A/N: Hey everyone here's today's chapter where the contents of the envelope is revealed. It might not seem terribly important yet, but this is a key factor in our story, alright?
Enjoy!
Tony shut the door to his apartment behind him. He felt as if he was moving in slow motion. He still hadn't opened the envelope. His mind was reeling with Rebekah's words. You changed her. He didn't believe her.
He slid down the back of the door, envelope still in his hands. Finally, he opened it, finding a single sheet of paper within.
Dear Tony,
If you're reading this, I'm dead. It is as simple as that, no matter the circumstances.
I'm really not quite sure what to say or how to do so. I do not even know why I am writing this. I just… I know need to. I cannot explain it.
Do you remember when we were trapped inside that shipping container? You asked me about my happiest moment. I never did tell you, did I? You would probably assume it has something to do with weapons or interrogations, but you should stop right there. You are incorrect.
Tony smiled at the uncanny way she seemed to know his thoughts, even though she was gone.
I don't have one.
It was spending every day in the squadroom with Gibbs and McGee and in Abby's lab and in Autopsy with Ducky and… with you.
Listen to me, I am writing this as if I am already dead. Perhaps Abby has rubbed off on me. Perhaps it is just all the death I have already seen. All the left behind. All the unsaid words. All the things that never got to happen.
I have never asked for much in my life. I have never needed to. I never had the chance. Not until I came to NCIS. For the first time, I was a priority in my life. I learned so much from you guys. From McGee and Ducky and Gibbs and Abby and you. I learned how to live and to laugh. I have never been so purely happy. Sometimes I wonder how long I can make this last—it seems too good to be true.
I suppose if you are reading this, then it was.
Tony. You changed me. I cannot think of any other way to describe it. I owe you, Tony. I wish… I wish there was a way to be able to repay you, except with the truth.
I don't know when it began. I don't know if it was when I first walked into the squadroom or when I was so scared they would kill you when we were undercover as married assassins. Or perhaps it was the time when I was afraid I'd lose you, to the plague and then to Jeanne, and then when I was afraid I'd already lost you to the explosion in your car. I don't know when, but somewhere in between I… I fell in love. I fell in love with you. It happened to gradually and yet so all-of-a-sudden.
I can hardly believe the words I am writing. It does not sound like me. I do not fall in love. It is not simple. Love is difficult.
But then, love takes risks. One must put their heart on the line, and I did not think I would be able to do that with anyone ever again, not until I met you. Ha, listen to me—I sound like one of those women on that Lifetime thing you were talking about.
I don't know where we will be when you receive this, but I hope we took that chance. I hope I told you.
I am not sure why I fell in love with you. You are exasperating. Your incessant talk of movies is ridiculous. You fight with me and we argue and we bicker and… perhaps that is why. That is what made us, "us".
I cannot tell you how much I loved you, Tony. But I did. I do. You changed me. You dared me to be happy, to do something with myself. To live. To move. And when I did… Ha, I even bought a TV and now have cable. I still am not sure how you talked me into that… Thank you, Tony.
I know I'm gone. I know I can't rightfully as you to do anything for me; you have already done so much. But this one request is for you: don't give up. Don't stop living. Find purpose. Find happiness. Promise me you will, yes? The only thing that is required for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing. So do something. Please, Tony. Do it for me.
And Tony, I want you to promise me one more thing: find love again. I know you will find someone amazing. Do not let your chance go by. Don't spend your whole life waiting for your whole life.
I know I'm not here, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm here with you.
-Ziva
P.S. I used contractions. Just for you.
Tony set down the letter on the hard wooden floor beside him. He hadn't noticed to tears that had slipped down his cheeks. He hadn't noticed the setting sun outside his window. He hadn't noticed that his phone had vibrated twice or that the baby next door was crying. He didn't notice that the apartment had grown darker or that his window had been sprinkled with misty raindrops. All he saw were the words on the letter. He took his time reading it, then re-reading it and re-reading it and re-reading it until he could speak the words from memory.
I'm here with you. The words had called out to him only seconds before his world had darkened to nothing only days before. Tony shuddered.