I still wasn't ready to be around my family or talk about it. I snuck in to our room through the window. I still had a few hours to kill before the sun
came up and it was time to head in to work. Work was a much needed distraction, too bad Alice would probably be going on and on about the
news. On second thought, maybe I should take a much needed day off. Fly to Paris for a bit, do some shopping "for the store". Ugh, no matter
what I did I knew my thoughts would inevitably come back to the one thing I didn't want them to. As I ducked in the window I heard a booming
laugh that was all too familiar.
"BABY! You GOT BACK EARLY!" I screamed with excitement as I jumped into his waiting arms. I didn't realize how
much I really had missed him. His arms felt so perfect around me, things felt good again.
"Babe, don't take this the wrong way but.. uhm... have you been rolling around in the dog house?" He asked me as he laughed at his own joke.
I knew he was the one person I could have talked to about this, but today in the woods with Jake felt like our little secret. It felt like only we
should know, I would talk about the rest when I was ready
but as for today I felt it best to keep quiet.
I simply replied "The hazards of having dogs as in laws." We smiled at one another.
His smile pretty much melts me to my very core, after that the night was a blur. Two lovers reunited once again. No matter how many decades we spend together,
the smallest amount of time apart seems to tear away at my heart. Being in his arms was all I needed to make it through the night. Maybe
tomorrow wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he would want to come away with me on a trip. I am thankful for the fact that we spent the evening quietly
embracing one another. Either he didn't hear the news yet or knows me so well, that being quiet is his way of helping me.
Morning was all too quickly approaching, the birds were awake. I heard Carlisles car start up, he must be off to work, Wednesdays are his very
long 5 to midnight shifts. Which means at some point in the day Esme would end up at the shop, or with the excitement maybe she will go and
stay with Renesmee. "It's probably about time we start our day, as much as I hate the idea of letting you go right now." He said to me through the
biggest grin. I leaned over to kiss his dimple and asked him how he would feel about getting away for a little while with me. To Paris or perhaps
Cannes? "Babe, I just got home. I haven't even seen the family yet. I would love to get away, just the two of us. But I think maybe I should spend
a little time with everyone first. Esmee has been bugging me to take an extended vacation from work to do "family stuff" for a while now. It can
wait for a bit, right? " he said to me thoughtfully. I looked up at him, how could a man be so perfect? So good to his family, friends, me. He would
have made the perfect father. I could see him now, in the front yard playing catch with our perfect little son. Me on the porch, carrying out a tray of
cookies and iced tea. It's thoughts like these I needed to escape, I couldn't handle it. " Of course, I understand. It's been a lot longer since they
have seen you." I said trying very hard to keep the sadness out of my voice. What was wrong with me? Even Emmett the love of my existence, my
reason for being was making me sad. I am such a horrible person. I should be content with the life we have. All of these thoughts made it even
harder to tell him what was really on my mind. Obviously, he didn't know yet. I didn't want to be around to hear it all over again. I needed to think
and think fast, how to escape this all, at least for the time being.
I knew what to do, oddly enough it meant going to the one person I hated the most. I would tell Alice that I just needed some time to myself, to
get my head on straight. She would understand. As for Emmett, it would be almost unbearable to leave him behind after he just got home. But I
knew the other option I simply wouldn't be able to handle right now. I wouldn't go far, not just yet. Maybe, I will just rent a little cabin up in the
mountains in Vancouver. That should be far enough away that I cannot be bothered by their happiness. But close enough that if I decided to let
Emmett in, he could be there in less than an hour. I would take this time to figure out what I needed to do to get my head together. I cannot deal
with this right now, but I also know how unfair it is to be like this to Renesmee. She did nothing wrong, I feel terrible treating her this way. She
has to understand though, this isn't easy. I won't come back until I can be good to her. This is for the best, for everyone right now.
