"Do you even care what you're doing to her?" Tiff snarls at me two months later.

I know exactly who she is talking about but I play dumb. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about dickhead!"

I just smile at her. "Do I?"

"You know what? You probably did her a favour."

It stung, but I let it slide. "Still don't know who you're talking about."

Tiff scoffs. "It's stupid, that you can forget about her so easily but she's still waiting for you to wake up to yourself. I was in the councilors office all morning with her and Elizabeth, watching her shake she was crying so hard. I told her you were a dickhead but she defended you. 'He's a good guy, just not mine anymore. I don't blame him.' You were right the first time, you fucked up."

Tiff walks away leaving me pissed off, but not at her, at Alexia. Why can't she make this simple, I mean fuck, does she have to be so impossible? I didn't nearly fucking kill myself just so I could watch her follow after me, a corpse with a pretty smile.

I get my phone and I dial the number I promised myself I would never call again.

"Nick?" she sounds so excited it takes me a second to remember what I had to do.

"Keep saying shit about me bitch and I'll get you bashed," I snarl.

"What…I didn't…"

I hang up on her, I don't wanna hear her cry, I just want her to hate me, more than I hate myself if that's at all possible.

She's calling me back, once, twice, three times, on the fourth time I pick up, hoping she'll yell at me.

"What did I do?" she's sobbing.

"You know what you did bitch," I screech.

Her sobs become louder. "I didn't say anything, I wouldn't say anything…Nick…please…I'm sorry, just don't hate me."

I can't handle much more than this. "Just fuck off Alexia, we're done ok? I never want to talk to you again, get it?"

I end the call before her sobs can injure me any further.

Five minutes pass before I get another phone call, from my mate Wallace's sister Makayla.

"Hey man," I answer.

"Hey,"

I can tell immediately she's upset.

"What's up?" I ask, already fearing for the worse.

"What the fuck did you say to Alexia," she snaps at me.

I cringe on the inside. Fuck.

"Nothing, told the bitch what she needed to hear."

"Ring her up and apologise. Fuck you're an arsehole, what did she ever do to you? Care?"

Exactly. I think as I end the call.

I call her number one more time, she picks up right away, she just doesn't say anything this time, just cries, cries so hard I feel my soul start to break in pieces damaged like a murderers. It's the same thing here isn't it? Except maybe I'm being crueler, I didn't give her the clean cut I was hoping for, I'm not making this quick, painless. I'm not killing randomly, or for self defense, I'm doing it for her…and for selfish reasons.

Whatever. There was nothing I could do about it now, except continue with what I started and hope that it works.

"Look closer to your own back yard," I snarl. "I know everything you say about me you stupid bitch. I'll fucking make your life hell."

"I love you," she whimpers before she ends the call this time.

The phone drops from my hand, sending the battery flying out, I can't seem to catch my breath. It hurts too damn much.

Tiff comes out again, shaking with fury, its clear she heard everything I just said. "You're fucked," she lashes out. "I don't even know who I'm looking at, I don't even know what she's still waiting for."

I snap, I push her against the wall. "Fuck off," I snarl.

She doesn't even look scared, she just spits in my face. "Go fuck yourself," she screams, pushing me away. "You got no one else."

I knew it. I knew it better than she did. There had been two girls in the past two months I'd fucked meaninglessly, there were no emotions behind it, just the need to forget her face, pointless since she'd burnt her image there under my eyelids.

I'd picked the girls I knew she would hate, drug fucked, sluts, bitches, everything she was not. I had made sure she would hear about it, the week after our break up, I'd made sure she was at the same party that I hooked up with one of our mutual friends. She had heard about it. She had been told by half the school about my little escapades, and yet nothing, no hate, no disappointment, just self loathing at herself for not being what I needed.

Why was she doing this to me? Did she think I enjoyed hurting her? That her tears didn't effect me? Why did she think I refused to go to homeroom anymore, apart from the fact it was suicide as Elizabeth and Maree would gladly kill me, it was her face, the tear stains permanently etched into it, her already petite body shattered, frail, lifeless, and her smile that never came. Did she honestly think I could sit around and watch that?

