I'm glad you all loved the chapter! I wasn't too fond of it just because it's a buffer chapter to connect and take care of loose ends but I'm glad it was a success :) I am SO EXCITED to write this next chapter. I have to insist that no one hate me though. You have been warned.

aerobee82 – funny you should say we are at a crux and something needs to give ;) this may not be what you had in mind though haha enjoy!

smelsies – I always love your reviews :) I really hope you enjoy this chapter…I sort of have something planned that will make you very happy :)

If today was your last day,

And tomorrow was too late,

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past,

Donate every dime you had?

And would you call old friends you never see?

Reminisce old memories,

Would you forgive your enemies?

And would you find that one you're dreaming of?

Swear up and down to God above,

That you'd finally fall in love?

If today was your last day.

Chapter 17: Forever Is Just Beginning

Bella POV

I was getting all situated back in my own room when I looked around. It felt so…empty. No Alice…no Emmett…no one to feel my emotions or mother me. No doctor to tend to my every slip and fall. Just me and my dad. Not that I hated being with my dad…I loved him to death. But I wish we could both still stay at the Cullen's. I will miss having so many people around…

I sat on my bed thinking about last night. Jake had shown up in my room at the Cullen's and I comforted him. He would be changing into a wolf soon…and he told me he loved me. I looked to a picture on my nightstand of us when we were little. I grabbed it and ran my fingers over our smiling faces.

"Mudpies…" I whispered. I felt a few tears slip from my eyes and I wiped them away furiously. I didn't want to be sad. I just wanted to stop the change from happening. I felt someone sit down beside me and I didn't bother to look at who it was. I just put my head on their shoulder and sighed. I heard a Southern drawl try to sooth me.

"I'm so sorry Bella." I nodded and huffed a bit, lifting my head from the comfort of his cool shoulder.

"It's just so unfair Jas. I don't get why he can't make this choice. Why does it have to be forced on him…why can't he decide." I started crying and hugged the picture to my chest.

"I know this isn't the only thing troubling you Bells. Want to talk about it?" I looked to him curiously.

"You forget the super hearing." I nodded and looked down at the picture.

"What am I supposed to do? He told me he loves me…but…what if he gets mad? How could I feel comfortable with what his pack members did to Jessica and my dad? Should I let that bother me?...I'm so lost."

"Well Bella…there is only one thing for you to think about. Before he was making the transformation…did you have feelings for him?" I looked up to him and thought about what he was saying. I remembered the mudpie stages. I thought about how when I would come to visit my dad during the summer we were completely inseparable. I thought about how amazing it was to come here permanently and hang out with him…watching the game…just relaxing with someone that knows me like no other. I thought about how worried he was about me when I got to his house after Rosalie had given me an episode. How I could count on him to keep my secret and that he refused to leave my side until he was sure I was alright. I thought about last night when he made his beautiful confession to me and how terrified he was. it was like we were kids again…which made me remember when he lost his mom. We had been through so much together and now…I was left with a choice. Did I love him? What did all of our years together mean to me? I looked into Jasper's eyes.

"I love him." He nodded. "But I'm not in love with him." He nodded again and smiled softly.

"I know Bella…but I'm glad you do too." I leaned over and hugged Jasper. He was so reassuring.

"So I'm making the right choice?" He sighed.

"Well…I don't like to interfere. But yes. I have never felt romantic feelings from you when you have been around him. You aren't in love with him." I smiled sadly. I was glad that I knew I was making the right choice…but devastated that I had to hurt Jake.

"Why so conflicted?" I shook my head at his gift.

"I just…I know that I'm going to hurt him. I hate this part." He nodded in understanding.

"So you have had to do this before then I assume?"

Jasper POV

She nodded sadly. I felt so bad for Bella. I could feel the struggle going on inside her heart.

"Yes. There was this guy that I dated a few years ago back in Phoenix. He was so great…the nicest guy. Everyone loved him. He was never late…he kept his promises…he knew just what to say and how to handle me…but I felt nothing with him. I just…ugh. The look on his face Jas…when I told him I couldn't be with him anymore. Like…he was trying to figure out where he went wrong…and all I could think was…how could you do this to him Bella?" She shook her head and wiped away a tear. She felt so guilty.

"Bella it isn't your fault. You can't tell yourself how to feel. If you don't love someone then you just don't. You were right to break up with him." I told her gently. She nodded but sighed just the same.

"Yeah but…what is wrong with me? These amazing guys love me… and express their feelings to me yet I feel nothing. Why can't I just love what is good for me? Why do I feel nothing…" She hung her head, in shame it seemed, and started to cry again. I began rubbing soothing cool circles on her back and tried to calm her down.

"Bella I promise you…there is nothing wrong with you." She didn't seem to respond to me and just kept crying.

"Hey now… Bella look at me. Look at me…" I turned her gently so she would face me and her large brown eyes looked up into my golden ones. I felt so much pain…hers and my own. She didn't deserve to feel so low.

"I feel what you feel." She went to speak but I cut her off.

"No. Bella. Think about it…I feel what you feel." She looked at me curiously through her tears. I then felt devotion, embarrassment, and a hint of blooming love. She was thinking about Emmett.

