The flight had been complete and utter torture. She had been set beside a rather large disgusting man who insisted on talking to her and attempting to flirt with her.

All Mac had wanted to do was close her eyes and pretend to sleep.

She had sworn if he told her one more joke HE thought was funny about the military, he'd regret it.

She had wondered about Harm. What was he doing? Did he have the General on the phone already? Did he simply believe her to be on assignment? Had he been with Kim when she had called?

Mac was so lost in the memories, it took her a minute to realize that her apartment had become quite chilly, and she crossed the room to close the window. She stared down at the street below, and allowed her mind to wander. Had it really been months since that day? Months since she had heard his voice, or seen his face?

No, Mac had decided. She had heard his voice and seen his face many times since…in her head, in her sleep. There was no escaping one Harmon Rabb, Jr, and Mac didn't know whether to smile or cry at the thought.

Mostly, and though it did no good to think this way, Mac wondered if Kim knew about her.

Had she known that she was his best friend? Had she known that their connection was so deep that it defied any word or label one could try to assign it?

Mac tortured herself with the scenarios. Where was he now? Was Kim living with him? Were they having a boy or a girl? She might have asked Harriet, if she could trust herself to speak his name out loud.

Mac's phone rang for the second time that evening, and Mac cursed herself once more for the irregularity of her heartbeat. It was Sylvia, a friend from the office. A lovely woman that Mac barely outranked, but nonetheless would never let Sylvia live it down as they often teased each other about it.

Sylvia had become a dear friend, and although Mac confided little, she still felt comfortable to do so with her…which was a big step in its own right.

"Hello?" Mac had answered.

"Hi, Co—Mac." Sylvia corrected herself. Mac had told her time and time again that ranks did not exist outside of the workplace, and prefer she call her by her name.

"Hey…what's up?" Mac glanced at her watch, it was nearly eleven.

Mac heard laughing in the background.

"Mac, come on. Reconsider. It's the weekend, surely you can spare a few hours for your friends?" Sylvia half-teased her.

"I don't—"

"Give me the phone." Mac had heard in the background.

"Mac, it's Jess." Jess had a thick British accent that Mac found adorable. "I am not in the military, so I don't have to placate you." She had laughed. "Now, get your arse down here."

"I don't know." Mac laughed. Wait. Down here? Oh no. Mac crossed the room to look out the window overlooking the lot. Sure enough, there they were. Sylvia, Rachel, and Jess. Oh My.

------------

The club was loud and filled with people. The music pulsed, and the bass droned to the beat of whatever "House" music the DJ had decided to play. Mac sought solace from the poorly lit booth in the far corner, watching the crowd around her move as she sat still. She had a terrible headache. She was careful to take note of the nearest exits…and was prepared to dart out of one of them at any second. Why had she come here? She longed for the comfort of her over sized hoodie and her silk pajama pants, instead of the incredibly restricting black number they had pulled from her closet and insisted that she wear. A guy had already sent over a drink for her, so the night was complete. She had sent it back of course. But, that didn't stop the scumbag from continuing to stare. She had taken to fiddling with the beading on her clutch, her eyes downcast and tired.

Sylvia returned to the corner booth, Mac's soda with a twist in one hand, her cosmo in the other. Sylvia scooted in across from Mac, pushing the drink over to her. "I'm sorry." She half-smiled. "I know how much you hate it here."

Mac half-smiled despite herself. "Almost as much as you hate to golf." She took a long sip, before hugging her arms tightly to her chest.

Sylvia laughed. "You walk around a course hitting a ball and getting frustrated. Thanks but no thanks, I can find a better use of my Saturday."

Mac shook her head, laughing genuinely for the first time in weeks. "Oh you."
Sylvia had had a recent golf outing with Mac that hadn't been entirely successful. Sylvia had no patience for golf, and they spent more time laughing than playing.

"Look at her." Sylvia said incredulously.

Mac's gaze shifted to Jess on the dance floor with yet another man. Jess always had a way of becoming the center of attention.

"The woman has no shame."