I shook the thoughts from my head, I couldn't keep focusing on her pain, it would end up destroying me, I needed to make myself useful, to put all my efforts into helping her get over me, it was what she needed, what would make her happy in the long run.

It was what I needed to. I mean, I'm not even sixteen yet, I haven't even lived my life and she's already got me one foot in the door to the alter. Nah, fuck that man. We're too young for that shit, too young, too immature. I can't be that guy for her, not yet, not now.

"Nick honey?"

I stare unwillingly at my mum who's always got disappointment in her eyes when she stares at me now.

"What?"

"I got a call from the Principal today…we need to talk."

"I'm done talking mum."

"You're failing Nick."

She was wrong of course, I had already failed, at the only thing I was good at, taking care of her.

"And?"

"And! This is your future young man, you had better start recognizing that!"

"And if I don't give a fuck?"

"I have worked so hard to give you the best, to make sure you were never neglected, I have tried to hard to help you and you're just going to throw it back in my face?"

"Fuck off mum."

"No, I will not fuck off, not until you agree to set up a meeting with the school so we can work something out. I did not bring you into this world just to watch you throw everything away in front of my eyes."

"Close your eyes then, fuck. I hate school, can't you just fucking, home school me or something?"

"I have work Nick."

"Not my problem then is it? Like you always say mum, sometimes you gotta sacrifice some shit to get what really matters."

I don't give her a chance to reply, I walk out. She doesn't even follow me anymore, no one does. I don't think anyone can bother caring. That's good. I like that.

My phone's ringing, I don't even check who it is. I never do.

I'm nearly at the local drug dealers house and my phone has been ringing the whole time. As I pull my phone out my mouth drops.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hi," Alexia is cold, business like. "I won't take up much of your time, I'm just ringing with a question."

"Yes?"

"Is it worth it?"

"Excuse me?"

"Throwing away your happiness for nothing, fucking people that don't care, just to get to me. Is it worth it?"

What the fuck do I say back to that? Guess she did care more than she let on. I guess my plan is working. Surprising how much that fact actually fucking hurts me.

"Well?" she presses again.

"I am happy," I lie.

She's laughing, hard, almost hysterically but with no humour. "If that's what helps you sleep… anyway, I just rang to tell you that you worry too much about what is going to hurt me. I'm fine. If I had no morals I'd fuck all your friends, but I do, so I won't, but instead of concerning yourself with trying to destroy me, how about you work on looking after yourself? Have you been sleeping, you look terrible."

I'm not sure what to say, so I don't say anything.

"Cool. Well, I don't wanna distract you from scoring more drugs. Basically I rung to tell you, be happy. You deserve it. Forget anything else, just do everything for you."

"Ok," it's all I can manage to say.

This time she laughs but it's softer, a laugh I'm more familiar with. "Stay out of trouble slugger,"

"You too," what a stupid reply.

Another laugh. "You made sure of that."

Dial tone. Incomprehensible pain. Then numbness.

I'm falling before I can register losing my balance, I'm on the ground before I can break my fall and I'm flashing back to my most treasured memories, before I can block them out.

"You going to help me out slugger, or you just going to admire how good I look in a kitchen?"

I laugh. "Well, I gotta admit, that apron does suit you."

Elizabeth rolls her eyes as Alexander, one of Alexia's good friends tackles her into his arms.

"I look good huh?"

My god does she look good. Hair pulled back into a rough pony tail, loose strands framing her face, low cut white shirt, tight black pants, and of course, the pink apron. Standing by the sink, washing up everyone's dishes, because that's what she was best at; taking care of everyone.

"Yeah, you're alright," I answer, moving my eyes back to her sparkling, now green ones.

She moves close, hands behind her back, chest forward, sexy as all fuck. Inches away from my lips.

"You know, you're pretty cute considering…"

"Considering what?"

A big cheeky grin lights up her face and then before I know it I have bubbles all over mine.

"Considering you just developed face rabies!"

I look over at Alexander in shock to discover he's had the same treatment and has a facial expression matching mine.

One, two, three moments of silence, and then we all burst out laughing.

Alexia rubs my face clean for me then settles herself in my arms.

