/'I'm fine, baby, how are you?'/I would send them but I know that it's just not enough/My words are cold and flat/And you deserve more than that…/I'm just too far/From where you are/I wanna come home." ~Michael Buble, "Home."
Coming Home (Drarry picsongfic)
Harry sat composing his letter to Draco with shaky fingers. His arm had gotten blasted in the last battle, and he was still feeling the effects of it, even after the healing charm.
He closed his eyes and thought of Draco. He still wasn't quite sure how they'd come together. After Harry and his friends had been captured and brought to Malfoy Manor, Draco had first purposely failed to identify him and then helped them all escape. It was more than Harry had ever thought Draco would do for them.
Draco had somehow gotten a letter to Harry after they were freed. Harry wasn't sure how, and he was afraid to ask what risks Draco was putting himself in to deliver and receive the letters, but he craved the correspondence at this point. It was a lifeline. And he and Draco were now closer than anyone would ever have thought they'd be.
Harry to Draco
Draco,
I'm sorry if this is sloppier than usual. I know you hate my writing as is. Chicken scratch, I think you call it. But we're moving soon and I want to write this before we leave.
I want you to know I'm fine. Tired, yes. But fine. So don't worry. I'm more worried about you, anyway. How are you?
Draco to Harry
Harry,
I'm surviving. That's about the extent of what I can say at this point. The Dark Lord seems to have been in a better mood than usual lately. Things seem to be working just the way he wants them to for now. It's made everyone less tense around here. But I fear it's a false sense of security. This is surely the calm before the storm.
Harry to Draco
Draco,
I can't say much, in case this gets intercepted, but that's just what we've planned. Fear not.
Draco to Harry
Harry,
The Dark Lord was not pleased to see his plans go awry. I cannot describe the sight and sounds of him taking revenge on an unsuspecting town. I have never been sicker in my life.
Harry to Draco
Draco,
I'm sorry you had to bear witness to Voldemort's cruelty. Sorrier still that people's lives were forfeited as a consequence. But we're closer, Draco. One step closer to defeating him.
Draco to Harry
Harry,
Closer isn't close enough. The Dark Lord is getting angrier, more destructive in his insanity. And he's had more people brought here to protect something. I haven't figured out what.
Harry to Draco
Draco,
Don't worry. I will defeat him. This will be over. Then I'm coming back for you.
Draco to Harry
Harry,
I hadn't even let myself think about that. About you. But you said it now. It's official. You have to come back for me.
Harry to Draco
Draco,
This life isn't so bad, really. It's almost like camping. And some of the places we see are beautiful and exotic. I wish I could show them to you. Though you've probably seen your fair share of the beautiful and exotic. Still, I wish you were here with me.
Draco to Harry
Harry,
I close my eyes and I am with you. I am somewhere beautiful and exotic and not in this house with these people. The images are enough to sustain me one more day. This place is hell, Harry, and by Slytherin I'm clawing my way out.
Harry to Draco
Draco,
I hope you're well. I know it can't be easy on you in that house. But be strong for me, Draco. I'm coming back for you. I'm coming back. I promise. Just hold on until then.
Draco to Harry
Harry,
There are sounds in this house that are not humane. The screams echo through the walls. I can hear Greyback as he makes a meal of some hapless muggle or wizard that the Dark Lord no longer needs. It's…indescribable. But I can't get it out of my head. I'd rather be deaf than hear this, Harry. I'd rather be blind.
Harry to Draco
Draco,
Then be deaf, Draco, be blind. Deaf and blind to everyone and everything but me. I am all that you need see and hear. I am there, Draco. Can you see me? I am with you and we are not where you are. We are somewhere beautiful and exotic and free. We are free, Draco.
Draco to Harry
Harry,
I see it. I see you. And I will cling to that image until it becomes true.
Harry to Draco
Draco,
There are so many things I want to say to you. So much that wants to come tumbling out of my mouth. But I can't write it. My hand stills and my mouth stops around the words. But I hope you know them, anyway. Can feel what it is I'm trying to say to you.
How much time we wasted, Draco. Years at school. Years of near-peace. And we were enemies. Idiots. The both of us. There was so much we could have done then. But no more. No more wasted time, Draco.
Draco to Harry
Harry,
I secretly listen to this muggle device, I think they call it a radio, hoping to hear news of you. There are never more than whispers. Possible sightings all across the United Kingdom. I almost cry every time the show ends and I learn they haven't captured you yet. I never let myself admit how scared I am for you. Come back to me, Harry. Come home.
Harry to Draco
Draco,
I'm alright. Stop worrying. Just take care of yourself. I'll be there as soon as this is over. I promise. But I won't risk you until then. When we come together, this world will be on the way to peace.
Draco to Harry
Harry,
I swear that isn't soon enough. Sometimes I wish you'd just come now. Before all this bullocks is over. You are my only bright spot, Harry. I swear I'm dying without that glow.
