I sat on the porch of the Izumo House, sipping from a glass of orange juice with one hand and an IV drip stuck in my other arm. This was the first moment I truly had to rest after the nearly week long orgy that ensued after Troper!Shirou forced me and 3 of my alternate dimension counterparts to give that highly inappropriate performance in front of all the Sekirei. I swear, if I didn't have my Reinforcement abilities, my pelvis would have been shattered into pieces. Still, I have to give credit where credit was due, as it did managed to get all the Sekirei to stop fighting. After they finally had their fill of me and my counterparts, they decided as a group that the whole Sekirei Plan was stupid, went back to MBI Headquarters and promptly beat the crap out of Minaka. Now they were in the process of reactivating the rest of their kind. Not only that, I was reunited with my Rin and Saber. Normally I would have been worried about how they would respond to fact that I was accidently married to several aliens, but considering what they had been participating in alongside said aliens for the past week or so, I was sure that it would probably work itself out. And, to top of my run of good fortune, that morning I had received word from the Clock Tower that my Sealing Designation had been dropped. Apparently, the sorted politics surrounding my exile had become much simpler when they realized there was a veritable legion of super powered females that wanted me to stay in one piece. All in all, things were looking up for me.

I really should have known that wouldn't last.

The quiet moment I had to myself was disturbed by the sound of footsteps rapidly coming towards me. As I turned, I saw Troper!Shirou running at me, saying to himself "Oh Crap! Oh Crap! 100 percent not good!"

I frowned to myself as he slid to a stop in front of me. "Ok, what did you do this time?"

"Why do you automatically assume it's my fault?" I gave him a flat look. "Ok, fine, be that way. However, we do have a slight problem."

"What is it?"

"Well, remember how when my Rin first showed up, and she had that rod that turned her into a Magical Girl?"

I chuckled to myself as I nodded. I know that it wasn't my Rin, but the sight of her in such a ridiculous outfit was something I would treasure till the end of my days.

"The problem starts with the fact that your sister went into the wrong room of the inn looking for you and she ended up riffling through Rin's stuff."

It took me a few seconds to make the connection. I barely felt the glass slip through my numb fingers and hit the floor, spilling its contents everywhere. "Oh god, you don't mean…"

"Unfortunately, yes. Your sister has become the new KaleidoRuby."

I gave an explosive groan as I palmed my face. "Ok, how bad is it?"

"Last I checked, she was hunting down everyone in the city that had called her an 'overcompensating loli' for 'Great Justice'. However," he looked off to the side and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "That's… not the real problem."

"How can that not be the real problem?"

"Well, it seems she somehow accessed the multidimensional features of the Kaleidostick, and managed to summon its counterpart, KaleidoSapphire."

"You're telling she's now some kind of double Magical Girl? A… KaledioRubySapphire?"

"Perhaps. However," he somehow cringed even more than he already was. "That's… not the real problem."

I was about to demand that he get to real damn problem already when I heard Musubi's voice speak up behind me. "Look Shirou-chan! The most wonderful thing has happened!"

"Not now, Musubi." I said without looking at her. I once again addressed Troper!Shirou "What is the real problem already?"

He didn't respond, instead looking past me at Musubi with wide eyes. I looked at him in confusion until I heard from behind me "Now I can make the whole world find love!"

A sudden feeling of dread filled me, and I slowly turned around. Standing behind me was Musubi in her shrine maiden outfit except… with more frills and embroidery. Most notably, her head was adorned with a pair of bear ears, and in her right hand she held a pink rod with a star and wings on top.

Musubi gave a grin thrust her free hand out in a V shaped peace sign. "To find love for everyone in the world! That is the duty of KaleidoLove!"

Through my stupor I heard Troper!Shirou speak up behind me. "The real problem is that Yukari managed to get the two sticks to breed… somehow."

Musubi pounced at me with a cry of "Love!", but before she could land I felt my doppelganger grab the back of my shirt and start dragging me down the hall as fast as he could. Fortunately, I managed to grab my IV stand as I was dragged past it.

"We have to get out of here!" he said. "There's no telling how far it's spread!"

I managed to stumble to my feet and fall in line next to him. "Oh come on. What's The Worst That Could Happen?"

