Sunlight streamed into his eyes, causing Logan to wince. He moved to sit up, but was suddenly aware of a warm body lying beside him. To make matters worse, the events of the night before were now fuzzy in his mind. He remembered bringing Raven upstairs, and the argument they had, but everything after that was a blur. He was acutely afraid of what he might have done last night. He tried to concentrate, to remember; but nothing came. Cautiously, he turned to look at the person lying beside him. He knew she wasn't dead – he could hear her heart beating – but he wasn't sure he could ever look in her face again. So many questions ran through his mind.
Raven lay with her back to him, her dark hair haloed around her face in stark contrast to her pale skin. Her full lips were only slightly parted, seeming to invite him to kiss them, but he resisted. Though she had slept beside him, she might well be angry with him. If only I could remember why, he thought to himself.
Leaving her to sleep a while more, Logan slipped quietly out of the bed and made his way downstairs. After a quick stop in the bathroom, he walked on bare feet into the living room. Bobby and Rogue sat side-by-side on the velvet couch with their heads close together, talking quietly. When Bobby saw Logan, he moved his head back a little and let his arm slide from around Rogue's shoulder.
"Morning, Logan," Bobby greeted, and Logan nodded.
"Hey, don't let me ruin your fun, kid." Bobby blushed, but said nothing, and Logan cleared his throat nervously. "You guys didn't…hear anything…last night, did you?"
Bobby and Rogue exchanged puzzled glances, then shook their heads. Rogue asked, "Why?"
Logan stuck out his lower lip and shrugged. "Just curious. Doesn't matter. Hey, where's Sonya?"
It was Bobby's turn to speak. "Out in the barn. Seems to be spending a lot of time out there lately."
"Rogue," Logan asked, "would you mind going out to check on her?"
"Is something wrong?" she asked.
"No," he answered a little too quickly, but neither of them seemed to notice. "No, I just like to know where everyone is before breakfast."
"Oh, okay." She stood up, and with an apologetic look at her boyfriend, left the room.
Logan dreaded going back upstairs; but now was as good a time as any to find out just how bad he'd messed up with Raven. With a nod at Bobby, he also left and started up the two staircases, finally reaching the third floor. Silently, he eased the door open, and stepped inside.
Raven stirred when she sensed someone in the room with her. In her mind, unlike Logan's, the night before suddenly rushed back as soon as she woke. Struggling to keep herself calm, she turned over and saw Logan standing just inside the doorway, a look of confusion and despair on his face.
"Hi," was all he said.
"Hi," she replied, sitting up and pulling the covers over her chest self-consciously, even though she was still fully dressed.
Logan crossed his arms over his own chest, trying to find anyplace else to look besides Raven's face. Raven let a small smile play on her lips. Whatever had happened last night, she had never seen him look so uncomfortable.
Finally, he spoke. "I don't know what happened, Raven. I can't remember."
"Look, Logan, I don't exactly know why you attacked me…"
He cut in, dropping his arms to his sides. "I attacked you?!"
"It's all right. I stopped you before you could get anywhere."
Logan was puzzled. "Stopped me how?"
Raven shrugged. "I have my ways."
"You're sure I didn't hurt you?"
Raven nodded. Somehow she felt as bad inside as he did, as if she carried some of the blame for what had happened; but, she reasoned, it was only her empathic nature that made her feel that way. She could understand the pain he was experiencing – made worse by the fact that he couldn't remember anything.
"Come here," Raven murmured, patting the bed beside her, but he didn't move.
"You sure?" He asked doubtfully.
She laughed her pleasant, husky laugh. "Don't make me kick your ass again, Logan. I put quite a few marks on you last night, and I'll do it again."
Logan sat next to her, but he gazed at the door while she spoke to him.
"Logan, I know that we have an unusual relationship between us. Something like a love-hate relationship, but with even more hate."
At this, Logan simply nodded once, and she continued. "But when you kissed me out in the yard, I felt something I didn't know I could ever feel again. To think about it even now scares me as much as it does intrigue me. And you really scared me last night, too. You were just so…powerful, at first I didn't think I could stop you – you were like a freight train."
"Raven, I'm so sorry! I…" he interrupted, but she silenced him by pressing her pointer finger to his lips. Her pulse quickened at the touch of his skin against hers, so warm and – she cut off her thoughts quickly. She couldn't think this way right now.
"As I said, I don't know what happened, but I can guess there's more to it than we know."
"You think the Brotherhood is behind it?" Logan asked her, and she nodded slightly.
"I'm sure of it. Question is, why. And how."
Logan stood up and went to the window. "So what happens now?"
Raven also stood up. She reached out to touch his back, but her hand stopped just short of its mark. His mood was so uncertain; she wasn't sure if he would close her out again. Wearily, she dropped her arms to her sides.
"What happens to what?" She asked him.
He turned suddenly, his eyes even darker than usual. In a whisper, he replied, "To us."
Raven didn't reply immediately, and he turned back to the window and rested his head against the cool glass. "I mean, I'm not sure I can trust myself around you. Something about you makes me so…animalistic…like I'm running purely on instinct. It's dangerous for you to be around me now."
Raven's heart ached at his words, but her reply was soft. "Logan, I handled you just fine before…"
Logan pushed away from the window and grabbed her by her elbows. His grip was firm, but not painful, despite his adamantium skeleton. He stared directly into her eyes as he spoke.
"That was one time, Raven. What about next time? Or the one after that? I could kill you so easily without even knowing what I'd done, and I couldn't live with myself if that happened."
Everything he said was the truth, she realized then. But her stubborn will was not so easily overcome, and she lifted her chin defiantly.
"And why is that? Why should you be ashamed of your true nature? You're the Wolverine, aren't you? You were made for the business of killing. It's everything you are."
She knew her words had hurt him, but they needed to be said, and Raven was not one to dance around an issue. At first, Logan seemed as if he might strike her. Then, he simply let go of her arms and walked to the door.
"It's not everything I am. Stryker may have tried to make me his dog soldier, but he couldn't erase everything. Everyone needs love, Raven. Even a 'Wolverine' like me."
With a last glance, he disappeared down the stairs, leaving Raven alone with her thoughts.