Catch and Release

Chapter 12

Fang hadn't seen Max in a week, which in turn meant he hadn't seen Carter either. He wasn't so sure that he hated that. Not now. Not knowing what he did now.

At the moment though, he was headed over to Dr. Martinez's to do just that. See Carter, that is. Not Max. She hated him now. He wasn't sure if the feeling was mutual or not, not after the way she was acting.

He had tried to comfort her, when the results came back. She pushed him away. Why did she push him away? She told him to go fuck himself and never bother them again. So he wasn't going to. That is until he savior called.

Dr. Martinez said that Carter had been crying. A lot. Max was upset, so that wasn't odd. She said, though, that she was crying for him too. Why hadn't anyone told him? The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Carter. He didn't want to hurt Max either, but that was another thing entirely.

"Oh. It's you."

Great. Who else to answer Dr. Martinez's door than Ella? He felt like God hated him.

"Here to ruin more lives?"

Fang just pushed passed her, ignoring her when she yelled about that. Where was Carter? All the times he had asked that question in Valencia's house, she turned out to be one place.

The kitchen.

"Don't you want some cookies, Carter?"

"No."

"You sure? They're your favorite. Sugar."

"No."

"She likes sugar cookies?" Fang asked in shock as he came into the kitchen. Max's daughter liked sugar cookies? Not chocolate chip? Add that to his list of things he knew.

Carter made a loud noise, looking up from the kitchen table when he came in. "Owl!"

Then the tears started.

"No!" She jumped down when he moved to pick her up. "No, Owl! No!"

Fang looked to the vet, who was still sitting at the kitchen table. "I thought you said she wanted me?"

"She's upset, Fang. You've been ignoring her for no reason."

"Max-"

"No reason she would ever understand. You're no better than Evan's father."

Cut him deep, why doesn't she? Taking a deep breath, Fang moved to get closer to Carter. She jumped back again, but he didn't move to pick her up anyways.

"Man, I sure wish Carter was here," he mumbled, opening his wings. Still, she just stood there watching, not saying anything or moving. "I'll have to go up into that tree house all alone."

"Dere?" Carter pointed towards the backyard, her interest now peak. "Dere, Owl?"

"Fang-" Valencia started, but he cut her off.

"And then I'll have to go flying all alone."

"Eye?" She opened her arms in her customary airplane position. "Owl eye?"

"If only Carter-"

"Me! Me, Owl!" She rushed towards him, wrapping her arms around his leg. "Me eye! Me!"

"Do you forgive me?"

"Yes."

"Then come here." He reached down, picking her up. Carter's arms quickly shifted to around his neck, squeezing tightly. "Did you miss me?"

"Owl no here. Owl no dere. Owl no wid me. Owl no wid Mommy." She sniffled. "Owl?"

"What?"

"Mad?"

"Not at you."

"Are you mad at me?"

Fang frowned, looking up to find Angel walking into the room. "What are you-"

"I had Gazzy tell you that I was coming. I wish that I knew what turmoil would be going on when I got here. Max won't even see me. She won't see anyone, really." Angel shrugged, coming closer. "She'll see you though, huh, Carter?"

Carter didn't even look at Angel as she was too busy holding onto Fang. Owl was back. What didn't Angel understand about that?

"Owl?" Carter buried her head in his neck. "Miss you."

"I missed you too." He turned away from Angel. "Can I take her out, Dr. Martinez?"

"Not to that tree house."

"I know."

"Then yes. Just be careful, if you're going flying."

"I can go," Angel said. Fang just shook his head, headed to the back door.

"You're not invited."

"Owl."

"I know. It's hot."

She spit on her piece of pizza. "Cool."

"I doubt that will cool it down, Carter." He pushed her gently with his elbow, making her giggle and try to push him back.

After flying, Fang went out and picked up some pizzas for the house, trying to win back the favor of the vet. Valencia thanked him, but still seemed slightly indifferent towards him. Angel claimed to be a vegetarian, but did eat some of the pizza after pulling all of the toppings off. Ella ate some too, but that wasn't really Fang's concern. He was just glad that her evil spawn wasn't around.

"You two behave," Dr. Martinez told them as she walked out of the living room. Carter really wanted to watch TV, so she let them eat in the living room just this once.

"Do you need more bubble bath?" Fang asked Carter once it was just them in the living room. "I can buy you some if you want."

"Yes, Owl." She cuddled into his side, waiting for her pizza to cool off. "Owl Mommy?"