"Really? Did you seriously just say that?"

True enough to narrative causality, the next moment as we rounded the corner, we ran into Akitsu. "Ah…" she said with a blush. "KaleidoSlave is ready for you Master." Akitsu's outfit consisted of chains… and nothing else really. There's no way that outfit could have gotten past the censors on a real Magical Girl show.

We didn't have time to react to the rather inappropriate display however, as a second later the door to Homura room opened and the fire Sekirei stumbled out, falling on the floor. He appeared to be half dress in an elaborate dress of his own, though he was now tangled up in it from his own desperate attempts to remove it. "No!" he screamed "I don't want to be a magical girl! I want to be a man!"

"Nonsense!" a female yet very butch voice cried out from his room. Floating in the doorway was a black and red rod similar to the ones I had already seen thus far. "I have chosen you to become the first KaleidoFutanari! It is you destiny!" The rod drifted back into the room, using some unseen force to drag Homura back with it.

"Noooooooo!" His screams echoed as he was dragged back into the room, his finger digging grooves into the floor as he went.

"There's no saving him! We have to move!" Troper!Shirou cried out. With a sudden movement, he simply kicked through the wall to the left and we jumped into the living room. Unfortunately, in was not unoccupied.

"Look Onii-chan!" It was Kuu-chan in what I could only describe at a dress made out of plants. Thankfully, it was a much more modest affair then what I had seen so far. "Kuu-chan is KaleidoSword! Kuu-chan has swords!" Indeed, her wand, rather than being in the standard rod shape, was a green hilted sword with the star and wings as the cross guard.

Then I paid attention to the last word she said. "Wait, swords?" I look past her and there were several dozen plant themed swords floating behind her. When she began waving her wand around in childish exuberance, the rest followed suit, flying in various direction. Needless to say, Troper!Shirou and I barely made it out with our heads attached to our necks.

In our rush to get out of the Izumo House, we also ended up running into KaleidoTsundere (Tsukiumi), KaleidoEchii (Matsu), and KaleidoSake (Kazehana). The only reason we made it out at all was KaleidoHannya (Miya) decided to punish the rest of the household for the mess they were making and we managed to slip away in the confusion. As we tore down the street, me still carrying my IV stand, shouted "This is completely god damn absurd!"

"No," my counterpart replied. "Absurd is dreaming from the view point of an alternate version of yourself which you just met."

"What?"

"Don't worry about it." Troper!Shirou brushed off. "Well, there's only one course of action." As he said this, he pulled out a small device and pressed a button on it. A beeping noise then came from my waist. Looking down, I saw a similar device attached to my belt, though I had no idea how it got there. Looking back at the man, I saw he had a grin on his face as he said "We're getting the team back together."

"So, that's the current situation." Troper!Shirou said, addressing my other 3 counterparts. It was fortunate for us that they had yet to return to their dimensions as we need all the help we could get. At the moment, the 5 of us were hiding out in one of my several safe houses I had scattered throughout Shin Tokyo. "The Kaleidosticks have been reproducing at an accelerated rate. So far their 'children' have been going after the Sekirei, and I think it's safe to say that at this point, all 108 have been transformed. In my opinion, it's only a matter of time before they start to spread to the general populous. "

"What the worst case scenario?" asked KoS!Shirou.

"The entire planet will be consumed in sparkles." We all simultaneously shuttered at the thought. He continued. "As I'm sure you're all aware, the 5 of us are the only ones in the city manly enough to fight the onslaught of Magical Girls. We don't have time for reinforcements, so we have to stop it now."

"But how?" EC!Shirou asked. "I know that this could turn into a global threat, but the Sekirei are innocent. I don't want to hurt them."

Before Archer could give his undoubtedly grim opinion, Troper!Shirou spoke up. "Don't worry; I've dealt with this sort of problem with Rin before, if never on this scale. Now, pay attention, because this is tricky as hell and I want to do it as few times as possible." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He then put out his hand and incanted "Magical Girl Genre Deconstruction Sabermorphic Personification Soul Cutting Sword."