Harry to Draco
Draco,
I want you to know that I love you. No matter what I do, no matter what happens to me, that will always be true. I love you. But if I don't make it out of this… try to move on okay?
Draco to Harry
Harry,
What are you talking about? Of course you're going to make it out of this. We both are. We're going to survive this war intact and you're going to come back to me because I love you, too. But you have to come home, Harry, so we can say this face-to-face. This cannot be the first and last time you tell me. So you have to come home. You have to.
Harry to Draco
I love you, Draco.
Draco to Harry
Harry,
You cannot just tell me you love me and that's it. You have to say something else or I'll worry. You know that. Harry, tell me what's going on. Tell me you're okay. Tell me you're coming back for me!
Draco to Harry
Harry,
You didn't answer my last letter. It's been over two weeks now. I need you to respond to me, Harry. I need to know you're okay. I need you. I love you. Harry, come back.
Draco to Harry
Three weeks now, Harry. Where the hell are you?
Draco to Harry
Harry,
It's been over a month now. I listen to the radio every night. The only hope I'm still holding out on. The war is reaching a climax now. Everyone is desperate for you to come and defeat the Dark Lord. I'm just desperate for you to return to me.
You don't have to defeat the Dark Lord. We can go somewhere where they've never heard of him or you or us or our problems. Just come back for me and we can run away to America. Or Australia. Or bloody Antarctica! It doesn't matter! I just need you to come back to me. Come back to me, Harry.
Draco to Harry
Harry,
I heard my father say your name today. My heart rate increased so fast I got lightheaded. He didn't even notice there was anything wrong with me. This war has worn him down. I think he stopped believing in the Dark Lord's mission ages ago. Or maybe it was just his methods. My father is tainted by the death and destruction and the cruelty.
As am I. I can never unsee the things I've seen, Harry. Never unhear the tortures I was forced to witness. Forced to perform. I hope you won't hate me, Harry, for the horrors I committed to survive. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. Can't scrub my skin hard enough in the shower. The taint will never wash off. Like this Mark will never wash off.
I worry I'm not clean enough for you anymore.
Draco to Harry
Harry,
They say you did it. You defeated the Dark Lord. I just cried to know you were still alive. I've been so worried, Harry. So worried. But I didn't break until I'd heard confirmation.
I still worry I'm not worthy of you, anymore. But I don't care about that. I still want you. You are still mine. The only thing I have still worth believing in, holding on to. I won't relinquish claim even if I am defiled. So come back.
It's finally over, Harry. You did it. Now come home to me.
Draco sat reading all the letters he'd had from Harry. Especially his last. I love you, Draco. That was it. That was all he'd said. But Draco had clung to that missive like his life had depended on it. And frankly, it had. Harry had grown to be everything to him in a very short amount of time. Draco blamed it on having nothing else in his life. The war had robbed him of all of it. Except Harry. And that letter had scared him more than anything in the world because it felt like a goodbye.
But Draco had kept writing to Harry, even when he received no response. To stop felt like he was letting go. Like Harry was gone. Dead. Draco had refused to believe that until he'd heard and seen it for himself. And if it were true… no. He hadn't even let himself think about that.
Irrelevant now. Draco had recently gotten word that it was over. That not only was Harry alive, but he had defeated the Dark Lord in a coup d'état. The Dark Lord had never seen it coming.
And finally Draco could breathe again. Oh, there was work to be done yet- surviving supporters out for vengeance that needed to be contained, a disintegrated government that needed to be reestablished, people that needed burying and both lives and buildings that needed to be restored.
But Harry was alive. And frankly, that was the most important thing to Draco now. Everything else could wait.
Draco sat in the front yard of the Manor. He refused to go back in the house. Every room held a tainted memory for him now. He doubted he'd remain living here any longer. Even his parents, both mercifully alive, couldn't quite stand to see the place.
It was two days since Draco had heard the news. He was anxiously waiting for Harry to come collect him. It was the only reason he was still at this house- he didn't think Harry would know to look for him anywhere else. He wasn't pleased with the wait, but he'd spent over two months questioning whether Harry was even alive or not. He could spend another day or so waiting for him to come here.
Draco was seated in the grass (because when was the last time he'd been free enough to enjoy such a simple pleasure?) when a shadow feel over him. It was too short to be his father, too masculine to be his mother, so Draco looked up, curious, to have his eyes fall on Harry.
Harry looked almost nothing like Draco had last seen him, bloated face and quite the worse for wear. He was now cleaned up, obviously having had time to put himself together since his last battle with the Dark Lord. Maybe he'd even recuperated in St. Mungo's. His hair was as messy and unruly as ever, but his emerald eyes were still piercing through his unfortunate glasses, his Seeker body tucked into a fitted white collar shirt and a pair of black trousers.
Draco rose slowly, unconsciously brushing off his own black trousers and straightening his gray sweater vest and white collar shirt.
There was a moment where they just looked at each other. All the weeks and words and wants they had between them sizzling the air.