"It's alright Bella…relax. I wouldn't embarrass you. But you need to know… you aren't dead inside. You feel. You feel so intensely that you may be the most intuitive, loving, caring people that I have ever met. But Bella…no one can expect you to do anything that you don't want to do or worse, that you don't feel is right. Please Bella…take it from someone that knows. Life is too short to live for someone else. You need to be happy too Bells." She looked up at me and smiled. I felt genuine gratitude coming from her and smiled back.

"Bella you are too good of a person to spend your life making yourself miserable. What if today was it. Would you want to have regrets? I really don't want you to regret anything...ever." I looked down until I felt curiosity flowing from her, making me lock eyes with her.

"Do you have regrets Jasper?" I could feel myself looking at her, yet I wasn't even in my own body at the moment. All I could think about was the many newborn lives I ended…the many human lives I destroyed. Before I knew it Bella was bawling hysterically.

"Hey hey! What's wrong?" I asked grabbing her shoulder worried. She shook her head.

"I don't know…I- I…just felt…s-so sad…s-so m-much…pain…" I instantly felt bad realizing I had been projecting. I gave Bella a dose of calm and lifted her mood a little. I could tell she was trying to feel confused but couldn't because I was giving her emotion.

"It's because I projected Bella, I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" She nodded and sighed, drying her eyes.

"So…you do have regrets…" She managed uncomfortably. I looked at her and took her in a hug and sighed unnecessarily.

"Just don't ever do anything you are ashamed of…forever is a long time to live in regret." I whispered. She cuddled into my side and I couldn't help but feel protective of her. She was like a little sister. Then a thought hit me.

"Did it ever occur to you that technically you are my niece?" She sat up for a minute and looked at me. I could feel amusement coming from her and could see it dancing in her eyes. We stayed quiet for a moment before she burst out laughing. Just feeling the joy that came from her I couldn't help but laugh too. Before I knew it Emmett, Alice, Charlie, Esme and Carlisle were standing in the entrance watching us in amusement. I tried to sober up. It was rare to see me in a carefree moment and I felt a little foolish. I successfully regained my composure but one look at Bella who was looking at our audience and I was struggling again. She busted up laughing again, tears streaming down her face. She rolled off of her bed and landed in front of everyone and I lost it. Wasn't I just preaching to Bella to live life for her, regardless of what others thought? I let myself go and joined Bella rolling on the floor in hysterics.

"What's…going on guys?" Emmett asked but I just couldn't bring myself to speak. Bella attempted to answer him between breaths.

"He…I…Alice…their…NIECE!" At that Bella and I fell into another round of laughs and just let everyone else mull it over. Before I could control my emotion everyone started giggling and chuckling at us, though we knew they didn't get the humour in it. Eventually we calmed down and just decided to leave everyone else wondering what brought about the explosion. It was better left a Bella/Jasper moment.

Emmett POV

I loved watching Bella and Jasper bonding the way they were. It was nice knowing that Jasper was really starting to open up in this life. Bella had progressed him so much. He now really had a handle on his thirst and he was slowly becoming more social and approachable than before. I still couldn't believe the effect one human girl could have on a family of vampires. I was thankful for her though. Without Bella in my life I would still be in a one-sided marriage…not even living my existence. She made me feel human again…she made me feel alive and important. I'm not just some block of marble…I'm a person with feelings and value. And she did that…I owed her everything. I sat beside her on the couch while her and Charlie had pizza and we all relaxed, enjoying being back at the Swan house.

"Hey Em…do you remember when you stayed the night and I made us breakfast?" I nodded at the horrible memory.

"Yeah… how did you do that? You guys don't eat…" she said and my family looked at me and a few chuckles escaped them.

"Oh my God, what did he eat?" Alice squealed in glee. I growled at her, causing Bella to jump. I put my hand on her knee to calm her, not realizing how intimate that was. I pulled my hand away quickly and gave her an apologetic look. She just smiled shyly to me and I could swear I felt butterflies. Bella turned back to Alice and laughed.

"I made us eggs and toast. I thought at first that maybe I was a horrible cook… I mean… who screws up eggs right? But now that I make the connection…" My family started laughing again and I felt a little more confident tossing my arm around her shoulder because it felt more casual and normal for us. I laughed at the memory of eating the eggs and toast.

"Nah…it just tasted like…the worst thing you could ever put in your mouth." Bella looked up at me in offense and I immediately chuckled.

"No not like that… that's not what I meant." Alice giggled.

"He means that to vampires, all human food tastes absolutely horrible. Could you imagine drinking blood?" Bella shivered at the thought and sank into me.

"Exactly little one. The things I do…" I winked at her and she smiled. Charlie chuckled and shook his head.

"I don't know how you guys do that. Poor Bella once fainted in her biology class from the smell of blood." We all looked to Bella, who was now blushing scarlet red.

"Dad! Come on…" He laughed.

"Hey don't blame me…you get it from your mother." We laughed at Bella's expense but she just smiled and had another slice of pizza. I looked down at Bella and she glanced up and me. I couldn't help the flutter in my cold stomach. The things this girl did to me.

