Harm had told her the news over dinner at his place. They had met to go over a case that they had both been assigned to work on. They hadn't yet talked since the Friday night that they spent together, and Mac had been anxious to see him. He had acted off over dinner, quiet. It wasn't until they were seated in the living room discussing the case when she discovered why. She knew it had to have been something big, as he had leaned forward on his knees and his breathing had become shaky at best. "Mac," he had started unevenly, "I have something I need to tell you."

The words that followed made her feel as though she had been knocked over. She hadn't known how to react…she hadn't known what to say. Her heart had felt as if it was slamming against her chest. She had closed her eyes briefly and swallowed hard before saying the only thing that came to mind that made any kind of sense: "Congratulations."

"It…it wasn't something I planned on happening, Mac." He had told her, his tone ragged and emotional.

She didn't know why she had asked. She had no right, no claim to him. Even so, the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"Who?" Her expression had been pained, her brows furrowed together.

"A friend of mine, we worked together on a mission back when I worked at the CIA… she had just gotten out of this bad relationship…we were at a bar, had one too many drinks…"

"I see." Mac's voice had been strained, weak.

There had been a long pause, as neither party had really known what to say or how to say it. A silence had fallen over them, and for several moments the only sounds in the room were of their breathing. Finally, the silence was broken and Mac's eyes found his across the room.

"You will be a wonderful father, Harm." Mac had muttered softly.

Harm's voice had been desperate. "Mac..."The look he had given her said it all. "This isn't what I wanted."

"I know, Harm." Mac had nodded slowly, meeting his gaze. "I know."

Mac knew he felt helpless, but she also knew that he had always wanted a child…and now he was bringing one into the world. Regardless of the circumstances, she knew how much it meant to him to be a Father. He had to give his attention to this woman…she knew he would never forgive himself if he wasn't there for both her and the baby. She told him so. He had listened, and although it had not been something he had wanted to hear, he knew it to be true.

That night, Mac had been quick to excuse herself. She had feigned a headache and told him she had to go. Truth is, she had needed time to process and she couldn't do it there when she constantly felt his eyes on her. Then tension between them was palpable…both teetering and vulnerable under the weight of the news.

She had been slipping on her jacket by the door when she felt his hands on her, helping her into the sleeves, and easing it over her shoulders. She had been hyper aware of his body and its proximity to hers, and when she had turned to face him, there he was—primal, and solid, and Harm. His eyes had bored into hers and his lips had been so close that she couldn't catch her breath.

Her body had ached to feel his against it. But, that night was not the night to give in to the desire that had existed between them for the better part of a decade. She wanted him. Then again, she had always wanted him. Before she could process what she was doing, She had brought her hand up against his chest, and stood on her toes to kiss him tenderly on the cheek.

"Goodnight." She had managed, as she turned and opened the door, casting one more glance at him standing there as she shut it behind her.

Mac shivered at the memory, despite the fact that the weather was quite warm. She watched as the muted picture of the television flashed, displaying some infomercial for a rotisserie, and buried her head in her sleeve-covered hands. It was painful to remember those few months that followed, but that night had served as the catalyst for the events that had led her to this point. After leaving his apartment, she had drove back to her place. She was so numb that she didn't really remember much about the drive. She had become aware of her surroundings only when she had parked in the lot in front of her building, and only then did she allow herself to break.

After that night, it was not discussed again. A few days at JAG had passed without much incident. When they did talk it was about a case or other work-related subject. Mac had been asking Harm about a case file in his office when someone had tapped on the frame to his door. Mac had turned to see a woman she had to assume was …well, her. She had dirty blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, and Mac had to admit—she wasn't altogether unattractive. Harm's voice had been filled with a slight panic. "Kim."

"Kim" had dropped by in the hopes that she could take him out to lunch. It was obvious that she had been very uncomfortable. Mac had introduced herself, feeling that if she didn't get out of there soon she would suffocate. Seeing her made it real…you could already see the slight bump forming under her clothes. Despite her attempts, all that kept going through her head was that Harm had helped create that. "It's nice to meet you." Mac had lied, glanced back at Harm to tell him that she'd come back later for the file, and exited the room.

Kim's visit to JAG that day had been the first of many. As time had passed, It had become increasingly difficult for Mac to go to work each day. Despite the fact that it was hard to see Harm…her Harm with another woman, it was pure pain to see him with a woman that was carrying his baby—especially when Mac had always dreamed that she would. When Mac allowed herself to go there, her thoughts would turn on her. Perhaps it was irrational, but Mac didn't exactly disagree with them. They would point out that she only had a four percent chance of conceiving. They would tell her that it could never be her anyhow, and maybe this woman was what Harm needed. Mac was nothing if not self-deprecating.

Harm had attempted to talk to Mac at various times throughout the month, however she never answered his calls and always had reasons to avoid going to lunch with him. He blamed himself for this turn in direction where they were concerned; after all, it was his fault. She was pushing him away, and she was scared. He was scared too.

Thinking that it just might be his only option, Harm had resorted to visiting her when he knew she would be home. Mac had been just about to fall asleep when the sounds of someone banging on her door had her reaching for her gun. Then she had heard his voice. Harm. She had crossed the space to the door and looked out the peephole. He looked terrible.

She unlocked and opened the door.

"Harm? What the hell?"

"Mac," He breathed a sigh of relief. "I need to talk to you."

She had simply opened the door wider and allowed him in.

"Harm…are you ok?" She had crossed her arms over her chest defensively, "You look awful." Her worried gaze traveled over his body, before settling on his face.

"Thanks, Mac." He had smiled, attempting to be funny.

She had glared at him. She was not amused.

"Mac…talk to me."

Mac ran a hand through her hair. "What do you want me to say?"

"Anything…tell me what you are feeling…"

"I'm feeling a lot of things, Harm" Mac shrugged her shoulders, hugging her arms to her body.

"Such as? " he pleaded to her with his gaze.

"Harm, I can't do this with you." she breathed, looking up at him with expressive brown eyes.

"Please…" Harm had then walked over to where she stood, placing his hands on her arms and lowering his forehead to rest gently upon hers.

"This doesn't have to change us." He had whispered to her.

She had closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. "but…what if I feel like it already has?"

TBC..please give me feedback.