The sword that appeared in his hand bore a passing resemblance to Excalibur, except this it was, well, cute. It looked like a cartoon version of the blade, but it such a way to highlight how ridiculous it was. The other major difference was found in the blade itself, which was intermittently filled with holes. The holes themselves seemed to contain various kinds of equipment, like jackhammers and explosives.

"This is the weapon that you will be using. It won't do any physical harm the Sekirei, but it will force them to realize all of the problems and flaws that are inherent with Magical Girls. The emotional backlash will separate them from their respective Kaleidosticks. Now you have to be quick to bag them," Troper!Shirou said, handing us each a Bag of Holding. "Otherwise the stick might wise up and turn it into a Reconstruction. At that point they'll be unstoppable." He sighed as he sheathed his own copy of the blade. "Unfortunately, I can't mass produce swords like you four can, so you'll be doing most of the heavy lifting. I'll help out when I can, but I have some… contingencies I have to look into."

He eyed us each in turn. "Everyone know what they have to do?" We all nodded. "Right. Good hunting."

***One A-Team style suit-up montage later***

Archer stealthed down the street, his oversized bow out and an anti-Magical Girl sword at the ready. After the group had split apart to cover more ground, he adopted the practical tactic using stealth and long range sniper shots to take down his targets. So far he had managed to snag, bag and tag over two dozen Kaleidosticks. So far only one of the magical girls had managed to evade his attacks. He had seen the black and grey specter several times, but she always darted out of view before he could get a bead.

He rounded a corner and spotted another Sekirei in an overly frilly garb standing next to a mailbox. He drew his bow back and lined up a shot. Getting a good look at her, Archer noticed that the Sekirei seemed to be hitting the base of the mailbox with her wand. Drawing his gaze downward, he saw that the reason for this was that she was chained to it by her leg.

That's odd, he thought. Who could have chained her up like that? And more importantly, why-

That was as far as he got before the sun went behind the clouds and he noticed the wicked grin behind the large window to his left that was previously obscured by the glare. He turned his head and saw Karasuba, clad in black, grey and numerous sharp objects, now fully embracing her role as KaleidoMurder.

He just managed to whisper to himself "Clever girl…" before she crashed through the window and pounced on him.

As he dodged through his own personal bullet hell, KoS!Shirou thought of how things had snowballed into his current situation. It started with him taking down the first magical girl, and then another one appearing immediately after. He defeated that one, but as her body fell next to the first one, a third on showed up. Then another. Then another. Then another.

It was now at the point where he was standing on a small hill of unconscious Sekirei, an Anti-Magical Girl sword sticking up out of each of them. I swear, he thought to himself as he added another magical girl to the pile. if this is my Hill of Swords, I will never be able to look Athuria in the eyes when I see her. I hope my counter parts are doing better than I am...

EC!Shirou wished he could say that this was the first time he had been tied up on an alter made of outdated encyclopedias about to be scarified to a dark librarian god. He really did.

"Look," he said, looking away from his bindings and at the Sekirei that managed to get the jump on him. "I'm not saying it's bad, I just personally prefer alphabetical ordering to the dewy decimal system."

"Heresy!" KaleidoLibrarian screamed, and she continued on with her dark chanting.

EC!Shirou sighed to himself. He really should know by now that talking never worked in these kinds of situation. However, this wasn't nearly the worst bind he had been in. Hell, this Sekirei wasn't even close to the first femme fatal that held him at their 'mercy'. In fact, he had developed a standard operating procedure for just such an occasion. With a small grin on his face, began to incant "I am the boner of my sword…"

"Oh god! I'll never have time for a personal life!" This was the Sekirei's final cry as I ran her though with the trope crafted sword. She collapsed onto the ground, her elaborate dress fading back to a normal, only slightly less ridiculous outfit. I scooped up her Kaleidostick and threw it in my bag, sighing as I did so. I was going to have a long talk with my sister the next time I saw her.

The brief moment of peace I had earned was interrupted by a low rumbling sound. Turning around, the cause of this noise turned out to be a 15 foot tall orange rolling down the street. On top the nonsensically large fruit was Troper!Shirou back-running furiously while holding a small toddler under each arm.

You know, I really should just stop being surprised by anything at this point.