Bella POV

It had been three days since my dad and I moved back to our place…three days since I last saw Jacob. I was sure he had made the transformation by now. It was Tuesday and I was having lunch with Angela when Emmett, Alice and Jasper came to sit down. Angela gave me the look. When she found out that Rosalie "dumped" Emmett she had a few things to say. 1. Rosalie was dumber than a post. 2. Oh my God he's single. And 3. Now is your chance. In theory…that would have been true. But what Angela didn't know was that the Cullen's weren't people that you could just…decide to date. I looked to Jasper who smirked at me because he could tell by our emotions what she was thinking. I shook my head and took a bite of my salad.

"Bella! How was your weekend?" Alice asked very chipper. I hadn't seen the Cullen's all weekend because they decided my dad and I needed father/daughter time…which we agreed with. I had missed the one on one time with my dad. Not to mention now we were actually able to go out and do things like we could before the accident. However…everywhere we went people recognized us from the papers and news. We had yet to make any real outings because Carlisle wanted my dad to take it easy to ensure his internal injuries were completely healed and his bad leg had taken a while to heal completely. We also took some time to take it easy and meet with his partner's family. We tried to keep a happy façade going but we had not forgotten about my father's partner who was killed that horrific night. What with everything going on…I spent the weekend with my dad instead of with friends. Then yesterday was quite sunny so the Cullen's weren't at school. This morning was pretty sunny as well but during my third period clouds began to set in and now it was pouring rain so Emmett texted me saying they were on their way. Today was the first day I got to see them since I moved out on Saturday morning.

"It was good!" I hugged Alice, Jasper and Emmett…sitting back down next to Angela and offering them a seat. "We went to Port Angles just to window shop…movies…had a junk food dinner night…had a-"

"Hold on." Angela cut me off. "Junk food dinner night?" I laughed and nodded. Emmett jabbed my stomach and winked at me.

"Bella and her dad like to forgo dinner some nights and just eat ice cream." I nudged him and laughed.

"Well…it's only once in a while…" Everyone laughed and I felt myself go a little red.

"It sounds like you had a great weekend Bella." Alice smiled to me genuinely. I nodded and grinned. I looked to Jasper and he was smiling too. He could feel my pure happiness.

"Well…this wise elderly man once told me to live with no regrets. Sort of…just do what makes me happy." I winked at Jasper and he busted up laughing.

"And guess what Angelaaaa. ICE CREAM MAKES ME HAPPY." She started laughing too and I grinned. Emmett tossed an arm over my chair, which was normal for us, though it didn't go unnoticed by Angela and I could practically see her excitement rising like the mercury in a thermometer. Jasper smirked too and just shook his head, though Angela wasn't paying attention to that.

"Well I'm glad. So you wouldn't mind having company tonight?" I smiled to Alice and shook my head.

"No of course not! Dad misses having all the kids around." At this they all smiled, but didn't correct me. Angela kicked me under the table and I looked to her.

"You alright Angela? I thought I was supposed to be the one that twitched." Her eyes went wide and I just laughed. Emmett leaned toward me a little more protectively and Alice looked down. Jasper got my humour though and laughed with me. Now that everyone knew about my accident, it was made public on the news that I am epileptic so there was no point in pretending now. I didn't have to like it…but I knew I didn't have to hide it now… which was a great feeling.

"Bella…I…" I winked at Angela and she smiled to me knowing I was just bugging her.

"That was a bad joke Bella." Emmett scolded me softly. I shook my head nonchalantly.

"Nah you're just too sensitive." Alice and Jas laughed at this and we all fell into easy conversation about…nothing really. Which was nice for once…to have nothing serious to talk about.

Emmett POV

I sat at Bella's in her room on her bed watching her do her math homework when I decided to be a smart ass. I grabbed her around the middle and yanked her away from her homework. Her textbooks fell on the floor and she landed beside me on her bed.

"HEY!" I said excitedly. She laughed and shook her head.

"Hi Emmett." I smiled to her and she gave in and handed me the remote so I could flip on her TV and she made herself comfortable on my chest. This was my favourite time with Bella. I hated that I would go to any length to be close to Bella…because I knew it wasn't good for her. I shouldn't be so invested in this…we couldn't be together…no matter how much that hurt me.

"So what's up for tonight then?" She asked me. I shrugged and reached for my now ringing cell phone. I looked at the caller I.D. Alice.

"Yes darling sister?"

"Heya Em! So… laying with Bella again?" I knew I would have blushed if I wasn't cold marble.

"Yea…why…" She giggled and I could hear her shaking her head.

"I won't be coming over tonight Em. Have fun!" I could feel the confusion written on my face.

"Wait, what?" She sighed.

"Don't question me Emmett…just enjoy yourself." I knew this was one of her visions so I just decided to agree.

"Alright Alice…we will…bye…" She gave me a chipper goodbye and I hung up the phone thoroughly confused. What had that little pixie seen this time?

"Alice being Alice again?" Bella asked from my side. I nodded and settled back into Bella and our show. Bella didn't ask any more questions, which was normal. She didn't like to pry. We laid there until the sitcom was over and Bella sat up.

"Ok! No more lazing around. What should we do?" I smiled up at her and tossed my hands behind my head.

"Anything you'd like Bella." She looked thoughtful for a second and stood up quickly and started rummaging through her closet.

"You can go over the line right?" I looked at her curiously and hesitantly nodded.

"Great! I want to take you somewhere." I was a little uneasy about that. She wanted to go down to the res…I wasn't sure I should be hanging around there.