"I can hear your heart," she giggles. "It's talking."

I loved that about her, how open her mind was, how able she was to take something so simple and make it the cutest thing ever.

"What's it saying?" I ask, partly curious, partly wanting an excuse to keep her there.

She smiles up at me shyly. "That this is where I belong."

I don't have time to recover from another piece of my heart shattering, because I'm being thrown into another memory, even more vivid than the first.

"Baby?"

"Yeah babe?"

"What do you think happens when people die? Do you think there's a heaven and hell?"

I stroke her hair back and pull the sheet over her protectively.

"I don't think about that shit."

"I do. But I don't think heaven is with God and angels and Hell is with the devil and stuff, I think it's something deeper.."

"That's crazy babe, even for you."

"No, listen. I think Heaven and Hell is personalized for each person. Like someone's worst fear on Earth would be something that doesn't exist in Heaven and something they live with everyday in Hell."

"What would be your heaven then? Ferrero Rochiers that never ran out?"

"No," she says kissing my neck gently. "It would be everyday with you."

I'm touched, but I laugh at her anyway. "And what would hell be?"

She looks at me like I've just said the stupidest thing ever. "Losing you," she says simply. "Nothing else could hurt me more."

"No more," I'm gasping, holding my head in my hands on the side of the gutter, real classy.

"What are you doing?" I ask when I find Alexia standing over my pillow, something in her hand.

"Um…nothing…"

"Alexia, what are you doing? Sniffing my pillow for weed?"

"No…"

"What's in your hand then?"

"Nothing, it's embarrassing…"

"Show me."

She turns, red faced to show me what's in her hand. It's her bottle of perfume. Charlie Gold. Her signature scent.

"I was spraying your pillow, so even when I'm gone it smells like me. I'm sorry…"

I pick her up in my arms and plant a kiss on her lips. "I love you," I tell her sincerely.

She grins at me and kisses me back. "Forever."

I'm slammed back into reality, which hurts more than the actual memories. I didn't realise until now how much I actually missed her. How much I needed to see her smile.

"Powers?" Gill is standing over me, joint in one hand, other hand stretched out to me.

"You greening man?"

"Nah man, I just need some air, I think I got the flu or some shit…"

Gill doesn't ask any questions, he never cares enough to, but he helps me up and starts to walk me inside.

"Sure you're ok man?"

"Yeah, just dealing with some shit."

He nods, "Yeah, brutal… tell you what man, I like you, so I'm gonna give you this one for free."

He hands me a small pink pill with a sinister smile. "Takes it all away man, just makes you feel like you're flying."

"I wish I could fly, you know, to escape and see the world from a different perspective, be free for once."

"If you're a bird, what would I be?"

"Who said I had to be a bird?, I was thinking more along the lines of a fairy."

"Fairy then, and what would I be?"

"You would still be Nicholas, the boy who captured my heart."

"Get out my fucking head," I snapped quietly.

Gill raised an eyebrow and placed a second pill in my hand. "Brutal," was all he said before he waved me off in dismissal.

I can't feel anything, I'm not even aware of my feet hitting the pavement and carrying me home. I'm not aware of anything, other than those two little pills I clutch tightly in my hand and concentrating on keeping the memories out.

"Home so soon?" Tiff states in disgust.

I shrug her off and head to my room to put the pills with the rest of my stash, still not sure what I want to do with them.

"Are you eating?" mum calls out when I collapse on my bed.

I turn my head, right into my pillow and I smell it, I smell her. I jump up and throw the pillow away from me.

She did this. It's all her fault. She made sure she put her mark on everything, that she would be impossible to forget, that even getting stoned couldn't remove her from my mind. I fucking hated that she did this, that she knew I couldn't be strong enough to keep it up.

I grab one of the two pills, a jacket and my phone.

"I'm going out."

Mum doesn't ask where, doesn't ask when I'll be home, she just looks at me. "It didn't have to be this way."

I start to put my shoes on ignoring her.

"She would still take you back I think."

"Stop thinking, it's dangerous," I snarl as I throw myself out the door.

A hiss from Tiff, a sigh from my mum and then it's silence as I pull my phone out looking for a party, any party, with lots of girls.

