Animal I have Become

a/n: I would like to apologize to my readers for the massive lapse in getting the chapters out. After a much needed vacation, I have come back rested and with new Ideas for my story. So thank you for waiting and here it is.

Two things came to Kensi's mind when the doctor talked to her about her injuries, the first was that she would be feeling sore for a while, the other was Deeks. In one single moment, he was gone. She had hung on to the hope that she would see him again for the past three weeks. A lump settled in her throat, and tears stung her eyes. She never got to tell him what she thought of him. She was sure the last thing she said to him wasn't stellar and she would have to live for the rest of her life knowing she'd let him slip through her fingers.

The balding doctor sat down on his stool, moving into her line of sight. His dark-rimmed glasses hung on the tip of his nose as he looked at her and his cold hand touched her wrist. "I assure you, Agent Blye, the cast will only be temporary and, with a few pills, in a few weeks you'll be right as rain."

She focused on him and gave a weak smile, "Thank you."

He nodded, tapping her hand. Turning, he whispered something to a blond nurse holding a clipboard. "I'm going to give you something to relax you as you were in the primary blast zone, and I would like to keep you overnight for observation." He looked at her and, again, Kensi's thoughts were a million miles from the ER. "Your partner has been taken to surgery, the OR doctor has assured me she should be alright."

"Thank you," Kensi muttered, fighting the tears that ran down her cheeks. The blond nurse gave her a sympathetic smile when she walked past Kensi, se began prepping the needed materials for the cast.

The balding doctor leaned over, "I'll move you out of here once we get your arm wrapped. In the meantime, I can arrange a staff counsellor to come and talk to you."

"No, I'm fine," her voice cracked.

He leaned back on his stool and shook his head. He wrote something down, finally handing the clipboard to the nurse. He stood up, placing his hand on her good shoulder and, giving it a light squeeze.

The casting of her left arm took no time, the material felt warm and relaxing as it set. After the intern was pleased with his handiwork, he stepped back, taking a syringe off the tray the nurse had set down. "Here, this will relax you, and in no time you'll be home. We have a bed ready for you, and Stephanie will take you there."

Kensi's hand shook when he pressed the needle into her right arm. He looked at her to make sure she was alright; she gave him a slight nod. Not feeling much like talking, she just wanted to forget this day ever happened.

"Well, let's get you to your room," Stephanie said, stepping forward, offering Kensi a hand, and, after she helped her to a waiting wheelchair added, "If you want, I can have someone tell you about your partner once she's out of surgery."

Kensi nodded, the pain medication already making her drowsy. She felt her head droop, the haze coming over her making it hard to focus as she was pushed out of the room. She licked her lips slowly; feeling like she had just drunk a bottle of whisky by herself. She shivered, holding her arm to her chest. She let her head roll, looking at the passing walls. She focused on a gurney as they moved past, taking vague notice of the man lying on it calmly. She blinked, shaking her head as she tried to clear out the cobwebs taking over her thoughts. She knew that face, it was swollen, but she knew that face. She craned her neck, trying to get Stephanie to stop, but her movements were already affected by the sedative. She screamed on the inside. What had they given her? "Deeks?!" She called out, trying to shift in the wheelchair. As Stephanie put her hand on her shoulder, Kensi said, "Go back, I know that man." Kensi tried to drop her feet, tried to stop the forward movement. Instead, her foot caught the wheel, and she painfully pulled it back.

"Honey, that's a homeless man that was brought in this afternoon." Stephanie paused for a moment. Kensi groaned, unable to stop the forward momentum.

"Please. I know that man. Take me back." Kensi pleaded, her words already slurred, and the chair moved farther away. "Please."

"You've had a hard day, Miss Blye." Stephanie turned down another hallway toward an elevator. "I can't imagine what you're going through. I'll take you to your room, so you can rest."

Kensi shook her head, whimpering like a five year old. When the wheelchair finally came to a stop, she dropped her feet. That was Deeks. She was sure of it. She needed to check. She had to make sure. Struggling to stand, Kensi ignored Stephanie's pleas to sit down. Her first step seemed steady, it was the hall that tilted on her. Her head came into full contact with the cold hospital floor and everything faded.

He couldn't remember how he got on the bed; he couldn't remember how he got away from the Madame. But he felt safe and warm; the pounding in his head began to fade, and he became suddenly aware that he was now very hungry as his stomach began to gnaw on itself. He struggled to open his eye, looking around the familiar, sanitized feel of a hospital. He tried to zone out the chaos going on around him. It wasn't the dark feel of before. Maybe he was safe. Maybe he got away. But still the question of how lingered in his mind.

