Old World Blues. Chapter 2.
"And that should be..."
Began Princess Bubblegum, craning over an archway stuffed full with electrical components to switch on a filament bulb.
"...the finishing touch."
There was click, followed by a warm electrical hum as power flowed throughout the inner workings of the mechanical arch.
She stepped back to admire her handy work.
In the centre of the arch there lay a steel-rimmed chair, and sitting in the chair there was sprawled a man made entirely of meat.
Meat man, (for that was what he was called) had seen better days. He wasn't used to having whole chunks of himself taken out and served up at 'Pinic-palooza', yet against doctors' orders, it seemed that he'd learnt his lesson the hard way.
"Urrgghh..." He moaned, twisting in the chair, taking care not to tear at the bite-marks that riddled his porky-sausage body.
"It's just as well you guys got him to me when you did." Announced Bubblegum, as a blue corona of energy flowed from speaker-like funnels in the machinery, filtering down into the pained occupant.
"If Meat man had gotten here even an hour later, we may have been too late. He's dangerously low on protein content."
Relieved, Finn and Jake wiped each others brows and gave each other a bodacious Hi-five.
"Nah, that's alright Peebs." Said Jake, a little remorsefully.
"I knew there had to be a limit, it just took me a while realise if he was hurt or not from...you know...supplying the sandwich filling."
"Like GLOB he is!" She shouted over to her slowly re-generating patient.
"When I tell you that your body cannot sustain a protein synthesis mitosis pattern, IT MEANS, you don't offer yourself to everybody who wants a bite! YOU GOT THAT!"
Meat man sobbed a little as the wave lasers slowly refilled his missing parts.
"I'm sorry..." He sniffled.
"It's just that, I wanted everyone to have a good time, and the chicken filling hadn't arrived yet, and…and...IV'E GOT SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE!"
As a defiant gesture, Meat man ripped off a part of his left shoulder and hoisted it aloft to the heavens, yet as he did so, his arm started to wobble and in seconds he crashed back against his chair, unconscious from his exertion.
"Woah" whispered Finn. "That was hard-core".
Bubblegum smiled at her two heroes, having safeguarded her kingdom's inhabitants yet again.
"A thousand thanks to you Finn and Jake. I'll take care of Meat Man for the time being, as for you two, I guess you can go back to enjoying Picnic-palooza. I hear they've got a great trifle this year! He's doing stand up."
The two awesome adventurers were content.
"Super!" Said Finn, heading to the door of the laboratory.
"Unless, you got anything else what needs a good decking."
Princess Bubblegum laughed a pleasant regal laugh.
"I'll be alright, thank you guys. You deserve some time off though, I'm not a slave driver after all…"
The room seemed to darken slightly.
"Unless I have to be."
Jake laughed nervously, stretching a noodley arm twenty feet to the door in a bid to hasten his exit.
He was beaten to it however.
Footsteps were heard on the other side before a little black bootie kicked through it, essentially smashing the wooden door into matchwood.
Peppermint Butler stood in the ruined doorway, seething with visible panic and sucking up the biggest breath of his life.
This lasted several seconds.
"Um…" Finn began, loosing himself in P. Butler's lengthy inhalation.
"Is there something you wanted to…"
"HIGH POWERED ADVENTUER CLASS HEADED THIS WAY, THE SCANNERS ARE GOING KABLOOIE MACHO LOCO! TWO MINUTES TILL ZERO HOUR!"
The babble of words evidently meant something to Princess Bubblegum. She tilted her crown forward and grimaced, rushing over to where her minty fresh subject stood gesticulating.
"If that's true then your place is with me. Finn, Jake, we need to see what this stranger wants."
The four of them bolted down the grand staircase and across into the main hall.
"So what the biz PB, you expecting a creep to crash the house?!"
"Not quite Finn,…"
Bubblegum heaved open one of the palace doors and pointed in the direction of the Castle walls.
"Peppermint Butler, I'll need you to alert the gumball guardians if the visitor turns out to be hostile."
"B…but Princess,…" the dapper peppermint hesitated.
"Whatever should we do if the stranger has an encounter level higher than 14?!"
For a moment Princess Bubblegum, supposed princess of a whole land, looked completely blank.
"Then may Glob have mercy on our souls." She said finally, before leading Finn and Jake over to the entry portcullis.
Enough time remained however for Finn to voice some perplexing questions.
"Hey Jake, I'm missing something about this whole stink! Why's PB so worked up about some dude she's bleeped on radar. We've taken down every evil bozo that ever tried to put a dent in Ooo. Did she just forget or, like, she don't think we so fly anymore?"
Jake shook his head, straining to keep up with the pace Bubblegum was setting.
"I don't think it's that man. It's just that it's a big world. Some dudes have spent way more time doing our shtick. I'm talking crazy powerful guys that could…I dunno,… punch holes in the sun…or punch a guy in the gonads SO hard he'd implode."
As Finn and Jake reached the front gate under royal escort, Finn thought about how hard he would have to punch the sun in the gonads to make it implode. This thought provided a small amount of comfort as swarms of banana guards rallied on either sides of him, ready to raise the bars.
This ultimately proved un-neccerssary.
The tempered criss-crossing metal suddenly started to shudder in its housing, vibrating at a speed that caused an almighty ringing throughout the court-yard.
Instinctively, the Candy Kingdom's defensive formation moved backwards, aware that the metal had begun warping into gnarled old branches like that of an ancient tree.
For a moment, the newly created logs swelled into their most natural position before shattering into mass of splinters and sawdust.
A lone figure walked through the tumult of wreckage, cloaked in the thick dust of what had just been wrought steel, and carrying what seemed remarkably like a pot-plant under his arm.
"If he was going to smoosh us…" whispered one of the banana guards to Jake.
"…he'd have totally done it already. He may be looking for…er…directions or something."
"Aw Glob…" said a strained voice behind them. Jake turned.
An impaled banana guard crouched with a leafy branch through his torso.
"It's alright…" he croaked.
"I can walk it off." And then set off to exact his recovery.
Solomon walked through the dust and stopped short of Finn and Jake.
"That's them, sure as sure can surely be!" Tim the flower chirruped in his clay pot. It was still a little uncomfortable, but he was quickly getting used to his new-found freedom, although a little daunted by the task ahead. He had already been briefed.
"Excellent." Boomed Solomon as Finn grimaced, reaching for his golden sword with a red-jewelled hilt.
"A creepo like you has got some some explaining to do!" barked Jake, readying himself to morph into a cannon at a moments notice.
Solomon introduced himself.
"Do not be troubled adventures, for I seek an alliance with you to save this world."
Finn would later be quoted to say that the mission Solomon presented to them was 'seven kinds of divided math!.'