"Mommy and me aren't really seeing eye to eye right now." He took a bite of his pizza. "Do you not like your pizza, Carter?"

"Yes, Owl." She took a bite of it too, spitting it out. "Hot."

He shook his head. "Are you sure you don't want a different type of pizza? Do you not like mushrooms?"

"Mine." She grabbed the pizza. 'Mine!"

"Fine, keep it. I don't want it now that you've spit all over it."

Carter went back to eating. "Owl? Nigh-nigh?"

"I can't sleep over, if that's what you're asking. Max is mad at me."

"Mad Mommy." Carter giggled. "Owl."

"We'll make up soon. Then I can spend the night again. We can make a fort this time, sleep in there. You ever make a fort?"

"No."

"That's because you live with all of these stupid girls. They don't know anything about making a good fort."

"Seb. Evan."

"Evan's just a baby. And Seb? He was raised by women. No. No, he can't make one either. Me though? I'll show you how to make a fort that will put that dumb tree house to shame." Fang elbowed her again. "What are friends for if not to show you stuff, huh?"

"Friend. Owl?"

"Yeah. We're friends." That's all they were, now. How could he had been so stupid to think that Carter could possibly be his? Huh? How could any of them believe that? It was so obvious now that she belonged to another. No, didn't belong. None of those disgusting men had any claim to her. It was just…neither did Fang now.

"Owl." Carter sat her plate on the coffee table before forcing her way into his lap. "Owl."

He had to move his plate of pizza too. "Carter, cut it out."

"Owl." She leaned into him. "P'ay?"

"We already went flying. Not to mention, I'm still eating."

"What are you doing?"

He glanced up to see Angel coming into the room. "We're eating lunch."

"How fun," she said, coming to sit down in the chair. "So when are you gonna fix Max? Because I came down here to get a loan and I can't even get her to talk to me."

Fang frowned over at her. "Don't you take money from Max, Angel. She has to take care of herself and Carter, not you."

"It's a loan. I would pay her back eventually."

"That's why you came down here then? To get money from her? What? You can't make your own money?"

"You're one to talk, Fang. Or should I say Mr. Security Guard? Check your own life before you bother me about mine."

Then, after scratching under Carter's chin, Angel left the room, not saying another word. Silently seething, Fang went back to eating, randomly pulling a piece off the pizza and feeding it to Carter. She ate better that way, with him feeding her. Mark that onto the list of things that he knows about her.

"Now what?" Fang sat her down on the ground as he stood to go put their paper plates in the trash. "Are you ready for your nap?"

"Nest?"

"You don't want to go to my place, Carter. There's nothing to do there."

"Home? Mommy?"

"Mommy's probably at work."

She followed along behind him, not really caring too much were they went; so long as Owl didn't leave again.

"Owl?"

"Mmmm?" He lifted her up once they were in the kitchen.

"Cow? Moo? Moo?"

"I don't know what you're asking, silly." He rinsed off their plates before carrying her back to the living room. "Do you want to watch more TV or do you want to go back outside and play?"

"'side. 'side, Owl!"

"Alright then."

When they got to the backyard, Fang found Ella on the back porch, talking on her cell phone. She rolled her eyes when she saw them, but Fang ignored her, instead carrying Carter over to the sandbox.

"There you go." He sat her down in it before sitting down on the edge, as he had that day that seemed like forever ago, when there was still a chance Carter was his. Now that that was gone, all Fang was left with was a little girl that wanted him to be everything for her, but he wasn't so sure if he could now.

"Owl." She sat down and began to dig with her hands. "Sand."

"Good job. You can speak so well."

Beaming, she reached out and poked his leg. "Owl well."

"I speak well too? That's so nice of you to say, Carter." He opened his wings slightly as they began to feel cramped on his back. "You're really smart. I like you. A lot. Do you like me?"

"Owl." She used a plastic bucket that had been left in the sandbox to dump a pile of sand on his shoes. "Owl sand. Sand Owl. Bwa!"

He sighed a little bit. "I've missed our talks, Carter."

She began to fill the bucket again. "Cow. Moo."

"I thought about you the whole time that I was gone. You know that? I couldn't see you because I was…upset, but then I started thinking. Thinking about you and your name. You deserve a more fitting name, you know? Something unique."

"Owl."

"Yes. Like Owl." She dumped another bucket of sand on his feet. "Sand Owl."

"You're gonna turn me into a sand monster? Huh, Vicky?"

She just started at him.

"No? Not good. Hmmm. What other names could you have?"