"Well…" She sat on the bed now wearing a soft mossy green zip sweater. She looked at me curiously…innocently. There was no reason to scare her…I just didn't think a vampire going on Quileute land while the kids were changing was a good idea.

"…I could just call Sam and let him know we will be there for a while…" A big smile lit up her face and I knew I should just relax. Sam would ensure we were left alone.

Bella POV

Emmett called Sam and let him know that we would be heading to the Res and we were now in Emmett's jeep heading to my spot.

Ever since I was little Jacob and I have gone to a certain spot down by the cliffs. My dad showed it to us when we were little and we would go fishing there every summer…minus Billy because it wasn't accessible by wheel chair. Anytime I needed to just think or relax I would come here. Two of the most important people in my life shared this spot with me…and I wanted to extend it to Emmett. He was more than just important to me…I was slowly realizing that I couldn't imagine my life without him. I couldn't imagine my life without any of the Cullen's… it scared me how much I needed them. One day I would have to give them up.

I looked over at Emmett and remembered the conversation I had with Alice about a month ago. They had to move around every few years because they would get to the point where they were supposed to be older than they looked and people would begin to notice. Sooner or later…they would have to move. And I would get left behind.

"Here?" I looked up as Emmett spoke and looked out the window. We were exactly where I told him we should be and I smiled. I looked out his window and saw the cliffs just across the way and got excited as I climbed out of his jeep. I hadn't been here since last summer when I visited my dad. It was a bit warmer now…the beginning of June was a nice time in Forks despite the cloud cover. The rain and clouds were started to break and I could see the sun poking through the clouds. I stopped at the front of the jeep and looked to Emmett who was looking at me curiously.

"Come on." I grabbed his hand happily and led him over to the opening in the woods where we could hike up to the cliffs.

"Are you sure about this Bella?" He asked halting me. I looked to him and gave him the look. The look that said…stop fussing over me. He grinned and shook his head, holding out his hand so I could lead the way. I needed to get us there before sunset.

Before I knew it we were entering the clearing at the top of the cliffs. The sun was fully shining in the sky as it set to beautiful colours…pinks…reds…oranges.

"Wow." Emmett breathed and I looked at him…but was struck with awe. I could do nothing but stare at him. His skin was…sparkling and reflecting the sunset. Truth be told I had never seen anything more beautiful than Emmett at this moment. When I didn't reply Emmett stopped walking to the cliff's edge and turned to me.

"Bella…what's wrong?" I looked to his beautiful, sparkling face.

"You…you're…" He looked down to his exposed forearms because of his rolled sleeves and chuckled.

"You didn't know we sparkled?" I looked at him and just watched the light and colours reflecting off of his perfectly chiseled face. I heard him chuckle again.

"I take that as a no…" He then pulled me into hug and brought me out of my trance.

"I had no idea it was like that…" I immediately felt so inferior to him. I remembered how beautiful Rosalie was already… and imagined her sparkling for Emmett like that. She had to have been breathtaking.

"So how did you come across this place?" Emmett asked me as he pulled away and started walking to the edge. I followed him and looked down to the ocean and rocks below.

"My dad showed Jake and I this place years ago. We would come fishing here every summer. It's my thinking place." I told him as I sat down on the ground.

"The sunsets here are amazing." I added as he sat down beside me. He nodded and we sat there together watching the colours change and blend into the darkening sky.

"So…how long has your family been in Forks?" I asked him hesitantly. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.

"About a year and a half now. We started when Alice would have been in 'grade nine'. Why?" I looked out to the ocean and nodded.

"Just…curious." He leaned over and tossed an arm around me, pulling me down to lay with my head on his arm. We looked up at the sky as the stars began to appear.

"What's bugging you Bella?" I sighed.

"I just…know that you guys… move around a lot." I felt his arm tighten around me. he knew where I was going with this.

"Yeah but… we could always stay longer in an area if we choose. We would just have to move on to college or university. I've been considering getting a few degrees actually." I nodded.

"But… what about Carlisle? Him not aging after a while… wouldn't that be…noticeable?" He sighed… probably unnecessarily…and propped himself up on his elbow, my head resting on his forearm.

"Bella… all you have to do is say the word…and I won't leave you." I looked into his beautiful golden eyes…the bright stars now framing his pale, flawless face and I felt…strange. Did he just say that he would stay for me?

"Em… I can't… I couldn't ask…"

"Bella. If you don't want me to leave… I won't. I will stay as long as you want me to. I promise." I looked into his eyes as he whispered.

"Just ask me to stay…" I felt myself go weak. I have never felt… like this before. All the times I felt dead inside for not feeling with guys and now… it's like I would never stop feeling… I felt like I was living for the first time. I couldn't stop myself from whispering back as I looked up to him.

"…Stay…"

Then it all happened at once. His face came down and I felt the amazing sensation of sweet, cold intensity on my lips. I felt like I was on fire…yet bathing in ice all at once and the feeling… it was magical. It felt supernatural…toxic…all encompassing… foreign...poisonous…yet I wanted to be filled with the dangerous taste of him. I needed his touch… I needed him to stay. I felt my lips moving against his and my hands find his hair as I pulled him in deeply and allowed myself to get lost in what I knew what forbidden. I was a human girl…and he was a vampire. Yet for some reason I knew…deep down... that something that felt this right…could never be forbidden or wrong. I needed him to never leave me. I needed to stay right here forever. Suddenly that thought broke me out of our magical moment of hot flesh and cold marble. I gently pushed him off me and stood up pacing.

