Hey :D

It's been forever, i'm so sorry, I didn't have any motivation for this; thank you to Noel Bailey and Auto-Alchemechanicist for reviewing.

This chapter is for XXXJAMESLILYXXX for giving me the energy to add on, owe you big time.

xxx

If I said that it was getting easier having her out of my life, that she finally got the message made me relieved I'd be lying. Not that I wasn't enjoying any perks, no life was pretty good on the surface. I had all the freedom that I wanted, I had handfuls of girls to choose from, a nice stash of weed, great parties to go to and the school had even given up on trying to make me do anything. Yep, life was pretty good…kinda.

It bothers me sometimes, how I can have everything I ever wanted and I still felt like there is something missing, like there was a part of life I had overlooked, a big part. It was annoying to have my puzzle still incomplete, but it wasn't life threatening, I didn't stay up thinking about it, what would be the point? Live in the now I say, enjoy it all, forget the bullshit.

"Nick, come to bed ," she's calling me but I'm not flinching away from this familiar voice.

Turning around she's in my bed waiting, like always, for me to take what I want and discard her, to let me use her, I think she craves it, likes the thrill, sees me as a challenge she's determined to overcome.

"Not now," I murmur, pulling my jumper on.

Cynthia pouts. "Why?"

"Shouldn't you be hanging out with Tiff or something?"

"She knows I'm here."

"I'll be she thinks you're an idiot."

Cynthia smiles at this. "Everyone does."

There is no humour in this, why was everything so funny to her, a joke? Like there was no room for being serious in her childish little world.

"Come on," she purrs, dragging me back toward her.

I'm sighing, what's the point in resisting? I'll end up doing it anyway. I let her pull my jumper off again, then lock my door, I turn around and already she's completely undressed.

I shake my head softly and let myself fall casually into bed, into her arms, into her body.

And it all means nothing. I feel nothing.

Cynthia leaves quickly and quietly, she's always good like that, giving me space, it's one of the reasons why I keep coming back to her instead of finding some variety, well, if there was variety to find with the girls I see every day, I'm pretty much taboo to most girls at school now.

"Nick, you in there?" Tiff knocks quietly.

I groan as she lets herself in. "We need to talk."

"No we don't, you need to leave."

"Just listen, now you know how much I love Alexia…"

Who doesn't, girls going for sainthood or something.

"Well, I'm done fighting with you about it. It's your life and your choice and I'm not going to push you back into anything with her."

"Are you on smack?" I ask incredulously.

She holds a small hand up to silence me. "I'm not done. I've been noticing you and Cynthia lately and I think maybe you guys should give it a go."

"What?"

"Cynthia, I think she really likes you, so maybe the best way for you and Alexia to move on is if you go out with Cynth, that way it's officially done."

"It's already officially done Tiffany."

"Why won't you? You guys spend enough time together."

"Yeah, fucking. I don't know anything about her other than she likes me better on top, and that's how it's going to stay."

"But, you like her right?"

"Yeah she's cool."

"That's not what I meant."

"I think she's a mad girl Tiffany."

Tiff stands closer and puts a hand on my shoulder, gentle, comforting, my best friend as always. "She can't move on if you don't."

I shrug in response, cause what the hell can I say back to that?

"Alright well we're going out tonight to this local party, you wanna come?"

"Who's going?" I reply, although we both know I mean; will she be there?

"I don't know," she replies to both questions at once.

I shrug again, "I might, I'll see what the boys are doing."

Tiff nods and moves toward the door. "See you tonight."

I grunt in frustration, she knows me too well. Tiff knows that as much as I hate to be anywhere near Alexia with an audience and alcohol to fuel emotions, I had to go there to see her, to see how she was, if she was hooking up, if she still cared. I hated myself for being so dependent on her reactions too.

I shake my head, trying to get the stupid thoughts out, -I thought I was passed this?- and grab my phone to ring the boys and get our night kick started with our favourite party things, weed, bundy and smokes.

"Peter? Hey man, look there's a party on tonight, Tiff knows where, you wanna come?"

"Yeah, I'm down, surprised you are though."

"Why?"

"Elise asked me if I was gonna go, you know, since we had that thing for awhile when you were still with…anyway, I think all her friends are going."

I know what he's saying but I try blocking it out of my head. "That's fine. Your shout tonight remember?"

Peter pauses. "But I have no money for any shit."

I don't know why, but this pisses me off, my veins are practically on fire from all the anger coursing through. "What? It's your shout this time."

"Yeah, and I have no money dude, I spent it all paying my mum back."

"Don't bother coming tonight then," I spit cutting the connection.

I slam my phone into my jeans and head for the bathroom, figuring out what I should pull on tonight as I throw my clothes off carelessly and step into the almost blistering hot water, letting all my thoughts drip slowly away.