"Car'er."

"Oh. You think I don't know your name?" He reached out and patted her on the head. "I do. I know your name is Carter. It's just…I've never named someone. Like a kid. Max named everyone. She's good at that, naming. Like your name. It's a dang good name. But…I always wanted to name my first kid. Not that you're my kid. Because you're not."

"Sand." Carter was now pouring sand over her own body. Owl was so funny. He talked constantly. She just let him talk, never really listening unless he said her name and a command.

"That's okay though. I mean…you're not gonna have a dad, but that's okay." He cleared his throat. "None of us have had dads. Not me or Nudge or Iggy or Gasman or Angel. Not even Ella. Your Mommy has one, but he's not…he's not a real dad, really. So, what I'm saying is…it'll be okay, you know? I can…I can…I don't know. Never mind."

"Owl." Carter now poured more sand on his shoes, sighing. When would Owl shut up?

"I just…What about Chris? You like that as a name?"

She spit in the sand.

"Okay, so not Chris. What about…Phoenix? You like that?"

"Owl."

"You're not very cooperative."

She finished burying him in the sand and stood up. "Owl."

Fang leaned forward on his knees, staring at her. It wasn't lost on him that while she was quick to forgive him, Max would not be. Really, though, what had happened was particularly her fault.

When the letter came in the mail with their results, Fang met Max over at her place. She was still pissed at him when he showed up, but it only worsened when they read that he wasn't a match for Carter's DNA.

Fang hadn't expected Max to have such a reaction to it. She got really upset, crying and what not. When Fang tried to comfort her, she kept pushing him away. Really, he was grieving more for himself than her. Still, he attempted to tell her things that he thought would calm her, like how it didn't matter that much, about how Carter didn't have to know; no one had to know.

Then Max hit him. Not like hit him in the arm or something like that. She full out punched him in the chest. For a second Fang was shocked. When she moved to hit him again, he grabbed her arm. She yelled for him to let go of her, which he quickly did. Then she said that she didn't want to see him again, that now that they knew that he wasn't the father. That he had no claim to Carter anymore and he should just get gone. He tried to argue with her, but Max just kept yelling at him. It woke Carter from his nap, but when he tried to go get her, Max started to shove him out the door.

That was the last time he saw Max. She had texted him though and told him not to come around anymore. So he didn't. Until now.

"Owl." Carter was in front of him now and reached out to push his arms out from under his chin. "Owl."

"What?" He sat up. "What's wrong with you?"

She climbed into his lap. "Owl."

He wrapped his arms around her, holding the little girl to him. "You're wiggly."

She patted his chest. "Owl."

"You're cuddly though." Fang hugged her slightly. "Are you done playing in the sand, Carter?"

"Sand Owl." She shook some of her sand off on him. "G'anny."

Turning his head, Fang saw Dr. Martinez had replaced Ella out on the porch. Sighing, he stood up, taking Carter with him.

"Wee." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Owl walk."

Once Fang got into hearing distance, the vet began.

"Max called. She wanted to know when Carter was coming home and since you guys are fighting, I didn't think it would be a good idea to tell her that she was playing with you, so I had no excuse for why she should stay longer. She wants her to come home now."

Fang stopped in front of the vet. "Oh."

"So, I'll just take her over there now. You wanna go home, Carter? You wanna go see Mommy?"

"Yes." Carter held fast to Fang though. "Sand Owl."

"Owl can't go."

"No!"

"Here, Carter, go to Dr. Martinez. You have to go home."

"No, Owl." She buried her head in his shoulder. "No. Owl. No."

Fang looked helplessly at the ex-Whitecoat. "I don't want to hurt her."

"Come here." Valencia reached out and began to pry Carter's arms away. "It's okay. You're just gonna go home. You're gonna go see Mama."

"No!' She began to wail so loudly that Fang felt horrible to know she had cried like this all week. "No, Owl! No bye-bye."

"No bye-bye," he agreed, quickly taking her back from the vet. "I'm gonna, uh, you know, take her to, uh, take her home. To Max. I'm gonna take her to Max."

"Fang, I don't think-"

"Carter wants me. I shouldn't have…I shouldn't have left her. I'm not gonna do it again just because Max is mad. I'm not."

Carter's wails turned into soft whines. "Owl no bye-bye."

Bouncing her slightly, he said, "She's mine now. I…She…we decided. Kind of, I guess…It's not fair. Max can't just…do this."

Valencia sighed loudly, looking off passed them. "You know what, Fang? Go. Take her home."