"Bella… I… oh God. I'm so sorry…" Emmett put his head in his hands and sat on the ground devastated. For some reason… I could feel what he was feeling. Not that I could feel it…like Jasper would have been able to…but I just knew.

"Emmett don't be sorry. Please… don't be sorry." He looked up at me as I looked down to him and I felt the tears rushing out of my eyes. He just sat there… afraid to move…and watched me. Waiting. Begging for me to say anything at all… and I knew this… somehow.

"I have n-never felt…so…alive. Than I did j-just now." He just looked to me torn apart.

"But how…how could this happen? You're…you're a vampire Emmett. I'm going to get… old…and I'm going… I'm going to…d-die. One day. And you… you're going to stay young forever." He hung his head and I started pacing around again. I looked up at the sky begging God to just give me the answer. What do I do? What do I say? I took a deep breath and watched the stars twinkle in the sky. As I began speaking, I didn't need to be looking at Emmett to know I had his attention.

"All my life…I have felt dead inside when it came to love. I felt nothing…with anyone…" I paused to looked at my hands, and back up to the sky. "I felt alone… and awkward…and out of place. I have never fit in anywhere…and then…your family comes along and…it's like I…I…" I felt a cold pair of hands take my own and I looked up to a pair of sad eyes.

"I feel like I finally belong. And then… you kiss me… and it's like…" He took my face in his hands begging me to continue.

"It's like a dam broke inside of me…it's like… you just fixed every part of me that was disconnected and filled me with more emotion… than I ever thought possible." By the end I was whispering…looking into his eyes…his face inches from mine.

"What are you saying Bella?" He whispered to me…his eyes never leaving mine.

"I'm saying… kiss me." This kiss was soft and tender…yet more passionate than the first. He treated me as if I was a porcelain doll on the verge of cracking… and inside I felt like I was. I just needed to stay here for the rest of my life. After a few moments he broke the kiss and gently rested his forehead on mine.

"Bella… I should get you home." I nodded and sighed. I didn't want to leave… I wanted to stay in this moment forever… and never leave this happy place. This place of feeling and emotion… of feeling flawless and loved…but I had to. This isn't my reality. This isn't how my life is supposed to go. I am a simple human girl. I don't live in a magical fairytale and prince charming doesn't exist. Yet for some reason looking at Emmett…I couldn't help but feel my heart telling me that I was wrong.

Emmett POV

I couldn't believe what happened tonight with Bella. How could I have let myself get so out of control? Her head was spinning I was sure, and for some reason I knew that she was putting herself down trying to convince herself not to fall into this. I was trying to convince myself to do the same thing…but I knew it was too late. I was madly in love with Bella… and I couldn't do anything about it. Bella and I had had the talk a million times about the transformation…and it wasn't something that she ever wanted to indulge in. She wanted no part of becoming a vampire and she had made that very clear. I had to agree with her to an extent…I could never be the one responsible for taking her away from her dad. She had made her choice…and now I had to deal with my own consequences of not being able to control myself. I looked to Bella who was strapped into the passenger side of my jeep and I sighed sadly. I couldn't believe how badly I needed her…but she was too far out of reach.

"Is it bad that…I don't feel awkward about this?" She asked me thoughtfully. I looked at her and realized that I didn't feel awkward either.

"Actually… I know what you mean…it's not weird at all." She nodded and looked to me. Before I knew it she was laughing and I couldn't help but smile at her joy.

"What's so funny?" She ran her hand through her long chocolate brown locks and sighed.

"I just can't help but feel…like this doesn't change anything…which it should. But I mean…I feel like we won't change. And that is so strange to me…" I nodded and grabbed her hand.

"Bella I will always be here for you. I don't want to give you up. She looked down to our hands and nodded. I pulled into her driveway and we sat in my jeep in calm silence.

"I don't want to give you up either." She whispered. I let her sit there with her thoughts for a moment before she spoke again, this time at a relatively normal octave.

"So I was thinking that I need to buy a new truck." This time I was the one that laughed. She looked at me amused and I shook my head.

"I kiss you and you're thinking about trucks. You're such a dude." She laughed and I loved that we could still be us.

"Shut up…" She said and got out of the jeep and I began to follow her inside. I could smell him once I stopped focusing on Bella and was instantly anxious. I saw Bella fidget with her sweater as we walked up her steps and I nudged her.

"I don't know… I just…can tell you are anxious." That was weird. She knew what I meant…and she knew I was anxious? Was I that easy to read? She reached for the door and we came into a house full of yelling.

"Wow… I completely missed their truck sitting out there…" Bella whispered to herself as she walked to the living room. I followed and we found Charlie, Billy and Jacob sitting in the living room watching a baseball game and they were, as always, yelling at the TV.

"Jake you cut your hair?" Bella asked devastated. I looked to Billy and sighed. I knew Jacob had made the transformation and I wasn't sure if Bella got that. Billy nodded to me and smiled sadly. He knew I wished Jacob had been spared and that I had nothing to do with the change to begin with… but Jacob was throwing a glare at me in hatred.

