Part Three A
Dean woke up once again next to a warm body, but this time he had an arm thrown across the waist of said warm body. Memories from the night before rushed back to him. He was so screwed.
He let his fingers brush across Cas's hip, light enough to not wake the sleeping man. What was he doing? How long had these... thoughts, these... feelings, been hiding out in his subconscious? Because, seriously, last night? That is not something you do on the spur of the moment. It has to come from somewhere.
Cas shifted in his sleep, a frown marring his otherwise relaxed features. He knew the angel would be sore when he woke up. He'd made sure to leave aspirin on the bedside table so Cas wouldn't have to get up to get some pain relief.
He was considering grabbing breakfast for his friend so the other man wouldn't have to walk all the way to the main house.
He was being ridiculous. Seriously, this wasn't him! He needed to think. He needed to clear his head. Last night he decided Cas deserved honesty, so Dean needed to figure out what the hell the truth was so he could share that with his angel.
Dean grabbed his cell and called his brother. Sam answered on the third ring.
"Dean? Everything okay?"
"Yeah. I just wanted to take a look through the woods this morning while everyone's still asleep. Wanna join me? Cas was pretty banged up so I thought I'd let him sleep it off," Dean told his brother as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake the other man.
"Yeah, sure. Just let me throw some clothes on and I'll be right over."
"Alright. Just call me when you get here. I don't wanna wake Cas."
"Sure, no problem."
Dean quietly closed his phone and gently got out of the bed. He watched Cas roll over to the warm spot he'd left, but the angel didn't wake. He hurriedly threw on his clothes and jotted down a note explaining where he'd gone so Cas wouldn't worry. Just as he was signing his name, his cell started to buzz. He grabbed up his phone and set the folded note down on his pillow before rushing out the door.
"Hey, Sammy," he greeted his brother.
"Hey. Cas okay? He took a few hits," Sam asked.
Dean took in his brother's appearance. Sam didn't look much better than Cas had. He had a bruise at his hairline on his left temple and his lip was swollen where it had obviously been split.
"Yeah. He's pretty bruised up but I think he'll be fine. So... I hear you're making a move on my man," Dean told his brother with a smirk.
"Please, not you, too. I swear, that Hannah woman is seriously messed up in the head. I mean, really? Think about it, what the hell would we have been doing that would leave us looking like that?" Sam asked incredulously.
Dean leered at his brother and gave him a wink.
"Well, Sammy, it's always the quiet ones, or so I've been told. There's some pretty kinky shit out there."
Sam made a bitch face at his brother. Dean burst out laughing. He sobered quickly and steeled himself for the conversation he really wanted to have.
"Do I strike you as gay?" he blurted out. "And I swear, if you tease me about this, I will never, never talk to you about anything ever again," he warned his brother.
Sam glanced at him. Dean could see shock in his brother's hazel eyes. Yeah, if that question shocked the man, just wait.
"Um... I really don't know how to answer that."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Either I seem gay or I don't," Dean bit out.
"It's not that easy, Dean. I thought the last couple days would have taught you that."
Dean sighed. His brother had a point. Before this whole mess, he would have looked at someone like Jack and sworn he was straight. His perceptions were skewered now.
"It's just... thoughts like that, stuff like that, it doesn't just pop up, right? It has to come from somewhere, right?" he asked, voicing his concerns from earlier and praying that his brother wouldn't take the piss out of him for this. Sam must have seen something in his face because he didn't laugh or tease. He just took a deep breath before turning to face his brother, stopping them in the middle of the path they had been walking down.
"Dean... I'm going to assume you're talking about some attraction that has just 'popped up' regarding your angel."
Dean glanced around the quiet forest, afraid to meet his brother's eyes. Sam sighed.
"Have you stopped to consider that maybe it's more than a physical attraction to men that just appeared out of nowhere?"
"Sam, I can assure you I have never popped a boner from looking at another man..." Dean started, but Sam interrupted him.
"That's my point. Maybe, for once, the emotional side of your... relationship, don't give me that look, just let me finish, developed first. The feelings for Cas grew first. As the feelings grew, the attraction came. Maybe it just took this place to bring it all to light."
Dean stared at his brother. He was at a loss for words.
"Wanna run that by me in English?" Sam rolled his eyes at his brother's question.
"You care about Cas, probably even love him. You love who he is, but, because who he is happens to be a man, the attraction wasn't there at first. It's slowly grown. Now that you are noticing it, you're freaking out."
"Oh."
Dean thought about that for a minute. Did he care about Cas? Of course he did. The guy gave up everything for him, stood by him when he'd lost everyone else, when he'd lost Sammy. The guy gave up freaking Heaven for him. Holy shit, he might actually be in love with the angel.
"Dean, you okay?"
"Uh, yeah. Listen, thanks, Sam. I'm gonna head back to the cabin, get ready for breakfast," Dean told his brother distractedly as he turned around to head back the way they'd come. Sam just gave him a knowing smile and a wave, not even mentioning the fact that they'd accomplished nothing with their case.
Dean paused outside of the door to his cabin. He'd run over what he wanted to say in his head a million times on the way over and he was pretty sure he had the right words for this. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and walked into the cabin.
Cas was awake and dressed, sitting at what passed for a kitchen table drinking a can of Mt. Dew and reading a book he'd borrowed from Alec. He glanced up at when Dean walked in.
"Good morning. This drink?" he said, holding up the green can. "This has to be one of humanity's greatest inventions," he told the hunter with a small, wondrous smile.
Dean barked out a laugh.
"Uh, yeah. That stuff's pretty good, but be careful, it's loaded with caffeine and I bet your body isn't used to that. So, how are you feeling?" he asked, worried that his friend might still be hurting.
