No Idea
He remembers, with a mixture of horror and amusement, the first and only time he witnessed the birth of a baby. He recalls with a terrible clarity how he panicked, thinking that they were all about to die, how he knew so little about what to expect, how he fretted and wailed and generally made a liability of himself. And he feels the time moving inexorably forwards, marked with the changing shape of Winry's body, and senses the old, frantic fear creeping over him again.
He knows that he is older now, more responsible, and far more informed about these subjects. But he also remembers that last time, he had thought the same thing. Last time, he had been of the opinion that he knew all he needed to about the vague, far-and-away areas of pregnancy and childbirth, and had only realised that his meagre knowledge was next to useless, when it was too late to do anything about it, and a baby was on its way whether anyone else was ready or not. Last time, he hadn't expected to lose his head or forget all he had been told to do in these situations. And the possibility that the same thing could still happen all over again remains in his mind, and worries him.
It is made worse still by the fact that this is Winry, and she is carrying his child. Much as he cares about Gracia and Elysia, nothing can match the concern he feels now. He cannot allow himself to be caught off guard this time. He must remain calm and focused, and he must assist to the best of his ability when the time comes. He doesn't want to imagine how catastrophic the results will be if he messes up.
His anxiety grows and swells along with the bump in Winry's stomach. He wouldn't have thought he had the energy to think about anything else, and yet he still finds the room in his mind to be fascinated by the process, by the curves and contours of her figure rearranging, her waist thickening, her spine adjusting to support the extra weight. Her habits change, too: what she eats, the way she sleeps, how she dresses, even her moods.
Especially her moods.
He wants to be prepared, to be able to know about everything that will happen in advance, to know this process back to front. He buys books, interviews as many people as he can think of about it, goes on a trip especially to see Gracia and ask her some of the most pressing questions, listening intently and jotting down notes while humiliated teenage Elysia squirms on the couch beside her mother. He even asks Ed- who can know what information his older brother has picked up over the years?- but his questions are met with a blank stare.
"How much do I know about what?"
He repeats himself.
"Why do you want to know about that?" Ed asks in disgust.
So he explains, briefly, his concerns.
Ed listens, frowning, head on one side. Eventually he says, "So you're worried because of that?"
A nod.
"Has it crossed your mind that you were only ten at the time, and bound to lose your cool?"
Bound to? A shake of the head.
"It was totally unexpected that time," Ed says incredulously. "We were really young, unprepared, easily frightened, and clueless. You just can't compare the situations."
An embarrassed pause.
"Look," Ed says, more kindly this time, "you've worried yourself stupid over this. You don't need to- you've got plenty enough knowledge to get you through. Probably more, actually- did you say you made notes? The birth will be difficult, they always are, but she knows you'll be there the whole time and do all you can to help, and that'll make it easier. And anyway," he laughs, "that's only the beginning. Have you thought about what'll happen afterwards? You're going to be a father. And I'll be an uncle," Ed says, as proudly as if this whole thing was his idea all along.
He gazes silently into his lap.
"If you're still worried, you'd better talk to Winry," Ed tells him.
He shakes his head frantically as he stands. "N- no! It's ok. I'm fine . . .Thanks, Brother."
He returns home late and full of thought that night, notes and guidebooks held precariously under his arm, and sits wearily at the kitchen table. It is true; he is no longer worrying about the birth, and feels confident now that their shared knowledge will get them through. But, he thinks, fretting mindlessly already, leaning forwards and covering his face with shaking hands, he has absolutely no idea how to be a father. . .
Author's notes: See, I told you I'd write more about the pregnancy :D Also, some more of moron!Ed at his very best. He really didn't help matters, did he? XD
Just to let everyone know, I have a complete TON of exams on the way, starting Wednesday next week. Don't be surprised if my updates slow, or even stop completely. I'm not dead- unless the pressure finally gets me- but an interent ban will probably be imposed, and in any case I really need to knuckle down. Oh the joy of exams. . . I feel the rapture overtaking me already. . .
Review? Please? The gap between hits and reviews is widening alarmingly. If Legendary Chimera, SomeGhol, Noseless Wonder, Salina M L and Dreams-United can find the time to review time and time again as I update (-glomps you all-), then the rest of you can surely manage to review once.