Dancing. I never danced and here I was, dancing for at least two hours to fucking Britney Spears for gods sake, but you know, nothing seemed wrong with that. I felt good, better than good actually, I felt fucking amazing. Nothing but energy coursing through my veins, nothing but artificial happiness spread through my whole body leaving me with a permanent goofy mask.

I was going to kiss Gill when he came back.

Well maybe not kiss, but I'd hug him that's for sure, this was the best present anyone had given me.

Energy, happiness and obliviousness. Could life get any better?

"This is pretty fucking cool," Peter grins at me, half naked dancing with two chicks.

I grin back at him, this was definitely the life to live.

"I don't even know why people are so against drugs," Ray babbles on the other side of me. "This shit should be legal! Imagine if ya could just pick it up from tha local shops or somethin wouldn't it just make everyone 'appier?"

We all call out in encouragement as Gill, sitting on a chair on the table like some sort of Drug king smiles down at us and nods.

Robbo comes in with a big packet of weed and becomes our new god as we all dance around him in some sorta worshipping way and wait for him to share his score with us.

Five girls sneak in with him and I forget the weed and find myself tuning this bitch called Rachael up.

"You want to go for a session?" I ask, my knee jiggling with excess energy.

She nods eagerly, running her hand up my leg before leading me outside to where there are groups of people everywhere doing everything.

It takes three cones before her eyes roll back and a lazy smile crosses her lips. "You good friends with Gill?"

I shrug. Is anyone?

"He's…nice," she murmurs.

I just nod this time, humming to myself.

"Powers," Gill calls out.

I turn around. "What cunt?"

"You're not fucking my woman are ya?"

I laugh but it comes out all wrong, half choke half cackle. "Nah man, we're just talking."

She giggles too, probably at nothing though and walks slowly, like she's sleep walking over to Gill who throws her over his shoulder and winks at us guys.

"Home time boys," he calls out. "Welcome home ladies."

We're all laughing as we take turns giving each other piggy backs and racing each other through the streets.

"Aight man, I'm going to bed," I tell Peter, who still has one of the bitches clinging to him.

He smiles up at me, childishly. "Us too."

I'm still laughing, still dancing as I go through the back and into my room. Fuck this is a good night. I haven't felt this good in so long.

I look at the time, three forty a.m and it makes me start laughing again. I have to get up for school in four and a bit hours, how fucking insane if I was still like this when I got up. Ha I can see everyone's reaction now. Something is digging into me as I lie down, getting up I pull out my phone and the shape looks fucked up so I start laughing again, then automatically I'm dialing a number, without even really knowing what I'm doing.

"Hello?" she picks up, still groggy.

I freeze, in panic, not even aware that it was her number I was dialing.

I do not feel light anymore, I'm not dancing, the smile is gone and it's not a good shaking that I have.

"Nick?"

A final memory hits me so hard I fall backwards onto my bed.

"Baby, it's three thirty in the morning,"

"I know, I just got home, were you sleeping?"

"No, I was just baking cookies, they should be ready soon."

"Really?"

"No you douche, of course I was sleeping!"

"I'm sorry…"

"It's ok."

"I just wanted to hear your voice before I went to bed."

I can feel her smile through the phone. "Aren't you adorable?"

"I'll let you go back to bed now babe, I didn't even really mean to call, I guess I just like hearing you before I'm about to crash. I love you."

"I love you too baby, goodnight."

It takes me a second to realise she is still waiting on the line, and that subconsciously, I'm still waiting for her to say goodnight.

"I'm wasting your credit," she says softly. "So I'm going to hang up. Goodnight Nick."

She hangs up and I just lay there. Pissed off.

Is nothing sacred? Am I going to have to become a vegetable to get her out of my head? No drug seems to work, no amount of sex seems to work.

I slowly drift to sleep, tears of frustration in my eyes, dial tone still in my ear.

Today is not a good day. Everything hurts. My head is crammed with so much pressure I feel like taking a hammer to my head and hoping I can knock myself out long enough for some of the pressure to be released.