After heading inside to get her toys and diaper bag, Fang headed out with the little girl, carrying her in his arms all the way back to her house. Once they got there, he finally sat her down, though it was just to knock on the door. Then he quickly lifted her back up before Max even answered the door.

"Mom, you don't have to- What are you doing here?"

Fang bounced Carter. "I'm bringing the baby home."

"I told you to leave us alone." Max reached out to take her daughter. "Now give me her."

"No, Max. I have to tell her goodbye."

"Shut up and give her to me." Max finally snatched the baby, which caused another meltdown. "Carter, stop it."

"No! Owl!" She bit at Max, which made her set her down quickly. Just as fast, Carter was back at Fang's legs, her arms wrapped around his legs. "Owl."

"What have you done to her?" Max accused.

"Nothing." Fang ran a hand down Carter's head. "Just let me come in and-"

"I don't want to see you, Fang."

"Well, she thinks that we're one big happy family, so just-"

"We're not."

"I didn't say that we were." Fang shifted the diaper bag. "Now let me in so I can set all this stuff down."

Max still didn't move. "How did you get her anyways?"

"Your mom called. Apparently she had been crying for me, so I went to spend the day with her."

"She has not been crying that much."

"Max, she shouldn't have to cry at all, not over something as silly as all this."

"Oh, my feelings are silly? What happened was just silly?"

Fang glanced down the hall as a man exiting his apartment glanced over them. Taking a small step closer, Fang said, "Max, I didn't mean it like that. Let me in. Please. I just…I have to tell Carter goodbye."

Taking a deep breath, Max finally took a step back, allowing him access to the apartment. Carter came with him, now content in the fact that Owl was over. She loved having guests over, especially Owl. She was such a good entertainer.

"Owl." Carter let him go and rushed over to the couch. "Fo't."

"What?" Max frowned at him.

"Fort. I told her I'd build her a fort one day, when we spend the night together." He coughed. "You know, when we have a sleepover."

Studying him for a moment as Fang shuffled his feet, Max finally asked, "Why are you really here, Fang?"

"For Carter. We're…She's…I just…I meant it, Max. I really did. I want to be, you know, something to her. If you don't want me to be her dad, fine, but she needs a guy in her life. A steady guy."

"Oh, bull, Fang. I've been doing fine on my own."

"You have. You've done a damn fine job, Max."

"Language-"

"But you shouldn't have to work so hard. You shouldn't have to go through all this everyday. And it'll only get harder, the older she gets. You shouldn't have to be alone. I don't want to be alone. So we should just not be alone together. Or whatever. I just…I don't want to be like Iggy and Dylan, randomly coming into her life and just sending a present on birthdays and Christmas. I want to be there for her, like no one was for us. I want to prove that I can be. Okay?"

Max wasn't watching him anymore, her eyes instead trained on her daughter, who was staring hard at her precious Owl, waiting for him to acknowledge her again.

"She loves you."

That felt like a blow to the stomach, but not necessarily in a bad way. "I know."

"I can't let you hurt her."

"I don't want to."

"You're not her dad."

"I know."

Max took a deep breath. "It makes me sick, the fact that she came from something as disgusting as…what happened."

"Rape."

Still, she wouldn't look at him. "I was able to think that she was yours for so long, but now you've screwed that up. You know that, right, Fang? You messed this up. Not me, not her. You. This is all your fault."

Oh, he knew it was his fault. If he had been tougher, stronger, better, he'd have been able to protect Max from those guys. It was his fault that they got to her. It was his fault that she ended up pregnant. He caused all this.

It made him want to slit his throat.

"I'm sorry."

She just snorted, shaking her head. "Well, go on. She wants you, not me. I wish that you didn't even exist. Don't bother me. I'll be in my room."

As soon as Max was out of sight, Fang rushed over to Carter and picked her up, holding her tight to his chest. She was his security blanket now; he needed her.

"Owl?" Carter stared up at him, confused. "Owl? Sand Owl?"

"I'm sorry, Max," he whispered as he sat down on the couch. "I should have been there. I should have saved you. I'm so sorry."

Carter reached up and patted his cheek. Poor Owl. Mommy had punished him. "Shhh. Owl, shhh. No cry. No cry, Owl."

He just buried his nose in the top of her head. "I'm sorry, Carter. I did this. Not you, not your mommy. I should have been better. I'm no good. I should have died. It'd have been better."

"Owl." He was starting to squeeze her too tightly. "Owl."

