I shut my phone off and left it behind. This was going to be weird enough without any distractions. I don't know why I need him. I don't know why
I can't go to Emmett. I don't even really know why things are this complicated. I should have accepted this long ago. I headed down to the spot to
sit and wait. Great the sun was starting to really come out. Oh well, he should be used to the shimmer. It's not like he hasn't seen Nessie do it a
hundred times before. He probably even thinks it's cute on her. Realll cute, ugh. Why did I even want him here? What am I even going to say to
him? Why did he agree to come? All these thoughts, racing through my head. I was starting to get dizzy from it all. I needed to sit down. I tried to
calm myself as I sat and waited, but yet again the crazy thoughts flooded my brain. I was so caught up in all these unanswered questions that I
didn't even notice him sit down next to me.
"Hey Blondie." he said in a different tone than he has ever used with me. It wasn't the tone of
repulsion, anger, or even dislike. He sounded like a friend, a sad friend, but never the less a friend.
"Hey Jake, thanks for coming." I said glumly.
"I, uhm...didn't know who else to go to, I mean I know we..." I stammered
"Yeah, I know. Same here. It's weird, huh?". He cut in with.
"I know why I am, well you know. I think I know, maybe, why you are. Could you tell me? Maybe, I can help" I tried to say as coherently as possible. He nodded.
"Is there somewhere indoors we could go maybe? Just in case someone walks by?" he asked.
I nodded and motioned for him to follow me. We walked in silence, we could have run but it felt good to just walk for the time. Until we got there, I
let him into the cabin. Grabbed him a soda from the mini bar and we both sat down at the little dining table.
"Uhm, thanks." he said to me as I handed him his drink.
"I don't even know where to start. I am sure telling you some of this is going to be crossing some kind of line, but I need to get it out. There is so
much going on right now. I have to say after yesterday, I haven't been able to phase. I can't deal with the pack being in my head. They wouldn't
understand, they would judge. I know they wouldn't be able to keep quiet for long. It's weird, but at the moment I feel like you are the only one I
can trust. I didn't know this was possible, I mean it shouldn't seem that weird to me considering before. I mean I never really thought about it too
much, but I guess she is half human. It's just that it's been almost 20 years, I mean why now? Things were great between us, I was so happy
with everything. Our life seemed almost perfect, I was so in love with her. I mean of course I still am, but like I said it was almost immediately the
change took place. She started acting different. Everything special and magical that I have loved about her, seemed to dissipate. She, I don't know
became just like every other human wife out there. Huh, you would have thought that's what I wanted all along, right? For her to be more human?
Hah." he said as he opened up to me.
"What do you mean exactly Jake?" I asked
"Well, at first it was little things. I just noticed her become more insecure. She has never had any reason to ever be insecure or jealous or
anything like that. I only see her, it's not just us being in love. I imprinted, it's like it's almost physically impossible to even contemplate anyone
else existing. But even so she started getting jealous, paranoid almost. She was even jealous when I spent time with Bella alone." he said
laughing.
"Wait, what? She was jealous of her Mother?" I asked shocked.
"Yeah, she knows about our past. But the fact that she would even hold that against me is ridiculous. Whenever I had to go out to patrol she
would get even more paranoid, she is especially jealous of Leah. Which is so absurd, Leah is family to me. But every time I went to patrol she
would ask a million questions. If Leah was patrolling with me, then I would really have to hear it. We started fighting, she started becoming
insanely clingy, she needed to be with me all the time. Watching me, like a mother watches a teenager. She would snoop through my things, she
even followed me when I left it got pretty bad." he confided.
"Wow Jake, I had no clue. You seemed so happy." I said to him
"Yeah, that's the funny thing about appearances. They can be deceiving. Now, this is probably a little too much info but you asked, alright?" he asked me.
"Of course Jake, I can handle it. Go on." I told him.
"Ok, well you see you know her "gift" and all" he asked. I nodded.
"Well, when we are uhm well er you know....making love" he said while cringing. I couldn't repress a slight cringe of my own at this thought.
"Well, uhm I can see what she is thinking. I know every thought that is going through her mind while we, well you know. It used to make me
happy. I mean, I felt so connected to her during it. But, when things started getting weird her thoughts shifter. We would be you know and she
would be thinking things like (I bet he doesn't really enjoy this, I am sure he likes Leahs body better) The worse things got the worse the
thoughts got. (Am I not enough for him? Maybe I am not doing this right.) I tried as best I could to comfort her and tell her these thoughts were
ridiculous. That of course made it worse, she would accuse me of looking down on her or tell me she was free to think whatever she wanted and
that it was my fault she felt this way. I stopped wanting to be intimate, I stopped wanting to even touch her. I didn't want to be home, I needed
my space and this made things worse. We would then fight about me not being in the mood. She assumed it's because I was cheating on her.
Things were getting out of control. At night, I would try to hold her. At least when she was asleep I had some of my old Nessie back. But then the
nightmares began, they were out of control. All of the unreasonable thoughts she kept away from me, the things she thought. You know she even
has been thinking about suicide, it's that bad for her." he said with such despair in his voice.
