Having so much fun writing this! I actually have a sort of plan now! Three rousing choruses of We Are The Champions in honor of inspiration!
"AND IT SEEMS TO ME YOU LIVED YOUR LIFE LIKE A CANDLE IN THE WIND, NEVER KNOWING WHO TO CLIIIIIING TOOOOOOOO – " the man at the console bellowed, swinging his arm wildly like a rockstar. His floor length duster spun around behind him as he executed a magnificent spin. He froze, poised like a ballerina mid-twirl, when he caught sight of Harry, Ron and Hermione. The man blushed a deep scarlet.
"Oi! Who do you think you are, walking into my private – I was – you – downright disrespectful!" he spluttered. "Stirring tribute to Princess Di of Wales, but she passed in 1997 and hopefully this is 1996 so you wouldn't know about that yet, and you walk in like you bloody own the place, which you don't, because nobody can really own a TARDIS and in any case you don't even know what a TARDIS is – stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space, bigger on the inside, all the universe at its feet (well, actually it doesn't really have feet) although it never seems to take me where I want to go, verrrrry temperamental she is, like one of your human women, always doing her own thing, taking me to bloody Raxicoricofallapatorius instead of Hong Kong and stranding me in the year 200 instead of 2000...speaking of, what year is it?" It was the first time he'd paused for breath. He looked questioningly at the three.
"I...er...this isn't the Ministry of Magic, is it," Ron stammered.
"It's 1999," Hermione said.
"Oh great Rassilon," the man muttered. "See what I mean? I wanted 1996, you great blue lump. It's a wonder I don't just fill you up with packing peanuts, ship you off like the box you are – " The telephone-box-that-wasn't-a-telephone-box shuddered. "Only joking, my love."
"Er, sir, if you don't mind me asking, who are you?" Harry found his voice at last.
"The Doctor," the man said. Harry opened his mouth. "Just the Doctor," the Doctor said firmly. "Not Doctor Strangelove, not Doctor Zhivago, and definitely not Doctor Mengele. That man was horrid, I had to fight him off with nothing but toenail clippers."
Hermione blinked. "Well then, Doctor, are you a wizard?"
"Course not, those don't exist." Ron coughed. "What?" the Doctor asked, frowning.
"Are you sure," pressed Hermione. "Are you really, really sure?"
"Er, yeah. Definitely not a wizard. Perhaps you need to get your head checked? Ooh! I'll do this young man's! Ginger! Brilliant! I was hoping I'd be ginger this time round, but no such luck."
"What are you, then?" asked Harry. Curious was much too weak a word to describe how he was feeling.
"Time Lord," said the Doctor simply.
"Right then," Harry said cautiously. He'd be inclined to think this man was crazy, but there was the whole bigger on the inside telephone box. "Why are you here?"
A crease appeared between the Doctor's thick black eyebrows. "I caught wind of a huge ripple in time. Seventeenth of June, 1996. That's sort of my specialty, so I decided to investigate."
"Seventeenth of June..." Hermione turned to Harry, eyes alight. "The night we went to rescue Sirius?"
"Yeah, you're right," Harry answered. He wasn't going to forget that day anytime soon.
"Rescue Serious? What, were you worried about Joviality and Flippancy taking over?" asked the Doctor lightheartedly. No one else laughed. "Sorry, what's Serious?"
"Sirius, my godfather," answered Harry. If this man hadn't heard of Sirius Black, mad murderer and later tragic hero, he must not be a wizard.
"What happened to him?"
"He...died. Seventeenth of June. Died like a true hero."
The Doctor was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "So, so sorry." Harry was mildly surprised. He'd heard that phrase a lot, but this was one of the only times there had been understanding behind it.
"Thank you."
"If you don't mind me asking, how did he die?" the Doctor asked.
Hermione answered for Harry. "He was defending Harry, Ron and against Death Eaters – they're these evil people who work for the most evil man in the world, Lord – "
"Voldemort?" The Doctor laughed. "Oh, and Sirius Black is your godfather, which makes you Harry Potter. Ginger, you're Ron, right? And this must be Hermione."
"So you are a wizard!" said Hermione, surprised.
"Er, no," said the Doctor. He looked calm, but there was anger in his dark eyes now. "And you aren't either. Why don't you tell me the truth? Who are you, and HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY TARDIS?"
Harry, Ron and Hermione jumped at his sudden shout. He advanced towards them. "Only a Time Lord can get through that door, and only then with a sonic device. What are your real names? How did you get in? What do you want from me?"
"We told you!" squeaked Hermione. "Harry, Ron, and I'm Hermione – "
"For Gallifrey's sake, stop lying!" the Doctor shouted at her.
"Don't you yell at her!" Ron shouted back.
The Doctor opened his mouth to shout again, but Ron was quicker. Whipping out his wand, he pointed it at the Doctor. "SILENCIO!"
The Doctor was suddenly mute. He continued to gesture and mouth wildly until he realized no sound was coming out. He froze and looked from one of them to the other in shock. He pointed at Ron's wand, then to his mouth, connected the dots and started jumping up and down, flapping his hands, with an expression of having opened his Christmas presents a day early.
"None of that," snarled Ron. "Nobody yells at my girlfriend, got it?" Hermione rolled her eyes, but looked pleased. The Doctor stopped jumping but still looked ecstatic. Ron removed the spell.
"YOU'RE WIZARDS!" The Doctor screamed. "REAL WIZARDS! WITH WANDS! AND NOT JUST ANY WIZARDS! IT'S THE GOLDEN TRIO! YOU EXIST!"
"Take it down a decibel!" yelled Ron.
The Doctor grabbed his hand and shook it. "Oh, so pleased to meet you! Mister Ronald Weasley! Hero of the Wizarding World!" Ron looked slightly mollified. "And Hermione Granger! Oh, you were brilliant! That bit with the Roskralchinro in the pipes? Fantastic!"
"Actually that was a basilisk," beamed Hermione. "But thanks."
"And you. Harry James Potter. You don't know what it's like to meet you. I didn't even know you were real. Oh, the time I've spent scouring London for The Leaky Cauldron...and you walk right into my TARDIS! Quelle coincidence! I knew old JK had to be lying about you all being fiction..."
Harry frowned. "Who?"
Just then, the most peculiar sound hit the air. It sounded like how a machine would talk, if machines could talk. The funny pump on top of the dais in the center of the room started pistoning up and down, and the TARDIS began to tremble.
"What?" muttered the Doctor. "What?" He ran to the controls and started pushing and pulling things. "You can't just leave by yourself! What?"
"What's going on?" asked Harry in concern. The Doctor seemed quite agitated.
"The TARDIS is leaving, by itself!"
"WHAT?" all three yelled.
"That's what I've been saying!" he shouted, and then the TARDIS started shaking like an earthquake.
Thanks to my sole reviewer, clhpfan12341234567. Had to copy and paste that name. Thanks also to all who added me to Alerts. Feel free to leave a review :) Geronimo!
Americanathogwarts
P.S. This is the 10th doctor by the way :)