"Not bad. A little sore. I think the cream and the shower helped. Thank you," Cas told him, looking back down at the book.
"So, how'd it go? Did you discover anything new?" Cas asked, changing the subject.
"Uh, no, but we'll go look more later. Maybe this afternoon if we have some spare time. Look, Cas, can we talk for a minute?" Dean asked, taking a seat at the table next to his friend.
Cas looked up at him with a guarded expression. Dean fidgeted, trying to remember what he wanted to say first. I think I love you seemed too much to start with. Cas's sigh pulled him from his musings.
"Dean, let's not do this." That caught Dean off guard.
"What?" he asked.
"I know what you are going to say. I'm going to stop you now and save us both a very awkward and embarrassing conversation."
Wait... what?
"I know you, Dean. This is the part where you fumble around with an apology that is meant to not hurt my feelings but make it very clear that last night meant nothing."
Well, apparently the angel didn't know him as well as he thought he did.
"So, I'm going to save you from that highly uncomfortable and disturbing scene. I assure you, Dean, there are no feelings to hurt. I'll even go a step farther and thank you for a very... enlightening and educational evening. It was definitely a more... enjoyable aspect of human relation and I am glad I was able to experience it."
Dean just gaped at the other man. Okay. He had totally read that wrong. He swallowed down the flash of hurt that crept up when he caught on to what his friend was saying. It was a very diplomatic way of saying thanks for the fuck but it didn't mean anything.
Dean tried to think of something to say. Was this how his various one night stands felt? Because this? This sucked.
"We should probably head out. I would like to enjoy breakfast before we have to face Hannah again," Cas told him.
All Dean could do was nod. He was feeling... Well, he didn't know what he was feeling. Confusion probably summed it up the best. And hurt. Let's not forget hurt. Fuck.
Dean was silent the entire walk to the main house. Cas kept shooting him worried looks but he really didn't know what to say to the other man.
When the pair entered the dining area, the light atmosphere vanished into a tense silence. Everyone was staring at them. It didn't take long for the group to resume its light talking, but Dean could tell they were all shooting glances at him and his angel. Cas leaned over to whisper in his ear.
"What are they staring at?"
"I have no idea," Dean admitted. He opened his mouth to continue but was interrupted by Jack, who had walked up behind him.
"Hey. Why don't you guys grab your food and we'll go eat at the tables outside?" he asked. Dean noticed Alec standing behind the dark haired man, a worried look on his face.
"Uh, sure. Sound good to you, Cas?"
His friend nodded before making his way over to the buffet and filling a plate. Dean followed the angel's lead. When they both had a plate filled with food, Dean lead the way out to the picnic tables that littered the back yard of the large house.
"So, what the hell is going on in there?" Dean asked once they were settled at their table. Jack and Alec shared a look.
"Well, Mike told everyone this morning that you caught Cas fucking around with one of the staff and... well, beat the shit out of both of them in a jealous rage," Jack told him in an unsure voice. Dean just stared at the other man. What the hell? He glanced over at Cas and found the angel as shocked as he was.
"We don't really believe him, he's had a thing for that Wesson guy since we got here. He's probably just jealous because the guy won't give him the time of day," Alec quickly explained.
Mike had a thing for Sammy? If he weren't so pissed right now, he'd be laughing his ass off.
"Dean didn't lay a hand on me," Cas practically growled, "And I am not fucking anyone else."
Dean was surprised at the vehement tone the other man used. Cas was defending him? He wasn't sure why that should surprise him. Last night didn't change anything between them. Why was he acting like it had? Fuck, he was confused again.
"We didn't say he did. We just wanted you to know what was being said. You do look like someone beat the shit out of you, though," Jack pointed out.
"I... Sam and I..." Cas glanced at Dean for help.
"We know Sam. That's how we heard about this place. He and Cas were just chatting when they thought they saw a bear. After the killings and stuff, they decided it best to hightail it outta there. They got tripped up and fell down a steep hill. They're both banged up pretty good. Apparently, Hannah, Mike and Tom found them and it looked... a little off," Dean explained, making it up as he went along.
"Ah. Makes sense. Mike's an ass. It'll pass," Jack assured them.
Dean went back to his breakfast. Great, now everyone thought he was an abusive asshole who couldn't even keep his partner satisfied enough to stay. As if his day wasn't already off to a great start.
When they finished breakfast, Cas suggested they head back to their cabin until their group session. Dean thought that was a good idea. The last thing he wanted right now was to deal with the idiots that were his fellow campers.
The walk back was tense and uncomfortable. It reminded Dean of yesterday's trek after their disastrous meeting with Hannah.
"Dean? Are you upset with me?" Cas asked, breaking the oppressive silence.
"No. Why would you think that?" Dean asked. Cas gave him a worried look.
"I... I was afraid maybe you were upset about last night. You've been quiet since this morning."
"I'm just a little pissed that I've been labeled a jealous, abusive asshole," Dean snapped, not wanting to talk about last night again. Obviously the angel didn't feel the same way.
"Dean, please be honest with me. I value your friendship too much to want it ruined by what happened."
Cas wanted honest? Yeah, no thanks.
"Cas, really, it's not ruined, I promise," he offered, glancing over at his friend. Cas had a sad look on his face. As soon as Dean met his eyes, the angel pulled his gaze away.
"I just... I promise, I'm not reading anything into what happened," Cas told him quietly. Dean was embarrassed by how bad he wished Cas would read into it... and feel the same way.
"I know, man. It's fine, really. It's just this place. It's fucking with us all," he told the other man as they neared their cabin.
"Yes, it is," Cas whispered sadly.