"Yeah." He told her harshly and I felt myself go on the defensive. A low growl escaped me and Jacob stood up fast. Bella stood between us immediately.

"Guys!" I looked to her when she spoke and let my guard down completely. Not in front of Bella.

"Jacob. Lose the attitude with Bella. Now." Billy scolded tightly and Jake's defense fell fast. He melted looking at Bella and I had to admit, I knew where the kid was coming from.

"Sorry Bells…come here." She hugged him and I felt incredibly jealous watching them, but I forced myself to keep it in.

"Jake you're so warm…" He nodded to her.

"Comes with the wolf thing." He told her…not as nicely as I would have liked, though I kept my mouth shut this time.

"So…your hair…" She asked reaching up and feeling his short cut. He nodded. I saw the tears escape her eyes and watched her throw herself into Jake's arms. I couldn't feel more sorry for the two… I knew Jake was better for her than I was. I knew she should be with her childhood best friend… the normal kid that her dad loves. But now he isn't normal. He is a wolf… and I couldn't help but feel for the kid. His whole life he had been waiting to tell Bella how he feels and now… it wasn't going all that smoothly. Edward had given me a glimpse into Jake's mind once and I knew that the kid loved Bella. He loved her more than anything… they had been through a lot together. I knew what the right thing to do was… I had to walk away.

"I just brought Bella home… I think you guys should have some quality time together so… I'll take off." I watched as Billy smiled to me, he knew I was a good guy. Charlie nodded and stood to shake my hand and Bella turned from Jake to walk me out.

"You don't have to go…" She told me at the door but I shook my head.

"Yes Bella, I do. You and Jake need this time to talk and I think you should be there for him… I know you want to be." She looked guilty and I picked her chin up so she would look at me.

"I want you to be there for him Bella… don't feel bad. I think you need to do what is best for you. I want nothing for you but what makes you happy ok? Whatever that may be…" She nodded and closed her eyes as I kissed her forehead. I knew I was a fool… I could potentially lose her to Jake. But I knew I didn't really have her in the first place… I could never take away her heartbeat.

"I never want this to stop beating Bella…you know that right?" I told her as I placed my hand on her heart. She nodded and looked up to my face.

"Do what is best for you ok?" I told her sadly and with one last hug I went to my jeep. I gave one last look at Bella before I drove away… having the horrible feeling that this would be my last moment with her.

Bella POV

I went back into the house to find Jacob waiting by the stairs for me.

"I missed you Jake…" I told him. He nodded and pulled me into a hug. He was so warm… I never realized how good the warm felt until now. I smiled into his chest and followed him into the living room where my dad and Billy were still yelling at the TV. Jake sat down on the couch and pulled me down into his side. He tucked me there and we all watched the game together. I needed to be there for Jacob…I love him… he is my best friend. But it was nothing compared to how much I knew I loved Emmett. I looked to my dad and felt so selfish. How could I even consider Emmett? The only way that would work would be to give up my mortality. And how could I abandon my dad like that? I felt Jake's heart beat through his shirt and I sighed. I knew what Emmett meant. He knew that Jake was better for me than he was… he was the more obvious and normal choice… he was the proper family choice… he was the mortal choice… he was the man I could grow old with choice…

But he wasn't my first choice.

A few days of sunshine meant that I hadn't seen the Cullen's for the rest of the week. I couldn't help but be devastated by that. I hadn't heard from Emmett…Alice…none of them. I wasn't sure why… did Emmett feel awkward about us now? Did he tell them to give me space? Did he not want to talk to me? A million questions ran through my mind at lunch as I ate my apple. Angela allowed me the silence I needed to keep my thoughts in order and we ate comfortable in each other's company.

Jacob and I had hung out every night since Wednesday…the last day I saw Emmett. My dad was thrilled that I was spending so much time with Jake…so was Jake. Everyone had always assumed that one day he and I would get married and have children. That one day we would fall madly in love and that would be it…that we had found our soul mates in our childhood best friend. I was at a loss…do I do what is best for me and my family? Do I make the normal choice and choose the man that can give me a relatively normal life with children, mortality…and growing old together? …or do I do what is best for my heart.

I heard the bell ring and looked out the window to the sunny sky. I loved the sun…but I was soon growing to hate it.

"So… not to cut into your thoughts but…am I still coming over after school Bella?" I looked to Angela and smiled, nodding.

"Of course! I need a little girl time. I'll meet you at your car after school?" She nodded grinning. I loved Angela time. She was so relaxing to be around. She was perfectly human and she didn't pry. She hadn't even asked me about Emmett since I saw him last. It was Monday afternoon and people were starting to comment on how the Cullen's had been missing since Wednesday. I just told them the Cullen's were on a camping trip when they asked. Angela could tell I was uncomfortable though…so she didn't ask once. I was grateful. I just couldn't wait for school to be over with and for my Angela time. And if we didn't get some rain soon… I was going to go crazy. I needed a reason to see the Cullen's… just to know they were still here.

Class was ridiculously boring without the Cullen's. I hated being there without them…it just didn't feel like school. But as I walked from my locker to Angela's car I noticed the sun was still shining brightly in the sky and I huffed. Stupid weather.

"Aren't you supposed to love the sun?" Angela laughed nudging me. I smiled and shook my head.