*

Nine thirty P.M, I've been here nearly an hour and my self loathing has increased several notches as I'm waiting on her arrival, waiting to see if she does show up, waiting to see how she looks, to see if she still smells the same…

"Hey! The pretty ladies have arrived!" Ray screams as he runs to the gate where sure enough, Elise, Elizabeth, Alexia, Kaylee and fucking Peter have just walked in.

Turning my head away and taking another swig of straight Bundy I can hear a familiar squeal of delight, my head snaps to attention and I can see Ray throwing Alexia over his shoulder and charging her to all the guys so they can all pass her around, like a piece of fucking meat.

Elizabeth is fixing me with a calculating stare, trying to figure out exactly just what I'm thinking, I'm surprised she hasn't got her note pad with her, jotting it all down.

I know I should look away but I can't help myself, I hate watching them put their hands all over her, I can see her in their minds, in their fantasies and it bothers to fuck out of me. Not that I can blame them, not that it's any of my business.

Sighing I force myself to look away and keep gulping down the rum like it's water.

"Hey Nicholas!"

I turn on impulse and she's standing in front of me, radiating light, heat and beauty. Her hair is curled tonight, with some sort of glitter shit through it, make up dark around the eyes making them appear green. She's wearing a light pink top, almost corset like, with ties at the front sides, with a light blue mini skirt, my eyes linger a moment too long on her legs than I look up using all my self control to do so.

"Hey," I reply, surprising myself and her.

She gives me an appraising look then steps closer, my breath catches as I expect her arms to come around my neck…but they don't, she steps around me to hug her friend, also a Nick.

Idiot, she was talking to him!

I can feel a blush flooding my cheeks, I prepare to walk away, taking what's left of my pride but I feel a small, warm hand on my shoulder and I spin around.

"You look good," she tells me quietly.

The idiot that I am I just stand there staring at her, trying to comprehend how I managed to get her in the first place.

Suddenly she's close…too close, I can smell her scent and it stirs up wild feelings in me that I've tried to push behind my walls.

She doesn't touch me, she's just almost nose to nose with me, staring into my eyes, a small smile on her face. It shocks me to realise I don't want her to look away, that I could stand here staring at her forever and be ok with that. I find myself leaning in, despite my best efforts not to.

"Vodka?" Elizabeth asks quietly next to us.

Alexia moves her hand up, inches from my face, the softest expression on her face and my breath catches, the moment seems to last forever, I'm waiting for her touch, leaning in hoping to cross the distance quicker, I want to feel her touch again, fuck, I've craved it, and not just the sex, the little touches, the affection, I miss it all.

She pulls her hand away abruptly and beams at Elizabeth. The moment completely gone, my breath comes back in a sudden rush, nearly knocking me over.

"Hell yeah bitches!"

Then she's gone, leaving without a backward glance.

Elizabeth lingers a bit, hesitating, almost like she wants to say something, but then she too leaves, muttering what sounds like, "I don't understand…" as she walks off.

I slouch back trying to calm my heart, to gather my thoughts, to get myself under control again.

"Powers, you wanna come for a session?" Ray asks.

I jump up immediately. "Yes," I agree. "Right now, let's go."

*

Eleven forty five P.M. I am way past fucked, I am completely and utterly smashed and high all in one. To the point that I don't even realise when I'm walking, well stumbling more like it. I love it. It's peaceful like this, being blissfully unaware.

"Good party," Peter comments at my side, drunk but not stoned.

I shrug, giving up on being angry with him. "Yeah man, it's good."

"You still being a prick?"

I actually laugh. "Nah man, we're chill, you're still shouting next time."

Peter's jaw clenches but before he can reply Alexia is wrapping her arms around him while Elise rests on his other shoulder.

The girls are completely wasted, eyes glassy, half closed, movements slow, clumsy, voices slurred and unusually high.

Elise whispers something to Peter making his eyes glow as he gently moves out of Alexia's grasp, she tries to walk away, noticing that I'm trying to ignore her but she stumbles and I rush to catch her.

She giggles as I support her weight and she rests on my shoulder, cradled into me perfectly.

"Having fun?" she murmurs.

"Yeah."

"Good. Lots of pretty girls here?"

Were there? I hadn't even noticed.

Robbo comes over at that moment. "Hey man, we still on for tomorrow night?"

"Yeah dude."

"And we still hitting up that Rave next week?"

"Fuck oath."

Alexia sways a little bit and I have to support her whole weight against me to stop her from falling, she kisses my cheek tenderly and Robbo's face lights up.

"I better let you go man, she's trying to get in."

I push Alexia as far as I can without letting her crumple at my feet. "She's my ex girlfriend man."

Robbo's eyes widen. "What?"

"Yeah man, that's my ex."

"The girl that tamed the player?"

I laugh, was that the story going around?

Robbo looks her up and down, taking her in. "She break up with you? I think she'll take you back man."

"Nah, I did."

"She's fucking sexy dude."