And then they were singular. Arms and legs tangled and mouths connected and tongues intertwined and it was glorious! Draco had never wanted anything as much as he wanted to be a part of Harry at that moment.
The kiss seemed endless. Draco was sure epochs and eras and eons had passed. Surely this kiss was enough to define lifetimes.
When it ended, Harry's head was tucked into the space between Draco's neck and shoulder and his arms were wrapped tightly around Draco's torso, his fingers digging into Draco's sides as if he was afraid Draco would disappear if he dared loose his grip. Draco's own arms were wrapped about Harry's neck, one hand securely in his hair and the other draped across his shoulders. Somehow Draco had ended up with Harry's glasses in his hand. There would never be any telling how that came to pass.
They stood there for an indeterminate amount of time. Just basking in the feel of each other. The fact that they were actually holding one another. It had seemed like a dream that Draco would never see to fruition.
When Draco let his attention wander from anything that wasn't Harry!, he noticed a tied stack of envelopes on the ground near their feet. His own scattered letters from Harry, almost creased beyond recognition from his endless reads, lie a bit away where he'd sat reading them.
A glance at Harry's face confirmed he knew they were there.
"They're for you," Harry spoke for the first time since arriving there. "They're all the letters I didn't send to you. Couldn't send to you," he added when the notion of a protest rose to Draco's lips.
Draco made no response, just detangled himself from Harry enough to crouch down and retrieve the letters, never letting himself cease contact with Harry.
When he rose, Harry kissed him again. A hard, bruising kiss that Draco didn't mind in the least. It cemented the idea that Harry was here and he wouldn't wake up again in his room alone and lonely and missing him so much it hurt.
"They're for you. And so am I. I came back for you, Draco," Harry said.
"You came home," Draco corrected before kissing him again. Endlessly.
Harry to Draco (unsent)
Draco,
I'm sorry I can't answer your letters anymore. I fear my correspondence is being tracked and I won't risk anything happening to you because of me. But I miss you. More than anything else in this nomadic life.
I read your letters daily. All of them. They help me feel like I am still close to you. I go to sleep and feel your spirit next to me. I hope you feel me, too. I hope you know I'm alive. I know you worry, but I hope you know that I love you. I love you too much to ever leave you. I'm coming back for you, Draco. Wait for me.
Harry to Draco (unsent)
Draco,
It's been three weeks now since I last sent you a response. I'm in these foreign cities and countries with these foreign people. Millions of people surround me. I feel so alone. Not even Ron or Hermione can change that. They've clung to each other for support. Not that it wasn't going that way before all this.
But I miss you. Your letters help. I'm glad they still find me wherever I am. I won't even question how. I read them and absorb them and let your words flow through me. They are your transport into me.
I need this to be over, Draco. I need to get back to you.
Harry to Draco (unsent)
Draco,
Five weeks now. You really must hate me for my silence. But I hope you haven't given up on me. I made you a promise, remember? I told you I was coming home. A Gryffindor always keeps his word. So wait for me, Draco. I won't fail you.
Harry to Draco (unsent)
Draco,
There is nothing you could ever do to be unworthy of me. We've both had to make sacrifices in this war. Both surely done things we never would have otherwise. And both been changed because of it.
But what hasn't changed is us. I love you. You are still mine, Draco. And I am still yours. We can wash each other's taint. Nothing could purify me more than your touch.
And I will have that, Draco. I will have your touch. I will be cleansed with it. And you'll have mine. And be clean.
Harry to Draco (unsent)
I know I told you to move on if I don't come back, but God, I hope you haven't. Eight weeks now. It's been nonstop. The fighting. The running. The hiding. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.
You are what gets me through. I will end this. If only so I can return to you.
Harry to Draco (unsent)
It's over, Draco. It's over. I'm coming home.
A/N: I know I'm unacceptable. I know. Don't hate me. . I wanted feels. I'm drowning in them myself. (post script)
I swear I had trouble figuring out the mechanics of this. When do I place it? During the war? After? Sixth year? Seventh? Before Harry gets brought to Malfoy Manor? After? Start from the beginning of their relationship? The middle? The end? I wrote the first sentence and had no idea where to go from there. Should I leave that there and just start from the middle in the action? [Fun fact, I'm writing this at just that point- first sentence down, trying to decide if I should get into the heavy, plotty crap and work a beginning and end around it. Think I will. (I did.)] (Who writes an ending author's note before they really even start the story? xD! Answer: Me. Hiiiiii! *in my Moriarty voice*) (pre-/mid-script)
(post-script) It's funny how out of order this was written. I wrote the first sentence. Then the middle, working my way to the end. Then the beginning. Then Harry's unsent letters. Then I added a good few more letters to everything (sent and unsent) because I felt they were moving way too fast for so early in the fic, if not in their relationship. And then I wrote the Draco POV for Harry's return. [: So yeah. Lovely. Honestly, I don't think I have ever been more proud of something I've written. I adore this.