"Yeah, yeah. Just drive." I told her with a chuckle and she pulled out of the parking lot that just felt empty without the white jeep parked in it's usual spot.

"Bells!" I heard a happy voice greet me as I got out of Angela's car. I looked over to see Jacob coming out of the house to greet me. He hugged me and lingered a little too long for my comfort. It just felt so wrong…I knew it wasn't what my heart wanted. I smiled anyway though… knowing in my head this is how life should be. When would I just want what is best for me?

"Hey! I'm Jacob." Jake said shaking Angela's hand, even though he kept an arm around me. I shook myself from my thoughts.

"Oh I'm sorry! Angela this is Jake, Jake this is Angela." They said their hellos and I looked to Jake.

"What are you doing here? Don't tell me I forgot we had plans…" I felt bad thinking I had forgotten about Jake but he shook his head with a laugh.

"No my dad and I are here hanging out with your dad. I took the day off school again. Not quite… feeling 100% yet. You know… flu." I nodded and Angela spoke.

"Oh yea! That flu hit our school hard too. About ¼ of the students are out sick right now."

"Holy. Not many people at the res have it… must be a pale face thing." He said with a wink. I smiled at how cheery he was and couldn't help but feel proud that I helped bring his happiness back. As much as I missed Emmett… I did love Jacob…even if it wasn't in the way he wanted me to.

"Ang I'm just going to talk to Jake for a second how about you go up to my room and I'll be there soon." She nodded and with a smile and wave she disappeared into the house.

"So what's up Jake?" He shrugged and tossed an arm over my shoulder. We began walking aimlessly through the yard to the back. There were trails behind my house that we used to walk all the time.

"Oh just needed my dose of Bella before I had to share you." I shook my head with a laugh as we headed down a trail.

"How have you been feeling?" He sighed.

"I dunno… the transformations are easier to control but I still feel weird. I nodded.

"I'm sorry Jake…" He shrugged again..

"Not your fault Bells… the blame is easy enough to place here…" I stopped walking and looked at Jake.

"Jake… they didn't want this for you." He stopped and turned to me, a blank look on his face.

"Really… they didn't. They wanted a normal life for you." His face contorted in anger and I tried to keep him relaxed.

"How could you stand there and defend them Bella? Look what they did to me." He took a defensive stance and I ran my hands through my hair.

"Jake it wasn't them that did this to you it was Victoria, James and Laurent." He waved a hand in my face.

"No. I know what this is about. It's about you and the big one getting all chummy." I was taken aback by this statement and looked at him confused.

"…what do you mean?" I hadn't told him anything about Emmett…

"I know you guys kissed and were all romantic and shit Bella don't play dumb." I immediately felt my anger spike.

"Play dumb? Don't use your new wolf attitude with me Jacob or this conversation is over." He looked at me stubbornly.

"Why can't you admit that I'm better for you than he is?"

"When you can turn back time and make it a vampire that attacked my dad!" I slapped a hand over my mouth as soon as I realized what I had said. I didn't mean to… I just… got so upset when he said that Emmett wasn't good for me.

"So this is about me being a wolf? You can love a vampire but a wolf is out of the question. Someone that has a beating heart and blood running through his veins… not for Bella right? God you're fucking weird." I felt all of my anger surging through me at that second and I snapped… I shouldn't have… but I did…

"Ahhhh my hand!" I yelled as my fist bounced off of his hard jaw. I felt like it for sure had to be broken. I watched as he huffed and I felt my eyes go wide. I was scared… but for once my legs didn't fail me. I took off running back to my house as I saw Jake start to shake. I had just reached my backyard when I heard something shred behind me. I turned around and began walking backwards into my yard looking at the giant wolf that now stood before me, clothing laying in pieces on the ground.

"J-Jake… relax…" Oh no… stuttering… Jake growled at me and I felt myself go stiff. I couldn't back up anymore.

"Jake…p-pl-please… don't d-do this… I'm s-s-sorry." He stalked toward me and I felt a small amount of energy in me… I reached out to try and sooth Jake but he just growled and lunged at me.

I felt pain… mass amounts of burning pain…I felt my flesh hanging off of me and I could feel warm liquid surrounding me… my own blood. I could hear screaming… though I wasn't sure if it was me… or Angela who had just joined me in the yard. I could hear a man… my dad I think… and then crying. I saw Jacob… human Jacob… and I felt myself begin to convulse. I was having a seizure and knew the end was coming. I wasn't going to survive this…I was dying…slowly and painfully… my best friend had killed me.

Alice POV

"Charlie calm down I can't understand you!" I urged into my phone. There was screaming… so much screaming. My family and I were on a hunt near our house when Charlie called me in a panic.

"BELLA! JAKE! SHE'S… GOD COME QUICK PLEASE… SHE'S IN SHREDS… oh God… Bella breathe…please just stay with me!" That was all I needed. I was running before he could get half way through his sentence. Sun or nor sun, my family and I were running full speed to Bella's house not knowing why or how…

I could smell mass amounts of blood before we got anywhere near Bella's place and I just wanted to collapse. Bella… my Bella… I could smell wolf too. They would pay… God I would make them pay! Within the minute we were arriving in the Swan's backyard and I immediately knocked Jacob on his ass. He was crouching near Bella crying hysterically. I then looked to her. She was dead silent now… laying in a pool of her own blood. She was ripped open in her abdomen, her face was scratched up. Her legs were mangled and her arms were lying at disturbing angles. She wasn't even recognizable anymore. All I could hear was the screaming sobs of her friend Angela who was on her knees and the soft whispered from a crying Charlie…begging Bella to stay alive. My family went into a panic.