"Jacob, NO!" I said so shocked.
" I know, I have been so worried about her. And so unhappy too. The unhappier I am the more it adds to her paranoia and then it's just this cycle
of hurt. Then, when we found out she was pregnant well that was just a whole new shock. Part of me thought, maybe this was the reason for the
change. I know hormones can really effect how women can act, pregnancy changes things. I thought maybe this was the explanation. But it
wasn't everything. I don't know how to say this right, but it's almost like one day I woke up and I felt completely different about her. I still loved
her and was still in love with her, but the earth shattering feeling was missing. As soon as I found out she was pregnant, before we told anyone I
needed to find out for myself if this had anything to do with our imprint. The only person I could think to go to was Jarred, he and Kim had been
through a few pregnancies. Maybe he knew something more that I didn't. Well, it turns out I was right. The same thing had happened to him. It
wasn't so much her changing. She was moodier yeah, but she didn't go crazy or anything. But the feelings changed for him too. He was worried as
well, he ended up going to the elders in confidence about it, they had so much to say." he said sounding winded.
"So, did your imprint break then?" I asked concerned.
"Not exactly, but it did change. Apparently whenever the object of an imprint is pregnant, it's almost like a hiatus happens. The Imprint still
remains, it's just I guess put on hold. I mean it makes sense sort of, you are imprinting on that person as a whole. If they are pregnant and you
are imprinted on every part of them, then I suppose you would imprint on your child. Or something weird and sick like that, I don't even know. It's
so confusing, your feelings of love are what you are left with. Those are your own human emotions. It's so hard to explain the difference, it's like a
lot of the magic is drained from you and your imprint. The second she gives birth everything will go back to normal, but until then hiatus. As for the
paranoia, it's just hormones. But without that tie of the imprint it makes it harder to deal with and I feel like it's pulling us apart." he said so
defeated.
"Wow, I don't know what to say. I I'm sorry, for both of you. What else did the elders say?" I said not knowing what else to say.
"Sure, sure. Well, I guess this is news to me but imprints can be broken. If something were to happen to the object of your imprint then the spell,
so to speak is broken. Or if the object of your imprint cheats on you, it's broken as well. It's also pretty painful, it's like the term heart ache has a
whole new meaning. Now, I guess this is the part where I get crazy. But what if things between us get so bad that she does decide to you know
cheat? Or if her paranoia gets the best of her and she truly believes I am cheating, if she were to do something to spite me, you know get me
back? Then our bond is broken, forever. It's so hard to deal with." he said to me as tears filled his eyes.
"I have no one to go to, I can't go to Bella like I used to, I can't go to my pack, I am all alone in this." he said starting to unravel.
"No Jake, you aren't. I am here for you. You have me." I said sternly, meaning it. I reached over to him, took him in my arms and tried my best to
comfort him as he fell apart. It burned, his skin was so hot. But at that moment it felt nice, I needed to nurture him, I needed to be there for him.
"Thank you." he whispered. Looking up at me.
"Don't mention it" I said winking at him. He sat up, and got a hold of himself.
"There is more though, I mean as if that's not enough. I haven't forgotten what pregnancy did to Bella. It nearly killed her. I don't know what it's
going to do to Nessie. We just found out, it's too soon to tell but in a few days time we will know what we are dealing with, unless perhaps it's
more human than she was. But if it's not, with things as they are I may loose her. She won't fight the way Bella fought. I will loose her and I can't
loose her like this. I can't let things end like this. It's too much!" he said with such conviction.
"Jacob, she is half human. You are almost completely human, genetically I think. I mean Jarred's kids came out normal, human. This baby is
probably only ΒΌ vampire. There is hope that things can go smoothly. I wouldn't worry just yet, not to mention we have Carlisle and lots of
experiences and facts. Things look promising Jake, you must see that." I pleaded with him.
"Sure, sure and I bet the Volturri won't have a problem with this one at all either. I mean half enemy, half Vamp. I mean it's not like they would use
this as an excuse to come back, right? Maybe try to finish what they started all those years back? Who knows, maybe they have more on their side
now, you so quick to take that chance?" he asked bitterly. The Volturri had almost slipped my mind. "Jake, right now we need to focus on one thing
at a time. The Volturri found out about Nessie through a meddlesome friend. That won't happen again, we just need to keep this pregnancy secret
until we have all the facts. Once the baby is born, then we can worry. But until then, we need to focus on what we can do to help Nessie, help the
baby and most importantly help you." I said to him.
"Help me? He asked puzzled.
"Yeah Jake. You are not ok, things are not good. You will be no good to anyone the way you are right now. Have you even seen yourself lately? You are a mess." I said matter of factly.
"Oh, yeah who is even going to care about how I am doing right now?" he asked sarcastically.
"I do Jake. I care." I said to him. I meant it, I don't know why but I did.
"Ok Blondie, it's your turn. Spill it" he ordered with a grin.
Where do I even begin?.....