It would have been too simple if Tara had accepted Buffy's apology immediately. Instead, Tara's eyes dropped to the floor and her hands plucked nervously at the arms of the chair. "I'm sorry," Buffy repeated again – this time in an abject acknowledgment that she didn't know how to make things right with Tara.
"It's OK," Tara whispered without looking up.
No! Buffy wanted to scream. It was far from OK. Taking a deep breath, she dropped to her knees and bent until she could look into Tara's eyes. "I hurt you. I know I hurt you, Tara. I was Princess Buffy when we met the first time, and you were my key to the kingdom." Buffy paused, insides twisting at the tears obscuring the other girl's eyes. "Nothing mattered except earning my place with the 'in' crowd."
She would have continued if Tara hadn't raised a shaking hand. "Pl-please don't." Still huddled in the chair, Tara continued. "It's over, Buffy. W-We aren't the same peop-people we were then."
It was what Buffy wanted to hear – and yet it wasn't enough. Tara had to understand how much she regretted her past actions. "It may be over, but you…You still remember." And she hadn't. Buffy closed her eyes against an image of Tara's face when she'd come into the room yesterday morning. "It still bothers you, and I want you to know…" Trailing off, Buffy held out her hands. "I'm doing it again, aren't I?" Her stomach burned as she glanced past Tara and stared at the mantle. "This isn't about me at all."
Jumping to her feet, Buffy wrapped her arms around her stomach. "I'm surprised you haven't run for the door or turned me into a frog." Her lips twisted in wry, self-mocking humor. "Or a rat. Will's got a great spell for that, if you want to borrow it."
***
Even without using her inner sight, Tara could sense Buffy's real regret and her patented disbelief that she would be forgiven. For years, Tara had imagined this moment. She'd fantasized about it.
Reality wasn't as satisfying as her imagined scenarios.
Buffy's embarrassment looked far too familiar. Tara remembered that cold, sick, crawling feeling in her stomach and the burn of the blush. Voice choked with that memory, she stuttered, "I w-would nev-never turn you into a r-rat." Her own cheeks warmed, and Tara fought to get both of them onto more even emotional footing. "Their b-beady little eyes sc-scare me."
It wasn't much; however, it seemed to do the trick. Buffy's giggle tinkled through the room. "Amy, Willow's rat, isn't like that," she said softly. Looking more relaxed, she moved away from Tara and sat on the couch. "She's a lot more…human sometimes." Buffy ran a hand through her hair with a sigh. "Tara, I…I don't even know where to start. Should I keep apologizing? If I say I'm sorry enough, will it help? I can't take back what I did." Both hands rose to frame Buffy's face. "I wish I could."
Hearing the words and seeing Buffy's sincerity eased the weight holding Tara so deeply into the chair. She straightened slowly. "You don't have t-to say it anym-more, Buffy. The past is over." Smiling slightly, Tara met Buffy's eyes. "I think the n-naked groping in the kitchen will g-give me enough leverage if you st-start getting mean again."
Buffy groaned. "God, you can't do that, Tara. You can't." She smiled back. "Faith is going to mention that every chance she gets. Not to mention the naked tag we played. I'll never be able to step outside of the house if you both use that against me." Tilting her head to the side, she asked in a little girl voice. "You wouldn't do that, would you, Tara? You told Cave Me you'd keep me safe."
The weight returned. Tara struggled to breath under the pressure. This time, though, it wasn't from remembered humiliation. That look…the voice… Wanting to groan from the surge of renewed desire, she murmured, "Em-embarrassment won't k-kill you." Tara's mother had told her that over and over.
"True. But it might make me kill Faith." Buffy laughed again. "Will that change your mind?"
Holding firm, Tara shook her head. "No." She needed to leave the room. Maybe putting some distance between them would help her get some perspective on what was happening. Tara's head whirled. Her earlier reaction to Buffy in the shower and the bedroom…She understood that. Buffy had been naked – not to mention completely uninhibited. Now, though, Tara didn't have an explanation for the way her body responded to Buffy.
She changed the subject abruptly. "Do you think we should check with your mother?" Buffy's eyes widened at the question. "I mean…" Goddess help her. Tara dropped her head, taking refuge behind her hair and tried to pull herself together. "Ru-Rupert left a while ago to check on the information Faith and W-Willow found. Maybe they know how you were enspelled."
"Damn. I am so not on my game right now." Buffy stood in one smooth movement. "I can't believe I forgot about that. You're right. If we leave the gang on this alone for too long, Faith will get tired of listening to Will and Giles make plans and do more research and go charging off on her own."
Tara wondered if there was something in the water of Sunnydale to cause all the babbling. Buffy's words tumbled over one another at ever-increasing speed. "Um…" She climbed out of the chair and hesitated.
"Come on." Buffy hadn't noticed Tara's lack of motion. She was already striding out of the room. "Mom's still in the kitchen. I can hear her banging pots and pans around. I hope she made dinner. I'm starved. No way am I chasing after Faith and whoever spiked the beer on an empty stomach."
As if pulled by an unseen hand, Tara followed Buffy. By the time she got to the kitchen, though, Buffy was perched on a stool at the island munching on a handful of chips.