Carlisle was beside Bella checking her vitals and Emmett… he was on the ground…watching it all unfold. His eyes… his movements…he was dead inside.

"Save her… please just do something!" Charlie yelled at Carlisle… but Carlisle could do nothing but look at Charlie with unshed tears in his eyes.

"There…there's nothing I can do…" He whispered. Bella began shaking uncontrollably and I started screaming. I pushed Carlisle away from Bella and began sobbing.

"Please there has to be something! I can't lose her… I can't… there has to be something!"

"Change her." Everything went silent and all eyes turned to Charlie.

"Wh…what?" Emmett sputtered and was beside me in an instant.

"Change. Her." He repeated forcefully.

"Dad…I-I-…I love you… Dad…." Bella sputtered, spitting blood. I looked to my family in a panic. What do we do?

"Change her now." Charlie demanded and I felt myself panic. How did we… could we…was there time…. Who would…

"If you are going to do it, it has to be now." Carlisle urged from my other side and I nodded. I looked to Charlie's tear soaked face and to Bella's wide-open eyes. They never left her dad's. I took a deep, unnecessary breath and lifted Bella's wrist in a hurry…and pushed my venom into her arm, moving quickly to her other arm, and to her ankles. Finally I pushed my venom into her neck and waited… we waited and waited…but she didn't make a sound.

"No… NO! She can't be… no…" I began shaking my head. She couldn't be dead… she just can't be… but she made no sound. All of a sudden Jasper dropped to his knees.

"She isn't! Oh God the pain…Oh my God... Bella…" Jasper crawled over to Bella and I felt doses of calm hit me…then frustration.

"She won't calm down! I can't make it stop… I'm sorry Bella… I'm sorry…" That could only mean…

"She… she's alive?" Jasper nodded in agony. I looked to Charlie who looked to Jasper in shock. We all thought that she was dead. The change is supposed to be one of the most painful processes…and she wasn't making a sound. All of a sudden she started shaking again.

"She is having another seizure… everyone get back." Carlisle grabbed Bella up in his arms.

"Get Angela and Charlie to our house now." He said so quickly that no human could have made it out. I grabbed Angela and Emmett grabbed Charlie and we ran behind Carlisle back to our house, leaving a sobbing Jacob in the Swan's yard.

Emmett POV

"She didn't want this…" I whispered sadly as I looked at Bella's slowly healing wounds. She was in the guest bedroom on her bed with everyone around her. I sat at the foot of the bed watching her slowly change. A human wouldn't have caught it…but I could. She was slowly healing… the wounds already beginning to close. She was covered in so much blood though that it was difficult to really tell what she would look like. I looked to Charlie and he had his head down on the bed beside Bella sobbing quietly. This poor family… hadn't they gone through enough? Hadn't they had to endure enough heartache?

"I know Emmett but this is what Charlie wanted." Carlisle told me softly. I looked to Charlie and he lifted his head.

"I can't lose her… not like this…" Alice began rubbing his back gently.

"Shh…it's okay Charlie. I promise… she will be okay now." Alice, like I could, could see her wounds healing.

"It's true Charlie… the cuts are starting to heal." He looked closely at Bella but looked frustrated.

"You need our vision to see it… but I promise it's there." She whispered to him. He nodded obviously terrified. I looked to Bella… who would start shaking on occasion… though she would never make a sound.

"I don't know how she is doing this…" Jasper said weakly. He was on Bella's other side holding her hand. He had been giving off strong doses of calm trying to help Bella through the pain but to no avail.

"It's like…she keeps rejecting what I give her. I hit a wall and it just bounces back at me. But I can't even give myself enough calm to not feel her pain. How is she not screaming?" I shook my head and looked at my hands. How did it get to this? I thought I was doing a good thing by letting her stay close with that mutt. I thought he was better for her…

"I hate you." Came a peep from the corner of the room. I looked over to see Angela's tear streaked face. We all fell silent. She got up as Esme came into the room with a large bowl of hot water and a few cloths.

"I can't feel anything but calm as I watch my best friend lay on a bed… a bloody mess… and you tell us about how much pain she is in…and still… no one will tell me what is going on. We all looked at each other and Alice nodded as she went to sit beside Angela on the floor. She began softly explaining everything to Angela… from what we are… to the wolves… even Bella and Charlie's real accident, as Esme began wiping the blood off of Bella…cleaning her up.

What would she have done differently if she had have known that today was her last day to be a normal teenage girl? How would she have changed her life if she knew that she would die at the age of 17…and be stuck that age forever. And now it's all happening…and it's too late for her to go back. Forever is a long time to have regrets… and her forever is just beginning.

Please don't hate me! I know this isn't how some of you would have wanted this to go down… but this is how I pictured it in my head. I have a reason for it all… and I hope you liked this chapter! It's long… and it was so hard because I just feel I could never write this part perfect enough. I hope you enjoyed this chapter… and I can't wait to hear what you think!

R&R!

Song:

Nickelback – If Today Was Your Last Day