They're all staring at me, the "Mascara Mafia" they're everywhere, multiplying everyday, looks getting deadlier, I swear I can almost hear knuckles cracking as I trudge past. I wish they would hurt me, yell at me, do something. It would take the edge off, bring me some relief, but they won't, because she won't let them.

The worst part is coming up, walking past them to get to my class, walking past the girls' toilets. I swear they've transformed the toilets into a torture room. I'm not even kidding, no guy will go in there, and if they do, they never talk about it after. Chicks man, the best assassins, murderers and spies, and they learnt it all in high school.

I can hear them as I walk past, I have to admit after three weeks I've gotten kind of good at pretending I can't hear them, now I just gotta master how to not care.

"What did she ever see in him?"

"Oh my god, is he ever straight?"

"I can't believe she still won't let go!"

"I know right? We're gonna have to take her out and introduce her to some hot guys!"

"Why need to introduce her? She can have her pick of anyone she wants from the year below us."

"Lucky bitch."

"I know. Look at him walking by thinking he's so hot, ew."

"I know, the only girls that will fuck him are drug fucked which doesn't mean much. He will never get better than Alexia."

I walk faster trying to block them out but their voices are still swirling around in my head, breaking down the walls I've put up in there, weakening my defences.

"Nick."

I don't stop, in fact I walk faster.

"Nicholas!"

I'm practically running now, trying to avoid the punch in the face I know is coming. I look behind me to see if she's still there and when I turn around again I'm knocked over by someone in front of me.

She offers her delicate hand. I refuse to take it and help myself up. How did she learn to get so fast?

"I'm late for class," I tell her curtly trying to walk away.

She steps in front of me again. "No one expects you to show up anyway so it's fine. We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about."

She grabs the front of my jumper firmly. "Bullshit. I've been patient, I've done what you've asked, I haven't bothered you too much I don't think. I've put up with all your shit for months, even before we broke up and I will continue to put up with your shit because it's obvious you're not letting up."

I open my mouth to argue but she cuts me off. "You owe me this much, to let me explain, to talk. You owe me."

How can I argue with that? She's completely right of course, as always. I can't find it in my heart to make her cry today so I just stand still and nod. Silent permission.

Letting go of my jumper she takes half a step back to distance herself from me and begins. "You were out of line ringing me like that. You know very well that I didn't say shit about you."

"Not what I heard,"

Her top lip comes up in a half snarl. "You don't get to talk right now. It's my turn. Now, why would I say anything? Think about it. I didn't want to break up, but you made that choice for us, so why would I want to fuck up a friendship when I want so badly to keep you in my life?"

You amaze me. I stare blankly at her, unsure how to turn this around to my advantage.

Hesitating for a second and only that, she takes a step forward so we're jumper to jumper. "If you want to hate me, to get me bashed? That's fine. Do your worst. But don't you dare come in here and try and make up some bullshit story just so you can find an excuse to yell at me and get me into a fight. Be a man. Take responsibility and do it just because you want to."

I'm weakening under her gaze, and she knows it.

"Nick," she breathes into my ear and wraps her arms around me. "Just be my friend. I promise I'll make it easy."

My arms go around her before I realise it and her head rests on my shoulder, but only for a minute. She's stepping away now, staring deep into my eyes again, no doubt reading me.

"Friends?" she whispers.

"Friends," I agree without really understanding the consequence of what is happening.

She holds her hand out which surprises me, but I take it. We shake once, twice and then it's over, Peter is grabbing me by the shoulder and leading me away and one of her puppy eyed friends is lifting her up into a huge embrace and running her away from me, no doubt to a class they share…maybe an empty classroom.

I shake my head to try and get rid of the images that are plaguing me. It's not going to make it any easier if I allow any emotion to rule my decisions, I can't let myself care if she moves on, if she finds someone that can give her everything I wish I could, that was the point wasn't it? Of this whole thing.

"Powers, are you even listening dude?"

I shake my head a second time and look over at Ray, who has now joined us. "What do you want?"

"I want our best friend back, fuck man, you've been acting so strange for so long now, I thought you were over her?"

"I am." Liar, liar pants on fire.

"Really? So you don't mind if I give her a go?"

"Be my guest," I reply stiffly, too stiffly.