"Have a seat, Tara. The rest of the meal will be ready in a few minutes." Mrs. Summers narrowed her eyes at Buffy. "Ignore my daughter. Not all of her cave habits were a result of the spell. She's very much: see food, eat food."
Buffy stopped mid-chew. She looked very deliberately at Tara and then at Joyce – and grunted.
It was too much. Forgetting about her concerns about her reaction to Buffy, Tara giggled. "Did she at least ask about F-Faith and Willow before she started eating?" She found that teasing Buffy was easy, and she enjoyed the way Buffy went along with the joke.
"I did; thank you very much," Buffy mumbled around her mouthful. She swallowed quickly. "Nothing new. Will's still slaving over the keyboard and Giles has Faith burning off some energy patrolling around the frat houses in case there are other cases of cave people. We're heading over to the apartment for a Scooby research party as soon as Mom gets dinner packed up."
"Scooby?" Tara recognized the word. "We're watching cartoons while we look for the wizard?"
Joyce coughed in a poorly executed attempt to hide a laugh. "Actually, it normally feels like we're living in a cartoon, honey." Stacking a set of Tupperware containers on the counter, she pointed to Buffy. "When Willow and her friend Xander first discovered Buffy's secret identity as the Slayer, they came up with the name. They've been the embodiment of Fred, Daphne, and Velma ever since."
This was priceless. Not looking at Buffy so she could keep a straight face, Tara asked, "So…Buffy is Daphne?" She tried to sound innocent; she suspected she failed miserably as her voice shook with suppressed mirth.
Cave Buffy made another brief reappearance. Sliding off the stool, Buffy growled and glowered at Tara. "Tara bad. Make fun of Buffy." She stalked toward Tara with her hands outstretched and her fingers flexing threateningly.
"Which character would you prefer, Buffy?" Mrs. Summers winked at Tara. "Fred? I'm not sure you'd look good in an Ascot.
Buffy's advance slowed, and Tara used the extra time to hide behind a kitchen chair. "That only leaves V-Velma, and I'm pretty sure Willow has that one lo-locked up." She shared a grin with Mrs. Summers.
"Fine. I give up," Buffy said, raising her hands in the universal symbol of surrender. "Even without the spell, I'm no match for the two of you." Her lower lip protruded in a pout as she resumed her seat at the island. "How long until we're ready to roll, Mom?" For a second, Tara thought she seemed uncomfortable. "Maybe I should head on over to Will's, and you and Tara could follow."
Tara's mental light bulb went on. "Wh-Why don't I go with you?" she asked softly. "I can work with R-Rupert on the magic angle while you…talk with W-Willow?" There was no way Buffy would have an opportunity to make amends with her best friend if Rupert were there as an audience.
Her offer got a reaction from Buffy and Mrs. Summers.
"You don't have to go." Buffy was the first to speak. "I mean, I'm not all Cave-y anymore. I promise I won't growl at Will again."
On her way to the stove, Mrs. Summers reached out and poked Buffy's arm. "I don't think Tara is afraid you're going to start attacking people, Buffy. She's been helping us since before we discovered you at the bar. In fact, she's the one who found out about the spell." Mrs. Summers glanced at Tara, meeting her eyes as she continued. "Let her help you with Willow and Rupert."
"OK," Buffy said reluctantly. She hopped off the stool. "Remember, Mom – take the Jeep and call before you leave. One of us will be watching for you. No trying to carry the food in on your own. It's dark outside."
This must have been an old argument. Mrs. Summers rolled her eyes. "Yes, Buffy," she singsonged. "I promise not to go anywhere dark without an escort. I have stakes, holy water, and a cross in my jacket pocket. If anything seems wrong, I'll go to a well-lit, public place and turn on the Bat Signal."
Tara had to hide a grin by rubbing at her face when Buffy grumbled and stomped out of the kitchen. She turned to follow when Mrs. Summers spoke again. "Thank you, Tara."
Stopping, Tara looked over her shoulder. "I d-don't mind helping. Buffy's fr-friends don't seem to know a lot about magic."
"I don't mean with the magic – and you know it." Tara shifted under Mrs. Summers' patently maternal expression. "Don't try to snow me, young lady. Buffy may not have figured out why you're tagging along. I have." The look softened. "She needs to apologize and talk to Willow. Poor Rupert will be so into his research and finding out if it is Ethan causing all the trouble, he won't give the girls a chance to be alone. Thank you for helping make that possible."
Blushing brightly, Tara murmured a choked, "You're welcome," and fled.
Buffy was waiting by the door. "Ready to go?" Without waiting for Tara to answer, she opened the door and stepped outside. "We should hurry. Faith's patrolling alone, and, with the spelled beer out there, she might need a hand."
She set such a quick pace that Tara had to run to keep up. "I th-thought you wanted to help Willow with the research?" And do some apologizing, too.
A tide of red swept up Buffy's face. "I do," she protested weakly. "I'm not really good with the book work, though. I'm sure Will and Giles would be happier if I was out with Faith. I'm the Slayer, after all. Patrolling and killing evil is what I do."
Tara was fairly certain there was more to it than that. She didn't stop to consider her words. "You don't want to talk with W-Willow, do you?" Tara asked.