Mac smiled as Jess started to dance with two guys at once, "and she'll be the first to tell you that."

"Where did Rachel run off to?" Sylvia asked while nursing her drink.

"Outside to use the phone."

A silence settled over them as they watched the dancers. Mac soon felt Sylvia's eyes on her.

The seconds ticked on, and her gaze made Mac anxious. Ok, ENOUGH.

"Ok, what is it?" Mac turned to face Sylvia once more. "You're freaking me out." She smiled, attempting to break up and divert from the serious discussion that was no doubt to follow.

"I'm worried about you, you—"

"I am fine, Sylvia…you worry too much." Mac gave her a reassuring smile, "You should go dance."

"Mac, what is your big plan here? Sylvia ignored her. "Honestly…can we talk? Really truly talk."

"Sylvia—"

"You plan on never dating or trying to be happy…enjoy your life?"

Mac looked away, her legs crossed under the table. "Sylvia…you…you know—" Mac started, a sad lilt to her voice.

"You are in love with him…I know you are. But, you are here…he is there. It's been several months. You have cut off communication...what exactly are you expecting to happen here?"

There was a long pause as Mac swallowed hard.

"Sylvia, you don't…you don't understand, ok ..you just don't." Mac expelled a weary breath, attempting to choke back the emotions coming quickly to the surface.

Sylvia reaches for Mac's hand now resting on the table and gives it a squeeze. "I care about you Mac…I don't mean to upset you, I just want to see you happy."

Mac nods silently, pulling her hand away and dabbing at her eyes as Rachel approaches the table.

"What did I miss?" Rachel laughs as she scoots in beside Sylvia.

"It was John." She says, putting her phone on the table. "Can you believe him? He broke up with me! Why is he still calling?" She grabs Sylvia's drink and takes a sip.

"Hey!" Sylvia cried, trying to snatch her drink back.

"So," Rachel started, a twinkle in her eye. "Have we got our eye on any particular men miss Mackenzie?" she teases.

Sylvia shoots Mac an apologetic look.

kill me now... "No…" Mac said quietly. "No. I don't." Her eyes focused on her clutch once more.

"What about that guy? " Rachel points to a guy standing over by the bar.

Sylvia kicks Rachel under the table. Hard.

Mac looks away, ignoring Rachel's howl of pain and silently wishing she could teleport her body back to the comfort of her living room.

Her friends meant well, they truly did. But, they didn't get it. How could they? Mac barely understood it herself. "Complicated" had always been a word that described their relationship. Complicated. Unconditional. Passionate. All encompassing, deep and always….always….always. They couldn't lay whatever it was that existed between them down when they wanted, it couldn't be put away in a drawer. Time was supposed to change things, but not this.

It couldn't change this.

"Oh Man, the club is alive tonight." Jess laughed as she plopped down at the booth. "I'm exhausted."

"I wonder why." Sylvia quipped.

"Shutup, you prude." Jess teased, winking at her.

"Whore." Sylvia chuckled as she took another sip of her drink.

"Ladies…" Mac pretended to be admonish them, yet her smile gave her away.

"You ready to get out of here? John said he may call later." Rachel tried not to beam.

"Let's leave." Mac was already getting up and straightening her dress, and Rachel sent Sylvia a knowing look. Sylvia just shook her head and Mac pretended not to notice.

The car ride consisted of Jess singing loudly and off key to the radio, as Mac stared quietly out the back window. She wanted to be free of their knowing glances, their watchful eyes, and patent stares. She did not need their pity. She was fine. Fine. Absolutely.

--------------
Mac was exhausted – physically and emotionally, as she unlocked the door to her apartment. She walked stiffly in somewhat of a zombie like state, dropping her clutch in the hall and walking to her bedroom. She got onto the bed, her dress making a swishing sound as it crumpled under and around her, and curled into a ball.

She wondered, much like every night, what he was doing. Who he was with. She wanted to know...Did he think about her? Did he talk about her?

She lay there for several moments, her face buried in her arms on her side. Some time later, after her thoughts had slowed and given her reprieve, sleep was able to claim her.
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