Ray's smile forms into a sneer. "Awesome. I have so many great ideas of what we could do together. Oh man I have wanted to taste those lips since the moment I saw her, bet you didn't know that huh? Aw and the moans she will make from those perfect lips too…mmm mmm, makes me horny just thinking about it. What was her favourite thing to do? Maybe I can show her how it's done."

My hand is shaking, a mind of its own, calling for blood. I focus on putting one foot in front of the other, trying to drown him out.

"Ray man, come on," Peter reasons but Ray ignores him.

"I'll bet she looks good naked too, maybe I could dip in her chocolate and lick it off every inch of her, taste her. Hey powers, maybe I'll bring her 'round to some of the parties, she'd look very nice on my arm don't you reckon?"

"She would never go for you," I tried to make my voice strong, like it was a fact, but truth was I didn't know what she was capable of anymore.

Ray, goddamn him, loved my reaction, like he was counting on it. His face lit up and when he spoke next it was in a higher pitch, imitating her.

"I'm so glad I've got you to understand me Ray, it's good to have someone close to him get where I'm coming from. You're so good to me, even if the relationship was a lie, it got me you and Peter as friends, I can't ask for much more than that. I hope I can repay you someday."

"Ray…" Peter began but Ray cut across again.

"I should thank you," he told me, and I knew he meant it. "I really wouldn't have been able to get this close to her if you hadn't broken her with everything you had. Really, nice work mate,"

He handed me three hand rolled joints. "Here."

"What's this for?"

"Fair trade."

"What the fuck?"

He sneered again. "You get the weed, I'll get the girl, we both get exactly what's important to us."

My hand won the fight this time, before I even realised what I was doing my fist pulled back as far as it could and with all my force punched Ray in the face, I felt his nose break under my force, felt his blood stream onto my fist, but above all else I felt sick for letting him provoke me, for playing into his games.

Ray wasn't crying, wasn't screaming in pain, he was laughing and I was automatically reminded on Alexia the day I ruined it all.

"I told her you still cared," he taunted.

"You better not…"

"Don't worry, I won't tell her, she's right, you are pathetic."

Before I can hear anything else the guys have to say, I'm running, I'm running harder than I even thought was possible but I don't know where I'm going, do I even care? I just need out of this place, away from this atmosphere, I need to clear my head, get my priorities in order. I just need to find my own place, away from any distractions, from confrontations, from pain, from causing any pain.

How did I get here? How did I become this….stranger to everyone, everyone but her. She would know me in any form, in any way I acted, because she knows how my mind works, knows deep down why I'm doing this, knows that I'm in pain too, knows me from the inside out, appearances mean nothing.

Could I say the same for her? No. Because she wasn't the same, she was thinner, verging on looking too thin for her usual figure, she'd lost all that glow and bubbly attitude she had, she's lost everything that made her so appealing to everyone, that made her break hearts without even realising. Now I had broken her, and for what? I'm beginning to wonder if I did mess up, if this is actually hurting her more than helping. Fuck knows it was hurting me, testing my limits as a man, as a human for pain, some kind of sick experiment to test how much pain I could actually endure.

Fucked up. This whole thing is fucked up. I am fucked up and I don't know how to put myself together again, I don't know if there's any cure for what I have, or if I even deserve one. No, no, I don't. I deserve much more than the little jibes Ray gave me today, I deserve more than Alexia's anger, I deserve to die. Feels kinda dramatic but I reckon no one would really miss me, how could they? I've gotten really good at playing the arsehole now, at fucking up anything good that comes into my life, I've gotten so good at playing a role, someone with no hope, no future, no point in life that I've become exactly that.

What was the point of even existing anymore? It wasn't like I had a purpose, like I was actually going somewhere with my life, like I was going to make anything of myself. All I did was hurt the people I cared about the most, destroy everything I touched. Life wasn't fair, I hated it, I hated myself, I hated Alexia for turning me soft, I hated everyone that gave a damn about me because it made me feel even worse when I screwed up and let them down.

I hated this place.

I looked around and I was at a bus stop, a bus heading my way. Finally some good luck.

