Days had passed since their first kiss, but the routine was beginning to carve itself into the stone of their lives. Things hadn't travelled further than steamy make-out sessions, ending in either Emmett dragging Jasper forcefully from the room because he had drowned the whole house in lust or Jasper clamming up every time Bella attempted to put her hands under his shirt.

"Why not Jasper?" Bella groaned as once again Jasper froze on the sofa.

He pulled himself off of her and refixed his shirt, yanking it down at the back to cover his exposed skin. Bella's face dropped as she subtly caught her breath after the few minutes of intense kissing. He pressed himself into the corner of the sofa, but placed his hand on her leg.

"I just can't…" Jasper said quietly.

"But why not, babe?" Bella pressed. "I don't get it."

"My scars…" He admitted, his expression turning into his poker face. No hint of emotion threatening to break through.

"I've seen your scars before, the ones on your face." Bella said, before mentally cringing at the thought that she'd never even seen him in a short-sleeved shirt. Her eyes flickered to his face, but she couldn't read the sadness in his eyes.

"Yeah." He said slowly. "But I have more…"

"How many more?" She asked.

"Hundreds? Thousands?" Jasper snorted. "I've never really counted…"

She fell silent again, trying to imagine the torture that her companion had been through. She'd only been bitten twice before, and she'd never forget the amount of pain that she'd experienced. Her hand reached out for him, to take his hand, to show him she loved him – her breath caught in her throat as her hand remained alone – until his lean fingers wrapped around hers.

"Did you kill them all?" She asked.

"Yes… I'm a monster…" He said slowly, rubbing his forehead with his free hand slowly. "I killed every single one that bit me… and probably hundreds more…"

"But you're not like that now." She said as a statement rather than a question.

"No – no one has bitten me in a couple of years now." He laughed.

"Well, that is good news." Bella smiled slightly, holding his hand tighter. "But seriously… why do you hide them?"

"Because -" Jasper said slowly. "They are repulsive."

"Show me." Bella requested boldly.

He looked at her like she had grown an extra head, before slowly shaking his head.

"Why not?" She asked.

"I hate them… I never ever look at my own body, not even in the shower. Alice used to actually be disgusted by them… She couldn't even look at me naked, if she didn't want something from me… She said they made me look like a rogue." He began ranting almost sadly.

"They are nothing to be ashamed of, Jasper." Bella said simply.

"Yeah, okay." He nodded, pretending to accept what she said. But Bella could feel the waves of shame gently lapping at her mind, his attempts at trying to hide it failing short.

"Did they hurt?" She asked. "I'm sorry for the 20 questions but I never had the chance to ever ask you before."

"Not really, the pain gets bearable after the first hundred or so." He tried to laugh it off. His hand moved onto the outside of their strange gesture, and he squeezed gently, as she had done.

"You know what, Jasper. I am sure they are nothing at all to be ashamed of, you were in a dark place, but you did your job well!" Bella tried re-assuring him again.

"You really want to see?" He asked, his eyes avoiding hers as they swept across the room nervously.

"Yes." She said without pause.

He didn't give her a comment, just leaned forward slightly so that he could unbutton his silvery blue shirt. His hands numbly fumbled down his buttons, slowly revealing parts of his pale and toned chest.

Bella wanted him to stop, his shame now freely flowing from him, but it was so beautiful that she couldn't help herself just watching him. Small raised half crescents gathered all over his body, concentrated around his throat – where all vampires instinctively attacked for – he had been right, there were hundreds of them, if not thousands. She reached out slowly to try and place a finger on his abs, but he stopped her by wrapping his hand around hers once again.

"Jasper…" Bella said. "They're… beautiful."

"There are more." He said simply, flashing his teeth in a slightly animalistic and feral smile.

"You're gonna show me?" She asked.

"If you are ready for them." He muttered, peeling off his shirt, so that he could throw it behind him. The shiny piece of material landing where Edward's piano used to stand.

--

"I don't get it…" She murmured.

"What's not to get?" He groaned, thinking that she would immediately understand what the scars gathered around his wrists were.

"How? Why?" Bella whispered.

"This existence did not feel worth living at many points in the past." He grimaced, resisting the urge to run from the room or at least cover them. "But there is only one way for a vampire to die… so I just had to live with the pain… and that suited me just fine…"

"Can I touch them, please?" Bella asked.

"Okay." Jasper said wincing. No-one had ever touched these ones before, except for Carlisle. Carlisle and Edward were the only ones to truly know of his pain when he was in his darkest places. Edward had gone to Carlisle and told him that my mind was a horrible place, and that it was distracting him – but Carlisle had taken it as a sign his adopted son needed help, and so had taught Jasper to confide in him.

Bella's hand lightly touched his wrist, his skin feeling warm under her vampire touch, the scars knitted under her palm, an unreadable transcript.

"You know…" Jasper started "I used to tear chunks out my arms… wait until it healed, and then do it again… just to feel the pain…"

"I know, Jasper." Bella said.

"Do they not repulse you? Do I not make you feel sick?" He asked her, slowly untensing his muscles under her touch.

"No, I love you. Every inch of you." She smiled at him.

He ducked his head, avoiding her warm eyes that were searching for his. But she placed her hands on his head and slowly moved his head so that they were staring directly into each other's eyes.

"Jasper." She said.

"Bella." He said back.

"I love you so much. I love every single part of you – mind and body." She told him sincerely, touching her lips to his wrist and then to his forehead.

"I love you more." Jasper grinned.

"I love you more." Bella repeated.

"Impossible!" Jasper laughed.

"Prove it…" Bella said, pulling Jasper back onto her, as they were before their little exchange. This time shirtless and increasingly lustful.

He didn't speak before his lips met hers with vigour and unreleased tension, her hands slowly tracing out the scars patterned on his back. Jasper pulled back for a moment, a slow smile spreading across his lips.

"I'll prove it for real, as soon as we are alone." He smiled, before beginning to kiss her again, like before only even less unrestrained. His slender fingers working their way down towards her ass, a move he'd never used regularly on Alice, because she didn't like it.

He smirked into the kiss as Bella moaned into his mouth when his fingers reached their destination and she pushed her hips up into his. His jeans were now tight around his visible arousal, but he didn't care, he just wished that at some point soon, he wouldn't have to run to jump in the shower every time this situation arouse.

Jasper began to pull away before they got too carried away, he wanted to do everything properly, be a gentleman. He would not do this with her right here, on the sofa – that's what beds were created for.

"One of these days, Bella, I am going to show you just how much I love you." He groaned just before Emmett ran down the stairs, his face contorted with anger and the efforts it was taking him to run back up to Rosalie.

"But not while I'm in the bloody house, unless you learn to control your powers! This is annoying, Jasper. It's like having a constant hard-on, just because you don't want to ruin your little purity and gentleman way of living…" Emmett snarled.

"Whatever, bro." Jasper laughed, jumping off the sofa, leaving Bella looking mildly amused at Emmett's little outburst, put also angry at the interruption.

"No shirt?" Emmett asked incredulously.

"Well done, I'm glad you can finally see again!" Jasper smirked, laughing at the dumbstruck expression on his brother's face.

"Who are you and what have you done with Jasper?" Emmett asked turning to face Bella, who was still lounged across the sofa.