"I'm so sorry. If I could go back, I would have done better. I'm a coward. I let them do that to Max. Then I couldn't even die right. I should have blown my brains out. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Carter was brought relief from his grip as Fang moved to lie down on the couch, though he still held her.

"Owl? No cry. Mommy," Carter called. Mommy would know what to do. "Mommy! Owl cry! No cry, Owl. No cry."

Fang couldn't let Carter go a minute later when Max came into the room. He just kept shaking his head, holding her to him.

"I'm sorry, Max," he told her as she got on her knees next to the couch, trying to coax him into letting her daughter go. "I'm so sorry."

"Fang, give me Carter," Max ordered firmly. "Now."

"I'm so sorry." He was hyperventilating now. He had skipped out on his afternoon medication and it was showing. That, paired with Max's apparent hate, was killing him inside. "I should die. I should die. I want to die. I shouldn't be here. I messed everything up. Everyone hates me. I hate me."

"Owl cry." Carter was starting to get upset too, not understanding what was wrong. One minute, Owl was fine. The next, he was acting like a total baby. She did not sign up for this. "Mommy."

Max was finally able to get her daughter free, though she quickly sat her back down on the ground. Carter just walked off to where Fang had sat her bag of toys, not wanting to play with Owl anymore. He was acting weird.

"Fang." Max slipped her hands into his where Carter had been before. He couldn't even seem to hear her anymore as he just laid there on his back, staring up at her ceiling. "Fang, it's okay."

"I hate it here. If I had never come…I wish I had never come. I'm sorry, Max." Fang shook his head. "I should blow my brains out. I should die. I deserve to die. I screwed up again. I'm sorry."

"Shhh." Max leaned closer to him, trying to get him to focus on her. "What do you need me to do, Fang? Do you need a doctor? Do you need Mom? Huh?"

He felt like crying, but he wasn't able to. He wanted to cry so badly. He wanted to bang his head into the wall, he wanted to fall off a cliff. Most of all, he wanted Max to forgive him. Why wouldn't Max forgive him?

"I hate this. I hate this."

"Fang, just breathe, okay? Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. You're alright." Max gripped his hands tightly, her anger with him washing away at the thought of him harming himself. "Fang, can you hear me? Please, tell me that you can hear me. I'm right here. I've got you. Nothing can hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you. Look at me, okay?"

"I'm sorry, Max."

"I forgive you. I know that you didn't do anything wrong. I-I…I love you, okay?" She leaned over and kissed his head. "It's gonna be okay, alright? Just calm down. Please, Fang, just calm down."

Max sat there on her knees, holding onto Fang's hands as he finally fell silent. Instead, he began to stare off into the ceiling, not speaking or responding to her, just laying there, breathing. Max couldn't do anything, but hold onto him and cry. She was still able to do that, cry. She did it a lot.

Eventually, when she looked back up at him, Fang was asleep, snoring softly. She just pressed three soft kisses to his cheek before standing to go check on Carter.

Everything would be okay. It had to be.

When Fang woke up, it was dark. Not too dark though, as his night vision rarely ever failed him.

Once he got his bearings about him, Fang sat up slightly, looking around. He was at Max's place still, on her couch. Someone had kindly laid a blanket over him (Max) and laid a few stuffed animals next to him (Carter). Shaking his head, Fang laid back down, stroking one of the stuffed animals. For a second he panicked that he was late for work, but then he remembered he had the night off.

Forcing himself up, Fang went into the bathroom to wash off his face and clear his head. When he emerged from the bathroom, he had woken someone else up.

"Come sit down."

Max was sitting on the couch, waiting.

"Now, Fang."

Slowly, he made his way over, unsure of her motives. Once he was sitting, Fang clenched his hands together, ready for the worse.

"Never speak about harming yourself again. Ever. If you do, I will send you back to one of those places. I'm not going to have you hurting your body or thinking about suicide every single time we have different opinions on something."

Fang took a deep breath. "Okay."

"And don't for a second think that I want you gone. I don't."

"Alright."

"And don't scare me like that again. It nearly killed me, hearing you talk like that. You're a fighter, Fang, not a self loather. Do you understand?"

He nodded.

"Good." Max patted his knee before standing up. "I'm going back to bed. You should too. I have work in the morning, so you're gonna have to watch Carter."

That was it? Fang just stared at Max's closed bedroom door for a good five minutes after she was gone. Were they good again? As he had no way to tell, Fang just laid back down, snuggling Carter's stuffed animals to him under Max's blanket.

What had just happened?