I got out of bed and started to get ready. I told Emm that I needed to do some last minute errands before work today. He of course pleaded with
me to take the day off to spend with him, but I lied as best I could. " I will be back before you can miss me." His retort was painful " I will miss you
the second you are out of my site." This was going to be harder than I thought. I threw together a bag of stuff to take with me, nothing to draw
attention. He would just assume I wanted to change once I got to work. Once I was all set and knew what I was doing, I decided to spend my last
few minutes with him, in his arms. I crawled back into bed with him and snuggled up against his chest. Inhaling his scent, trying to make this
moment last as long as possible. "Rose, what's going on with you? I didn't want to say anything, I figured you would talk to me when you were
ready. But, I hate seeing you upset. It kills me to see you hurting. I just want to fix it, make it all better for you. Tell me what I can do?" he asked
me pleadingly. "What are you talking about, nothing is going on. I am perfectly fine." I said trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. "You are not
fine, you are hurting. When are you going to realize you can't fool me. I know you Rose, sometimes I think better than you know yourself. I won't
push you though, I am here for you. Always. Come to me when you are ready, I will do whatever I can to make you happy love. Whatever it
takes." He said to me as he stroked my hair. " I would do anything for you Rose, anything at all." He whispered into my ear before kissing me with
the fiercest of passion, never letting go of me. It was too much, I needed to leave soon, or I would never be able to. I owed him something, I
couldn't just disappear and leave him to worry. When the kiss ended I looked him in the eyes and said "You are more perfect than words can
describe. I know I don't deserve you. You're right something is bothering me, but I just can't bare to talk about it yet. It hurts. It can't be fixed, it
will never be fixed. I love you so much for wanting to make everything ok. But sometimes there are things you can't. I need some time to clear my
head, I am sorry. I hate myself right now for being selfish. I am so sorry." I nearly whimpered to him.
He grabbed me even tighter, lifted my face up to his. " Never ever say you are too good for me. You are my perfect Rose and nothing can ever
change my mind about that. You take as much time as you need. I will be waiting for you when you are ready. Don't worry about anything love,
just take the time you need. I know things will be ok, I know it." he said to me while staring me in the eyes. If I were able to cry I know I would be
covered in water right now. "It will be ok, as long as I have you things will be ok." I said smiling at him. "Thank you for being so perfect and so
understanding." I whispered. "Thank you for being you." he said back. We kissed for another long moment, then I stood up and gathered my
things and headed back to the window. He walked over to me for one last goodbye, "I love you Rose, nothing will ever change that. I will be
waiting for you, whenever you are ready." he told me before kissing me one last time. "I love you so much." I whispered as I ducked out the
window. "See you soon Monkey Man" I said with a smile "See you soon, my little Nanner" he said with a laugh. And just like that I had said
goodbye for I didn't know how long to the most important person in my life.
I wanted to break down, I wanted to crumble into a million pieces. But I had to do this, we would never be ok until I was ok. I didn't bother with
my car, I could just run. The car would make too much noise, the others would know too soon and perhaps try to stop me. Of course I am sure
Alice already did, I needed to do something to stop her from telling the others. As I ran as quickly as I could I sent her a text.... "Alice, I need
some time to clear my head. Please just let me do this. Don't worry the others, I will be back soon enough. I love you all and am sorry."
Almost instantly she replied.... "I know Rose, it's ok. Just try not to stay gone for too long, we all love you so much." Alice could always shock
me with how much she knew. Her sight may have shown me taking off, but her sisterly intuition showed her why. I am so glad to have her in my
life. I replied one last time, Thank you! I was finally here, I found a cabin rental and went to go take care of the details. I went ahead and paid
ahead for a week. A week should be enough time. At least enough to figure out what's next. I went to my cabin, sat down next to the window
thinking about what I needed to do next. This was going to be difficult, I had one last text to send.
"Can you meet me?.............."
"Yeah, where?"
"Same place as last night?..........."
"Be there shortly."