He raised his arm, trying to draw attention to himself. His head flopped over, his eye staring across the hallway he found himself lying in. A face moved past him, a face he dreamt of, a face that kept him sane when he was sure he would have lost it all. He heard her voice call out, "Deeks?!" and with that, everything hit him at once. The pain seeped through his walls, the anger washed over him. He grabbed the first person to walk past him, a younger blond lady. She cried out, trying to pull herself away from him. He held on, sitting up from the confines of his bed.

"Where the hell am I? What have you done to Kensi?" She cried out louder, trying to pull away. Someone grabbed his hand and pushed him roughly back. Deeks growled low.

"Hey, buddy, calm down. You're in a hospital."

He didn't care where he was. His hand balled into a fist, and he punched the stranger's jaw. In no time, he lunged off the bed at the blurred figure. If Kensi was here, no one would stop him from making sure she was alright. His knuckles pressed against softness, but before he could interrogate the stranger, he was ripped away from the man. Large, heavy arms wrapped around his chest, pinning his arms to his side. The panic rose until Deeks could no longer think past the fact that whoever had him was going to kill him. He struggled using every part of his body, in the hope of slipping out of the hold.

A sharp pain brought him back to reality; his eye snapped to the man holding a syringe, whose eye was already beginning to swell. Deeks could feel the warm feeling as the drugs moved through his bloodstream like so many times before. They had drugged him. He was defenseless now. A long drawn-out sob rattled out of his chest as he was lowered to the floor. "Please, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry," he whimpered, praying the man would take pity on him.

The man stepped back, unconcerned by his pleas, as Deeks' arms were pulled roughly behind his back. Cold metal cuffs wrapped around his wrists, and he wanted so much to struggle, but he needed to show them he was submissive, that he would not lash out again. Soft green eyes filled his vision, followed by a chiselled face. He knew that man. His lips moved, "Deeks?" the man called his name. His hand touched his shoulder. Deeks resisted the pull of the new drugs entering his system. Reaching through his memories, he finally found the name to go with the face: G. Callen, and he smiled.

"Callen, I promise I'll be good," he began to whimper again. His body shuddered in fear as he was lifted to a standing position.

"You're okay, Deeks," another voice intruded, assaulting his memories. He turned, using his one good eye to stare into Sam Hanna's soulful brown eyes. He found them. His body slumped, and the whimpers turned to laughter. He struggled to get as close to the man as he could, fighting to stay in this moment, trying to push back the darkness that crept into the edges of his vision. Fearing he would only wake to find himself back in the shaft and drowning.

He heard a voice say, "You're safe," just as his eye rolled back and his body went limp.

Sam couldn't move, he had seen the detective go through a lot, but the man lying before him was broken. A mere shell of the man he used to know. Deeks let out a shaken breath, his body going more lax than Sam thought possible. "Deeks? Deeks?" he looked back at the doctor. Callen stood transfixed, staring at the Detective, his own features were blank. Sam could tell Callen was studying the injuries and balling up any anger and pushing it aside.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know, he doesn't look, he came in listed as a John Doe." Peter said as he stepped forward, checking Deeks' vitals. "I gave him a sedative. He'll be alright,".

Sam tried not to snort, "How bad is he?"

Peter straightened his jacket, and looked past him.

Sam turned looking at the other nurses and doctors moving around. "I can wait." He stepped aside, letting Peter past him. There were people in more need at the moment. He saw Callen stopping the doctor and, with a quick conversation, Peter motioned for the nurse standing against the wall trying to remain invisible to come forward.

"Get him cleaned up and in a room," he looked at Sam and quickly walked away.

Callen walked forward, "Sam, you stay with him. I'll let Hetty know."

Sam only looked up for a brief moment to give a tight nod. He watched the nurse as if everything she did was hurting the detective. He followed after them as they pushed the bed down the hallway. He was not going to let Deeks out of his sight, not yet anyway. He slipped into the elevator, his eyes falling to Deeks' bruised body. He tightened his hands around the metal rail on the bed, his jaw clenched. He was going to make those responsible pay for doing this to Deeks. He quickly found himself thinking about Kensi and how she reacted today. A smile crossed his lips. He would have a hell of a fight coming when Kensi found out Deeks was alive. He might even have to wait in line to get vengeance.

TBC