I watched numbly as the orange crashed into the wall next to me. Jumping off, he ran towards me and all but threw the children at me. "The spoons are after me!" he said. "I need you and the kids to hide in this orange. I'm going to go build a lamppost out of cinnamon buns, that should by us some time." And with that he took off down the street.

I didn't have long to think about that as, from the direction the orange originally came from, several giant, flying spoons with mouths full of serrated teeth came barreling after him. On top of one of them, there was a dessert themed Magical Girl, screaming "How dare you insult KaleidoPastry with fruit!"

In a world where that could happen, nothing mattered anymore.

A good deal later, all of us except Troper!Shirou regrouped in front of MBI Headquarters. We all looked a bit worse for wear, but we had come out in one piece. Archer was finishing counting our combined Kaleidostick total.

"106… 107… 108. That's all of them."

"All except the original two." EC!Shirou pointed out. "Once we bag Yukari, we can put an end to this mess."

"There's a slight problem with that." We turned around and saw Troper!Shirou walking towards us, my sister's unconscious body slung over his shoulder.

I hustled over to him, taking Yukari's body and setting it on a bench. "What problem? Didn't you grab the Kaleidosticks when you knocked her out?"

"I found her like this. The sticks were nowhere to be found."

"What? How-" That's as far as I got before Hiroto Minaka's face appeared on the giant screen attached to the MBI building.

"Ahahaha! You may have defeated all of the Mooks, but now you face the Final Boss!"

I frowned in confusion at that statement. "What the hell are you talking ab-" I froze mid-sentence as a realization born of horror filled my body. Oh god, he wouldn't…

But as the camera panned out to show the rest of his body, my denial was in vain, because yes, of course he would.

Hiroto Minaka, President of MBI and mastermind behind the failed Sekirei Plan, was wearing a frilly, embroidered, blue and red dress that barely came down to mid thigh. He had stockings, long fingerless gloves, and a blue and red rod griped in each hand.

Minaka had become a Magical Girl.

"Oh god! My eyes!" KoS!Shirou screamed as he covered his face with his hands.

Archer was deathly pale. "It's more horrible then I could have possibly imagined!"

EC!Shirou settled for simply emptying the contents of his stomach.

I myself was halfway to passed out from the shear wrongness of the imagery when I heard Troper!Shirou's unsteady voice speak up. "S-So what? We just carved our way through a small army of Magical Girls. You think we can't handle some middle aged man in a dress?"

"You fool! I've been preparing for this possibility for years! And now that I finally have a sufficient power source, I shall use my Great Chariot to usher in the New Age of the Gods! Begin activation sequence!"

The screen turned off and the ground began to shake. I grabbed Yukari and we all ran away from the MBI building, which was starting to fall apart. As I turned back to look, I saw the building wasn't collapsing, it was splitting open in half to allow something out that was rising up from a great shaft underneath the building.

It was an honest to god mecha, though it was much more, err, effeminate than I was used to. The limbs were quite thin, and so was the waist. It became wider at the shoulders, and even more so at the hips. However, the weirdest part was a toss up between the high-heeled feet and the built in tri-corner hat with a colossal white feather in it.

The mecha strode out of the building. With my Reinforced eyes, I could see Minaka in a sphere in the titan's chest. "Ahahahaha!" He laughed manically and he made absurd poses. "Now! Star Wand: Rubis!" The mecha struck its chest with its right fist, and pulled from it a replica of KaleidoRuby mad out of red energy. "Star Wand: Saphir!" It repeated the motion with its left hand and a blue energy replica of KaleidoSapphire formed. "Behold! You came here expecting a man, but you have found instead a god!"

For a long moment, the 5 of us stared up at the Magical Monstrosity in silence. Then, Troper!Shirou summed it up best: "We're Gonna Need More Trope."

"You have to be kidding me!" I yelled, feeling what little sanity I had left slipping away. "What the hell are we going to do now? We can't take that thing down!" I said pointing at it. "It's not like we have our own giant robot!"