"I know." Did everyone have to keep reminding me, I did have eyes, you know.

"She a bitch?"

"Nah man, she's nice as."

"Doesn't put out?"

I feel the blush creep back as my traitor lips pull into a grin as memories of our intimate moments flood my mind.

He understands immediately. "She cheat on you then?"

"Nah man."

"You cheat on her?"

"Fuck off dude."

His confusion is apparent even in my high state. "She's a controlling bitch?"

"No," I tell him, feeling anger through the bliss seep in. "She's perfect."

"Then why the fuck did you break up with her?"

I shrug. Did I really have a proper reason?

"I'm Robbo," he tells her ignoring me.

She smiles and holds a limp hand out. "Alexia,"

"I can take her from here," he tells me, trying to pull her into his arms.

I yank her back with a bit more force than necessary, then realizing what I'm doing, offer her back. "Yeah, go with Robbo," I say stiffly.

"No, you."

Robbo grins, hands up as if in surrender. "Ladies choice tonight obviously and you're it. Might wanna reconsider the 'ex' thing though. Nice to meet you Alexia."

She smiles warmly. "Bye."

She moves sluggishly so that she's facing me. Her eyes are now bright green and she's smiling that special smile she saves just for me. How long has it been since I've seen her smile like that? I don't even know.

"Nick," she whispers, breath hot against my neck.

"Yeah?"

"Can I have a kiss?"

I pause. It would be so wrong to do this, to lead her on, give her false hope. It would ruin all the progress I've made keeping her out. But I'm selfish and I want this, so bad it almost hurts. One kiss won't hurt right? Just the once, she's too drunk she probably won't even remember.

"Will this mean something?" I find myself asking.

She pauses and for a second pain flashes briefly in her eyes but is replaced quickly by determination. "No," she tells me softly. "Not tomorrow."

Her answer scares me, hurts me, because as drunk as she is, she knows that this is just for a night, but I can't give it much thought because her lips press against mine with an urgency I've never felt before.

Her lips are soft even though she's roughly pulling me closer, crushing herself into me, forcing my mouth open with her tongue, tracing her hands over my arms, my chest, my back. My breath starts to come in short harsh bursts, fire is everywhere in my body. Fuck, this is so wrong, but it feels so right.

Then she's pulling away from me, pecking me once, twice, three times on the lips before wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing my neck.

"The police are here!" Elizabeth hisses, with their friend Marky by her side.

She's pulling Alexia but Alexia's grip is iron clad, refusing to give me up, unable to let go of the moment just yet. I don't say anything but I understand completely, I don't want to go back to being empty again just yet either.

Marky grabs Alexia gently and pries her away, carrying her like lovers do on their honey moon, close to his chest, Alexia putting her arms around his neck. Elizabeth puts a jacket over Alexia because she's shaking, but we both know she's not cold, her face is wet and she's looking at me, wounded.

"Five more minutes?" she begs Marky, but he shakes his head, fixing me with a glare.

I hang my head in shame, I truly am the world's biggest piece of shit. I just keep hurting her more and more, because I'm selfish. I want no one else to have her, but I don't want her as my girlfriend either. I like the freedom of trying different girls, I like not worrying about anyone else but myself. I like not disappointing anyone.

"No, Marky please," she's begging, struggling to get out of his arms. "I want to go back, please, I'll do anything."

"No Lex, come on, you're coming home with me, I'll take care of you."

My fists clench, again with a mind of their own. Take her home? I want to run over and punch him in the face and then take her home with me and watch her sleep, watch the small smile cross her face. I don't move. I stand my ground and watch him take her away, literally kicking and screaming.

"Poor girl," Belle says next to me, a girl I only see out at parties. "She's so drunk."

I turn to her and nod. "Yeah she is."

"I wonder if it worked," she mused.

"What?"

"Her plan to make her ex see she's doing ok and they can finally be friends."

I flinch and just shrug. "Who knows."

Belle moves closer and places a hand on my belt, pulling me to her. "You do," she purrs. "You're the ex."

I clench my teeth in frustration, was there anyone in this fucking world that didn't know about us?

"So? We're done, she's gonna get over it."

"Are you over it?"

I'm not strong enough to lie tonight so I grab her by her small arse and pull her to me, crushing my mouth against hers, determined to get Alexia out of my head, even for a couple hours.

Belle pulls back slightly and fixes me with a calculating stare. "You're not going to cry right? Get all emotional about how I'm not her?"

I glare at her. "Fuck off,"

Belle grins. "Is this going to mean something in the morning player?"

Now I stare at her calculatingly, coldly. "It doesn't mean anything now," I tell her honestly.

Belle giggles. "Wow, you sure know how to romance a girl. I really don't want to deal with drama and attitude tonight,"

"Keep your mouth shut and you won't have to," I told her coldly as I captured her mouth with mine again, lifting her up into my arms and heading her towards the sofa bed inside.