Getting out my bus card I waited patiently. The driver didn't acknowledge me, that brought me some relief, I like being ignored, it's easier. Sitting at the back of the bus I could suddenly hear that familiar contagious laugh outside, practically slamming myself against the window I saw her with Ray, he was trying to tickle her while she fussed over his nose, insisting he see a doctor about it. He brushed her concern away and I could hear him trying to convince her to hang out with him and Peter. I noticed Peter didn't look too comfortable.

I clenched my fist and called to the driver to hurry up.
Again luck was on my side and he obeyed. I couldn't take my eyes off them the whole way out. Oh the nerve of Ray, and I called him one of my best friends. Urgh, what a sham!

Are you going to feel sorry for yourself forever?
That nagging voice asked me. It took me a second to realise how true that was, had I become that guy. Pining after the girl he broke up with? No, fuck that. No more self pity, none of that soft shit.

Searching my body for some emotion I could cling to I found anger, resentment and it feels good. Damn good.
I hold onto the feelings the whole trip home, the whole time I'm at home from the minute I light up again, to the minute I fall asleep.

No more Mister nice guy, I tell myself groggily, fists still clenched. Things would be my way from now on.

She's watching me in class, I can feel my cheeks burning as she tries to find a way to get my attention, to check if I'm ok. I scoff, none of that shit today.

As I'm actually doing my work I feel a presence in front of me, grudgingly I look up and she's there, holding all of her stuff, expecting to sit down with me.

Fat chance.

"Nick?"

I ignore her, she's nothing to me now, not even a memory.

"Nick, are you ok?"

She triggers my anger, how the fuck could I possibly be ok?
"No, I'm not."

"What happened?" she asks, moving closer to touch my arm, I flinch away and snatch my arm back.

"Leave me alone."

"What?"

She's actually genuinely confused, pfft, like she didn't know I'd figured out about her and Ray, like she didn't know I'd spread the rumour to anyone that would listen.

"Is this about the Ray rumours? Because you know they aren't true!"

Damn her for knowing me so well.

"Nick, what the fuck? I didn't do anything!"

I continue my focus, she's nothing but a fly to me now, buzzing away trying to get a reaction.

My pencil is suddenly out of my hand and she's flung it, across the room.

"How are you going to write now?" she snarls.

"Ben can I borrow a pencil please?"

Ben looks like he's almost going to hand me one until Alexia stares him down and he quickly turns to his work. I too, turn to mine, reading the gibberish I've jotted down.

"Listen to me!" she begs. "What did I do this time? Did I accidentally step on your shadow? Hug your sister too tight?"

"Leave me alone."

She actually stamps her feet and I have to look away to hide my smile, no matter how mad I am, nothing can take the humour out of that.

"No, I will not leave you alone!"

"You're beginning to piss me off, just go away!"

"You don't want to talk to me?"

"Ever again."

"You don't want to even look at me?"

"Nope."

"We were friends yesterday!"

"Nope."

"So, what, you hate me?"

I freeze, how can I lie convincingly enough? I choose to keep ignoring her.

She grabs my chin and yanks up. "You're just going to keep hating me?" she barks.

"Pretty much!" I yell back, I wasn't really lying, I never said I hated her.

Something hard hits my face and I realise she's thrown her pencil case at me, hard, I can feel blood dripping from my nose.

She yanks her pencil case back to her and stares me down again.

"Aren't you finished yet?" I ask wearily.

"No. I can do this forever you know. I will follow you around until you give me a good reason as to why you hate me."

I look her right in the eye, preparing to lie, to hurt her worse than ever. "You're nothing to me," I tell her. "I'm over it. It's your turn to get over it too."

She gasps and takes a step back, then recovering from her shock she nods, she sits back down at her desk and starts scribbling something, I'm ready for a note to be passed to me but then I realise she's not writing a note, she's covering all the pictures of us on her books, erasing my smiling face with black pen.

Elizabeth gives me a look, it's not of anger, it's an accusation. How can you do this to her?

I shrug at her meaningfully and go back to my work, empty, I'm not even aware of my heart beating, in fact, if I couldn't feel a pulse under my wrist, I would swear I didn't have one.