I was greeted by silence behind me, and when I turned around, I saw that my Troperiffic counterpart had an ear-to-ear sh*t eating grin on his face. There was a moment before it clicked in my head.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes"

"No no no no no no no no no no-"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssss! Contingency plan Gamma Alpha Rho! Emergency Teleport!" With that exclamation, he pressed a button on the same device earlier, and with a familiar beeping coming from my waist (seriously, where did that thing come from? And why didn't I take it off?), the world disappeared in a flash of light. When I could see again, I found myself inside of a cockpit of some sort. There were a number of blinking lights and toggles of which I had no idea what they did.

A series of screens lit up in front of me, and I saw my 4 doppelgangers on one of each of them. "Right, is everyone in their respective mecha?" Troper!Shirou asked.

"We each have our own mecha?"

"Yep! And you know what that means!"

"Umm… what?"

His grin became fierce. "Gattai!"

"…What."

"Team! Move out! Combining Mecha! Theme Music Power-Up!"

At this point I felt the machine beneath me hum to life, and my main view monitor showed that the building I was apparently encased in folding open. Also, over the speakers, a heavy rock tune with rapid guitar notes began to play.

"Theeeeeeeey've got, a magic and a force that you've never seen before!"

Once my mecha cleared the building, I was able to see that it was in the shape of a wolf. As it ran down the street, I saw a similarly sized lion mecha running down the street parallel to mine through the buildings.

"Theeeeeeeey've got, the ability to make countless amounts of swords!"

Looking ahead, I could see where the streets merged. At that point, there was a tiger mecha folding into a pair of legs, and a bear mecha was folding into a boxy shape on top of it to form a torso.

"Noooooooo one, can ever take them down…"

Just as I caught a glimpse of an eagle mecha flying towards the configuration, the lion mecha as well as my own jumped through the air, twisted themselves into arm-like shapes and attached to the torso.

"The magic lies on their sieieieieide!"

My cockpit suddenly shifted, and I felt it sliding up the up the arm. I felt a thump as the eagle mecha attached to become the head, and all five of us entered the bridge simultaneously.

"Go go Shirou Rangers!"

"Go go Shirou Rangers!"

"Go go Shirou Rangers! You Might Manly Shirou Rangers!"

Our mecha now complete, it stood opposite Minaka's monstrosity holding a giant sized copy of the Anti-Magical Girl Sword. We sat on the bridge that resembled every combined mecha bridge from every super sentai show I've ever seen. The five of us were lined up at a row of consoles, which of course that crazy bastard of a counterpart was at the center of. He was standing up with his foot on the console, his longcoat billowing in the breeze created by the excessively powerful air conditioner. Knowing him, he probably installed that on purpose.

"Ha! The tables have now turned!" he said is a loud, authoritative voice. "Now we shall commence our Epic Final Battle of Epicness! It may take hours or even days, but-"

"No! Absolutely not!" The other four looked at me in surprise, but I didn't care. I had had enough of this madness. "There is a big red button right next to your foot that says 'Ultimate Attack'! Just use it so we can go home and be done with this craziness!"

"But-"

"No."

"You can't-"

"Don't care."

Troper!Shirou rolled his eyes. "Fine. But I still get to do my In The Name Of The Moon Speech."

"Whatever! Just Do it!"

He sighed, lifted up his foot, and brought it down on the button "Alright! This is it! Ultimate Attack!" Our mecha lifted up its sword in salute which began to glow. "This sword of ours is shining bright! Its tropes are calling out for your defeat! Take this! Our love, our anger, and all of our sorrow!"

"MAGICAL!"

The mecha brought the sword above its head.

"DECONSTRUCTION!"

The sword began its arc downward.

"EXCALABUR!"

A blast of light issued forth from the blade, decimating all in its path. When it hit Minaka's mecha, there were several explosions and showers of sparks. As it began to topple over, lightning arch up and down it's body, and I could just hear Minaka's cries of "What do you mean I'm too old to be a Magical Girl? NOOOOOOOOO!"

And then, all was still. Well, except for the numerous fires and secondary explosions throughout the city that our attack had caused.

"Yes!" Troper!Shirou exalted. "Once again, the day is saved by Shirou Emiya, and everyone has a Happy Ending!"

"Half the city's on fire!" I screamed at him.

He decided to ignore me. "Yep, a Happy Ending for everyone!"

I took a deep breath, counted to ten, and then jumped on top of him, strangling him as we both fell to the floor.